I will never again . . . (Part 1)

[fresco]

I will never again open the oven door without checking to see what is balanced precariously on the stove top. An extremely heavy cast iron griddle came crashing down, breaking the glass door, which is why I am now baking bread on the Weber in December.

[bloviatrix]

I will never again place a noodle kugel into a pre-heated oven with bare hands causing the casserole to over-turn, thereby dumping an eggy noodle mixture all over the inside of my oven and oven door and dribbling in the broiler below.

What a total mess.

[torakris]

DO NOT ever remove your eyes from your fingers while grating carrots, on one of those triangle grater things, to scream at your children, unless you really like pinky flavored carrots......

[NeroW]

I will never again enjoy squishing up a sheet pan of chaudfroid with my partner ("look! Milk Jell-O!") before realizing it was for a grade.

[lorea]

I did this one a couple of months ago....wonder if the serrated edge of my new cake server is actually SHARP. And run my fingers over it several times until the pain finally hits my slow brain (hey, I just woke up!). Ouch. Very deep multiple jagged wounds.

[GSBravo]

I did this one a couple of months ago....wonder if the serrated edge of my new cake server is actually SHARP.  And run my fingers over it several times until the pain finally hits my slow brain (hey, I just woke up!).  Ouch.  Very deep multiple jagged wounds.

Have you ever thought " Gee, I wonder if this burner is hot?"

You'd a thought I would have placed my hand over the burner, not directly on it. It was hot.

As an aside, I have done a few of the other things mentioned here. And I must say it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone.

[laurel]

... attempt to drain a batch of ricotta with a "clean" cloth just washed (with the rest of my clothes, with soap) in the washing machine.

[lorea]

Have you ever thought " Gee, I wonder if this burner is hot?"

You'd a thought I would have placed my hand over the burner, not directly on it. It was hot.

As an aside, I have done a few of the other things mentioned here. And I must say it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone.

Yeah, I thought I learned when I was 6 - "Gee, is this iron hot?" Yep, it was!

[Mabelline]

Okay, this is a no brainer-don't grab hot cast iron bare-handed. All of us-have done it. But I'd really like to know how come periodically we have to take the refresher course-or I HOPE someone else is too! And can you get a doctorate in hotpanning?

[Richard Kilgore]

I am really, really, really going to avoid checking eGullet while I have a frittata under the broiler. Had, that is. Had what looks like it may once have been a frittata under the broiler.

[torakris]

This has been a particularly bad month for me, yesterday (while I was wearing my still slightly pizza sauce stained pants and sporting a Blues Clues band-aid on my shaved off pinky) I wanted some butter for our morning bagels.

All of the butter was frozen so I cut off a piece of the FOIL WRAPPED butter and popped it into the microwave on low, at first I ignored the strange noises emitting from the machine because my microwave has been acting strange lately, it wasn't until there appeared to be lightening that I turned around. The foil had been completely singed off......

I have known for at least 20 years now that you don't put foil into a microwave.....

[Suzanne F]

What I want to know is: dare anyone NOT post here? If this thread isn't the antidote to "we're all a bunch of elitist snobby foodies," I don't know what is. I just don't know whether to cry or laugh when I read it. So I do both.

[Mabelline]

Especially if you are typing it out very clumsily while bandaged up.

[KatieLoeb]

This has been a particularly bad month for me, yesterday (while I was wearing my still slightly pizza sauce stained pants and sporting a Blues Clues band-aid on my shaved off pinky) I wanted some butter for our morning bagels.

All of the butter was frozen so I cut off a piece of the FOIL WRAPPED butter and popped it into the microwave on low, at first I ignored the strange noises emitting from the machine because my microwave has been acting strange lately, it wasn't until there appeared to be lightening that I turned around. The foil had been completely singed off......

I have known for at least 20 years now that you don't put foil into a microwave.....

A dear friend of mine once completely ruined a microwave by putting a Chinese restaurant take out container into the oven and forgetting about that little wire handle The microwave apparently began melting and warping and ended up looking like a Salvdor Dali painting of a once much loved kitchen appliance.

[KatieLoeb]

Reading through this thread has reminded me of another incident. Not something I did, but let someone else do in my presence. Let me explain...

I have a cousin who makes Martha Stewart look like a rank amateur in the homemaking/cooking department. We were invited to the rabbi's house for the second seder of Passover this particular year. Cousin not only makes her own homemade horseradish (learned everything I know from her on that score), but she GROWS the horseradish root in her garden as well. Horseradish is a lot like chile peppers. The smaller the root, the meaner the burn. She had just plucked a few pencil thin roots from the garden that morning and peeled and grated them into a jar to bring along for dinner. When we arrived at the Rabbi's home, his son answered the door. "Oh great! Horseradish! I LOVE horseradish!", he said as he began unscrewing the lid. Everything then became a slow motion picture of gaping mouths screaming "NOOOOOO!!!" as he took a big honkin' sniff of it. YIKES! I've never seen a human being turn that color ever before, nor do I wish to again. Very scary stuff!

