"Hi! I hope you like garlic!"

[Fresser]

The scene: Ratner's for Sunday morning brunch.

The characters: Bloviatrix, DivaLasVegas, Megan Blocker and Katie Loeb.

Diva: Nu, so why is Fresser still single? Such a shayna punim he has.

Blovie: It's those gams! Women just can't compete.

Megan: But he has a crush on you, Katie! Chicago isn't that far by plane, ya' know.

Katie: Fresser is MESHUGEE!! He is good to his mother, though.

Blovie: True, but when he cooks, his apartment smells like Little Italy! I've never seen a garlic-chomper like that before.

Diva: What Fress needs is a woman with great legs AND a strong stomach.

Megan: Ain't that the truth. Fresser dressed up in drag once and tried to get admitted to Bryn Mawr. His makeup was perfect, but those big, broad shoulders gave him away.

Katie: I do like those deltoids. Kinda coconut-shaped. So where are we going to find Fresser a girlfriend?

*******************END OF THE FIRST ACT*********************

Fear not, kindhearted ladies: my friend Marc the jazz singer just introduced me to a young schoolteacher lass named Melissa. The occasion was a dinner party, so I donned my toque and prepared the main course: vegetable lasagna.

About eight of us attended, including Marc and his wife Sonja, another couple, Judy and Melissa. Sonja had told me that Melissa is a very active, attractive brunette who is weary of the dating scene. So to break the ice, when the lovely Melissa arrived at Marc's house and entered the kitchen, I beamed at her and blurted, "Hi! I hope you like garlic!"

"Damn, that was smooth, Fress," I thought to myself. But she laughed and said "Hi." A dinner party was less pressure for both of us than a "date," and I got to play Host with the Mostest as I dished up salad and served lasagna to all the guests.

This seemed to make a favorable impression, for as I ambled back to the kitchen, I heard one of the ladies exclaim, "A man who cooks!"

"How 'bout dat!" I chirped in my thick Chicago brogue.

My lasagna consisted of fresh spinach, thinly sliced carrots and mushrooms layered between lasagna noodles, low-fat ricotta cheese and a blend of freshly chopped basil and garlic. A modest amount of parmesan topped each layer, all drizzled with a modest amount of tomato sauce. I prefer not to bludgeon the vegetables with a Wisconsin-sized amount of cheese.

Everyone LOVED the lasagna! Melissa follows a primarily vegetarian diet, and she asked if I sauteed the spinach first, as it had a lovely texture. Other women asked how I prepared the lasagna noodles, as they had a fine, almost pastry-like texture. It was wonderful sharing a meal and talking about cooking technique.

True to my inner-Jewish-mother, I offered everyone seconds and implored Melissa, "Mangia! Mangia!" She laughed and said her mother SHOULD eat this well.

At the end of the evening, I wrapped up leftovers for Melissa, her friend Judy and another couple and sent them home with Fresser's Next Day Lasagna. Melissa truly appreciated the gentlemanly treatment and we had lots of fun chatting about the dating scene.

So who needs a restaurant for that intimidating first date? Commandeer a friend's kitchen like I did and cook away!

And don't forget the garlic.

[mizducky]

My lasagna consisted of fresh spinach, thinly sliced carrots and mushrooms layered between lasagna noodles, low-fat ricotta cheese and a blend of freshly chopped basil and garlic.  A modest amount of parmesan topped each layer, all drizzled with a modest amount of tomato sauce.  I prefer not to bludgeon the vegetables with a Wisconsin-sized amount of cheese.

←

Sounds like the food of love to moi. Including the garlic.

Nothing wrong with garlic on a first date ... just as long as both parties partake.

[bloviatrix]

Blovie:    True, but when he cooks, his apartment smells like Little Italy!  I've never seen a garlic-chomper like that before. 

←

Hey, I like the smell of cooking garlic.

[Ling]

Bravo, Fresser! What will you cook for your next date with Melissa? (And this may be premature, but I hope she does more for you than your bananas and sour cream. )

[NWKate]

Sigh- too bad you don't live in Olympia- a single Jewish man who cooks! Kate

[Kim Shook]

But Fress, is she Southern???

[Pan]

Like Lorna, what I want to know is what you plan on cooking for the second date. Have you already thought of several menus into the future, or is it too soon? Any thoughts of desserts?

[Lady T]

What are her tastes in restaurants, boychick? It's maybe not too soon to learn how well she tips -- or not -- and how kindly and gently she treats waitfolk and sommeliers! Best to know now how she handles oblivious service and substandard food, too...not that you'd take her anywhere like that deliberately, of course!

[KatieLoeb]

Katie: Fresser is MESHUGEE!! He is good to his mother, though

Meshugee? It's just part of your charm, I thought...

[Fresser]

What are her tastes in restaurants, boychick?  It's maybe not too soon to learn how well she tips -- or not -- and how kindly and gently she treats waitfolk and sommeliers!

