Worst meal at someone's home - Part 1

[chappie]

I was visiting Poland for the first time with the (Polish) lad I had been dating at the time. Meeting the family and all. The relationship didn't meet its demise until after we got back to the States, but I think it was the meal at his folks' house that was the deathknell of our love affair. ...

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Jesus, what a nightmare! I'm curious; what was the followup here? Surely he had some sort of apologetic explanation as to how on earth a family could treat its guest so horridly. The old Polish mama might've gotten an eyeful of yolk, lard and blood as a I stormed out, had it been me...

When I was in college, a roommate's girlfriend, after tempting us with boasts of her family's "special dish," prepared for us something we could only later describe as Bastille Stew.

To serve four, she shaped unseasoned ground turkey into four large lumps, covered them with water in a medium pot, added a dash of salt, a can of mushrooms and a splash of kitchen boquet. And nothing more.

The other (unlinked) roommate and I stared in disbelief as she offered: "My family likes simple meals, but sometimes I eat it with ketchup." One gray, boiled tumor of bird swimming in brown-colored water. The boyfriend tried his best, nodding his head and exclaiming: "It's mushroomy. I like mushrooms!"

We never did let him live that one down.

[Darcie B]

Wow. My neighbor's cooking, which I have to endure frequently, has been elevated because of this thread. Considering some of the horror stories on this thread most of her food isn't that bad, except the pork chops. Thin cut pork chops baked at 400 degrees for 90 minutes or more ("I just can't get them to brown up...")

Add dull knives to the equation and you get a workout eating the durn things.

[Bernaise]

And ya know - it always seems to be the zealous vegetarians and the "born again" food allergy people that insist on two things:

1. that their new food lifestyle is so good-you need only taste it to be converted and

2. you won't even notice there's no meat in this!

Let me first say that it was a potluck - for which I believe an entire thread nay an entire forum heading needs to started. Having said this I will launch forward.

Dinner at the new home of two professors - money is not an issue. They are veggie people the menu was as follows:

Sugar free mojitos with tons of lime juice and the cane syrup on the side and a lot of pressure not to use it.

Round blobs of some kind of nut mixture - so they said. The texture was more like squishy dark brown jelly with soft flecks in it. There was no nut flavour - nor mushroom either for the life of me I cannot tell you what it was composed of and as there was no other main course it seemed both rude to ask and dangerous to find out what it might be.

To accompany this was an undressed salad and to accomodate the food allergy person a wheat free bread product. It was doughy and floury and so firm it caused the brown blobs to ooze out of the sides when you tried to bite it. ( I popped into the bread like thing hoping to reduce the gag reflex of the brown blob!)

The guest, Miss wheat free, milk free, sugar free brought out "a fabulous desert" we will all die for and never miss the wheat , sugar or milk - and frankly the flavour or colour as it turned out.

The bottom crust was spelt and melted margarine with a little stevia.

the filling was frozen strawberries whizzed with soya milk and soft tofu and fresh orgaanic lemon juice.

the topping was ground pecans and a few oat flakes with another packet of stevia.

This was frozen into a 9 by 13 pan and served as desert. it had many frozen crystals and was both insipid and rock hard. VILE!

After choking back two or three flinty chips I put down my fork and thought enough!

I think it was Orson Welles who said it is really only polite to eat three times a day -and health dictates a maximum of calories in a given day so I REFUSE TO WASTE MY PRECIOUS CALORIES ON bad FOOD. At the risk of starting a fight, can the food allergy people start to find each other and host their own damn dinners!

[Jason Perlow]

Jesus, did you go out for pizza afterwards?

[peppyre]

I'm fairly accomadating for people with allergies. In fact a former neighbor was serverly lactose intolerant and I learned how to adapt many of my recipes for her enjoyment. But DEAR LORD!!!! That just sounds horrifying!

[bleudauvergne]

...

After choking back two or three flinty chips I put down my fork and thought enough!

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Thank goodness you survived that. I loved your description of the frozen "dessert", and the hilarious recount of the drinks "and lots of pressure"... Thank's for a chuckle with my morning coffee!

[Susan G]

My worst meal served was one I'd made for my family.  I was 10.  My mother had asked me to make supper for the family (she had recently taken a part-time job).  I was delighted, and full of confidence.  The recipe for meatloaf was straightforward enough, and I'd seen her make it.  I was so proud of myself when it came out of the oven browned and fragrant............and then silence fell over the table when we started eating.  The texture was fine; the flavor inedible.

