Dining Out and Diets

[MetsFan5]

 During a celebration dinner (which I posted on the NJ Dining board), my father remarked to me if I knew how many calories were in the table side Caesar salad that I had. I didn’t— it was a special occasion— but the comment has stayed with me for a while. 
 

  There are a myriad of reasons why my dad asked, as he loves to track everything he eats and every step he takes with his smart watch to maybe my not being slim in my “middle age”. Either way, I’m not offended. 
 

 But it made me think— and realize that far too often while dining out, I can get anxious when I notice people watching me eat, or having wait staff hanging over me. I often hardly touch my entree, preferring to take it home (quickly if possible) to enjoy at home. 
 

 This may be one reason why Doordash and UberEats appeal to me.  Although I recently read about a DoorDasher who was delivering to a teenagers window and the teen was bedridden. The Dasher felt guilty about delivering to the teen. Which is likely for another topic. 
 

I’ve done a poor job of streamlining my thoughts. I suppose I wonder if anyone else feels judged? While dining out based on what they’re eating? 
 

 I realize this is like just a “me” issue— when I waited tables I never judged anyone on their orders. 

Edited July 7, 2023 by MetsFan5 (log)

[heidih]

As I always say, everybody is different. I have an eating disorder Severe anorexia as a teen. All manageable now. I don't think you get over it any more than alcoholism  In answer to your question about feeling judged - no I do not. I used to obcess over calories. if it wasn't listed in the calie count book I wouldm't eat it. Weight Watchers helped me get over that. They revamp their prpgrams but when I did it they went from an exchange system to points. Either way it worked for me. Non starcht vegetables - "free". Hence the ladies turning orange from excessive snacking on those baby carrots!  After a while you get pretty good at judging calories. Especially if you are eating a wide variety of foods - so a misjudge is not constant. I do ask for a takeout container early on before the plate gets muddled because I dont like to feel over full and am capable of making leftovers tasty.

[MetsFan5]

 I personally haven’t dealt with any eating disorder, however I think maybe disordered eating may be an issue. 
 

 I would never dream of taking the last serving of anything shared— whether with immediate family for a holiday or with friends at a happy hour.  Even just with my former spouse I would defer and let him choose which steak or let him serve himself then take a smaller portion so there would be a second helping for him. 
 

 Buffets can be intimidating. Some situations are anxiety inducing (large family events, or even dates, lunching out with coworkers) and I hate wasting food but have yet to find a buffet other than family events I’ve enjoyed. 
 

Obviously I’m over thinking things. I also think in some form, the whole “women are dainty eaters” concept comes into play.

I suppose my question is, do others also enjoy the dining experience, whether at home or not, less or more due to the environment and circumstances the way I do? 

Edited July 9, 2023 by MetsFan5 (log)

[pastrygirl]

Has your Dad always been this way?  How could constant scrutiny not lead to anxiety and preferring to eat alone? 

 

Growing up in the 70's-80's I definitely got the message to be smaller, defer to men, and other BS that I'm still trying to un-learn. 

 

 

[blue_dolphin]

10 hours ago, MetsFan5 said:

I suppose my question is, do others also enjoy the dining experience, whether at home or not, less or more due to the environment and circumstances the way I do? 

I think we've all got some amount of emotional baggage around food, eating, drinking and social gatherings that affect our comfort levels to some extent.  Too much, too little, too expensive, too fancy, too cheap, etc. I do some of the things you mention, never taking the last of anything, never taking the largest piece, etc. and I have felt uncomfortable and "watched" at restaurants but that's only when I was dining alone, generally on business travel, and I felt like people were wondering if I was stood up or didn't have any friends.  Silly, I know.  I'm sure no one was paying a bit of attention to me, let alone making judgements but still, it was my perception and made me uncomfortable.

I'd like to assure you that no one is paying that degree of attention or judgement to your choices either but your father's behavior completely counteracts my argument! 

 

After my father had a pretty serious heart attack, he changed his diet (90% due to my mom's guidance) and became a fitness nut, running, biking, hiking, playing tennis.  Good for him!  But he'd also comment on other people's weight or what they were eating.  I'd only have to hear this during occasional visits but my mom heard it all the time. It was never directed towards her but it still bothered her a lot so I know that what we hear certainly affects us. 

[heidih]

Fathers are a whole other level. Often the first comments we get on our appearance - esp females. I go out of my way never to eat in front of mine. Even if the comments are "oh that looks healthy" as if I need his approval. Hello you paid tuition for my degree in biology! I do not need schooling from him. He reads the labels of everything my stepmother buys out loud and comments. She is 5'-9" tall and rail thin. He sneers at some of her purchases. Plus he doesn't understand the labels anyway - that they are percents of RDA and portion size may be nowhere near what the person will consume. 

 

I've only had one person comment on my portion size. A guy I worked with and liked. We were at a Mexican brunch buffet and he commented on the large amount I was eating. I was quite pregnant and the food was very well prepared boiled shrimp! I only gained 20 pounds overall during pregnamcy. Clearly 32 years later it still irritates me. I ate them all anyway.  Oh and I was supervising a hospital remodel and when I'd go for coffee with the guys I never ate in front of them. They were extremely good looking carpenters. one turned to me once and asked why did I never eat in front of them? I didn't realize that I was doing that.  I did eat alone. Oh the mind!

Edited July 9, 2023 by heidih (log)

[MetsFan5]

On 7/9/2023 at 2:12 AM, pastrygirl said:

Has your Dad always been this way?  How could constant scrutiny not lead to anxiety and preferring to eat alone? 

 

Growing up in the 70's-80's I definitely got the message to be smaller, defer to men, and other BS that I'm still trying to un-learn. 

 

 

No, my father has never been like this. I genuinely think his comment was just a result of his new view on food. 
 

 My father had quadruple bypass 20 years ago and last fall he was in constant afib. His cardiologist determined that shocking his heart was a last resort as his bypass procedure was close to its end of usefulness date and his heart was only functioning at 30%. His cardiologist was kind of casual about it, but of course it upset him.
 

 My ex husband had dealt with afib and recommended a book on how to cope with it. I sent it to my dad and he radically changed his lifestyle and got himself out of afib without medication at 74 years old. So now he uses his smart watch (it’s not an Apple Watch which is what I have and know how to use) and tracks EVERYTHING. It makes him feel a lot better to know he can control afib on his own.
 

So, no I didn’t feel as if he was shaming me and he’s never made comments like that before, it just gave me pause and made me think.
 

 Personally any time anyone mentions anything about what I am or am not eating even in the kindest way, I get in my head about it.