A Cook's Tour

[Deacon]

Actually, I was surprised to see Bourdain put on a little skit. Usually the shows seem so much more unplanned and spontaneous. The New Orleans show seemed scripted--and therefore rigged--from beginning to end, except for the Crazy Bob segments. (Finally, after overselling the premise a bit, Bourdain says: "Oh, yeah, the guy with the crooked teeth? I hate that guy!"--and gets punched in the face anyway. ) I'm telling you, Bourdain ought to find Dave Attell from "Insomniac" on the Comedy Channel and collaborate. The New Orleans show seemed very much like something Attell did for his New Orleans episode.

"A Cook's Tour" generally goes in a certain arc, with Bourdain starting in the cheaper places and working his way up to a big culinary blowout at the end. That's what I wanted to see. I was expecting him to arrive at Bayona and spend a lot of money. Instead we got Bourdain beaten, arrested, and drunk in his (fleabag) hotel room. Big deal. I don't need to see that on TV: that's what happens when *I* go to New Orleans.

Edited March 1, 2003 by Deacon (log)

[col klink]

I loved the bit with the 24 hr liquor store that delivers, it brought a tear to my eye. What made me even more proud is when Tony asked for a bottle of their cheapest bourbon it happened to be Evan Williams, exactly what I was drinking right then.

[Deacon]

Yeah, their cheapest bourbon--and their most expensive cigarettes: Dunhills. Kind of a contradiction. If he'd wanted to come off as Captain Willard, stuck in Saigon waiting for his mission, he should've ordered a pack of unfiltered Camels. And then done drunken kung-fu in the background, ending with a shot of him smashing a mirror with his fist. . . .

[=Mark]

I was wondering if Bayona would be featured also, but part way into the show I realized it wouldn't because he was obviously taking in New Orleans from a local perspective. I would not say that Bayona was a strictly tourist destination, but I would not say that it was particularly New Orleans cuisine either. Bayona could just as easily be located in New York, San Fransisco or DC, and fit right in.

[karina007]

I have a question ... Um,I watched the New Orleans episode and was that police thing for real or was it just a skit? The beating up part was like,so fake to me.

[Deacon]

I think most of the episode involved Bourdain having a little fun at the expense of his own reputation.

Real:

* Crazy Bob's alligator tour (which, BTW, is something a tourist would do)

* all the meals, and Bourdain's reactions to them

Transparently Fake:

* Bourdain getting punched in the face and kicked in the nards for disrespecting Emeril

* the whole arrest business (production would stop dead if it happened for real, plus it wouldn't exactly be a good ad for the show or Food Network to have Bourdain actually arrested, plus the notoriously "touchy" N.O. police isn't going to let a camera crew anywhere near a real arrest)

* Bourdain pointedly staying in a really bad hotel and pointedly ordering "your cheapest bourbon"

Maybe he was satirizing Emeril's hijinks. At least, I hope he was. I felt kind of cheated--all the cutesy, junior-high-assembly-skit business was time taken away from food. If he didn't want to go to Bayona for the finale, why not Lafitte's Landing in Donaldsonville, or someplace on the North Shore like La Provence or Artesia? If he wanted to be "authentic," why not scrap the Crazy Bob stuff and drive out to the Acadiana Seafood Patio in Abbeville--that's about as authentic Cajun as you can get. Or totally subvert the audience's expectations and find some hole-in-the-wall Chinese place like China Blossom in Gretna? Or Mosca's, which is half-Cajun, half-Italian, and out in the middle of a swamp? Any of these places would've been more interesting than seeing Bourdain get endlessly mugged by Emeril fans.

