Confession Time: Share Your Culinary "Sins"

[Rachel Perlow]

The last time I bought a jar of marshmellow fluff was when this thread first got me craving it, months ago. We just packed up the kitchen yesterday for the renovation and I threw that half empty jar out. Now I'm going to have to go out and get some more! (and smooth peanut butter & white bread).

[Jaymes]

Thought I'd better warn you...  my brother-in-law opens and eats, at one sitting, an entire can of Eagle Brand Milk.

Jaymes, is there a different technique used for eating milk as opposed to drinking it.  Do you have to chew Eagle brand?

Just wanted to know, in case I was missing an exerience.

Well, Eagle Brand is much too thick to drink.  It would be like drinking one's chocolate pudding.  I gag at the thought of attempting it.  

One could waggle one's finger in it and slurp from that finger, I suppose.  However, I believe that even the action of licking and slurping from the waggled finger would still be referred to as "eating" rather than "drinking."

[VMBrasseur]

I don't often eat things which would qualify as "bad" (although, in the interest of being completely honest, I have to admit giving in to many very tempting and attractive little pastries in North Beach in San Francisco this past weekend), but I do occassionally get an insatiable deep-rooted NEEEEED for a Little Debbie Fudge Round.  Which, I discovered the hard way, are almost impossible to find in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Thankfully my brother-in-law brought me a shipment from Michigan.

[Robert Schonfeld]

Has no one mentioned chicken fried steak?

As a Recovering Fat Person (was 250, now 185), and as one in the iron grip of a health-nut wife, my days of eating bad stuff are largely over. In my previous life, I confess to having eaten almost everything already mentioned, sometimes on the same day.

In my present life, I am allowed pizza from time to time. I got away with mac and cheese when I proposed the concept as an original Italian dish of baked pasta. This worked maybe twice before the dish was banned. I'm allowed lasagna because I make it by hand from scratch and it's so much effort that I only do it once every other year or so. Good chocolate is allowed, but only if we get it as a house gift, and since my wife discourages housegifts, we rarely get any.

Pastrami maybe once every other year. Steak once a year. A real Italian hero when my wife is out of town.

My one surviving vice: M&M's. I am gifted a one pound package on my birthday, which is gone the next day.

[bigbear]

Chef Boyardee ravioli, cold, out of the can.

[ngatti]

Chef Boyardee ravioli, cold, out of the can.

arghhh!!!

oh man!, You win!

Nick

[bigbear]

Thanks, Nick. Tech grads have to stick together.

[coolranch]

Totino's frozen cheese pizza.

[VMBrasseur]

Totinos frozen pizza!  OK, I have to second that one.  What is it about those things?  They're soooo bad but still soooo good.  Thankfully I'm able to resist buying them often, but it's always a struggle.

--V

[La Niña]

Sometimes I make a creme patissiere and just eat it.

[Miss J]

Sometimes I make a creme patissiere and just eat it.

Wow - Nina, that manages to be both high-brow AND low-brow at the same time.

[jess mebane]

no.  THIS is low-brow:

White Trash Nachos- Take yer bag of Lay's BBQ potato chips, a mess of sour cream and what's left over from an 8 oz. bag of co-jack shredded cheeze. Dip, scoop, repeat. If yer lucky enough to have an ancient, almost hairy can of bean dip lurking in the back of the fridge, voila--Deelux WTNs.

[stefanyb]

This is cheating a little because I never ate it but my kids, when they were teens, made bread balls- white bread, the junky kind, remove crusts, take crustless slice and put it in your hand and squeeze and compact it as if you were making a ball of playdoh or a meatball, and voila!  Just pop it in your mouth and chew.  Its easy to go through a half loaf in about 10 minutes.  Disgusting enough for you? Oh, and wash it down with orange juice drunk directly out of a half gallon container.  Then return unfinished container to fridge for some other unsuspecting family member to pour from. Yum.

[tommy]

This is cheating a little because I never ate it but my kids, when they were teens, made bread balls- white bread, the junky kind, remove crusts, take crustless slice and put it in your hand and squeeze and compact it as if you were making a ball of playdoh or a meatball, and voila!  Just pop it in your mouth and chew.  Its easy to go through a half loaf in about 10 minutes.  Disgusting enough for you? Oh, and wash it down with orange juice drunk directly out of a half gallon container.  Then return unfinished container to fridge for some other unsuspecting family member to pour from. Yum.

wonder bread balls.  a staple for me when i was a kid.  stef, maybe you were my mom?  i totally forgot about that.  i don't even remember what i did with the crusts.  i suppose i threw them out.

i was also a big fan of ice cream sandwiches.  the really cheap kind from the really bad supermarkets like Shop-rite.  i'd let it melt to it was pretty much as melted as the artificial ice cream could be...then i'd lick out all of the ice cream, until i was left with those two cookie things.  then i'd proudly eat the cookies.  i'm not sure if this talent helped me through adulthood at all.  but i really don't know.

i never drank out of cartons though.  that's pretty sick.  

