How we ate growing up

[Adam Balic]

What an interesting thread.

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

I think we were working class, but I'm not sure. Parents still clean toilets for cash so I am guessing yes. On my mother's side of the family (Anglo-Celtic) food was enjoyed, but not good, except with a few exceptions. On my father's side (Croatian) the food was both important and excellent. In my immediate family, Mum would cook most of the meals, on rare occasions my father would cook pasta. BBQ and spit roasted pig/lamb was always done by Dad. Mum didn't like cooking, so meals weren't that exciting, although she did try. From the age of 11-12 I started cooking, especially on weekends. Rarely full meals though.

Was meal time important ?

No. As a young family we ate at the table together, but as we (my brothers and I) got older it tended to end up in front of the TV.

Was cooking important?

No. Although may mother went through phases (bread making, jam making, bottled fruit etc).

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

There were penalties for all most everything, but I can't remember elbows on table penalties specifically.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occasions?

Living 50 km from the nearest town, there was very little oppertunity for restuarant meals. I can only remember a few Chinese meals and Fish 'n' Chips.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Yes or in a seperate room (had only a small table).

When did you get that first sip of wine?

5-6? Don't remember.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

No.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No never.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Very little I should think.

[Jaymes]

I find it absolutely fascinating how many people in this thread have said some version of their mother being a dutiful, but less-than-enthusiastic cook. I know mine was (and is).

And that Dad, or maybe granny was the one with the imagination and enthusiasm.

What can this mean?

Does the day-to-day drudgery of turning out assembly-line meals take THAT much out of you???

Of course, in my own family, I did all the cooking with a great deal of fun, and an eagerness to explore new ideas and cuisines. All my former husband ever did was to occasionally burn a chicken or two out on the BBQ and then take credit for the entire meal.

So, our experience didn't fit this mold.

But so many others? What's going on here? How does it happen that so many of us that, by the very fact of our being here, love food, were reared in households where Mom was simply and joylessly going about doing her duty?

[Brija]

I always had the impression that my mother really liked to cook, but now that I think about it, she did not seem to mind at all when my sister and I grew up and pretty much took over in the kitchen...

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

We ate quite regular Finnish home-cooked food, but my mother was interested in trying out new things, like ethnic food (not very usual in Finland at that time), she collected recipes and was very good at varying them and creating something new on the basis of the ideas she had got from them. She also baked a lot. I never had a feeling she did not like to cook, though she occasionally complained it was hard to decide what to cook. We ate a lot of fish and there was always a salad of some kind. We – my sister and I – were never forced to eat what we did not like (but encouraged to taste everything) or to empty our plates.

Was meal time important?

My mother cooked both lunch and dinner when we kids were small, but when she thought we no longer required two warm meals a day, lunch became the main meal, served around 1 P.M. Special occasions (birthdays, Christmas, etc.) were an exception when dinner was the most important meal time. We all ate together as often as possible, the meal times were sometimes arranged so that everyone could be at home then. If we could not make it, we tried to have at least the evening meal together.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

No penalties, we were simply told not to do so. I usually tried to read a book when I was eating, but someone always noticed what I was doing and I had to put the book away. As a child, I could not understand why.

Who cooked in the family?

My mother always cooked until my sister and I were old enough to help her. With time, cooking became increasingly our task, and my mother seemed to like that.

My father was good at heating canned pea soup and smoking fish.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Special occasions.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Sometimes, yes. This depended on the number of guests (and children) and if everyone could be seated around just one table.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Officially, after I turned 15. Before that I had occasionally been allowed to have a very small sip from my parent’s glasses.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

No

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Never

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Pretty much, actually, though we have no kids so there are certain differences. The main meal of the day is usually lunch, except on special occasions. We eat a lot of fish and veggies as well. Like my mother, I like to try out new things, to collect and vary recipes and to make experiments of my own. I am usually the one in charge of cooking, though my husband-to-be can do more in the kitchen than my dad ever did and he always offers to help out.

Edited November 21, 2002 by Brija (log)

[oraklet]

jaymes, i think that my mother, given her background, was not joyless about cooking. but she was certainly frustrated at not being able to use her capabilities to the full extent. and of course, we're talking about a generation to whom the sense of doing their duty was very important. the duties of husband and wife, of an officer, of children, of being a good neighbour etc. - this leaves very little room for experimenting.

[Jaymes]

jaymes ...and of course, we're talking about a generation to whom the sense of doing their duty was very important. the duties of husband and wife of an officer, of children, of being a good neighbour etc. - this leaves very little room for experimenting.

Yes, you are probably right. Sometimes being expected to "do one's duty" trumps the enthusiasm one might have if a certain task were one's own idea from the beginning.

PS - So, "officer's kid, eh?"

[stellabella]

I love talking about my family's culture of food; often people think I am bragging OR that I was extraordinarily deprived. Having skimmed through these posts, it is facinating to see how similar our backgrounds, in certain key ways: food was a focus [EDIOT:it is the focal point now, for what, as Jaymes says, is very much the bitter but honest truth of who we were/are and where we came from; in other words--the lack of food as a focus speaks volumes, doesn't it?].

