Jump to content
  • Welcome to the eG Forums, a service of the eGullet Society for Culinary Arts & Letters. The Society is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization dedicated to the advancement of the culinary arts. These advertising-free forums are provided free of charge through donations from Society members. Anyone may read the forums, but to post you must create a free account.

You know you are in a bad restaurant when....


Recommended Posts

Posted

[*]Any item is descibed as 'The Chef's' - who the hells else is it?

you telling me you don't like it when the manager's wife's hairdresser's boyfriend's illegitimate son is back there thinking up specials?

Herb aka "herbacidal"

Tom is not my friend.

Posted
The logo contains an animal dressed in overalls and a smile on its face  :biggrin:

This is also a common occurance at some pretty good BBQ places. Maybe they are exempt?

Only if they don't serve the meals on plates, butcher paper only.

"Voted Best Lunch Buffet" = the dish with coconut milk is going to literally smell like manure.

Posted

my father still tells the story of being in a restaurant in northern cal that was having a pork special.

After ordering it, he was appalled to watch the chef come out from the kitchen, walk out the front door, slaughter a pig and then proceed to drag it, bleeding through the dining room to the kitchen. At least he knew it was fresh.

"Make me some mignardises, &*%$@!" -Mateo

Posted

I knew I had chosen the wrong deli for lunch yesterday when I was in the middle of ordering my sandwich, and the young woman who had been taking the order decided to answer her cell phone, duck down behind the counter and hold a personal conversation for 3 minutes! She seemed to be operating under the impression that if she couldn't see me, I would be placed in a sort of suspended animation and somehow not realize what was happening!

..."antique" road signs, Americana,  "old" toys on wall

Used to be an excellent place on 16th st. in San Fran with tons of old crap on the walls. GREAT greasy comfort food. What a dream.

Elyse, which place? The green one on the corner of Harrison? Alas, long gone.

Cheers,

Squeat

Posted
...there's Bruce Willis memorabilia on the wall

...the line is longer at the gift shop than for tables

...salad or "fixins" bar in evidence

...the name sounds anything like TGI McFunster's

..."antique" road signs, Americana,  "old" toys on wall

...fajitas AND pizza on same menu

...waiter says "My name is Chad--I'm an Aquarius--and I'll be your server tonight."

....the words "jumbo" or "garden-fresh" or" free" or "two-for-one" appear on menu

...nonsensical restaurant name chosen by committee as in "Macaroni Grill"

...folksy name: ie: "Cap'n anybody's" or "Ye Olde" or the "Rusty anything"

..sno-cone margarita machine cranking out crap frozen drinks

..small kitchen yet enormous menu (except in case of Big Nick's in NYC)

...glowing review from Sheldon Landwehr in front window

...Early Bird Special

...bartenders with arm garters and Gay 90's decor

...live jazz on Sundays

...no meat

...the "pub" looks like it was decorated by the marketing department at Guiness.

you referring to Fado, Diageo's chain of Irish pubs?

Herb aka "herbacidal"

Tom is not my friend.

Posted
you referring to Fado, Diageo's chain of Irish pubs?

Are they still in business? (Fado's) I visited their Cleveland location when it was near completion and the bar manager proudly displayed an iron door that was older than the United States. That was pretty cool, but my boxty (spelling?) wasn't so terrific. :unsure:

Posted (edited)

The word 'homemade' appears on the menu.

This is especially bad when it appears next to 'special sauce'.

Edited by sherribabee (log)
Sherri A. Jackson
Posted (edited)

Ask for a side of parmesan and you are given a green can.

Dirty windows (gack)

Ask for the wine list and the response is "we have chardonnay and mer-lott".

Edited by Cusina (log)

What's wrong with peanut butter and mustard? What else is a guy supposed to do when we are out of jelly?

-Dad

Posted
The word 'homemade' appears on the menu.

Exactly - if I wanted homemade I'd rather have it from my home anyway.

Bill Russell

Posted
Ask for the wine list and the response is "we have chardonnay and mer-lott".

Diner: Could I see your wine list?

Waiter: Oh - we have both types - Red and White

Bill Russell

Posted
Ask for the wine list and the response is "we have chardonnay and mer-lott".

Diner: Could I see your wine list?

Waiter: Oh - we have both types - Red and White

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Even better is "we have all three kinds -- red, white and pink".

