Eat like you're never gonna eat again

[Jamie Lee]

I remember with remiss all those meals eaten on the run (Micky D's, Taco Bell, Arby's) or with clients who thought Olive Garden was "fine dining".

Today, when I can only eat three or four days a week, I am grateful that circumstances have forced me to live a new life. I'm doing chemotherapy, and can literally eat only a few days a week. Do I feel sorry for myself? (yes, but don't tell my therapist or my family!)

What I do know is that every bite is a precious opportunity... the days I can eat are filled with thoughtful, carefully planned, organically oriented choices. What do I REALLY want? If I can only eat one or two shrimp, how do I really want them cooked? Thai, or grilled with veggies, or sauced with alfredo? If not shrimp, then what? Beef, pork, veal, sea bass, bacon or buffalo?

What veggie am I really in the mood for? Snap peas, tomatoes, mashed 'taters, fresh corn, artichokes, lettuce with homemade bleu-cheese dressing?

When you can't eat like you used to, every bite becomes important. Quantity is not the issue (although it once was! ), qualitity is queen.

I only want to eat what I've cooked, with ingredients I've lovingly selected, with culinary chances I've chosen, with the advice from folks I admire (like eGulleters!)

Please, folks, eat every meal like it's your last.

[docsconz]

Excellent advice, since one never knows when a meal will actually be one's last.

[sanrensho]

Your perspective is enlightening. Good luck with your treatment and thank you for sharing.

[KristiB50]

Good Luck Jaime Lee and I'll be thinking of you when I make shrimp tonight

[petite tête de chou]

An honest, open dialogue with ones self concerning what do I *really* want to eat is a wonderful skill, Jamie. And the patience and focus required to listen is admirable. Hats off to you.

I'll wager that you made that kick-ass burger in your avatar?

[Malawry]

What do you wish you ate before starting chemo? I'm going there myself soon and am trying to think ahead...

[Jamie Lee]

Thanks to all that have replied... I am seriously not looking for sympathy, just trying to air my feelings (so who cares? )

A little more detaill.... Chemo sucks. Chemo sucks in a way that most folks will never know. (Thank God!)

I'd love to hear from others who have lived through chemo, and how their relationship with food has changed...

I used to crave protein, fat, dairy - and in volume. Now, I get off a three-to-four day fast on ice water (being the "gourmet", I'd switch up lemon and lime wedges) and then emerge with a raging hunger, but with a small ability to ingest.

The good news is that I so apprecriate food that I adore planning, preparing and anticiaptining every meal. I'm so into veggies and whole grains - where did that come from?

I'm a better cook, a better diner, a better shopper. My knife skills have escalated! Its all bad, but better yet, its all good.

Eat well, with thoughtfulness and purpose. Each bite may be the last one you remember!

[Jamie Lee]

OMG Malawry... I have followed you via eG and your personal blog for many moons. Sorry to hear you're facing chemo.

I'm new to this whole cancer thing... the strangest thing is that I have shifted from being a carnivore to CRAVING vegetables. Sounds good, right?

EXCEPT - starve for three days then ingest multiple servings of fiber. eg... throw up for a few days, then spend the next few days in the bathroom dealing with an influx of dietary fiber. (Enough said.)

All I can reccomend is:

Eat when you can.

Eat only what you REALLY want

Since you're starving for a bit of time, buy the food you REALLY want

Be good to yourself.

Say hello to E and your sweet baby boy. You are ALL in my thoughts and prayers (I swear I'll learn Hebrew! )

Edited July 13, 2007 by Jamie Lee (log)

[mrsteak]

Chemo does very much suck. I haven't had it myself but my late wife did. I'm not being negative with the "late" comment, she was asymptomatic for too long - meaning she had no early symptoms where most people do for that type of cancer - so the diagnosis came too late. It was unusual. This was years ago and back then her oncologist got her on a new federal program wherein he was able to prescribe some THC (pot) pills for her and it really did help her appetite. We had to do a bunch of fed paperwork then and I doubt it is offered now since so many states have passed medical marijuana laws now. Whatever she felt she could eat and had a whim for something in particular, I'd run out and get it for her. Cancer sucks.