I'd interpreted the directions, "2 tsp. each salt and pepper" as, "two tablespoons".

I was so ashamed, I didn't try to cook for another five years!

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At least you were only 10! I did this same thing a few months back when I finally found my mom's meatloaf recipe and was really happy to make it for my husband. Then we ate it, and had to drink about a liter of water because of the salt!!!

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Bless you. Bless you for sharing that. Now my shame's receding............

[Al_Dente]

On a related note, this past weekend I travelled to Long Island with my GF to meet her adoptive family for the first time. Everyone was excited about taking us out to a fantastic seafood restaurant in Roslyn. Sounded great to me until they gave me the name of the joint-- The Jolly Fisherman! The name did not portend well. The restaurant lived up to every single one of my misgivings and then some. Overcooked seafood, terrible wine, fascist service, and unbelievably high prices. Fortunately, her dad picked up the check. Everyone but us sat there in utter bliss gorging on the horrible food.

[Jason Perlow]

On a related note, this past weekend I travelled to Long Island with my GF to meet her adoptive family for the first time. Everyone was excited about taking us out to a fantastic seafood restaurant in Roslyn. Sounded great to me until they gave me the name of the joint-- The Jolly Fisherman! The name did not portend well. The restaurant lived up to every single one of my misgivings and then some. Overcooked seafood, terrible wine, fascist service, and unbelievably high prices. Fortunately, her dad picked up the check. Everyone but us sat there in utter bliss gorging on the horrible food.     

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That's a shame. There actually are quite a few decent seafood restaurants on Long Island.

[Suzanne F]

. . . Everyone but us sat there in utter bliss gorging on the horrible food.     

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Well, at least the GF also knew it was awful. Sounds like a good match for you.

[Daddy-A]

I've told this story elsewhere, but it bears repeating ...

This happened at a Thanksgiving dinner when my eldest was 4. My mother, who was trying her best to be the "good grandmother" and cook the big dinner all by herself, unknowingly put salt in the whipped cream for the pumpkin pie. Needless to say, come dsessert, we went without whipped cream.

My son however became the hero ... and bless his innocent little soul, while mom was busy being upset, he suggested we use the salty whipped cream on the mashed potatoes! Yummmmmmmmmmmmm!

A.

[johnnyd]

This thread is hilarious and the timing is ironic!!!

I have a couple in-laws episodes to add but I'm pretty sure my new wife has been reading my posts lately... better not then...

(hi sweetie! Yes I love thanksgiving at your house, yes I do!!!)

[marie-louise]

I love this thread-I'm so glad it has been revived.

Over the years, I've learned to never arrive too hungry if I am not sure I'm going to be fed well. Does anyone else besides me have a little late afternoon snack before heading off to someone's house for the first time?

[Wine_Dad]

I love this thread-I'm so glad it has been revived.

Over the years, I've learned to never arrive too hungry if I am not sure I'm going to be fed well. Does anyone else besides me have a little late afternoon snack before heading off to someone's house for the first time?

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Shortly after my daughter was born my wife developped food sensitivities. It lasted about about five years. Unfortunately, a couple of friends, and some familty too, were not all that concerned and she would often feel "off" after eating at their respective homes.

We got into the habit of having partial meals in the trunck in the event that the ingredients were questionable. A few times, after seeing the food being prepared, I would go into the trunk and leave her to fend for herself.

[birder53]

I love this thread-I'm so glad it has been revived.

Over the years, I've learned to never arrive too hungry if I am not sure I'm going to be fed well. Does anyone else besides me have a little late afternoon snack before heading off to someone's house for the first time?

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My father was famous for stopping at Friendly's for a bite when we were headed to visit some Long Island relatives. His biggest beef was that they took too long to put out any food. My husband and I now also grab a snack when we are not sure how quickly or how well we will be fed at someone's home. Better safe than hungry!

[Jake]

I love this thread-I'm so glad it has been revived.

Over the years, I've learned to never arrive too hungry if I am not sure I'm going to be fed well. Does anyone else besides me have a little late afternoon snack before heading off to someone's house for the first time?

