The most, um, unique restaurant reviews ever

[mamster]

Before you get the URL, a couple of choice quotes:

Headline: Rockville's Premier Restaurant Will Pack Your Stomach And Leave You Begging for More

"Do not be shocked when this hunk of beef shows up at the table and covers the entire plate, because it will."

"The cheesecake was so rich we had doubts that this was even cheesecake, but it is and is this should be the dessert choice."

"Now, for the main reason many decide to stop into the Hot Tuna. For starters the name of the restraint only half describes how hot the tuna really is. Since you can have it prepared six different ways, no one way is the same as you may find at any other seafood restraint at the beach."

Pointed magazine restaurant reviews

Do not read on a full stomach.

[Fat Guy]

Hey, how did you know that Pointed was my favorite magazine?

[mamster]

It's the magazine that packs your head with information and leaves you squealing for more.

[heyjude]

This sounds like translations from an unknown tongue for an ESL class.

[Fat Guy]

I know I'm going to be able to use "seafood restraint at the beach" somewhere.

[Kim WB]

OK, no links or serious refernces, but I swear, Gael Geene once spent two paragraphs describing Bouley's eyes....wish I could find that review.

[polly]

"If you enjoy reading restraint revues then mamster has found a booty of restraint revues for you to read. Not only are they there to read, but there are pictures too, to feast your eyes on.

Take some time to peruse the environs of the site and we're sure to bet you'll be satisfied with a belly-load of steaming, plate smothering bits of writing about all the foods that you could ever want to eat. Speaking of eating, thats what we're here for and the food is here too. Once you enter the site, you never have to wait, but sometimes you have to wait a bit, but not long. The food is all different, which means that it is never the same on all the plates even if you all order different things at the same time."

Sol Tucker is my new guru.

[mamster]

Nice work, Polly.

Some friends and I were chuckling over this site, and then I went to write my review for this week. No matter what I wrote, I read it over and said, "Oh my GOD, I sound just like that guy." Eventually I had to go to sleep.

[Andy Lynes]

What!!! How....why....who??

This by the same people as Onion.com right? It can't be real, surely?

[Deacon]

Sounds like it was written in English, babelfished into Japanese, and then babelfished back into English again.

[Shiva]

you will be in for a surprise when this 71 year old family business serves you a steak or perhaps some of the best ribs in Texas.

Especially since you ordered a cheeseburger.

The restaurant has a old charm that just captures you when walking by and is sure to draw you inside. It is about as close to sitting in your grandmothers living room and fighting in a old west gun fight as you can get. It that does not catch you, the general manager, Barbara will...

Sheesh, I was just walking by minding my own business...

The Texas steak fries which seem to be a meal in itself will leave your belt tugging at your belly.

Huh?

The beans and the baked potatoes that accent the steak will show you what the meaning of steak and potatoes really are.

I thought they were beans...

[MsRamsey]

It's the magical combination of Sol Tucker and Tracey Sprovtsoff:

"Something from Mars, Or a Piece of Art, No, They are Speakers."

This begs to be a sig.

"We liked these speakers so much that we wanted to grab a hold of them like a firm cantaloupe."

WTF?

[Wilfrid]

Like they said, "Wow!" was the first words out of my mouth.

[g.johnson]

The rest of the site rewards close study. I particularly liked a review of The Grooming Lounge, A Place for Upscale Men to Relax and Groom Their Body

The Grooming Lounge offers a sophisticated place where a man can go to indulge himself to a haircut, hot shave, facial or pedicure without apprehension of what the woman in the spa thinks of him or his sexuality.

[g.johnson]

Hard to get enough of this stuff.

On the Crown Plaza (NYC)

Each one of the 22 in room amenities are placed all around the room and each is at your finger-tips when you need them.

An interview with Gene Simmons

Much of what Gene had to say will be described in detail in our interview below and believe us according to him, this is a show they you should get out to see because by the end of the tour and like many of their other tours, it will be the number one tour by the time they finish.

A politics headline

Thousands In Philadelphia Prepare For Week To Come

[MsRamsey]

Yes, it's addictive.

"If you came to see David Bowie, which many fans did, then most of the show up to this point was less than interesting until Bowie came out on the stage with his name in lights and dressed in black suit vest and an untied blue tie. He was certainly dressed for the occasion and so was his music."

From a Jimmy Buffett concert review:

"For those who have to work the next day, don't worry the boss will excuse you if you come in late, in fact he may have been at the concert himself and will have to look for an excuse of his own for the lay still around his neck."

[jaybee]

Oh dear, this can become addictive.

It is nice to know the the Chesapeake Bay Blue crabs come from the same bay that connects the South River to the waterfront in Annapolis which sits directly in front of the building that houses Buddy's.

Is it really nice to know that?

[jaybee]

After you have been seated and are ready to try to decide which one of the appetizers, soups or entrees you would like from their extensive menu you will certainly be delighted.

Delighted by trying to decide...or by being seating while doing so? You can't make this stuff up?

[jaybee]

For starters, the outside of the Baja Beach Club invites you right in with the neon purple lighting and the booming music that can be heard as you walk by, will suck you inside and keep you there for the remainder of the night.

I'm on my way!

[jaybee]

Mamster, how could you do this to me? I'll never get to watch TV again.

[mikey]

It was a dark and stormy night.....

[Rachel Perlow]

And I though I was the queen of the run-on sentence.

[ShawtyCat]

Where was this site when I was in college as an English major??? I would have had proof that my punctuation skills did not suck!

[sladeums]

This is fun...

Highlights from Justin's Ragin' Cajun in Phoenix:

Whether you drive North or South on Cave Creek Road, you will need to be on the look out for a large red crawfish sign on the front of the restaurant.

So I'm 3 miles north of Justin's on Cave Creek road heading north looking for this large red crawfish sign, you see...

Once you get to the booth, you have a great choice of twelve starters that will definitely make you want some more.

But alas, there's only twelve.

With the menu in hand, you will find great choices...

You will find this much harder without the menu in hand.

One of the menu items that is well worth waiting for is the BOB B Q Shrimp, which is served up with seasoned bread that is worth dipping in their seasoned bread.

"This bread is so fucking good I'm going to dip it in this bread."

[Wilfrid]

"What would be a complete meal without sampling some poultry?"

Oh, how true. How very true.