[wingding]

Fluffernutters were my only craving when I was pregnant,which explains a lot about Mamster.The most ignominious moment of my cooking or parenting was when my kids told me Daddy made better Kraft Mac and Cheese than I do. His secret: He adds a slice of American cheese(the kind individually wrapped in plastic). Now,my guilty secrets include Snoballs. These are so-called round cupcakes with rubber frosting and finely grated sweetened cocnut They change the colors for the season i.e. orange at Halloween,Kelly Green for St. Pat and bright pink for something. I have a friend who calls them pink tits. Wilfred,even seeing the MacD's burgers in a TV ad makes me nauseous. Really,I think anything eaten standing up by the light of the fridge qualifies, but Franco-American spaghetti, cold out of the can  is way awful.

If you peel off the outer layer of a snoball,it makes an excellent surprise doorknob cover.....

[bushey]

tommy -- I could never wait until the ice cream melted. I had to squeeze the sandwich until it oozed out of the sides so I could lick it all around. The best were the ice cream sandwiches that you got in the freezer vending machines they used to have at the movies when I was little. We were just talking about this at home the other night and my family looked at me like I was nuts. Geez, don't they know how to eat?

nah, not Wonder Bread, Sunbeam. It's batter whipped. Irresistable with salami and lots of French's yellow mustard. I can feel it sticking to the roof of my mouth right now.  

[Rachel Perlow]

Uch, gross. I can't take this thread anymore, all these horrible deep dark secrets!

Next time try some rye bread with salami and deli mustard.

[tommy]

Irresistable with salami and lots of French's yellow mustard. I can feel it sticking to the roof of my mouth right now.  

bushey, that is sooo right on!!  forgot all about the salami with mustard sticking to the roof of the mouth bit!  you're right, i can feel it too. and using your tongue is useless.  it just makes it worse.

i swear that for dinner tonite it's salami and mustard sandwiches (on wonder, sorry), and ice cream sandwiches for dessert.

*and*, perhaps i'll freeze a glass of coke, which was something i would often do.  the top would freeze first, forming like a lid, and the middle bit would bet all slushy and cold.  you'd have to stab the top really hard with a straw or knife to get through to the coke.  and the water would separate from the syrup, so it would be really sweet.  

ok, so maybe i'll skip the frozen coke thing tonite.

[tommy]

and you think i'm kidding...

there's this incredible swiss pork store near my home that makes nitrate-free homemade salami.  i'm splitting early so i can get there before it closes.

mrs. tommy informs me that we have potato chips at home, and that they need to go on the sandwich.  however, i'm concerned that this might interfere with the dynamic that allows for the sticking-to-the-roof-of-the-mouth bit.  suggestions?

[Rachel Perlow]

Put yours on the side and hers in her sandwich. Silly boy.

[bushey]

But I thought it was the nitrates that made it taste so good.

Ix-nay on potato chips in the sandwich. They would definitely interfere with tongue sticking. But have them on the side, if you must. What kind of chips? My uncle, the salami lover, always had Charles chips around but I never tried them. I'm a dyed-in-the wool Wise chips fan because they have the most really burned ones. mr. bushey prefers State Line, but now that they're out of business finds Utz to be a decent stand in. Also, mr. bushey would never stand for frozen coke. He won't even put ice cubes in the glass first because it interferes with the fizz.

I almost posted on the childhood food memories thread about the mustard and pickles on rye bread sandwiches that were my staple after school snack for many years.

[tommy]

What kind of chips? My uncle, the salami lover, always had Charles chips around but I never tried them. I'm a dyed-in-the wool Wise chips fan because they have the most really burned ones. mr. bushey prefers State Line, but now that they're out of business finds Utz to be a decent stand in.

they're probably some kind of new-age crap.  although, i can't do wise.  they are just so salty.  but the lower-salt wise chips aren't that bad.  

charles rules.  they used to come in this HUGE tin.  well, it seemed huge when i was 9 anyway. i don't see them around very much.  utz makes a decent enough chip.

i'm thinking one sandwich on wonder, and one on sunbeam, per your suggestion.  full report to follow...

[La Niña]

Pringles.  Okay I said it.  I love Pringles.  Original, none of this reduced fat baked bullshit.

Oh here's a gross thing.  Balogna with cream cheese spread on it and rolled up.

[=Mark]

One of my guilty pleasures involves the setting as well as the main ingredient:  Oreo Cookies.

Ideally one should be in a seedy hotel room with the bed pushed off to the side.  I should have my shirt removed and be tied to the wall with my hands secured behind me.  Then a scantilly clad young woman with questionable moral character will with a pair of tongs, dip said oreo into Myers 151 rum, set it ablaze and fling it across the room so that I might catch it with my mouth in mid air, chew and swallow it without burning myself.  Ahhh, just the memory of the scent of singed oreo cracker with the heady aroma of the rum is intoxicating...

:wow:

[bushey]

Balogna with cream cheese spread on it and rolled up.

.....secured with a toothpick that has a pimento-stuffed olive on it?

Since we're talking about rolled food, peanut butter and jelly on a slice of american cheese. Had it every Saturday night at overnight camp. yuck!