Sherri A. Jackson
Posted
you telling me you don't like it when the manager's wife's hairdresser's boyfriend's illegitimate son is back there thinking up specials?

:cool:

In a word: yes.

:wink:

Me, I vote for the joyride every time.

-- 2/19/2004

Posted
You see Jeff Chodorow's limo out back

I guess that means Mix is a bad place.

:laugh::laugh:

"Some people see a sheet of seaweed and want to be wrapped in it. I want to see it around a piece of fish."-- William Grimes

"People are bastard-coated bastards, with bastard filling." - Dr. Cox on Scrubs

Posted
Ask for the wine list and the response is "we have chardonnay and mer-lott".

Diner: Could I see your wine list?

Waiter: Oh - we have both types - Red and White

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Even better is "we have all three kinds -- red, white and pink".

didn't your sig formerly say "fuckin' idiots"?

think i liked it better like that.

and that red, white, pink response is a hoot.

Herb aka "herbacidal"

Tom is not my friend.

Posted
Ask for the wine list and the response is "we have chardonnay and mer-lott".

Diner: Could I see your wine list?

Waiter: Oh - we have both types - Red and White

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Even better is "we have all three kinds -- red, white and pink".

didn't your sig formerly say "fuckin' idiots"?

think i liked it better like that.

and that red, white, pink response is a hoot.

Nope. I would never use such vulgar fuckin language. Sheesh. :raz:

Sherri A. Jackson
Posted

if you're in an indian restaurant with any of the following words in its title you should leave: taj mahal, curry, taste, india, maharaja, tandoor(i), india's anything.

if it has two or more of these words in the title you should leave and return with a flame-thrower.

Posted
...there's Bruce Willis memorabilia on the wall

...the line is longer at the gift shop than for tables

...salad or "fixins" bar in evidence

...the name sounds anything like TGI McFunster's

..."antique" road signs, Americana,  "old" toys on wall

...fajitas AND pizza on same menu

...waiter says "My name is Chad--I'm an Aquarius--and I'll be your server tonight."

....the words "jumbo" or "garden-fresh" or" free" or "two-for-one" appear on menu

...nonsensical restaurant name chosen by committee as in "Macaroni Grill"

...folksy name: ie: "Cap'n anybody's" or "Ye Olde" or the "Rusty anything"

..sno-cone margarita machine cranking out crap frozen drinks

..small kitchen yet enormous menu (except in case of Big Nick's in NYC)

...glowing review from Sheldon Landwehr in front window

...Early Bird Special

...bartenders with arm garters and Gay 90's decor

...live jazz on Sundays

...no meat

...the "pub" looks like it was decorated by the marketing department at Guiness.

you referring to Fado, Diageo's chain of Irish pubs?

Fado and any one of a number of other "Faux-Irish" pubs that are about the same.

Katie M. Loeb
Booze Muse, Spiritual Advisor

Author: Shake, Stir, Pour:Fresh Homegrown Cocktails

Cheers!
Bartendrix,Intoxicologist, Beverage Consultant, Philadelphia, PA
Captain Liberty of the Good Varietals, Aphrodite of Alcohol

Posted

Beware a joint that has smart-ass waitresses.

Once I asked the waitress at a greasy spoon if they served Eggs Florentine.

She looks at me and scowls, "Whaddya think this is? A restaurant?"

"Ohhh...the gas station is across the street," I replied. :hmmm:

There are two sides to every story and one side to a Möbius band.

borschtbelt.blogspot.com

Posted
if you're in an indian restaurant with any of the following words in its title you should leave: taj mahal, curry, taste, india, maharaja, tandoor(i), india's anything.

if it has two or more of these words in the title you should leave and return with a flame-thrower.

I always thought New Mother India in Waltham Mass was really good but I haven't been there for a few years and I was just a teenager, so what did I know? :biggrin:

Posted

I always thought New Mother India in Waltham Mass was really good but I haven't been there for a few years and I was just a teenager, so what did I know? :biggrin:

kate, i am sorry but my theory is infallible. who names these indian restaurants anyway? is it possible that their american clientele is really so infantile that they won't eat at an indian restaurant if it doesn't have a name that signifies indian-ness in 3 different ways or do the proprietors just think that? it can't just be them--are there more than 5 thai restaurants in the u.s that don't have either "thai" or "siam" in their name?

×
×
  • Create New...