Overused restaurant reviewer words & metaphors

[Alex]

eatery

[fresco]

Jane and Michael Stern seem to work in "pillowy" "fork tender" and food slang not in current usage in most of their reviews.

[JennyUptown]

Sietsema (Wash Post) has been using "haunting" a lot lately.

Haunting?

[Carema]

sometimes too (and this is often in reference to some type of ravioli or stuffed pasta) it is tender pillows (pillowy heretofore mentioned), nestled (also mentioned earlier) inside some kind of delicate crust. Then for sauce, the irksome trio of SMOTHERED, SWIMMING IN, SLATHERED WITH. The Chicago Tribune critic seems unable to complete a column without his favorite adjective "terrific". Then there is the whole infantilisation of food, like

" Two winky wee tender pillows of basil and ricotta cheese, chuckling softly to one another, tiny lambs nestled in their blanket of perfectly cooked, thinly veiled sheaths of dough, smothered and swimming in a sea of bechamel so ethereal and velvety that the dining room was swathed in a cloud of bay spiked perfume, and I once again returned to thoughts of Madeleines...."

It is like the horrible children's books my ill-intentioned, Scottish, ex-mother in law sent my son, with pictures of nodding children and violent texts which often referred to cruel punishments and sometimes death.

[docsconz]

This is a tough thread. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to describe or review a meal again

[fresco]

. Then there is the whole infantilisation of food, like

" Two winky wee tender pillows of basil and ricotta cheese, chuckling softly to one another, tiny lambs nestled in their blanket of perfectly cooked, thinly veiled sheaths of dough, smothered and swimming in a sea of bechamel so ethereal and velvety that the dining room was swathed in a cloud of bay spiked perfume, and I once again returned to thoughts of Madeleines...."

It is like the horrible children's books my ill-intentioned, Scottish, ex-mother in law sent my son, with pictures of nodding children and violent texts which often referred to cruel punishments and sometimes death.

Good Lord. Sounds like pedophelia. Although on your second point, I found my kids rather liked the Brothers Grimm and other scary, violent children's stories. It's kind of the literary equivalent of a ride on the rollercoaster, or through the Monster Cave, or whatever.

[Carema]

. Then there is the whole infantilisation of food, like

" Two winky wee tender pillows of basil and ricotta cheese, chuckling softly to one another, tiny lambs nestled in their blanket of perfectly cooked, thinly veiled sheaths of dough, smothered and swimming in a sea of bechamel so ethereal and velvety that the dining room was swathed in a cloud of bay spiked perfume, and I once again returned to thoughts of Madeleines...."

It is like the horrible children's books my ill-intentioned, Scottish, ex-mother in law sent my son, with pictures of nodding children and violent texts which often referred to cruel punishments and sometimes death.

Good Lord. Sounds like pedophelia. Although on your second point, I found my kids rather liked the Brothers Grimm and other scary, violent children's stories. It's kind of the literary equivalent of a ride on the rollercoaster, or through the Monster Cave, or whatever.

Which brings us back to food porn.

As for the books, these were not Grimm's brothers things but more like repressed old school, English nanny warnings against bad behavior, which, when you raise your son listening to the Ramones, do not make any sense. For instance someone shrinking when they were naughty, or better yet disappearing entirely off the planet just because they didn't practise their trumpet. But tis not the topic at hand. I am off to check my chicken roasting to perfection, sweet potatoes and onions nestled beside its plump thighs, all the while swimming in silky extra virgin olive oil.

[Cusina]

I think this could be parlayed into one of those literary smackdowns. Write the worst possible restraunt review. Nauseate us in 10 paragraphs or less.

[GG Mora]

I think this could be parlayed into one of those literary smackdowns. Write the worst possible restraunt review. Nauseate us in 10 paragraphs or less.

Or worse: write the most unconscionably twee menu description.

[KAPDADDY]

Scrumptious

Veritable cornucopia

Exquisite

[project]

Enthralling experience, captivating romantic ambiance, shimmering scented fountains, redolent bouquets, ethereal evanescent aromas, quaint delicate bric-a-brac, antique scrimshaw, deeply upholstered seating nestled in discreet protected coves, rare old European wines, aromatic fine herbs, gleaming, sophisticated cutlery, elegant, sparkling crystal, exquisite, crisp, immaculate white damask napery, tantalizing appetizers, scrumptious entrees, andante intermezzi verdi, irresistible, luscious, wicked sinful tortes, tempting perfect fresh tiny wild raspberries adrift in clouds of cream, fragrant with whiffs of orange, punctuated with candied violets and crowned with threads of silver.

Restaurant owners: Call about reasonable rates!

[fresco]

I think this could be parlayed into one of those literary smackdowns.  Write the worst possible restraunt review.  Nauseate us in 10 paragraphs or less.

I think it would be tough to top the pros.

[Pan]

Enthralling experience, captivating romantic ambiance, shimmering scented fountains, redolent bouquets, ethereal evanescent aromas[...]

I want to read your next review.

[Mudpuppie]

"..., my wife Betsey, ...."

Just kidding. It's one of those few things in life that's absolutely reliable.

[Schneier]

It's easy to laugh at this kind of stuff, but it can be really hard to write a good food review without some of these words. There are only so many ways one can say: "This tastes good." And like movie reviews, editors seems to want plot summaries rather than authentic criticism. So reviewers are stuck explaining what the food tastes like, and we're back to a bunch of overused words again.

We try to be original on our reviews, but it's hard.

Bruce

[beans]

Outside of egullet and the food press, the reviews that I am involved with most often involve the little Mayhaws. While both of them are very experienced diners and have a suprising amount of fine dining under their belt, their vocabularies involving food do not reflect their rediculously expensive schooling.

[project]

Pan:

"I want to read your next review."

Ah, I wore out my thesaurus on the last one!

[beans]

It was, after all, quite a list project!

I enjoy your posts immensely and feel a bit tardy in saying so, but,

WELCOME to eG!

[big for enthusiasm]

[project]

Noticed two more:

• resplendent
  
• overwhelming
  

ah, for the table settings, the bouquets, the seasonal dining room decorations, etc. Sprinkle them around like powdered sugar!

To get more 'reviews', just do a random permutation of the adjectives!

Google can help: Just search on, say, 'redolent napery' and discover other similarly obscure pretentious verbiage.

Ah, we could come out with a culinary vocabulary pretense ranking, test it for reliability and validity, etc.!

Bruce is right; I was just having fun using too many adjectives!

beans:

"I enjoy your posts immensely and feel a bit tardy in saying so, but, WELCOME to eG!"

Thanks. I was just afraid Steve or Jason would get torqued at my errant implacable incorrigible intransigent irascible irredeemable irrepressible irresponsible offensive outrageous recalcitrant truculent unconscionable uncontrollable unrepentant regarding sacred cows as the best hamburger!

Ah, alphabetization automates alliteration!

But eG is for whatever reason -- at least in part some excellent moderating -- a special place. The average verbal and literary abilities are awesomely high; some are much higher; I am way in the back of the pack. Also eGullet is attracting some serious expertise in food. I'm one that is grateful for the expertise and information that are here.

[hathor]

Unctuous...unless you really mean greasy

cozy

attitude

not necessarily in that order.

[chickenlady]

Riff. The whole chef as rock star/musician metaphor drives me nuts.

From the NY Times:

"The red pepper sauce is just a flash of color, a tasteful little riff on the side."

"Pistou, one of Mr. Virot's triumphs, is a riff on the region's traditional vegetable and pesto soup."

"...a parade of six courses cooked in the French tradition influenced by Asian minimalism that riff on seasonal ingredients."