My mother cooked us breakfast every morning [i have four sisters], either scrambled eggs or cream of wheat, and I still love hot cereal to this day. When we were little we ate school lunches without too much fuss, but by the time we were old enough to feel the pricks of peer pressure we all began to insist on sack lunches--and for the record, lunch boxes were SO uncool--we preferred the plain brown paper bag--with very few exceptions my sisters and I lunched every day on PB&J and a bag of orange wedges. I remember how every day after school one of my sisters would heat two hotdogs in a pot of water, then wrap them in white bread and mayonaisse. Therer was never "junk" [although I now count Wonderbread in this category] or "convenience" food in my house--we rarely drank sodas or ate candy or sweet cereal. Our afternoon snacks consisted of the aformentioned hotdogs, saltine crackers, etc. My dad loved saltine crackers--he would fold a slice of american cheese into four squares, place one on a saltine, drizzle Tobasco over it, and make himself a little plate of hillbilly hors d'ouvres. My sisters and I loved them.

Suppers were the main focus. My mother cooked meat and vegetables every night: a pot roast with carrots and potatoes, and green beans on the side, or fried liver and onions, or baked fish or chicken, with more green beans on the side. A special treat was homemade banana pudding--my mother used to make the recipe on the box of Nilla wafers--complete with homemade oven-browned meringue--this is a beautiful dessert, and for me remains synonymous with comfort. My mother was and is a good cook but I think she's become less inspired in recent years. When I think about the meals she cooked, meals I would never cook myself, I can't criticize them for being simple or "plain" or "unsophisticated," because in fact I believe that cooking my suppers for eighteen years was one of the greatest gifts my mother has ever given me.

My family is pretty dysfunctional, and we're not among the closest of families these days, which is odd when one considers the thousands of meals we took together, sometimes while watching Hee Haw, other times on the fly, but always seated together around the kitchen table. No one ever scolded for elbows on the table--we were more likely to get a withering glare for not cleaning our plates, or, at the very least, not trying a little bit of everything. We took turns saying grace-- we hated it and would mumble through it, but my mother insisted. These days, though I am thoroughly irreligious, I feel very strongly about giving thanks for my food--and for those I share it with. I always invite guests to say a blessing, and if I am by myself I try to take a moment to acknowledge my gratitude for my good fortune.

My first sip of wine was undoubtedly bourbon. That's a long story best saved for another thread.

At holidays my grandmother and mother filled the table til it was absolutely groaning under the weight of the platters--turkey and ham, green beans and potatoes, kale, sweet potatoes, cranberry relish, dressing--one with oysters and one without--broccoli casserole, sweet potato biscuits. For dessert pumpkin pie, sweet potatoe pie, buttermilk pie, pecan pie--all served with Cool Whip. If my mother's parents' descendants were all gathered together, we had at least two kids' tables--there are two sets of granchildren, about ten years apart--I was in the younger set, and of course thought sitting at the kids' table totally "sucked."

My mother's parents were farmers--they raised cattle and corn on about 400 acres in southern Delaware. My grandmother was a true farm cook--she canned everything--in case you were wondering why we ate so many green beans. She could make a pie crust blindfolded. I always watched her but never tried to join in--I didn't start cooking in earnest til I was out of the house and on my own. We went to Delaware every summer, and every year my grandfather butchered a cow for us--and I do mean the whole cow--so early on my parents invested in a deep freeze and we took home [TN] the butcher-wrapped roasts and steaks, and endless packages of hamburger. We always had lots of MEAT--but we never ate tenderloins, and I am now very suspicious--maybe Pop-pop sold the best cuts and gave us the rest When I was in high school I interrupted my grandmother slicing a tongue for a sandwich, and I continue to recoil in horror every time I recall this moment. We ate a lot of meat, but very little offal--except liver, which to this day I love.

My family's star meal: CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS, known affectionately among us as CHICKEN DUMP. Birthday? Graduation? Feeling lucky? Ask for chicken dump: my grandmother, and one of my still-living aunts, were the star dumpling makers--from scratch, cutting the chicken fat into the flour, rolling the dumplings very thin and rolling them in the boiling stock til they're slick and shiny and tender--with homemade sweet pepper relish on the side, one couldn't ask for a more comforting, more delicious meal.

That's about it for me, at least as I can recall at this moment--I'm getting ready to eat my second brekafast. This is a great thread, and I think I'm going to print it out and read it snuggled up in my favorite chair, so I can really savor these stories.....

Edited November 21, 2002 by stellabella (log)

[AdamLawrence]

Great thread. My version:

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

British home cooking, but with quite a lot of Mediterranean thrown in from about the age of seven or eight. We started holidaying in Greece and Portugal when I was about six, and eating out in Italian restaurants a little later. I was a pretty fussy eater at that time, but grew out of it to the point where I'll eat anything now. Except bananas, the fruit of the Devil. And beetroot.

Was meal time important?

Yes, to an extent. We didn't eat at table that often, but would generally eat all at the same time, even if it was in front of the TV.

Was cooking important?

Yes, very much. Both my parents love food and drink, and we were accustomed to eating well from an early age.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

I think my parents may have made a few vague attempts to enforce 'no elbows on the table' and 'no leaving the table without asking permission' rules when I was very young, but I can't really remember, and it wouldn't be in character for them to exact penalties. They are sixties children after all.

Who cooked in the family?

Mum, always. She was once away for a night, can't remember why, and my father contrived to let a pan of carrots boil dry and burn. Twenty-odd years on, he's not been allowed to forget it. Nowadays, when Mum is away for one night he'll either go to my sisters, suggest to my sister they go out for dinner, or get fish and chips. If she's away longer, she leaves pre-prepared stuff in the fridge or freezer for him, marked 'Monday', 'Tuesday' or whatever. Except that some nights he will ignore her offerings and either go to my sisters, suggest to my sister...... You get the point. I find it odd that he's never felt like learning to cook, because he's probably more of a gourmand than Mum is. Still, if you get it for free......