[Jamie Lee]

MrSteak:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I live in one of the "progressive" states on med THC - Oregon - yet when I tried to get a medical pass to purchase and possess marijuana, my oncologist refused. He had all sorts of "good" reasons - can't control the strength, can't manage the frequency, can't manage the potential abuse.

SH*T. If I was braver, (and I might yet grow a pair), I'd just go out and find out where to buy me some. I'm a "tourist" to this area, will have to figure out where there "bad parts" of town are, and I'm a 47 yo female who doesn't have a clue. I'm afraid I'll get gipped, robbed or physically assaulted.

There are good drugs for managing nausea, but my insurance doesn't cover them. (I'll save the political rant for another blog.) So I just do what I can - drink ice water (puking water is better than dry heaves!) and looking forward with eager anticipation to the days I can EAT. I make the best use of those days when they come.

Again, sorry for your loss. I have to believe that she is in a safe place and out of pain.

[Pan]

Jamie and Malawry, I'm so sorry you have to go through chemotherapy, but of course, when facing difficult treatments, we all consider the alternative. My father took Fludarabene for stage 4 chronic lymphocytic leukemia in 1996. He was literally falling apart before the chemo. Since then, he has been more or less in remission (can't call it that because of how low his platelets are, though they're adequate) ever since. Unfortunately, because he is deathly allergic to Allopuranol (sp.?), while he was on chemo, he had to drink gallons of water to wash the nucleotides of dead cells through his kidneys, and probably largely because of that, he eventually developed kidney failure -- but note that it's 11 years later, and he was able to enjoy about 9 good years before the kidneys failed. Now, he goes to dialysis three times a week and has a restrictive diet -- very low potassium, low phosphorous, low protein, low carb...essentially, low food and water. Yet he still is able to enjoy food and enjoy life. Hang in there, you two!

[phatj]

Jamie, sorry to hear you have to go through this. Does the chemo affect your sense of taste? My wife is a cancer survivor, and found that for several days after each treatment, nearly all foods tasted equally bland, only with a nasty metallic overtone like she was eating pennies. This more than nausea (her insurance did cover anti-nausea drugs) kept her from eating much.

One thing I found that she liked was fajitas with a lot of lime. She couldn't taste much else but the lime flavor masked the metallic aftertaste.

[Kouign Aman]

That's an attitude to emulate, Jamie. I wish you luck in beating the cancer, and in keeping your pleasure in food, and your focus on eating what you want, and not just what's there. That would be a great way to live. Malawry, I wish you also luck in beating the cancer.

I found this previous thread, which addresses some of the food-related challenges (mostly second hand, and therefore perhaps a bit blunt).

Chemotherapy, Experiences cooking for a patient

[annecros]

Malawry, sorry to hear of your diagnosis and you are in my thoughts. Jamie Lee, sorry to hear of your situation, but thank you so much for opening up this topic. It is one that is near and dear to my heart.

Mom went through chemo for breast cancer about four years ago, and has been in the ICU three times since then. My son, 22 years old, was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis a little over a year ago. Depending upon how effective his medication is, he has to rotate onto a low lactose/low residue diet on a pretty regular basis. He has many years to live with the disease. Scleroderma has deposited scar tissue along my GI from top to bottom, resulting in severe reflux and malabsorption issues, and I just happen to have a large hiatal hernia to boot.

Ensure is no way to live! It's better than malnutrition, true. But it is no way to live.

When I think back on the huge meals I used to take for granted, and the missed opportunities to eat well, it breaks my heart.

Mom's taste was affected more than anything by the chemo. I found that she ate and enjoyed much better the closer to the earth I could get the food. I have also found that I get a physical sense of well being from eating from my own garden. I swear, pot likker from a pot of collard greens and cornbread have saved myself and my loved ones from malnutrition more than once. Just as they probably saved our ancestors.