Edited March 2, 2003 by Deacon (log)

[Chef/Writer Spencer]

I'm usually the first one to jump on the Bourdain bandwagon but the scripted stuff doesn't seem in keeping with his abhorrance of the goofy stuff on Food Network. And when he was in that police station begging for a bone with, "I'm a famous Food Network Personality, you know, No Fish On Monday..." I couldn't help but harken back to the first few chapters of KC and feel embarassed for him. But in the end I guess Tony's right, selling your ass out to the Food Network is better than knocking out Eggs Sardou at Brunch. You gotta do what gotta do. Tony, do me a favor though, when they ask you to don a tutu and shake your rumpa with the Emeril automatons smack em across the noggin with that Evan Williams bottle and get it on film. Can't wait for the El Bulli show......Cooks rule.....

[bourdain]

Don't worry Spencer--there has NEVER, EVER been anything even resembling a script on the show-. And the last-minute improvised skitty business with Detective Powers (who was nice enough to play along)? The whole "I've got a Food Network Show--Kitchen Confidential? You--know? Don't Eat Fish On Monday?" was intended to be stomach churningly, cringingly humiliating. Glad at least, that it had the intended effect. It will probably say "That Asshole Who Told Us Not to Eat Fish on Monday" on my gravestone- something I am all too painfully aware of..

Now--if you thought the show just, well--sucked--that's another matter. Mea culpa...It was a LOT of fun to shoot--sorry not so much fun to watch apparently...There's not so much screwing around in most of them. It's just so EQUALLY false when you do all those necessary-to-the-form "transition" scenes--those little bits where the host has to say "..and now I'm off to a real taste of New Orleans..blah blah blah.." Or "boy! I'm STILL hungry.." to lead into the next scene--which was probably filmed out of sequence anyway. Or even the straight "approach"--the "walk-in" where our humble guide introduces the audience to the next restaurant/eatery/person with the usual answers to "Where are we? Why are we here? What do we expect to find?" I find those scenes on my own and other shows grueling to watch--and even more grueling to shoot. That I didn't "get" New Orleans in 20 minutes of footage is a given. You could spend the rest of your life shooting all the great places down there that locals will rightly tell you you "have to" go to in order to represent the town well..

Some locations--and some people we meet on the road-seem to lend themselves to having a really good time with and messing around. Next week in Salvador--was NOT an example--it's a pretty straight (though cashasa-soaked)) show. Ditto a coming BBQ overview, Chiang Mai, Singapore, Hanoi...But The first Australia show? Given that we were shooting on the exact same hallowed ground they shot Road Warrior? With easy access to junker cars and dogs with neckerchiefs? There is NO WAY we ain't fuckin' around with that! Always wanted to shoot a high speed car chase. And there are just some times when we're shooting--as on this incredibly posh island in Halong Bay recently--where the commies had really rolled out the red carpet to promote the "opening up"--that Chris and Lydia and I just looked at each other, the slinky dancers, traditionally garbed servants, identical sets of twins as attendents, martial artists and menacing looking guys in suits with shades--and thought: "A cheesy Maurice Binder title sequence!" Got to !!

I'm not going to make a case for whether you should like the show or not.

I will say only that unlike the happy shows, if I don't like what I'm eating? I'll tell you it sucks. If I'm having a bad time? The audience will know it. If I'm enjoying myself--and having a good time? Same. I'm not an expert. I'm not a critic. I'm not even a guide. I'm an enthusiast.

By the way--they cut the porno soundtrack and a Ron Jeremy reference on the TV set during the flop hotel scene: "Pizza delivery Ma'am" "But I don't have any money to pay you" (heavily reverbed music begins)

But that Verti Marte sandwich WAS fucking great.

[Jason Perlow]

But that Verti Marte sandwich WAS fucking great.

It looked that way. I'm definitely getting one the next time I am down there. How would you say it compares to the Central Grocery one? It looks massive.

I was a little disappointed in the show, though. I expected you to hook up with some late night over-over-the-hill go go girls and have them drag you around to their favorite haunts.

Wild Bill though, was precious.

[Chef/Writer Spencer]

Well shit Tony, you win some, you lose some. The Crazy Bob "skit" was utterly enjoyable. He reminded me of a former employee, Tim, the drunken lout who liked to pour two cups of canola in a smoking skillet, drop the fish in-making sure to burn his finger tips-- and do the cool chef flip thing--pulling layers of skin off while lighting up the rest of the stove eyes like the oil rigs of Kuwait. He didn't even flinch, pickled creepo. Classic stuff man.