When I was in primary school, we used to walk up to my great-aunt's house for lunch most days (Mum was working by this time, and continued to do so until she took early retirement about six months back). She was - and is - a classic British home cook - pies, fantastic baking. To my regret she now bakes less than she used to, but whenever I go home I try to ensure there'll be a cake for me to bring back. And I need to get her recipe for Yorkshire parkin ingrained in my mind before she goes, though I trust that'll be some time yet.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Fairly common. We used to go out, generally for Italian food, every couple of weeks. And, as the restaurants in our town (medium sized, north of England) got better, we expanded our range. Oddly they still don't like Indian food though.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Only very occasionally when Mum threw a proper dinner party that would start late and go on later, so we'd eat earlier, and go to bed when we felt like it. She had one dish, a boned, stuffed and rolled shoulder of lamb that she would cook quite often for these parties. There were always leftovers, and I used to nip downstairs the following morning and scoff them cold. Yum. Funnily enough I got her to cook that dish for me a couple of years ago, probably the first time I'd ever eaten it hot. It was delicious, if a bit unfashionable.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

I can't really remember, but I know I didn't like it. I didn't like booze at all till I was about seventeen, when I started getting pissed on vodka and orange. It took me much longer to start enjoying wine and beer, odd when you consider what a dipso I can be these days. Mum and Dad always - at least as far as I can remember - had wine with dinner most evenings though, so it was around. I just didn't like it.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

No, never. Totally areligious household.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Only trad British Sunday lunch/dinner (which we usually ate in the evenings, odd that I tend only to cook it at lunchtimes now). And if we'd had roast lamb, which was the most common Sunday joint, the leftovers would, in the winter, usually be turned into a stew with root vegetables and suet dumplings. Later we developed the habit of getting takeout, usually pizza, on Friday nights, which Mum and Dad still practice nowadays.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Not much, because the lady wife and I are without issue. We try to eat at table more often, and we probably eat a little later than my family used to (though I always found people who ate their evening meal at five thirty a bit weird). And my cooking is probably essentially French at its core, whereas my Mum's is basically Italian.

[coolranch]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Suburban Middle class. Basic beef, chicken, etc. Little brother was very picky. Always a salad/vegetable, bread, and desert. My mother and father had very different family cultures growing up, so I got the best of both: dad grew up in rural Oklahoma, so he was definitely a meat-and-potato-stick-to-your-ribs type of eater. Mom is a New Yorker, so she had a more diverse food background.

Was meal time important?

Yes, especially as we (the kids) got older--we always had a "dinner time" and were expected to be there. Even if the family was eating off TV trays in the living room.

Was cooking important?

My mother enjoyed baking more than cooking, but ingredients were always important. No potato flakes, frozen dinners, rarely casseroles. She cooked a lot of family recipes.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

None, meals were very casual.

Who cooked in the family?

Mom during the week, dad had his "specialities" he'd make on the weekends--either spaghetti w/homemade sauce (a recipe from his college roommate's Sicilian mother) or homemade dumplings (his mother's recipe)---but during the summer, he'd wake at dawn to cook a brisket all day.

He was also great with omlettes and pancakes.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

We went to casual restaurants about once a week. For special occassions, we went to special restaurants--and we always got to pick the restaurant for our birthday dinners.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

No...unless there were too many to fit at one table.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Passover seder, when I was about 10 or 11. When we ate with my grandparents, they would let me have some wine with dinner starting around age 13 or 14.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

On Friday nights, for the Sabbath...and on other holidays.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Dad's meal on Sundays (usually the spaghetti w/sauce). We would have Chinese take out or pizza delivered on Saturdays..or dad would grill burgers--something casual and fun for the kiddos.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I don't have children (yet)--I do keep most meals casual, but we always sit down at the table (no TV). I almost always have wine with dinner, which my parents never did. My husband and I do make a special effort to collaborate on Sunday dinners...I now have the sauce recipe.

My brother is the cook in his family and he makes all of my mother's recipes like stuffed cabbage, turkey tetrazini, etc.

[Toby]

I was extremely fortunate as a child. I was so extremely stubborn and willful that my mother caved almost from the minute I was born. I always ate only what I wanted to eat, and have continued to do so. No one ever forced me to eat anything I didn't like. I always knew what was good food and what wasn't. I was lucky to eat very pure foods as a child, and have always tried to seek out the most alive and clear flavors possible. As a result, I never eat overly processed foods and really only dislike two foods that I know of -- celery and cucumber pickles. Being by far the youngest person in my family, I was allowed to read at the table from the time I could read -- no one else really wanted to hear about my adventures in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd grades and so on.

[maggiethecat]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My maternal g'parents were working class folk from Lancashire, who moved to Canada after WWI. My paternal g'parents were (if you can get your head around this!) bohemian, artistic, Southern Ontario farmers of Scottish descent. The McArthur ancestors had lived in NYC in the nineties, were buddies with Twain and O.Henry and had lived the Big Life for a few years. Until Truth magazine folded. Then back to the farm and unending supplies of good fruit, veg, eggs and dairy.

But my parents moved to Quebec right after their marriage. Boy, food was different there! The bread! Pate! Wine more than twice a year. Lots of raw oysters.

Was meal time important?

Unquestionalby the most important hour of the day. We talked about politics, music, literature...you know. The good stuff.

Was cooking important?