I found this site very helpful when learning how to adjust my diet to smaller, nutritionally dense meals:

Click for the "World's Healthiest Foods" site

Particularly this section:

Click for listing of nutritionally dense foods

I also found eGullet, where I learned new techniques and had my eyes opened to a wide variety of very good, very nutritious food stuffs.

As for your herb search, you might be able to suss out some dope from some of the other chemo patients around you. I think you might be surprised.

ETA: Oh, and check with your doc first, but don't be paranoid of a little salt and fat. After dehydration and fasting for days, your body will need a little just to keep your metabolism going.

[Alex]

Those are supremely touching posts, Jamie Lee. They brought to mind the singer-songwriter Warren Zevon, who was diagnosed with inoperable pleural mesothelioma. When asked by David Letterman if there was anything he now understood in the face of his own mortality, he thought for a moment and replied, "Just how much you're supposed to enjoy every sandwich."

[Holly Moore]

I've been there and am still there, but with genetically targeted drugs (avastin and tarceva) as opposed to all out chemo. I am also going through it with a very close friend who has recently finished a heavy course of traditional chemo.

From both experiences, my advice is to listen to your body and eat whatever tastes good whenever it tastes good. For a long time fresh fruits, desserts and rare beef were the only items that had any taste for me. That is what I ate. At least for me, after a couple of years, my taste and appetite have almost completely returned.

This is a time to care little about watching calories as in dieting. In fact calories work in your favor in keeping your weight up - if milk shakes taste good drink milk shakes. Eat ice cream. For nutrition my friend doing chemo steamed veggies into a soup broth.

Relatedly - don't let anyone, especially yourself, make you feel guilty about what you are eating. Yes, try to cover all the nutritional groups, but if you need a day or two of vanilla milk shakes do it. Similarly don't build self guilt because you are tired and can't seem to do much if anything. Go with it - that is what your body needs.

With luck and knowledgeable specialists, energy and appetite often gradually return.

Good success and fortune to everyone here dealing with chemo and the like.

[chappie]

Jamie Lee, I wish you all the best, and your sound advice applies to all of us.

Have you ever read or heard about kombucha? The book "Nourishing Traditions," by Sally Fallon and the Weston Price Foundation, extols its virtues, and some people swear it has helped during their treatment and recovery from cancer. I used to make it, but there is a widely distributed commercial variety called GT's, the label of which claims the maker's mother drank it with positive results during her bout with breast cancer.

Obviously, read all you can about it first, but it's worth a try. I love the stuff, personally. It's slightly fizzy and sour, with just a touch of sweetness from the added fruit. Like a grown-up soda or non-alcoholic champagne.

Most of my friends hate it, but I think they've prejudged it on the basis it's cultured with a colony of beneficial bacteria. So is yogurt ...

[christine007]

Just hugs and best wishes to all of you going through this. my best friend is doing this chemo right now, and I'm tempting her with foods.

[FistFullaRoux]

My thoughts are with all of you. Cancer is a truly scary disease, and chemo is a somewhat effective treatment, but it's a bit like punishing your body for allowing the cancer to happen.

I am not a medical professional, but I do have a bit of experience dealing with these issues, between my wife's health issues, and several members of my family being touched by the disease. In my wife's case, it was horrible nausea for extended periods of time. Check into finding a compunding pharmacy, and see if the will let you get phenergan in the topical gel formulation. It did wonders for nausea her case. Rub a bit on the inside of each wrist, and no worries about keeping it down. You may have to convince your doctor, as it's not in a PDR. But compounding pharmacies can provide it.

Back to food, it's not just food that tastes good, it's food that is good for you. On the days you can eat, I'd think you would want to minimize the carbs and get a lot of good protein. It will really help your body recover, and it stays in your system longer. Your body needs the stuff, otherwise it starts consuming itself. That is a bad thing. Unless you have kidney issues...

Look, ask your doctor what you should not be eating. Then enjoy everything else, each and every bite of it.

[Jamie Lee]

Does the chemo affect your sense of taste? My wife is a cancer survivor, and found that for several days after each treatment, nearly all foods tasted equally bland, only with a nasty metallic overtone like she was eating pennies.

