There was nothing else to eat in the house...

[Andy Lynes]

When I was 18 I moved out of my parents home and into my own little bedsit. In order that I didn't starve, I had been given a sandwich toaster as a birthday present. I was not domesticated at all at the time, very disorganised on the shopping front and would therefore quite often run out of food.

One night I rolled in from the pub, a little the worse for wear and feeling very hungry. It was too late to get a takeaway and there was nothing in the place to eat except some bread and butter and oh yes, a certain purchase I'd made at Harrods food hall a year or so previously. Why I made that particular purchase I don't recall, except that I probably thought at the time that it was exactly the sort of thing one would buy in a place like Harrods and that it was a terribly sophisticated and grown up thing to do.

I plugged in the toaster, buttered the bread, and reached for the only other item of food available in the place. And that dear reader, is how the pineapple preserved in creme de menthe toasted sandwich was born.

Does anyone else have similar stories? Can anyone top it? Or maybe you came up with something really good out of just a few ingredients left in the house.

[IrishCream]

I plugged in the toaster, buttered the bread, and reached for the only other item of food available in the place. And that dear reader, is how the  pineapple preserved in creme de menthe toasted sandwich was born.

Does anyone else have similar stories? Can anyone top it? Or maybe you came up with something really good out of just a few ingredients left in the house.

Andy...you don't actually say if your invention WAS good? Hvae you ever made it again?

[Jinmyo]

Egad.

[Kim WB]

What a funny post..which brought up a "More recent than I would like to admit memory". I am on a perpetual diet...fighting the bulge, tapdancing on the fine line between fine food and fat thighs...and only eat sweets at high end dinners. After an especially decadent weekend, I skipped dessert at one of my favorite restaurants...and totally obsessed about my missed treat on the entire ride home. I walked in the door determiined to have a sweet.

Now, I have purchased small dormitory size fridges for my teen's recreation room, so that sweets are not in my main kitchen. Brownie Bites, kit kats, chocolate drinks...out of my sight, out of my mind. ( They have rubbermaid bins for chips, cookies, etc, too)

So, in my kitchen, there were a few leftoover tins and boxes from some "gourmet" baskets my husband rec'd from business associates..some Ghiradelli choc mints, small boxes of Walker's shortbread. In the fridge, some Stoneyfield Vanilla non fat yogurt, that I usually have with fruit for breakfast...So, into the food processor: mints, shortbread, yougurt, ice, and chocolate sauce. It would have been much better in a blender...The blender is in the pantry, and needs to be hauled in and plugged in..the processor is always on the counter..so the mix went into that..it was liquid with shortbread and ice chunks, far from the milkshake consistancy I envisioned..to compensate, I added the contents of one of those airplane sized bottles of godiva liquer, which neither my husband nor I have any recollection at all how it got into the bar. ( I will mention there are three more bottle sin there...???) I do recall, however, that this was a really good after dinner drink.

Edited February 9, 2003 by Kim WB (log)

[Blue Heron]

I was about to say I didn't think anything could top Andy's story, but then I read Kim's.

Thankfully, I cannot think of a similar story.

Except for the time when I was first out on my own, and my roommate made macaroni and ketchup. I didn't eat it though.

[JAZ]

This probably isn't in the same league, but there was a time when my then boyfriend and I had just moved and were pretty broke until the next commission checks came in. We had money for food, and the then-boyfriend being a wine broker, we had wine, but what we really didn't have disposable income for was liquor, so the liquor cabinet was pretty bare, and of course we couldn't afford to go out. We had half of a big bottle of really cheap vodka that we'd bought for bloody marys, and that was about it. Problem was, neither of us was a real big vodka fan (even if it was good, which it wasn't). So we crushed a bunch of juniper berries and added them to the vodka, which at least gave us a cheap tasting facsimile of gin. I still can't believe we drank it, but we did.

[Andy Lynes]

Andy...you don't actually say if your invention WAS good?  Hvae you ever made it again? 

It was utterly disgusting and the whole lot got chucked out the next day. One bite was enough. More than enough.

[Jon Tseng]

Coming home from ice hockey practice at 3am to a cold, wintry student house... A tin of HP All Day Breakfast with a couple of tablespoons of mascarpone stirred in... add a luscious richness to the tomato sauce, and turns the whole assemblage a sickly shade of puce.

I think this recipe will also work the HP's Full Monty of Heinz London Grill

;-)

J

[Wimpy]

During my high school days:

1) canned sardines (with chili) and english Mango chutney on toast

2) philly cream cheese on toast with filets of anchovy

In college:

Instant tuna casserole: one pack macaroni and cheese (Kraft), one can of Starkist.

I'm not especially proud of my past gastronomical explorations....

Edited February 9, 2003 by Wimpy (log)

[Dana]

In the early days of marriage, I added a can of cream of something soup to the above mentioned instant tuna casserole. Probably one of the reasons I can barely eat tuna now.

[Jinmyo]

In the early days of marriage, I added a can of cream of something soup to the above mentioned instant tuna casserole. Probably one of the reasons I can barely eat tuna now.

That sounds like a recipe off one of the packages.

[Dana]

It probably was. Thankfully, I have blocked it from my memory.

[A Scottish Chef]

Does anyone else have similar stories?

Eh, well. Cough, cough, cough...

Haggis soup. Yes: tinned haggis with water, seasoning and cornflour to thicken it.

Haggis soup with branston pickle.

Haggis soup with baked beans and creme fraiche. Easily the worst of the three.

Bran flakes, a tin of tomato soup, cheddar and pickled onions with a little milk for creaminess (?!) all blended then nuked.

Hot dog and stilton omelette.

Soy flour deep fried pancakes (can't think of what else to call them) served with smoked sausage and HP sauce.