Always. My mother was a "good plain cook" until she saw a chef on the CBC make Boeuf Bourguignon. She was in her early thirties. She wrote down the recipe (I was sitting with her) and made it for dinner. She always changed for dinner (still does, (as does my father,) and, in retrospect, must have looked pretty darn fetching in her little black dress and four inch heels. On a Tuesday night family dinner, mind you! But of course, to my mind she had to be at least thirty one and old and haggish beyond thinking!

That Boeuf B. was so GOOD.

My father who then,as now, thinks my mother is a goddess, got up after his third glass of Gamay and made a little speech and bowed. It marked the beginning of our family's ongoing trek to gourmetude. I wish I knew that chef's name...Hungarian, I think.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

God! Dire! I don't want to even consider the Wrath that would have been brought down upon us. Table manners were up there with the Ten Commandments...maybe even higher.!

Who cooked in the family?

Mummy, 85% of the time. Daddy made great grilled cheese and onion sandwiches, bacon and eggs, fudge and eggnog. My mother handed pastry to me when I was twelve. My brother Ian made fudge every other night during those endless -30 winter nights.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Very uncommon. Road food on trips to Toroto to visit the grandparents. Trips to Montreal were different. The Beaver Club at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel was my first memory of being awed by a great room. Pauze's on Ste. Catherine for Dover Sole. Ben's and Schwartz's for smoke beef sandwiches. And I was very fond of the rice pudding at Murray's.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Never.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Maybe fourteen? My father did it deliberately as a learning, growing experience. I also had what we still laughingly refer to as "Drinking Lessons." After 16, I was included in the Cocktail Hour and taught to drink. "No daughter of ours is ever going to order a rum and coke or a zombie!" So by my late teens I could drink a scotch and soda, a martini, a Dubonnet on the rocks or one of my father's famous Old Fashioneds. I still drink like a 60's Waspy businessman.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Growing up, only at Sunday dinner, which was served after church. "For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful, Amen" It was intoned so quickly that my brother, aged six(?) asked "Who's Uttree Abuttree? Is he someone we know?"

Now my parents say grace much more carefully. And altho' we are unbelivers we have said the blessing every night since we were married. Maybe it's superstition, but I truly belive that We, the Fortunate, should at least once a day, say out loud that we know that we are lucky.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Cheese and onion pasty for lunch on Saturday. Standing rib, Yorkshire Pud , pie by me, etc. on Sunday.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Happily, a lot. Our daughter and her boyfriend care about cooking, care about friendship and love to entertain. So:"May the Lord make us truly thankful."

[SobaAddict70]

Ok, I'll play...

Food culture -- that depends on at what stage of my childhood. Mostly Filipino/Chinese (before 1975), Filipino/Chinese with gradual American influx (1975-early 1980s), full American assimilation (c. 1981 onwards). To illustrate, my mom used to believe the only way to cook a steak was to broil it to nuclear. Now of course, she likes it medium well. (She'll never be able to stomach it medium rare.) I say 1975, because that was the year we came to the U.S. Of course, Ferdinand Marcos would declare martial law in the Philippines a few years later -- so we counted ourselves lucky that we escaped.

Meal time -- very important. Although my mom was your typical single-parent mom (my dad died when I was 3), she managed to find the time to cook for the entire week on the weekends. We ate dinner together every single evening. My mom is a great believer in crock pot cookery and one pot meals. However there are some dishes that she won't do these days, probably because they're too time consuming or she's lost the taste for them (i.e., dinuguan, kari-kari).

Cooking -- I think Mom is a pretty damn good cook (she doesn't think so). My grandma is an AMAZING cook (her lions head meatballs are my idea of heaven). I don't think Mom really cared too much about ingredients, except those that she was familiar with or was convenient. For example, you really can't make dinuguan without offal and pig's blood, chiles and vinegar. So in that sense, substitutions were out of the picture, because then it wouldn't be authentic. Cooking at home meant a combination of practicality and convenience, but not at the expense of sacrificing authenticity. (I never took part in cooking, btw. The kitchen is my mother's castle. )

Kiddy table -- no.

Prayer -- we used to say grace...altho I think we stopped at a certain point. I'm not sure when that was.

Wine -- not until I was in my early 20s, in New York City. True to form, I got a headache immediately afterwards.

Rotating menu -- never. I think a lot of what we ate and what was in the refrig was dictated by how often we had certain dishes or whatever Mom and I (and later, my step-dad, Michael) felt like having. We alternated between Filipino and Chinese dishes and American staples, especially in later years. Come to think of it, we were more Filipino-centric than Chinese-centric. I can't remember a lot of Chinese food at home, compared to Filipino dishes -- dinuguan, kari-kari, pakbet, pancit, adobo lechon, adobo rellenong, menudo, eggplant omelette, sinigang, chicken with soy sauce and hard-boiled eggs (can't remember the name), and dishes like embutido and fresh lumpia for special occasions; Chinese -- mostly sweet and sour pork (breading with water chestnut powder!), congee, fried rice, that ill-fated dish of chicken feet and Chinese medicinal leaves. American -- pot roast, bone marrow, beef and vegetable soup, spaghetti and meat sauce, roast chicken, turkey every T-day, for example. There was a lot of input from all quarters, so there was never any rotating menu that I can remember.

