You know you are in a bad restaurant when....

[herbacidal]

[*]Any item is descibed as 'The Chef's' - who the hells else is it?

you telling me you don't like it when the manager's wife's hairdresser's boyfriend's illegitimate son is back there thinking up specials?

[col klink]

The logo contains an animal dressed in overalls and a smile on its face 

This is also a common occurance at some pretty good BBQ places. Maybe they are exempt?

Only if they don't serve the meals on plates, butcher paper only.

"Voted Best Lunch Buffet" = the dish with coconut milk is going to literally smell like manure.

[Bicycle Lee]

my father still tells the story of being in a restaurant in northern cal that was having a pork special.

After ordering it, he was appalled to watch the chef come out from the kitchen, walk out the front door, slaughter a pig and then proceed to drag it, bleeding through the dining room to the kitchen. At least he knew it was fresh.

[sammy]

Col. Klink is behind the Sushi Bar.

[Squeat Mungry]

I knew I had chosen the wrong deli for lunch yesterday when I was in the middle of ordering my sandwich, and the young woman who had been taking the order decided to answer her cell phone, duck down behind the counter and hold a personal conversation for 3 minutes! She seemed to be operating under the impression that if she couldn't see me, I would be placed in a sort of suspended animation and somehow not realize what was happening!

..."antique" road signs, Americana,  "old" toys on wall

Used to be an excellent place on 16th st. in San Fran with tons of old crap on the walls. GREAT greasy comfort food. What a dream.

Elyse, which place? The green one on the corner of Harrison? Alas, long gone.

Cheers,

Squeat

[elyse]

Dawn. Don't know if it's still there.

Around Valencia.

Edited December 2, 2003 by elyse (log)

[herbacidal]

...there's Bruce Willis memorabilia on the wall

...the line is longer at the gift shop than for tables

...salad or "fixins" bar in evidence

...the name sounds anything like TGI McFunster's

..."antique" road signs, Americana,  "old" toys on wall

...fajitas AND pizza on same menu

...waiter says "My name is Chad--I'm an Aquarius--and I'll be your server tonight."

....the words "jumbo" or "garden-fresh" or" free" or "two-for-one" appear on menu

...nonsensical restaurant name chosen by committee as in "Macaroni Grill"

...folksy name: ie: "Cap'n anybody's" or "Ye Olde" or the "Rusty anything"

..sno-cone margarita machine cranking out crap frozen drinks

..small kitchen yet enormous menu (except in case of Big Nick's in NYC)

...glowing review from Sheldon Landwehr in front window

...Early Bird Special

...bartenders with arm garters and Gay 90's decor

...live jazz on Sundays

...no meat

...the "pub" looks like it was decorated by the marketing department at Guiness.

you referring to Fado, Diageo's chain of Irish pubs?

[beans]

you referring to Fado, Diageo's chain of Irish pubs?

Are they still in business? (Fado's) I visited their Cleveland location when it was near completion and the bar manager proudly displayed an iron door that was older than the United States. That was pretty cool, but my boxty (spelling?) wasn't so terrific.

[GordonCooks]

You see Jeff Chodorow's limo out back

[sherribabee]

The word 'homemade' appears on the menu.

This is especially bad when it appears next to 'special sauce'.

Edited December 2, 2003 by sherribabee (log)

[Cusina]

Ask for a side of parmesan and you are given a green can.

Dirty windows (gack)

Ask for the wine list and the response is "we have chardonnay and mer-lott".

Edited December 2, 2003 by Cusina (log)

[bilrus]

The word 'homemade' appears on the menu.

Exactly - if I wanted homemade I'd rather have it from my home anyway.

[bilrus]

Ask for the wine list and the response is "we have chardonnay and mer-lott".

Diner: Could I see your wine list?

Waiter: Oh - we have both types - Red and White

[sherribabee]

Ask for the wine list and the response is "we have chardonnay and mer-lott".