Don't mind my cynical jabs anyways. You know I'm a jealous fuck. While you're out there touring the world gratis, meeting everybody who's anybody, I'm here negotiating the price of chicken tenders with a Sysco rep. I want the 25.00 dollar model please. The 23.00 ones have too much carrageenans....We're still digging it man.

[bourdain]

SYSCO!!

Dude!

[bourdain]

((. I expected you to hook up with some late night over-over-the-hill go go girls and have them drag you around to their favorite haunts.))

As Chris and Lydia would say, " We have plenty of that footage already."

[Chef/Writer Spencer]

Yeah, that'd be too Bourdain. How does it feel to have your last name used as an adjective. That's got be the feeling of arrival........

[Basildog]

When do we get to see this in the UK?????

[Jason Perlow]

((. I expected you to hook up with some late night over-over-the-hill go go girls and have them drag you around to their favorite haunts.))

As Chris and Lydia would say, " We have plenty of that footage already."

Uh let me guess, the chang mai episode? Me love you long time? With requiste cheesy Full Metal Jacket or Year of Living Dangerously ripoff in the opening sequence? Pretty please?

[EJRothman]

It's just so EQUALLY false when you do all those necessary-to-the-form "transition" scenes...which was probably filmed out of sequence anyway.

Tony,

Those transition scenes may be false, but at least they don't seem so "campy" (Just not a fan of campy stuff). And I'd have to say that the transition scene in the Russia episode from Season 1 - where you were drunk off your ass - was priceless. As hard as they tried to get a good take you still managed to stumble off the sidewalk. Maybe I only noticed because I read the book before I saw the episode and thus had the inside scoop, but that is what I'd call quality television.

-Eric

[pixelchef]

When do we get to see this in the UK?????

... or in Canada for that matter.

I've seen every episode from season one like four times now. I need my fucking fix, man.

Edit: I'm watching the Mexican Tamales & Iguana episode as we speak. Hahahahah. Worst. Episode. Ever.

Edited March 3, 2003 by pixelchef (log)

[Deacon]

I'm not an expert. I'm not a critic. I'm not even a  guide.    I'm an enthusiast.

Sounds like sig file material to me!

BTW, Tony, don't get me wrong--I got two new leads from that episode. I mean for restaurants.

*pause*

If it's skits you want, I'd like to suggest:

1) an episode with Bourdain and Rachael Ray together (Ray annoys Bourdain by singing songs from "Annie" and "The Wizard of Oz," and Bourdain annoys Ray by threatening to inject her with heroin if she doesn't stop.)

2) Emeril and Jamie Oliver, hancuffed together, pursued through a swamp by the villains from the movie "Hard Target."

Edited March 3, 2003 by Deacon (log)

[tan319]

Don't worry Spencer--there has NEVER, EVER been anything even resembling a script on the show-. And the last-minute improvised skitty business with Detective Powers (who was nice enough to play along)? The whole "I've got a Food Network Show--Kitchen Confidential? You--know? Don't Eat Fish On Monday?" was intended to be stomach churningly, cringingly  humiliating. Glad at least, that it had the intended effect.  It will probably say "That Asshole Who Told Us Not to Eat Fish on Monday" on my gravestone- something I am all too painfully aware of..

Now--if you thought the show just, well--sucked--that's another matter.  Mea culpa...It was a LOT of fun to shoot--sorry not so much fun to watch apparently...There's not so much screwing around in most of them. It's just so EQUALLY false when you do all those necessary-to-the-form "transition" scenes--those little bits where the host has to say "..and now I'm off to a real taste of New Orleans..blah blah blah.." Or "boy! I'm STILL hungry.." to lead into the next scene--which was probably filmed out of sequence anyway. Or even the straight "approach"--the "walk-in" where our humble guide introduces the audience to the next restaurant/eatery/person with the usual answers to  "Where are we? Why are we here? What do we expect to find?" I find those scenes on my own and other shows grueling to watch--and even more grueling to shoot.  That I didn't "get" New Orleans in 20 minutes of footage is a given. You could spend the rest of your life shooting all the great places down there that locals will rightly tell you you "have to" go to in order to represent the town well..