Replicate? -- my home life is *so* 180 degrees from my childhood...I'd say that the only thing in common at present time is that I've inherited my Mom's love of cooking and eating to the extent that I consider it important to my own life and state of well-being. I love to cook, and I love to cook for other people. I'm willing to cook almost anything, but I'd say my base is Italian and "Bistro American", whereas my Mom remains true to her roots. As an example, on T-day this year, we're having turkey, stuffing, and some side dishes. Since relatives will be visiting, I'm sure there will be some dishes from the Philippines as well -- we have a rather large family -- four aunts and four uncles (on Mom's side), for example; most are married and have kids. In a perfect world, I would cook for the people I care about, whenever I could. Oh, and another thing -- my kitchen is MY castle.

hehe

SA

Edited November 26, 2002 by SobaAddict70 (log)

[Christopher]

1. What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Standard suburban fare. Staggered breakfasts during the week, as we each had different morning departure times. A predilection for healthy foods ( Ovaltine not Hershey's )"Healthy"&"Natural" brown bag lunches for my sister and me. All sandwiches made on Roman Meal Bread and small baggie of sunflower seeds with an apple. Dinner was the meal that we all ate together no matter what.

Was meal time important?

Dinner was. Yep. We sat down to dinner. Always. Phone calls were not allowed. If a neighbor happened to knock on the door my mother would explain that it was dinner time and they should come back later. We always sat down to a set table. We always had silver, china, linen and water goblets. I think that this is why I am so comfortable in a restaurant dining room such as GT. I don't see the 'trappings' of a formal service as restricting but rather as comforting and familiar. We ate Meduim-well Flank Steak, a browned ground beef version of spaghetti, fried chicken etc. The wine was Liebfraumilch.

Was cooking important?

It grew to be. Certainly during holiday times we always had family classics that I still hold a sort of reverence towards. As the years rolled along my father (a displaced Texan) worked hard to recreate what he understood to be an 'Authentic' Tex-Mex meal by curing his own peppers, making salsa. He also bought a tortilla press, which was quickly abandoned. In the mid 70's a family from Chile moved in across the street and we were quickly influenced by their cuisine. The first time I saw cooking as important on a daily basis was when I had dinner with a friend whos mother was Bavarian. This woman went to the market everyday and was always creating new dishes. She sought recipies everywhere.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

Too severe to mention. Not nearly as severe as reaching across the table for salt.

Who cooked in the family?

Mom, predominantly.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Special occasions. When my father travelled we would get to go to Pizza Hut. My father hated pizza and lasagna. I have no clue as to why. When it was the whole family we would go to El Palacio for Mexican or my favorite, the Polynesian Steak House where I was allowed to order bananas flambe, prepared tableside.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

No. We all ate togther always.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

I don't remember but I know it was Liebfraumilch

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Of course! You're going to serve BLUE NUN and not 'Say Grace'?

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No. Sunday brunch after Mass was the same but that's about it.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. Roast Leg of Lamb is my favorite meal and German whites remain my first choice always.

[Suvir Saran]

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No. Sunday brunch after Mass was the same but that's about it.

As I speak with old friends and make new ones, I see that Sunday meals were held in greater esteem in many a homes. Funny to see this be the case across cultures.

[Suvir Saran]

Was meal time important?

Dinner was. Yep. We sat down to dinner. Always. Phone calls were not allowed. If a neighbor happened to knock on the door my mother would explain that it was dinner time and they should come back later. We always sat down to a set table. We always had silver, china, linen and water goblets. I think that this is why I am so comfortable in a restaurant dining room such as GT. I don't see the 'trappings' of a formal service as restricting but rather as comforting and familiar. We ate Meduim-well Flank Steak, a browned ground beef version of spaghetti, fried chicken etc. The wine was Liebfraumilch.

Another point of similarity across many cultures I think...

[maggiethecat]

We always sat down to a set table. We always had silver, china, linen and water goblets. I think that this is why I am so comfortable in a restaurant dining room such as GT. I don't see the 'trappings' of a formal service as restricting but rather as comforting and familiar.

Oh Christopher, I so agree. A properly set table at the end of the day is restorative...so easy to do and such a comforting, elegant ritual.

I loved your post. Roman Meal bread. I'd forgotten that. And Leibfraumilch Madonna. Might have been my very first glass of wine.

[welee]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My family is originally from Taiwan, but we moved around every few years, so my mom picked up different recipes and adapted them to her taste--light French (less cream) from when we lived in England (she didn't like British cuisine as much), mild versions of Malaysian curries from when we lived in Singapore. But mainly she cooked Taiwanese food that she learned from cookbooks (her mother didn't cook). We didn't have a legacy of recipes, so it was just her experimenting!

My mom hated canned food or anything with preservatives, so we always ate fresh vegetables (she's always been big on vegetables and all of us grew up loving them!) and meat. She wasn't big on red meat though, so we had a lot of chicken and pork.

Was meal time important?

Yes. My dad often worked late and we'd wait for him until about 7:45 pm. This was a constant worry for my mom since she wanted the entire family to sit down together, with hot food on the table. She hated it if my dad was late and the food would get cold. I think she enjoyed cooking but the stress of keeping food warm and anticipating my dad's return turned it into a chore for her. He knew how important it was to her so he would try to give her an honest estimate, but as i found out when i started working myself, things come up. So a lot of the time we kids would just eat on our own and my mom would wait for my dad.

Was cooking important?