Corned beef and mushy pea stew and a chow mein pot noodle.

Toasted Panettone with bacon, onion and edam and curry sauce.

Pilau rice, onion bhajee and mushy peas.

Bran flakes, baked beans and lager. Again, thickened with cornflour.

I could go on.

[Jinmyo]

I could go on.

S'okay.

You win.

[A Scottish Chef]

S'okay.

I'd love to tell you these terrible concoctions are a terrible memory from the dark, distant past. Really I would.

But, at least half of them have been created/consumed this year. The Lager, bran flake and baked bean soup as recent an experience as last week. In my defence, there are mitigating circmstances.

Edited February 9, 2003 by A Scottish Chef (log)

[g.johnson]

Does anyone else have similar stories?

Eh, well. Cough, cough, cough...

Haggis soup. Yes: tinned haggis with water, seasoning and cornflour to thicken it.

Haggis soup with branston pickle.

Haggis soup with baked beans and creme fraiche. Easily the worst of the three.

Bran flakes, a tin of tomato soup, cheddar and pickled onions with a little milk for creaminess (?!) all blended then nuked.

Hot dog and stilton omelette.

Soy flour deep fried pancakes (can't think of what else to call them) served with smoked sausage and HP sauce.

Corned beef and mushy pea stew and a chow mein pot noodle.

Toasted Panettone with bacon, onion and edam and curry sauce.

Pilau rice, onion bhajee and mushy peas.

Bran flakes, baked beans and lager. Again, thickened with cornflour.

I could go on.

The most frightening thing about this post is that most of these inventions started out with edible ingredients.

Are you trying to become the tcheucter Ferran Adria?

[A Scottish Chef]

Are you trying to become the tcheucter Ferran Adria?

There, then, are those mitigating circumstances I talked of.

[g.johnson]

Are you trying to become the tcheucter Ferran Adria?

There, then, are those mitigating circumstances I talked of.

I breathlessly await the first Scottish Michelin star since Gun Erikson hung up her clogs.

Talking of which. We watched Gordon Ramsey on So Graham Norton the other night (we get it 2 years late in the US). Is he actually Scottish? Didn't seem so from the accent.

[A Scottish Chef]

Talking of which. We watched Gordon Ramsey on So Graham Norton the other night (we get it 2 years late in the US). Is he actually Scottish? Didn't seem so from the accent.

Mr Ramsay is a Scot alright, but clearly he has suffered from a terrible problem facing most Scots living south of the border. The problem being that the English think we talk too fast. I know, of course, that the real problem is the ubiquitous English slow listening defect.

Some Scots, Mr Ramsay included, make allowances and work diligently to speak slower for Englands benefit. Tragically it often results in a voice so devoid of character that the good peoples of the world are no longer certain they are hearing the authentic Scottish brogue.

In Mr Ramsays defence it should be noted that he supports the mighty Rangers and that he also invented Chicken Tikka Masala. In time I fully expect my lager soup to attain similar success on a global scale.

[SobaAddict70]

well...since you asked...

um, buttered toast with Mrs. Dash

buttered toast with garlic powder

buttered bread with sliced sweet Chinese sausage and the seasoning mix from a ramen noodle soup

leftover cold rice with sesame oil, chile oil and mushroom soy sprinkled on top

cream of wheat with sliced pineapple chunks and maple syrup

leftover cold takeout pizza with ketchup

SA (ok the last one was a joke)

[Dave the Cook]

Chalk it up to college-age hormones and that second-date over-the-top need to impress, and "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing." It involved canned tuna, fresh asparagus, hollandaise sauce and Rice Chex, baked in a cast-iron skillet.

It actually wasn't too bad.

[elyse]

well...since you asked...

um, buttered toast with Mrs. Dash

buttered toast with garlic powder

buttered bread with sliced sweet Chinese sausage and the seasoning mix from a ramen noodle soup

leftover cold rice with sesame oil, chile oil and mushroom soy sprinkled on top

cream of wheat with sliced pineapple chunks and maple syrup

leftover cold takeout pizza with ketchup

SA  (ok the last one was a joke)

Andy, VILE.

Scottish Chef, VILER.

Soba, sorry. A regular Saturday for me. Not really, but when food runs low and I can't deal with leaving the house, s'ok with me.

Kim, doesn't really sound that bad. I used to work at Steve's Ice Cream, and we had to mix up some REPULSIVE combinations. Cinnamon ice creal with pineapple, strawberries, junior mints, reeces pb cups, heath bars,marshmallow fluff, granola, malt, and butterscotch sauce. I think I'm still missing a few ingredients.

Mario Batali once referred to restaurant workers being served "cream of walk-in soup." Had it.

Forgot to mention my grossest thing as far as I can remember. Peanut butter on a spoon, dipped in cool whip, dipped in chocolate quick.

Edited February 10, 2003 by elyse (log)

[SobaAddict70]

Forgot to mention my grossest thing as far as I can remember.  Peanut butter on a spoon, dipped in cool whip, dipped in chocolate quick.

That's actually pretty good, but better than my roommate who eats Ovaltine straight from the jar.

SA

[elyse]

See, Ovaltine straight from the jar doesn't even bother me. Thanks for the commendation, Soba!

And now that I'm thinking about it, mine wasn't dipped in Quik, it was PDQ. A chocolate malty pelletty crumbly thing. LONG time ago.

[Dave the Cook]

Peanut butter on a spoon, dipped in cool whip, dipped in chocolate quick.

I would do a Quik dip on the PB, then a dollop of Cool Whip, and a final dusting of more Quik. Double chocolate and a nice presentation to boot, even if it's just on the tip of your finger.

Presentation is everything.