Why some restaurant customers should be shot

[JPW]

I suspect that some stoney-sided person has a little too much time on their hands.

However, many other possibilities passed through my mind of the real hipster-foodie author of this.

It's actually kind of scary how many of you I could think of that might have done it. Where's Hercule Poirot when you need him?

[Turtleboy]

Jiminy Xmas! This is like one of those "Dear Abby" hoax letters. Nobody could really be this ... this ... this way.

If I were Tom I would have banned her.

Edit to add: Ah, good, it apparently was a gag.

A lot of inside jokes and agendas within that question which regular chatters can appreciate. Very well-done.

Dignan my old friend, where ya been?

We miss you at the other forums.

[dscott]

I have the perfect image of that poster as Meg Ryan's character in When Harry Met Sally.

[carp]

"Old Town, Alexandria, Va.: Please help! We're celebrating my birthday this weekend...

Wow!

Finally I found someone else just like me!! I totally agree... except I only eat boneless skinless chicken tenders and they HAVE TO BE served with ranch (Wish-Bone, only, please).

I do disagree with you on one thing, I don't eat any of the vegetables you mentioned. The only vegetables I eat are corn (canned and creamed only, please) and potatoes (french fries or tater tots only, please).

[eljo]

Methinks Steve Klc is right. If you deconstruct this one, it is just too perfect, especially if you regularly follow Tom's chats. Starting with the first line - it has to be a birthday celebration this weekend. Though usually it will be more like "today is my husband's 50th birthday and I want to take him out for a memorable dinner tonight with our ten closest family and friends who are flying in from all over the world for the occasion - any ideas?". Ever think of planning ahead? I also love "price is not a factor, but please no $100 per person meals".

[eunny jang]

My favorite hipster foodie post, I think, was the one many chats back who really had Tom going (mixed group, picky eaters, this ethnic ok, this ethnic not ok, waterfront view please! and a couple gripes about repetitious reccomendations thrown in for good measure) until the last line: something about "Oh, and one side of my body is significantly shorter than the other, so the restaurant needs to be able to accomodate that."

Tom's chats seem to be getting rowdier and rowdier. Love it.

[JennyUptown]

The under $100 per person comment was the one thing that made me think it *might* just be real.

Usually those kinds of jokey posts are punctuated with "by the way, I only want to spend $25 per person."

[naguere]

Mark, are you sure you REALLY want to be an eG member?

Jason, did you see, he had clipped it from 'Chat', it was not his opinion

[naguere]

Mark, are you sure you REALLY want to be an eG member?

Jason, did you see, he had clipped it from 'Chat', it was not his opinion

Oh, unsophisticated me.

Do these things really go on?

[gnatharobed]

My tipoff that it's a joke- Popeye's doesn't serve boneless, skinless anything as far as I know.

[CarrotStick]

Popeye's has chicken fingers.

[morela]

And Pizza Hut has buffalo wing pizza.

Does anyone have any of that Purell antibacterial gel?

[SWoodyWhite]

Purell anti-bacterial pizza?

[|dumplin'|]

And Pizza Hut has buffalo wing pizza.

Does anyone have any of that Purell antibacterial gel?

somehow, that juxtaposition is wretched.

but made even more so by the fact that Pizza Hut has bleu cheese dipping sauce for the pizza....

[hjshorter]

Don't listen to these meanies DC MARK. Come to Nectar, Jamison and I will put together a 35 course degustation menu to rival El Bulli. I was thinking a tasting of every Gerber Baby Puree expertly paired to flights of different mineral waters.

Eh. I can get that at home.

[Dignan]

Jiminy Xmas!  This is like one of those "Dear Abby" hoax letters.  Nobody could really be this ... this ... this way. 

If I were Tom I would have banned her.

Edit to add:  Ah, good, it apparently was a gag. 

A lot of inside jokes and agendas within that question which regular chatters can appreciate. Very well-done.

Dignan my old friend, where ya been?

We miss you at the other forums.

Methinks you seek a different Dignan... While I'll admit I'm likeable, I've not been on eGullet long enough to be missed, and I don't really participate on other boards.

Thanks for the thought, though.

[WHT]

My tipoff that it's a joke- Popeye's doesn't serve boneless, skinless anything as far as I know.

The chicken strips would!

[clifford]

The only thing the poster neglected to mention was the need for waiters who take good photographs!

[KatieLoeb]

I have the perfect image of that poster as Meg Ryan's character in When Harry Met Sally.

Even Sally wasn't that bad.