I would say my mom didn't LOVE to eat (she has a very small appetite), but she felt that it was really vital that all three of us children grew up eating well, for health's sake. She put a lot of effort into all of our meals! She would wake up every morning to make us breakfast because she thought it was the most important meal of the day-- and not just toast or cereal-- we had eggs, bacon, ham, oatmeal, hashbrown, etc. She made sure we all had fresh vegetables everyday, and she packed us hearty lunches too. I truly did not appreciate all this effort when I was younger, and didn't really realize how much effort she put into food until I went away to college.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

We didn't have any standards for table manners, other than not spitting out one's food, etc.

Who cooked in the family?

My mom, always. But sometimes my dad would step in with his ketchup fried rice wrapped in an omelet. We loved that because he'd write our initials in ketchup on top of the omelet. That's the only thing I can remember him cooking, even though when I went home for Thanksgiving he made curry from a mix and heated up frozen roti canai that he found in an Asian grocery store.

While my mom lovingly prepared, my dad was the one who inspired that love of food. He'd introduce us to street foods in Taiwan and rich desserts in America. He loves to eat, and though he's not one for preparing food, he always seeks out special dishes. We were never rich so we didn't eat out at fine restaurants, but he had to travel a lot for business, and when I was little I used to love listening to him talk about the food he ate on his business trips and be so envious, anticipating a future for myself full of such meals!

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occasions?

When we first moved to a city, we'd eat out because we were living in hotels. So that was a big treat for us. When we were young we were very intrigued by popular American cuisine-- TGI Friday's, Ruby Tuesday's. After we settled down in a city, we knew it was a special occasion if our parents let us go to a place like Friday's, because they preferred eating Chinese food. Also, since my mom is not a big fan of restaurant food (she thinks it is unhealthy), it's usually a special occasion like a birthday or holiday.

However, my dad loved eating out at Chinese restaurants because he was able to get greasier, spicier fare than my mom's cooking. He tried to convince my mom to go out to eat every weekend by telling her she should take a 'day off' from cooking, but my mom knew his true intent. To this day she tries to cook him healthy food and he tries to sneak away for the fried stuff.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Yes, we never had a big table, so the kids would sit around the TV. Actually I love the kiddy table and given a choice this Thanksgiving (I'm 24 now), I still chose to sit at the kiddy table with my siblings and cousins.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Maybe 8 or 9? I tried my dad's at dinner and didn't like it at all.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

No, my family is Buddhist.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Not really. We knew that when my dad went on business trips my mom would cook American food, like pasta or fish sticks or mashed potatoes.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Well, I don't have to cook for anyone since I am single, but I love to cook for myself and find new recipes, try out new cuisines. At the same time, when I need some comfort I cook meals that remind me of my mother-- light (not too salty or greasy) but hearty fare like lions' heads with cabbage, meat pancakes, tofu with tomatoes and scrambled egg.

When I was growing up I always thought my family was so 'different' since we ate homestyle Chinese food most of the time. So I thought maybe I was missing out on something, not having hamburgers and potatoes like my friends. I always thought my friends would not like my mom's simple cooking, so different from the moo shoo and etc. in Chinese restaurants. But now, it's nice to have that legacy, and i believe as a child, i definitely received the message that food is love, with all of my mother's efforts.

[Suvir Saran]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My family is originally from Taiwan, but we moved around every few years, so my mom picked up different recipes and adapted them to her taste--light French (less cream) from when we lived in England (she didn't like British cuisine as much), mild versions of Malaysian curries from when we lived in Singapore.  But mainly she cooked Taiwanese food that she learned from cookbooks (her mother didn't cook).  We didn't have a legacy of recipes, so it was just her experimenting!

My mom hated canned food or anything with preservatives, so we always ate fresh vegetables (she's always been big on vegetables and all of us grew up loving them!) and meat.  She wasn't big on red meat though, so we had a lot of chicken and pork.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Well, I don't have to cook for anyone since I am single, but I love to cook for myself and find new recipes, try out new cuisines.  At the same time, when I need some comfort I cook meals that remind me of my mother-- light (not too salty or greasy) but hearty fare like lions' heads with cabbage, meat pancakes, tofu with tomatoes and scrambled egg. 

When I was growing up I always thought my family was so 'different' since we ate homestyle Chinese food most of the time.  So I thought maybe I was missing out on something, not having hamburgers and potatoes like my friends.  I always thought my friends would not like my mom's simple cooking, so different from the moo shoo and etc. in Chinese restaurants.  But now, it's nice to have that legacy, and i believe as a child, i definitely received the message that food is love, with all of my mother's efforts.

Thanks for that great post. And for sharing your experience. I wish I knew you when I was growing up. Chinese food is one of my favorites. And I have come to love it only after I have enjoyed eating the home version cooked by my dear friend and soul brother Ed Schoenfeld. But I can say that about most anything he cooks... When he serves me something, I know I will fall in love with that dish for the rest of my life. I could never eat American style potato salad until I ate Ed's amazing potato salad.. and now, I beg him to make me that everytime he has us over.

Your mothers kitchen sounds wonderful. And her love for nutritious and healthy foods is commendable. How lucky you were/are. And again, I thank you for sharing with us the great post. Thanks!

[tighe]

Great topic! It's so interesting to see both the similarities and differences with my experiences....

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My father was in the lamb/sheepskin business, was an avid fisherman, loved to garden and was Irish. To a great extent, the food in my home followed suit! My parents travelled quite a bit and did make a point of trying new things regularly and expected their kids to do the same.

Was meal time important?

Dinner was very important and could only be missed under very special circumstances.

Was cooking important?