[colestove]

Katie,Your story reminds me of something I saw while on active duty in Dallas in 1961. My wife and I went to a steakhouse to eat and the table accross from us ordered oysters on the half shell as an appetiser. The tray had the oysters homemade cocktail sauce and a ramekin of *grated inhouse fresh8 horseradish. One of the men proceeded to put three or four heaping spoonfuls of the horseradish in the cocktail sauce. One of the ladies at the table told him that he was playing with fire. He replied no problem He proceeded to put a heaping spoonfull on an oyster and throw it to the back of his mouth. Of course it got about half-way down his throat before he got the full blast. I dont think I have ever seen anyone in more pain from spicy hot food. He suffered the rest of the time they were there. Since then I have been very careful about trying spicy food.

colestove

[torakris]

these horseradish stories are reminding of me of a funny (ok it was actually cruel)thing that happened in college. My then boyfriend, who was Japanese, had just received a care package from his mom in Japan. We were sorting through the goodies when his roomate gave over to check the stuff out. He saw a green tube of wasabi and asked what it was, my boyfriend told him it was a special kind of Japanese green chocolate and to give it a try. I thought he would just put a bit on his finger and taste it but no, he tosses his head back and squirts what must have been half the tube into his mouth.......

[fifi]

I recall being at a dinner at a pretty good, not great, Chinese place with this complete asshole. I am sure you will recognize the know-it-all type that is actually a complete idiot. He starts heaping the hot mustard on an eggroll. I "restrained" myself from issuing any warning. Was that evil???

[Suzanne F]

I love the turn this thread has taken!

Sometime in the mid-1970s. A friend of HWOE's came through Detroit playing for some show. We took him to our local Mexican restaurant, Acapulco. He proceeded to pop pickled jalapenos as if they were olives. Katie, he might have matched the color your rabbi's son turned.

[Mabelline]

Bet he had a lot of time to reflect on his folly the next day

[CalifNtve]

I haven't laughed this much in such a long time - thanks everyone - now I don't feel alone.

I will never again...

...walk away from the broiler - EVER. I have very rarely ever made successful garlic bread.

...Put champagne in my freezer's ice box / cube / crusher thing and forget it. And then make my evening drink the next day.

...be lazy and leave my shaker pop on lids half popped on. Hmmm, lots of seasonings anyone?

...put nails in my baked potatoes to make them bake faster. The look on your guests faces is absolutely priceless when they find them because you forget to take them out.

...and then there's nothing quite like Hungarian Goulash w/ 4 Tbs of Cayenne.

...grab my drink to run to the computer to check on the recipe really quick like, then dump my drink into my keyboard while the butter is turning brown and the timer is going off and the kids are fighting and the dog is barking... <sigh>

[KelMH]

Never wash your knife carelessly (during a rush, looking away).

[KatieLoeb]

I recall being at a dinner at a pretty good, not great, Chinese place with this complete asshole. I am sure you will recognize the know-it-all type that is actually a complete idiot. He starts heaping the hot mustard on an eggroll. I "restrained" myself from issuing any warning. Was that evil???

Evil? No! Requiring immense amounts of restraint? Definitely! Priceless? Even moreso than a credit card commercial!

[Huevos del Toro]

HORSERADISH? Yep. Many years ago, while visiting my brother in Sacramento, he took me to a local bar which was known for their delicious corned beef and cabbage. It arrived with a compliment of “homemade” horseradish sauce. I’d never been a fan of horseradish, having tasted only the wimpy supermarket versions. Brother dear is a devoted fan of the root so as he sat quietly watching me (and not warning me!), I piled a big gob on the corned beef and gobbled it up. He sat there, smirking, while I stopped breathing, went blind, and cried rivers. All the little a#%hole could do was laugh while I was dying. I found later that that particular horseradish sauce was made by a local gentlemen who then sold it to the neighborhood restaurants and bars. He had to make it outdoors because if he did it indoors he’d have to burn the house to get rid of the odor. Thirty years later we still joke about that day.

[HollyB]

Oh, it's so comforting to know I'm not the only one who has chopped hot peppers with bare hands, grabbed the hot handle of an iron skillet, or forgotten to watch the broiler...

I'll never again bake sweet potatoes directly on the oven rack. Or cook sugar without a thermometer.

For those who have been bitten by the little teeth on the Saran Wrap package, I just found a brand -- and darnit, already forgot which one -- but it uses a plastic cutter that looks a lot like those ziplock bag closers. No more metal teeth, hooray!

These may have been out a while, but I just discovered them.