←

It's strange you should mention the metallic taste - When I get chemo, and they hang the final IV bag with the "nasty" stuff, it takes only seconds for me to get the most intense wave of metallic taste in my mouth - more like sucking nickels than pennies - not that I do either on a regular basis! It doesn't last all that long, tho.

Taste is different, too. The thing I notice the most is that I used to be a bigger chili-head, but now am somewhat wimpy sometimes. Other days, I just can't seem to get my thai food spicy enough.

Another commonality is that I want lime on/in everything - isn't that odd? I think I ask others at the clinic for their experiences, altho they'll probably think I nuts to be so food obsessed!

[mizducky]

Bless you and all cancer warriors.

When my mom was in the hospital with cancer, we found that the only thing that tempted her to eat was melon--canteloup and honeydew. We would feed her pieces of melon a spoonful or two at a time, whatever she felt up to handling.

Jamie Lee, re your doctor's refusal to prescribe med marijuana: I don't know how Oregon is currently working it, but here in California one can take a copy of one's medical records to an independent med-weed-friendly physician, have him or her certify that your condition does indeed require the weed, and then take that certification to a med-weed clinic ... that is, if you can find one that the Feds haven't shut down in defiance of California state law. I do think it's worth the hassle, though--there are few meds, whether modern or traditional, so effective at fighting the nausea and stimulating the appetite as cannabis. And IMO nothing is so fundamental to restoring good health and quality of life as good nutrition. Best of luck to you.

[annecros]

Another commonality is that I want lime on/in everything - isn't that odd?  I think I ask others at the clinic for their experiences, altho they'll probably think I nuts to be so food obsessed!

←

By all means, do! Mom's friends in the chemo and radiology wards were some of the nicest, most helpful people. Food was a huge topic of discussion on Mom's visits. It was sort of like a support group for her, without the ritual.

They won't feel so alone, and neither will you - there are a lot of people out there going through exactly what you are going through. Some have been through multiple times, some are coming in for a first treatment and are scared.

Everyone wanted to talk about the food though. I guess this sort of thing strips life down to the fundamentals. It seemed like tomato soup was a big winner with everyone - though most could not tolerate raw tomato. I do remember one gentleman who came in with a sports bottle loaded with lemon water at each treatment. Mom had a big penchant for Dairy Queen strawberry sundaes for a time.

[Jamie Lee]

Hey, Malawry..

You asked for suggestions...

As a "certiified" foodie, I had one more suggestion...

Once you are a chemo or radiation patient, you are now "immunocompromised" (sp)... my docs said I couldn't do sushi, carpaccio, seviche, (although not in that language - she was definitely not a foodie!).. but really, no raw meat or seafood..

If you end up doing radiation as well, (I don't, but had a dear friend battle leukemia including full-body radiation), the restrictions are even tighter. (based on my TOTALLY non -medical recollections, she couldn't even have fresh veggies, or garden, or farmers market goods.)

It will all pass, so don't be afraid... but if I were you I'd scarf sushi right now! I am not making light of your situation, but, I miss sushi so much!

<-- wishing you the best.

[Jamie Lee]

I do remember one gentleman who came in with a sports bottle loaded with lemon water at each treatment.

←

I'm a "lime water junkie!"

I do understand the community in both the chemo room and the support groups I attend. I don't know where else you'd find such an honest, daring, brave group of people. It's one of the blessings of being sick!

[Kouign Aman]

Good point, Jamie Lee, restrictions during chemo pretty well match those recommended for pregnant women.

Malawry, it might help you decide if you think back to what you missed most during pregnancy. Fatigue is a big part of chemo, so also consider gorging on any challenging-to-make dishes now. Its cumulative, so you may have the energy after the first round, but perhaps not later in the series

Some stuff is just unpredictable. My mom loves a certain meatball recipe, so we stocked up her freezer before she started chemo - just nuke and serve. During chemo, the smell of them was unbearable to her.