Some locations--and some people we meet on the road-seem to lend themselves to having a really good time  with and messing around. Next week in Salvador--was NOT an example--it's a pretty straight (though cashasa-soaked)) show. Ditto a coming BBQ overview, Chiang Mai, Singapore, Hanoi...But The first Australia show? Given that we were shooting on the exact same hallowed ground they shot Road Warrior? With easy access to junker cars and dogs with neckerchiefs? There is NO WAY we ain't fuckin' around with that! Always wanted to shoot a high speed car chase. And there are just some times when we're shooting--as on this incredibly posh island in Halong Bay recently--where the commies had really rolled out the red carpet to promote the "opening up"--that Chris and Lydia and I just looked at each other, the slinky dancers, traditionally garbed servants, identical sets of twins as attendents, martial artists and menacing looking guys in suits with shades--and thought: "A cheesy Maurice Binder title sequence!" Got to !!

I'm not going to make a case for whether you should like the show or not. 

I will say only that unlike the happy shows, if I don't like what I'm eating? I'll tell you it sucks. If I'm having a bad time? The audience will know it. If I'm enjoying myself--and having a good time? Same. I'm not an expert. I'm not a critic. I'm not even a  guide.    I'm an enthusiast.

By the way--they cut the porno soundtrack and a Ron Jeremy reference on the TV set during the flop hotel scene: "Pizza delivery Ma'am" "But I don't have any money to pay you" (heavily reverbed music begins)

But that Verti Marte sandwich WAS fucking great.

The show was great, it was fun watching the people 'kick' and 'punch' you because you pick on Emeril.

I hope you have a ball doing these shows, you can't please all the people all the time.

One request.

PLEASE film an episode at El Bulli!!!

[Chef/Writer Spencer]

Don't worry Spencer--there has NEVER, EVER been anything even resembling a script on the show-. And the last-minute improvised skitty business with Detective Powers (who was nice enough to play along)? The whole "I've got a Food Network Show--Kitchen Confidential? You--know? Don't Eat Fish On Monday?" was intended to be stomach churningly, cringingly  humiliating. Glad at least, that it had the intended effect.  It will probably say "That Asshole Who Told Us Not to Eat Fish on Monday" on my gravestone- something I am all too painfully aware of..

Now--if you thought the show just, well--sucked--that's another matter.  Mea culpa...It was a LOT of fun to shoot--sorry not so much fun to watch apparently...There's not so much screwing around in most of them. It's just so EQUALLY false when you do all those necessary-to-the-form "transition" scenes--those little bits where the host has to say "..and now I'm off to a real taste of New Orleans..blah blah blah.." Or "boy! I'm STILL hungry.." to lead into the next scene--which was probably filmed out of sequence anyway. Or even the straight "approach"--the "walk-in" where our humble guide introduces the audience to the next restaurant/eatery/person with the usual answers to  "Where are we? Why are we here? What do we expect to find?" I find those scenes on my own and other shows grueling to watch--and even more grueling to shoot.  That I didn't "get" New Orleans in 20 minutes of footage is a given. You could spend the rest of your life shooting all the great places down there that locals will rightly tell you you "have to" go to in order to represent the town well..