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My father was famous for stopping at Friendly's for a bite when we were headed to visit some Long Island relatives. His biggest beef was that they took too long to put out any food. My husband and I now also grab a snack when we are not sure how quickly or how well we will be fed at someone's home. Better safe than hungry!

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I've been known to snack before hand or make good use of the bread (if offered) otherwise if the food is inedible and I'm drinking the wine (or using it to wash down the food) things could get crazy later

[saskanuck]

Before eating the infamous leftovers meal at my in-laws (see the Floored thread if you like), my husband got a couple orders of extra-large fries at the McDonald's so that we could have something to eat before we went over there.

It's pretty damned bad when the best thing you can find to eat before going to someone's place is McDonald's fries. But they did fill up the gap, thank goodness, because the only thing I ate there was the romaine lettuce with caesar dressing that I put together.

When we used to stay at my MIL's, I brought food that could be left in our bedroom and snacked on before or after meals, because I could never eat enough of whatever she served, it was too disgusting.

Her favorite soup is this: about a gallon of water, a pound of ground beef, a package of lipton's chicken noodle soup, and one onion, all boiled together for an hour or two and served. The meat is not browned, degreased, or anything. It looked like the bad result of too much drinking the night before.

[CindyG111]

This topic is awesome!

I've had my own cooking disasters and posted my worst one, The Purple Fish Soup, previously. My desire for food and cooking often exceeds my ability.

The worst dinner my hub & I went to was at a friend of his from work's home many years ago. Little did we know that:

1.) he was a mean bitter drunk

2.) his wife - God bless her - was about to file for divorce

3.) said friend had never told his wife we were coming for dinner

4.) we were really invited so my hub could fix said friend's computer.

While hub is fixing the computer I'm sitting in the kitchen drinking wine and watching the wife make stuffed mushrooms. Friend keeps coming in to check and making sure my wine glass is never empty. I proceeded to get blasted. Unfortunately so did the mushrooms.

Wife must have used at least two bottles of wine to marinate the mushrooms the whole time giving evil looks to her husband. Finally the mushrooms go in the oven. I'm actually fearful that the whole mess is going to catch on fire and explode.

Hub gets computer fixed. We sit down to dinner of crunchy soggy wine stuffed mushrooms. We bail as soon as we possibly can.

We find the nearest pizza place and chow down.

I like the idea posted here of bringing food/snacks or eating before dining in uncharted territory.

Cindy G.

[andiesenji]

I think it was Orson Welles who said it is really only polite to eat three times a day -and health dictates a maximum of calories in a given day so I REFUSE TO WASTE MY PRECIOUS CALORIES ON bad FOOD.  At the risk of starting a fight, can the food allergy people start to find each other and host their own damn dinners!

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I have some food allergies but that doesn't stop me from cooking with the things I can't eat when I am preparing a meal for other people.

I also can't drink any raw alcohol but can cook with it, if it is cooked long enough for the alcohol esthers to cook away. And I buy wine and liquor for gifts, although I need help in choosing them because I can't taste.

I think it is extremely rude for someone to force their food preferences on others. I like some spicy foods but not super hot foods but prepare them all the time.

I took a couple of salsas to the L.A. Potluck that were too hot for me but others enjoyed them and I had advance notice that there would be people there who appreciated the hot stuff. Just in case, I also took along some of my homemade sour cream and also cream cheese to temper the hot stuff just in case.

If I am preparing something that contains an ingredient to which I am allergic, I ask someone to taste it for me so I will know if it is seasoned correctly. It isn't difficult to accomadate food allergies but some people make a career of being unpleasant about demanding attention to their needs and make a fuss if there is anything containing their problem ingredient anywhere near their food without having any consideration for other people. I simply avoid the foods I can't have but try not to interfere with other's enjoyment.

[Jake]

I think it was Orson Welles who said it is really only polite to eat three times a day -and health dictates a maximum of calories in a given day so I REFUSE TO WASTE MY PRECIOUS CALORIES ON bad FOOD.  At the risk of starting a fight, can the food allergy people start to find each other and host their own damn dinners!

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I have some food allergies but that doesn't stop me from cooking with the things I can't eat when I am preparing a meal for other people.

I also can't drink any raw alcohol but can cook with it, if it is cooked long enough for the alcohol esthers to cook away. And I buy wine and liquor for gifts, although I need help in choosing them because I can't taste.