Diner: Could I see your wine list?

Waiter: Oh - we have both types - Red and White

Even better is "we have all three kinds -- red, white and pink".

[Lady T]

you telling me you don't like it when the manager's wife's hairdresser's boyfriend's illegitimate son is back there thinking up specials?

In a word: yes.

[denise_jer]

...Early Bird Special

What about the "Seniors' Menu"? Does that count?

[bloviatrix]

You see Jeff Chodorow's limo out back

I guess that means Mix is a bad place.

[herbacidal]

Ask for the wine list and the response is "we have chardonnay and mer-lott".

Diner: Could I see your wine list?

Waiter: Oh - we have both types - Red and White

Even better is "we have all three kinds -- red, white and pink".

didn't your sig formerly say "fuckin' idiots"?

think i liked it better like that.

and that red, white, pink response is a hoot.

[sherribabee]

Ask for the wine list and the response is "we have chardonnay and mer-lott".

Diner: Could I see your wine list?

Waiter: Oh - we have both types - Red and White

Even better is "we have all three kinds -- red, white and pink".

didn't your sig formerly say "fuckin' idiots"?

think i liked it better like that.

and that red, white, pink response is a hoot.

Nope. I would never use such vulgar fuckin language. Sheesh.

[mongo_jones]

if you're in an indian restaurant with any of the following words in its title you should leave: taj mahal, curry, taste, india, maharaja, tandoor(i), india's anything.

if it has two or more of these words in the title you should leave and return with a flame-thrower.

[KatieLoeb]

...there's Bruce Willis memorabilia on the wall

...the line is longer at the gift shop than for tables

...salad or "fixins" bar in evidence

...the name sounds anything like TGI McFunster's

..."antique" road signs, Americana,  "old" toys on wall

...fajitas AND pizza on same menu

...waiter says "My name is Chad--I'm an Aquarius--and I'll be your server tonight."

....the words "jumbo" or "garden-fresh" or" free" or "two-for-one" appear on menu

...nonsensical restaurant name chosen by committee as in "Macaroni Grill"

...folksy name: ie: "Cap'n anybody's" or "Ye Olde" or the "Rusty anything"

..sno-cone margarita machine cranking out crap frozen drinks

..small kitchen yet enormous menu (except in case of Big Nick's in NYC)

...glowing review from Sheldon Landwehr in front window

...Early Bird Special

...bartenders with arm garters and Gay 90's decor

...live jazz on Sundays

...no meat

...the "pub" looks like it was decorated by the marketing department at Guiness.

you referring to Fado, Diageo's chain of Irish pubs?

Fado and any one of a number of other "Faux-Irish" pubs that are about the same.

[Fresser]

Beware a joint that has smart-ass waitresses.

Once I asked the waitress at a greasy spoon if they served Eggs Florentine.

She looks at me and scowls, "Whaddya think this is? A restaurant?"

"Ohhh...the gas station is across the street," I replied.

[KateW]

if you're in an indian restaurant with any of the following words in its title you should leave: taj mahal, curry, taste, india, maharaja, tandoor(i), india's anything.

if it has two or more of these words in the title you should leave and return with a flame-thrower.

I always thought New Mother India in Waltham Mass was really good but I haven't been there for a few years and I was just a teenager, so what did I know?

[JAZ]

When, at a Mexican restaurant, all the entrees come with a side of spaghetti.

[mongo_jones]

I always thought New Mother India in Waltham Mass was really good but I haven't been there for a few years and I was just a teenager, so what did I know?

kate, i am sorry but my theory is infallible. who names these indian restaurants anyway? is it possible that their american clientele is really so infantile that they won't eat at an indian restaurant if it doesn't have a name that signifies indian-ness in 3 different ways or do the proprietors just think that? it can't just be them--are there more than 5 thai restaurants in the u.s that don't have either "thai" or "siam" in their name?