Yes, my mother is an excellent cook and taught all of her kids (2 daughters, 2 sons). She was not what you would probably consider a gourmet cook, but had an amazing ability to create fantastic meals with whatever she had on hand, typically without a recipe of any kind.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

A sharp word or sideways glance was usually enought to correct whatever transgression had just taken place.

Who cooked in the family?

My mom, unless there something was being grilled/barbequed, that was my father's domain.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Almost unheard of. First, my dad didn't want to spend the money and was convinced that there wasn't anything out there better than what he got at home. Given the restaurant scene in Seattle in the '70's and early '80's, he was quite possibly right.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

No, I usually ate with the adults. I was much younger than my siblings and was often the only "kid" present.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

5 or 6 years old I think.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Sometimes. Always the same one: "Bless us oh Lord, and these Thy gifts....."

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No, we had quite a variety that depended on the season and what was available. Potatos, in some form, were pretty ubiquitous.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I don't have kids yet, but my wife and I make a point of eating together nearly every night and we both cook regularly. My father would be horrified if he knew how often we go out to eat though.....

Edited December 5, 2002 by tighe (log)

[Suvir Saran]

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No, we had quite a variety that depended on the season and what was available.  Potatos, in some form, were pretty ubiquitous.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I don't have kids yet, but my wife and I make a point of eating together nearly every night and we both cook regularly.  My father would be horrified if he knew how often we go out to eat though..... 

These two amongst some other things you posted, hold true for me as well. We had potatoes with every meal. At least cooked in one style.. often several recipes with them. I remember one time there was a meal prepared just using potatoes as the main ingredient for each dish. Several dishes (when I say that I mean over 5 main courses) were prepared with potatoes and each had a very different taste, texture and look. It was my favorite meal.

And yes it shocks most of my family when they hear how much I eat out.

This thread is fascinating in how it shows us diverse lot of people having so much in common. Across our religious, geographic and cultural divides.

[Anna N]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

British - possibly in the worst way: overcooked everything!

Was meal time important?

Not at home which was a pub with hours that made family meal time almost impossible. Further, my mother died when I was just 5 and my brother 4 and a series of "barmaid/housekeepers" played the part most unsuccessfully! But at Gran's house meals were very important and very simple - a stew eaten by the fire in only firelight and huge chunks of home-made bread which I was allowed to dunk. Bread and dripping. Porridge for breakfast. An orange (Jaffa) at Christmas.

Was cooking important?

Only to my extended family. At the pub it was simply catch as catch can though on special nights Dad made cheese and onion sandwiches for the customers and these were to die for.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

What table? I only vaguely remember the odd Sunday dinner (served at 1 pm) consisting of overcooked beef, dried peas cooked to mush and Dad just wanting to get his Sunday pm nap before opening time.

Who cooked in the family?

Barmaid/housekeeper - there was very little cooking done.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Don't ever remember going into a restaurant until I came to Canada at age 14!

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

What guests - no such creatures - not even family came to our place to dine.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Not until I was in my mid-twenties.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

If you mean "Oh God, I hope it's fish and chips from the fish shop." Then yes, often!

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Monday it was ALWAYS Fish and Chips from the chippie - that was laundry day and there was nowhere to sit even. We had only one room, very small, and it contained the kitchen, the copper boiler for the wash, the trap door for the beer kegs to be lowered to the cellar. Once the clothes horses were in place around the fire there was standing room only so fish and chips out of newspaper - but, OH HOW GOOD THEY WERE.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Hopefully, none of it. I married a Dane and adopted many Danish customs - half-coffees every Sunday morning, open-faced sandwiches, Frikadeller, Agurkesalat, Red Cabbage, etc. etc. Yummy.

[Wilfrid]

That was a great post, and brought back some memories. Growing up in a pub? What a dream. And with cheese and onion sandwiches too. I had immediate flashbacks to the years I lived in Bristol where rolls filled with real cheddar cheese or cold black pudding, garnished with a thick slice of onion, were common in pubs.

And fish and chips from newspapers. Why did that taste so good?

[tighe]

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No, we had quite a variety that depended on the season and what was available.  Potatos, in some form, were pretty ubiquitous.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I don't have kids yet, but my wife and I make a point of eating together nearly every night and we both cook regularly.  My father would be horrified if he knew how often we go out to eat though.....  

These two amongst some other things you posted, hold true for me as well. We had potatoes with every meal. At least cooked in one style.. often several recipes with them. I remember one time there was a meal prepared just using potatoes as the main ingredient for each dish. Several dishes (when I say that I mean over 5 main courses) were prepared with potatoes and each had a very different taste, texture and look. It was my favorite meal.

And yes it shocks most of my family when they hear how much I eat out.

This thread is fascinating in how it shows us diverse lot of people having so much in common. Across our religious, geographic and cultural divides.

We may both have eaten a lot of potatos growing up, but I imagine the dishes had little in common other than the main ingredient! My father had a pathological aversion to non-Western food (other than Japanese). I don't think curry or garam masala or most any spice typical of Indian food ever saw the inside of our house. Fortunately I didn't acquire that particular trait.

In all seriousness, I'm very interested to learn that potatos are used that much in Indian cuisine, I always think of rice being by far the dominant starch.

[201]

I'm just going to follow the questions for now, but I might be able to free associate a bit later. Every answer here is broken down into "a" (my immediate family/everyday life) and "b" (my grandparents house on Sundays/special occassions):

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

a. I'd describe it as the typical American-Consumer Culture. Anything advertised to make dinners quick and easy was fair game. Hamburger Helper, La Choy Chinese "Food", etc...

b. Germanic/Colonial. Roasts, home-grown vegetables, etc...