Some locations--and some people we meet on the road-seem to lend themselves to having a really good time  with and messing around. Next week in Salvador--was NOT an example--it's a pretty straight (though cashasa-soaked)) show. Ditto a coming BBQ overview, Chiang Mai, Singapore, Hanoi...But The first Australia show? Given that we were shooting on the exact same hallowed ground they shot Road Warrior? With easy access to junker cars and dogs with neckerchiefs? There is NO WAY we ain't fuckin' around with that! Always wanted to shoot a high speed car chase. And there are just some times when we're shooting--as on this incredibly posh island in Halong Bay recently--where the commies had really rolled out the red carpet to promote the "opening up"--that Chris and Lydia and I just looked at each other, the slinky dancers, traditionally garbed servants, identical sets of twins as attendents, martial artists and menacing looking guys in suits with shades--and thought: "A cheesy Maurice Binder title sequence!" Got to !!

I'm not going to make a case for whether you should like the show or not. 

I will say only that unlike the happy shows, if I don't like what I'm eating? I'll tell you it sucks. If I'm having a bad time? The audience will know it. If I'm enjoying myself--and having a good time? Same. I'm not an expert. I'm not a critic. I'm not even a  guide.    I'm an enthusiast.

By the way--they cut the porno soundtrack and a Ron Jeremy reference on the TV set during the flop hotel scene: "Pizza delivery Ma'am" "But I don't have any money to pay you" (heavily reverbed music begins)

But that Verti Marte sandwich WAS fucking great.

The show was great, it was fun watching the people 'kick' and 'punch' you because you pick on Emeril.

I hope you have a ball doing these shows, you can't please all the people all the time.

One request.

PLEASE film an episode at El Bulli!!!

El Bulli may prove to be painful for Tony to highlight given his adoration for the guy and Adria's apparent desire to create food that only dweebo lab coat, Transylvannia castle dwelling freaks could fathom. I hear Adria's going through the motions, maybe a false lead. But it'll be interesting to read Bourdain's facial intonations when he let's raw cuttlefish fettucine with cuttlefish ink "cocktail" and parmesan ice cream sandwiches slide down his gullet. I'd love to see the guy rock out tight with some classic Catalan fare but I think we're all in for the erector set on quaaludes bit. Get Adria into a Crazy Bob bit and I'll buy stock, good or bad....

[wawairis]

I thought it was funny as hell! Okay, maybe a little campy, but I was actually guffawing at some parts. Plus ya gotta admit he curses like a dream!!

[Chef/Writer Spencer]

I thought it was funny as hell!  Okay, maybe a little campy, but I was actually guffawing at some parts.  Plus ya gotta admit he curses like a dream!!

"Curses like a dream" what kind of analogy is that? I don't how I'd take that one. Maybe curses "well" with "aplomb", maybe curses "eloquently" or how about, "The curses roll of his tongue like the smooth purr of a 67 Mustang eight barrell." Sorry, I'm rambling again.

[wawairis]

I thought it was funny as hell!  Okay, maybe a little campy, but I was actually guffawing at some parts.  Plus ya gotta admit he curses like a dream!!

"Curses like a dream" what kind of analogy is that? I don't how I'd take that one. Maybe curses "well" with "aplomb", maybe curses "eloquently" or how about, "The curses roll of his tongue like the smooth purr of a 67 Mustang eight barrell." Sorry, I'm rambling again.

Perhaps I should have said creatively curses?

[Chef/Writer Spencer]

I thought it was funny as hell!  Okay, maybe a little campy, but I was actually guffawing at some parts.  Plus ya gotta admit he curses like a dream!!

"Curses like a dream" what kind of analogy is that? I don't how I'd take that one. Maybe curses "well" with "aplomb", maybe curses "eloquently" or how about, "The curses roll of his tongue like the smooth purr of a 67 Mustang eight barrell." Sorry, I'm rambling again.

Perhaps I should have said creatively curses?

Don't they bleep that kinda stuff out anyways?

[Chef/Writer Spencer]

Tony,'

Great show on Salvador. You captured a piece of its soul. The focus was crystal clear, it was all about food. And I laughed hard at your uncomfortable dealings with Fabio the waiter. Really enjoyed the offal and the array of beach offerings. What an endorsement for an unsung destination. No dry humping ex-wrestlers for the Spice Channel here. Thanks....

Edited March 8, 2003 by Chef/Writer Spencer (log)