I think it is extremely rude for someone to force their food preferences on others. I like some spicy foods but not super hot foods but prepare them all the time.

I took a couple of salsas to the L.A. Potluck that were too hot for me but others enjoyed them and I had advance notice that there would be people there who appreciated the hot stuff. Just in case, I also took along some of my homemade sour cream and also cream cheese to temper the hot stuff just in case.

If I am preparing something that contains an ingredient to which I am allergic, I ask someone to taste it for me so I will know if it is seasoned correctly. It isn't difficult to accomadate food allergies but some people make a career of being unpleasant about demanding attention to their needs and make a fuss if there is anything containing their problem ingredient anywhere near their food without having any consideration for other people. I simply avoid the foods I can't have but try not to interfere with other's enjoyment.

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Sounds to me like you are the guest everyone loves to invite and the host everyone loves to receive an invite from. Cheers to you!

[andiesenji]

One of my greatest joys is preparing food for people who really appreciate it. Nothing bothers me more than seeing something I have put part of my soul into, being pushed around a plate by a person who seems to have a permanent kink in their upper lip, as if they are just beginning to sneer. Or make little comments, sotto voice, about the food.

This happened to me once when the son of a friend brought his girlfriend to dinner when he came with his parents. I know he loves my food as he has been eating it for many years.

They broke up not too long after than. I think that dinner showed him just how self-centered and selfish the girl was.

[Jake]

One of my greatest joys is preparing food for people who really appreciate it.  Nothing bothers me more than seeing something I have put part of my soul into, being pushed around a plate by a person who seems to have a permanent kink in their upper lip, as if they are just beginning to sneer.  Or make little comments, sotto voice, about the food. 

This happened to me once when the son of a friend brought his girlfriend to dinner when he came with his parents.  I know he loves my food as he has been eating it for many years.

They broke up not too long after than.  I think that dinner showed him just how self-centered and selfish the girl was.

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I know what you mean. I have a sister-in-law like that. In fact, I've had more sneers and complaints from her in the last 3 years than I did from paying customers. Or anyone for that matter. My brother married her anyway. Now they both sneer at everything. Guess you can't choose your family.

And then there are the people you invite in for a meal who mention upon arrival that they're on some diet etc. and proceed to disect every morsel of food and continuously inquire about grams of fat or make comments about how disgusting it is that I used real butter/duck fat/bacon etc. Usually makes me want to pick up the closest wine bottle and ...... well, you get the picture.

[melonpan]

Christmas day dinner, first meal of our stay, 6:00PM. It wasn't that the meal was so very bad to start with . . . what there was of it. A single slice of roast turkey ("White or dark?"), two (count them two) small leaves of cauliflower, steamed (where's the head?), sweet potatoes mashed with peanut butter, and a spoonful of very good cornbread dressing. Cheesecakey something for dessert. Meal was plated and all the rest of the food was put away immediately. OK, that was a little strange. And the food was cold by then.

So not too bad, just very little food for Christmas dinner after waiting all. day. long. We were then served this exact same meal for the next three nights we were there. It did not improve with age. No bread, no fruit, no anything offered all day long except coffee and cokes.

i know this must be obvious or something, but is it bc the mrs two oldest friends didnt have any money? or is it bc they are stingy? or is it bc of some other strange reason?

[Adam Balic]

I haven't really had any bad meals, bad food yes, but in these instances it has been cooked by people that have put a lot of effort into the process, but don't know how to cook. In fact if I was to think about it what I would say were the worse meals were the ones where people have bought some very expensive pre-prepared  meals and served that. Thanks for the effort. Effort is important to me and I think that if I ever found out the people had pre-eaten before a meal I had possible spent several days on, I don't think that they would ever get a second invitation.

Having said that I know that I have served several friends their worst meal ever. For New Years Eve last year I made Zampone con Lenticchie. People freaked, it wasn't pleasant. Also the worst meal of my life.

Edited November 26, 2004 by Adam Balic (log)

[MobyP]

Did you actually make your own Zampone? That must've been one of the great pains in the ass. It's a great and classic meal though - what went wrong?

There are few things that make me more angry than when I've busted my arse for a couple of days on a meal, only for it to be - less than fantastic.

As Adam says - effort counts for a lot in my book. Someone cooking me dinner counts for a lot. The worst ones have definitely been my own.