←

Geez, I'm not interviewing this lass for the C.E.O.'s job. She would, however, make a fine Mrs. Fresser!

[Daniel]

So whats the word Fresser.. Didnt you get the low down from the friends at the dinner.. You didnt ask what she said about you? Or at least the lasagne.. A smooth move might have been to give her the lasagne in a tray of yours.. Thus giving you the need to meet again..

Edited May 2, 2006 by Daniel (log)

[jsolomon]

Don't forget to see how she handles a two-wheeler.

I suggest a bicycle date to the Twisted Spoke!

[jgm]

Fresser, I'm going to have to know some more about this woman before I can approve her.

First of all, does she eat grits? Has she ever even crossed the Mason-Dixon line?

Does she eat most other things? I always think it's so sad when a lover of all things food marries someone who has a much less adventurous palate.

I don't think it's necessary that she have good legs. She just has to be secure enough that she doesn't mind if you do, and wise enough not to try to compete.

And last, but not least, does she love you as much as we do?

When's the second date? She sounds pretty good so far. Don't let her get away!

And don't you DARE not call her if you promised you would. I will walk to Chicago, if necessary, and yank you by the ear, over to the phone, like a good GRITS girl would do, and stand there with my hands on my hips, while you dial her number.

[Daniel]

Does she eat most other things?  I always think it's so sad when a lover of all things food marries someone who has a much less adventurous palate.

←

Yeh, I dont know about this one.. Fresser, didnt you mention she was a Vetinarian...

Edited May 2, 2006 by Daniel (log)

[christine007]

Does she eat most other things?  I always think it's so sad when a lover of all things food marries someone who has a much less adventurous palate.

←

Yeh, I dont know about this one.. Fresser, didnt you mention she was a Vetinarian...

←

You mean, vegetarian? LMAO, Daniel, that's hilarious.

Loved the story, Fresser!

[Daniel]

Yes, yes.. I was just joking..

[Megan Blocker]

Does she eat most other things?  I always think it's so sad when a lover of all things food marries someone who has a much less adventurous palate.

←

Yeh, I dont know about this one.. Fresser, didnt you mention she was a Vetinarian...

←

My brother is dating a vegetarian right now. He says he other qualities outweigh this fault. But just barely.

[mizducky]

Now now ... I can think of at least one nominally omnivore friend of mine who has *much* less adventurous food habits than a whole lot of vegetarians I know. Given an ominvore with food aversions for days, who won't eat any foods she didn't eat when growing up; versus a vegetarian who boldly eats all kinds of foods, as long as they don't come from animals, I'd definitely prefer the vegetarian as dining companion, let alone life companion.

Besides, this particular vegetarian seems to have totally grooved on Fresser's cooking, including the tons of garlic, so that's a good sign that culinarily she's no shrinking violet.

Still, Fresser, I too am thinking your second social occasion with this woman should be to a restaurant--preferably one with a whole lot of vegetarian choices on the menu--not just for her comfort, but for your investigative purposes. It's amazing what you can learn about a person by watching what kind of choices they make, and how, when confronted with a wide variety of options.

[Ling]

It's amazing what you can learn about a person by watching what kind of choices they make, and how, when confronted with a wide variety of options.

←

So true! I hope for your sake she doesn't opt for the garden salad with raspberry vinaigrette, Fresser.

[racheld]

And don't you DARE not call her if you promised you would.  I will walk  to Chicago, if necessary, and yank you by the ear, over to the phone, like a good GRITS girl would do, and stand there with my hands on my hips, while you dial her number. 

←

Don't forget that your insistence is MUCH more forbidding with a big purse over one arm and an impatiently-tapping high-heeled shoe.

[Megan Blocker]

Hey, I didn't say that about my brother's girlfriend - he did!

[jgm]

And don't you DARE not call her if you promised you would.  I will walk  to Chicago, if necessary, and yank you by the ear, over to the phone, like a good GRITS girl would do, and stand there with my hands on my hips, while you dial her number. 

←

Don't forget that your insistence is MUCH more forbidding with a big purse over one arm and an impatiently-tapping high-heeled shoe.

←

Absolutely! And they're cute shoes, too! And of course y'all know the madderIgit, the fasterItalk.

[Fresser]

So what's the word Fresser?  Didnt you get the lowdown from the friends at the dinner?

←

Marc the Matchmaker called me yesterday with the skinny.

"Fress, she had a great time, the dinner was fantastic..."

[Can you hear the big "But" coming here?]

"But...the difference in your ages is too great for her."

She's 31 this month and I'm a Jack Bennyesque 39, but apparently she took me to be in my forties. Must have been my mature demeanor.

So if you're still free, NWKate, I'm on the next plane for Seattle. I'll bring the garlic.

[jsolomon]

Fress, next time, use hot chocolate. It's always worked for me with younger women!

[Fresser]

Fress, next time, use hot chocolate.  It's always worked for me with younger women!

←

Maybe if I spike it with some Bailey's...