Childhood Myths About Food

[Fresser]

Parents will tell their kids almost anything to get the munchkins to cooperate. When I was a wee sprout, Mama Fresser would sit me down after bathtime and wield the mighty Q-Tip to clean out my ears. I was squirmy, so to get me to sit still, she would peer in my ears and exclaim, "Oh, look--you have a garden in your ears!"

Digging about a bit, she would announce, "Oh, we have carrots! Potatoes!"

"What else? What else?" I would squeal excitedly as she pulled produce from my ears. "Onions! Here's some cauliflower and potatoes." Cabbage was a popular crop to pull from my ear canal as well. Cucumbers, however, were curiously absent, as was any sort of fruit. I guess there was no room for a pineapple in there.

The funniest part is that a few months ago, Mama Fresser and I laughed about this goofy ritual when I blurted out, "Mama, you were pulling carrots and cauliflower from my ears when I was a kid and you wondered why I wouldn't eat my vegetables!"

Edited January 29, 2006 by Fresser (log)

[Carrot Top]

Of course everyone knows that the way babies come into the world is that we find them under cabbage leaves.

[Carrot Top]

And the reason why I had to start wearing glasses in the second grade was not because everyone in my family wore them, nor was it because of the fact that I used to hide under the covers with a flashlight for hours at bedtime secretly reading books, or for any other reason at all.

It was because I did not eat my carrots.

[jgm]

We were told not to swallow chewing gum, because it would stick to our ribs.

We were told to eat oatmeal, because it WOULD stick to our ribs.

[Carrot Top]

And here is some knowledge that only children know. Grown-ups lose this wisdom, as it does not affect them in their elderly state. . .therefore children always have to know this secret themselves and follow its tenet to the rule or disaster will occur.

Eating liver will kill you.

[Carrot Top]

Keebler cookies are made by happy elves.

[Carrot Top]

Sorry. Can't seem to stop.

Eating spinach (if you are a girl) will make you smart.

If you are a boy it will make you strong like Popeye.

...................................................................

Some people I grew up with believed that if you ate fish on Friday you were among the Righteous and Good. Anyone who did not eat fish on Friday obviously by default was doomed to roast in the flames of eternal Hell when the time came.

[Pontormo]

This little piggy DOES NOT eat roast beef!

[miladyinsanity]

And here is some knowledge that only children know. Grown-ups lose this wisdom, as it does not affect them in their elderly state. . .therefore children always have to know this secret themselves and follow its tenet to the rule or disaster will occur.

Eating liver will kill you.

←

Please include all other kinds of animal organs while you're at it.

Mom keeps trying to make me eat the stuff because it's high in iron, and she's been anemic enough to land in hospitale before, so she worries a lot about it. Her sister too.

[Carrot Top]

Nobody ever believed that nonsensical endlessly boring statement about "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" either.

What is the very first thing in the lunchbox to get traded if at all possible?

The apple.

Always the apple.

[Carrot Top]

Wonder Bread, however, "builds strong bodies twelve ways".

And if you tear off the crusts from the slices and press them between your hands till they form little round balls, it is quite adequate nourishment for the entire day.

Obviously it is unneccesary to wash your hands before doing this. Only friendly bacteria ever grows on Wonder Bread.

[Fresser]

Sorry. Can't seem to stop. 

Eating spinach (if you are a girl) will make you smart.

If you are a boy it will make you strong like Popeye.

←

I ate spinach pancakes while growing up. Now I'm strong like Popeye, but I have his skinny biceps as well.

Conspicuous by her absence is a skinny girlfriend named Olive Oyl. And were she here, would she be "Extra Virgin?"

[srhcb]

Eating toast crust will make your hair curley!

SB (likes crust anyway)(but not curley hair)

[peppyre]

My grandmother always told me to eat my porridge because "It'll put hair on chest."

That also went for soup and tea. Just what a little girl wants to aspire to have....a hairy chest.

[Carrot Top]

Conspicuous by her absence is a skinny girlfriend named Olive Oyl.  And were she here,  would she be "Extra Virgin?"

←

Olive Oyl became a cooking show host. Brutus, naturally, is a network producer.

What nobody ever really knew about Olive Oyl, though, is something that belongs in this thread, too.

Drinking coffee will stunt your growth.

[ldubois2]

In addition to the curly hair and "hair on your chest" distinctions my parents made between male and female children, we were told every seed swallowed meant a watermellon or apple tree was going to sprout in your stomach....

[Carrot Top]

Doesn't it just do your heart good to think of the hundreds of thousands of children that "get their wish" (that they quietly intoned under their breath) fulfilled every day of the year, when they end up breaking off the larger part of the wishbone from the chicken?

Edited January 29, 2006 by Carrot Top (log)

[BeeZee]

Eating toast crust will make your hair curley!

SB (likes crust anyway)(but not curley hair)

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My grandma told us that eating the crust on the challah bread would make your teeth strong!

[moosnsqrl]

Anyone else remember the song "You'll have to speak up, I've got beans in my ears" ?? They just don't write 'em like that anymore!

[srhcb]

Not quite the same thing, but I'm sure we all heard about the starving children in Armenia/Ethiopia/China etc who would be only too happy to eat he food we didn't finish?

SB (wondrers what ploy mothers in Armenia/Ethiopia/China etc used to get their kids to eat?)

[FabulousFoodBabe]

We were told not to swallow chewing gum, because it would stick to our ribs.

←

Hah! We were told not to swallow chewing gum, because it would gather in our appendix and burst.

I also believed my father when he told me the Cream of Wheat bowl was following me in the wintertime.

[FabulousFoodBabe]

Not quite the same thing, but I'm sure we all heard about the starving children in Armenia/Ethiopia/China etc who would be only too happy to eat he food we didn't finish?

SB (wondrers what ploy mothers in Armenia/Ethiopia/China etc used to get their kids to eat?)

←

A show of hands: Did anyone really, truly, say to their mother, "Oh yeah? Name one!" when she told them this?

[mizducky]

Not quite the same thing, but I'm sure we all heard about the starving children in Armenia/Ethiopia/China etc who would be only too happy to eat he food we didn't finish?

SB (wondrers what ploy mothers in Armenia/Ethiopia/China etc used to get their kids to eat?)

←

Heh. My favorite riff on this old line comes from Allan Sherman (you know, the "My Son The Folksinger" dude responsible for the "Hello Muddah, Hello Fathah" song). He had a spoken word bit on one of his albums called "Hail to Thee, Fat Person" in which he explained he got fat finishing all his food in a vain attempt to save the world from starvation and war.

[jennahan]

My mother always told me to eat all of my fish because it was brain food. Now with all the research on omega 3, turns out that she was right...again. Damn.

[Pan]

Not quite the same thing, but I'm sure we all heard about the starving children in Armenia/Ethiopia/China etc who would be only too happy to eat he food we didn't finish?

SB (wondrers what ploy mothers in Armenia/Ethiopia/China etc used to get their kids to eat?)

←

A show of hands: Did anyone really, truly, say to their mother, "Oh yeah? Name one!" when she told them this?

←

My mother once put her leftovers in an envelope for the starving people in Europe. I think I mentioned this before in a similar thread.