Was meal time important ?

a. Yes. If I wasn't within "calling distance" when dinner was ready, I was in trouble.

b. Yes. If I wasn't setting the table 15 minutes before dinner, I was in trouble.

Was cooking important?

a. No. See the first answer...

b. Yes. My grandmother always took great pride in preparing a proper meal.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

a. Generally just the question, "Now what would Granddad do if he saw that?"

b. Granddad would smack the table (or my arm) with a butter knife for resting an arm on the table (or for slouching, or forgetting a napkin in the lap, etc...)

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occasions?

a. Pretty common and a welcome break from home cooking. I'd say about 1-2 times a week, usually to a Chinese or Mexican restaurant.

b. Special occassions only. Always to rather stuffy places where the reserved atmosphere seemed to be much more important than the food.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

a. Only if it was required by sheer numbers.

b. Depended on the company. If it was just family, no kiddy table was required. If there were professional friends of my grandfather present, than kids were removed to the kitchen.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

a. No wine... beer. I was about 8 and my father poured me a glass expecting that I would hate it. He was right.

b. I was about 6-7. I hated wine too. After trying various other drinks, I eventually came to the conclusion that I didn't like the taste of alcohol. Of course, I was partial to wine coolers for a while, but I haven't had a drop of alcohol now for more than 10 years.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

a. No.

b. Yes, but only for special occassions (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc.)

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

a. Only that Friday night was pizza night. Other than that, the number of dishes prepared was limited so there was a lot of repetition, but it wasn't tied to specific days of the week.

b. Every Sunday was dinner at the grandparents' house, but the menu was different.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Well, the fact that I'm here should show that I've obviously taken a pretty big break from my family's food culture. The couple of relatives who know that I read/write about food on the internet think it's very funny (but not at all surprising). I try to get my family to be more adventurous, but it generally doesn't go over very well.

The people that really got me into loving food were all outside of my family. Growing up, I was very close friends with a Vietnamese family that lived two houses away. The mother and ALL of her sons are terrific cooks and I spent lots of time at their house! For special occassions, she would make all these terrific barbecued meats and I could smell them from my backyard! I'll never forget the day the youngest son told me, "My mom doesn't care that I'm fat. She wants me to get fat. She said that one day when I get REALLY fat, she's going to cook me up and eat me!" I'm not sure what that has to do with anything, but it's a funny story.

Then I moved to El Paso, Texas when I was about 11. The majority of my friends were Mexican-Americans and their moms could COOK!! I loved going to street fairs and parties, because there would just be booths and tables set up with all kinds of great food. We'd venture into Juarez and get some street food (and into some trouble) and love every minute of it.

I moved back to Jersey three years later, but I ended up hanging out with a very diverse group of friends in high school. The only thing we really had in common was a love of food. We would grill almost every day after school. Of course, I was still a trouble-maker back then so we'd steal ham steaks and sausages and sometimes even turkey/chicken parts from the supermarkets. We'd open up every sauce and dip our fingers in to find out which ones were our favorites. Basically, we did a lot of things I'm not proud of, but we did it all for the love of food.

In college, this all continued, but on a larger (and thankfully legal) scale since we all had jobs and money. I never progressed much as a grill cook, but I really started expanding my dining horizons. I was like Steve Martin's character in The Jerk, "If this is out there... think how much MORE is out there!!" And that's about where I'm at now, except that most of my eating buddies have moved away and I'm stuck with less adventurous people. I joined eGullet to fill that void and I must say that it does pretty well.

edit: spelling

Edited December 6, 2002 by 201 (log)

[torakris]

This really is a great thread!

I always thought that kiddy tables were a given at any dinner party,and am very surprisd at how few people actually used them. Of course my family had 8 kids,so unless the dinner consisted of a lot of adults who were childless any table would become a kiddy table!

My parents never "entertained",the only get togethers were with family at holidays and no one had a table big enough to seat all us kids! Since most of my cousins were older than me,they filled up the adult table before I could get there and I think I was close to 20 before I actually made it tothe adult table.

I didn' t realize it at the time but the adults had a great idea to keepus out of the room for a long time. After finishing our meal all of the kids were sent to the basement to prepare a play that the adults would watch after their meal. It would take about an hour or two to come up with an idea then practice enough times to remember our lines. This was always the hilight of the evening. As the kids got older my Aunt would arrange "murder mysteries" that everyone would participate in.Everyone got a slip of paper designating people as the murderer,dead person,detective and various other people.The dead peron would die at the beginning and then lie on the floor until the detective figured out who did it. No one knew what any other person was.

I can't wait until Christmas this year,it will be the first one with my family in 9 years!

[Suvir Saran]

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No, we had quite a variety that depended on the season and what was available.  Potatos, in some form, were pretty ubiquitous.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I don't have kids yet, but my wife and I make a point of eating together nearly every night and we both cook regularly.  My father would be horrified if he knew how often we go out to eat though.....  

These two amongst some other things you posted, hold true for me as well. We had potatoes with every meal. At least cooked in one style.. often several recipes with them. I remember one time there was a meal prepared just using potatoes as the main ingredient for each dish. Several dishes (when I say that I mean over 5 main courses) were prepared with potatoes and each had a very different taste, texture and look. It was my favorite meal.

And yes it shocks most of my family when they hear how much I eat out.

This thread is fascinating in how it shows us diverse lot of people having so much in common. Across our religious, geographic and cultural divides.