"I want a Krispy donut!"

[racheld]

I forgot College Cheese.

[onehsancare]

A long-closed local Chinese restaurant offered many varieties of shimp. We adopted it immediately.

[daniellewiley]

My father-in-law pronounces many words his own way:

Our favorite (not food-related) is motervate. "I'll come over as soon as I get motervated."

Food related: vandalia onions

Something that might be overhead when he's over:

"Just warsh the potatoes and then add them to the vandalias."

[elfin]

My friend calls Cream of Mushroom soup "Cream of Washroom" soup.

[JanMcBaker]

Years and years ago I worked for Ma Bell in directory assistance. One day someone called and asked for the number for 'Banana Hana'. I thought for a few seconds, then it came to me and I asked them "Do you mean 'Benihana'?" Sure enough, that's what they meant. Another call wasn't food related but still memorable, obviously. Someone asked for the number for the 'Public Lecher Building', meaning the Public Ledger Building here in Philadelphia......

[Sugarella]

We always called them "strangled eggs" when I was a kid, and it's stuck.

I don't do it, never have done it, but do cringe whenever I hear someone say "sammiches."

[mizducky]

skrimps....overheard at the seafood market (and several other places)

My brothers used to say p'sgetti, instead of spaghetti.

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Oh god--I once got into a memorably bizarre conversation with a (possibly consciousness-altered) Seven-11 clerk in the wee hours of the morning about a seafood item known to him as "shrim." He even spelled it that way. He started getting alarmingly agitated until I finally figured out what he meant.

And we all used to say "p'sgetti" as kids, more because we thought it was funny than anything else. We also used to jokingly say "sparrow-grass" for asparagus. I know there's more--my whole family was a bunch of wiseacres--but I'm not remembering them all now ...

Oh yeah, my dad used to delight in jokingly giving restaurant help a hard time (especially if the help in question was female, young, and cute ). He memorably started doing a variant of an old Marx Bros. routine at this poor girl working an ice cream counter--"So, do you have tootsie-frootsie?" "Um, I don't think so, what is it?" "Well, it's got toots and it's got froots..." And it just went downhill from there...

My friend calls Cream of Mushroom soup "Cream of Washroom" soup.

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Brilliant! I must remember that one.

Edited January 23, 2006 by mizducky (log)

[Darcie B]

At the wedding reception they served those fancy little horse dervs.

SB (I heard it)

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My DH and I call them Horse Ovaries. I think that one got started when we were try to spell Hors d'Oeuvres.

We also eat buh-sketti.

[Angela Alaimo]

My sweet little Sammy (age 18) got some of that cinnamon+sugar mix from his grandma, and it came in a shaker shaped like either a football or rugby player. From then and forevermore cinnamon sugar is Football Pepper.

His older (and also sweet) brother Eli named those ice pops in the long plastic that are liquid in the store and you freeze them and cut off the plastic tip and squeeze out the iced treat Kibbies, and the bit you cut off is the Nip, and you make sure you eat/drink that part out, too.

Stephen, stepson (and also a sweetie) called ketchup Cat Butt, and we still call it that.

A

[WolfChef]

Since I was a young lad I've referred to squash as squish.

[christine007]

When my daughter was little we shopped at a pet store called pet food supermarket which she called pet soup foukermarket. She also called marlboro smokes marbles.

[jkonick]

One time my mom and I were having a conversation in the car, with my grandpa, who is a little hard of hearing, in the backseat. We were talking about an article my mom had read about the dangers of plastics, to which my grandpa responded, "well, I do have the occasional ravioli." Apparently he thought we were talking about the dangers of PASTAS.

And though my mom will deny this, she once ordered a "Mr. Dildo Bar" at Dairy Queen.

[elfin]

In high school we frequented the local Dunkin Donuts to, ahem, sober up before going home. So we affectionatley referred to the place as Drunkin Dognuts.

[annecros]

I explained to my children one time, that English Peas were great fun and wonderful to eat because they were "Rolly" Peas. As in a Rolly Polly, and rolled around on the plate.

Now, anyone in our family circle knows what Rolly Peas are, by goodness. And when outsiders and marry inners come around, they always get a chuckle and forevermore in the other households we have spawned, English Peas are, in fact, Rolly Peas.

The broccoli spears as trees thing didn't stick as well. Guess it wasn't as much fun.

[Country Cook]

Tim Horton"s Canada's largest Doghnut chain is named after a hockey player who died in the 70's my BIL has always called it "Deadmans Doghnuts". I couldn't pronounce worsterchestershire sauce as a kid so I called it "stuff".

[Badiane]

Tim Horton"s Canada's largest Doghnut chain is named after a hockey player who died in the 70's  my BIL has always called it "Deadmans Doghnuts".  I couldn't pronounce worsterchestershire sauce as a kid so I called it "stuff". 

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We call it Jim Horn-nuts. What exactly are those Timbits supposed to represent, anyway? I think that guy had a sick sense of humor

I always called it Woostershire...until I married a man from Worchester...the tauting was endless and I finally learned to say it right.

[Popcorn]

not sure of the spelling on this one, but:

Conternal Kucky's chicken

[esowchek]

A friend's son called tofu "Toad Food" - with an appropriate facial expression to match. He never did manage to get his son to eat it.

Ellen

[divalasvegas]

Since my all time favorites "skrimp" and "sammiches" have already been mentioned I submit:

From my mom: "ersters" (aka oysters) and "yaw-gut" (aka yogurt);

From a woman I worked with long ago: "tuna-fitch" (aka tunafish) and "maynage" (aka mayonaisse; the "nage" part of the word rhymes with "cage");

From me as a kid "cat soup" (aka catsup/ketchup).

I just know there's mo'!

[My Confusing Horoscope]

fricassaw (leftover fricassee)

gumbolaya (gumbo served with so much rice you can hardly see the "soup")

[divalasvegas]

Just thought of another one. Forgive me mom, but she would also say: "indejustice" (aka indigestion). Actually makes a strange kind of sense.

Edited January 24, 2006 by divalasvegas (log)

[saskanuck]

My friend calls kitchen tongs "kitchen thongs", which creates a somewhat strange mental picture. She also refers to oven mitts as oven gloves, which isn't quite so bad.

My husband refers to milk as cow juice, which grosses out our kids no end. Hors d'oeuvres are horses' ovaries or horses' dovers in our house. These are quite intentional.

[Fresser]

My husband refers to milk as cow juice, which grosses out our kids no end.

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Once when chatting with some Mexican ladies, I translated "milk" not as leche but as jugo de vaca. They all squealed, "Ewww!!!"

[sazji]

Ha, I was just thinking the other day about some family friends who called Parmesan cheese Parmesian (Par-meez-i-an) cheese, and wondering where I could use that... Well, where, other than in Parmesia, where I hear it's still pretty popular..

[Pan]

[...]I always called it Woostershire...until I married a man from Worchester...the tauting was endless and I finally learned to say it right.

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How do they pronounce it?

I think that this kind of thing, as well as "ersters" for "oysters" is just an accent, not a malapropism. My grandmother called the toilet a "terlet." That accent used to be called Toity-Toid and Toid (33rd and 3rd) and used to be more common in New York.