Most Useless Kitchen Items and Utensils

[jsbst18]

I would have to vote for my tourne knife. Not only is a bitch to sharpen and steel, I prefer a paring when I MUST tourne.

[LittleSuperHero]

automatic orange juicer.

too much hassle to clean cos all the pulp gets stuck in the grate.

ultimately easier to just pop down to the shops and get one big cup for $1.50

my salad spinner ranks a close second.

[stevea]

Spaetzle maker -- the kind that looks sort of like flat cheese grater, which you hold over the pot, pour in raw spaetzle, and slide the bar across the grating to presumably drop the spaetzle into the water. It doesn't work at all, just gets jammed up with goop that won't drop out. A simple colander and spatula work much better.

Also, the OXO soap-dispensing dishwashing scrubber tool with the sponge on the end. I broke the first one the second time I added soap. I broke the second one the first time I opened it up. Garbage. However, I complained to OXO and they sent me a new design with a brush on the end that is fabulous. However, I finally wore mine out and I've never seen one in a store. Bummer.

[Carolyn Tillie]

Fish poacher.

I was given a really expensive one almost five years ago and have yet to use it for fish (although I did use it once for a pork loin that was extra long).

[Basilgirl]

one of those "as seen on TV" combo wisk/tong things.

a gift from my mother. she said it was useless, but since they had 2 for some reason, i needed to take one. i might find a use for the useless thing.

actually maybe i could use it as a litter scoop, now that i think about it.

I gifted one of these useless "tools" to my mother, as they come two to a box.

Flimsy. Won't fit in the olive jar like they show on TV. Doubt if it could pick up a fried or hardboiled egg. Cheap locking mechanism.

Dumb.

[hannahcooks]

What was it that Elizabeth David said about the garlic press and its uselessness? I remember agreeing with it so strongly I considered needlepointing it onto a pillow.

[denise_jer]

Miracle Thaw.

Space Age material

Thaws frozen foods in half the time.

Space Age, my butt.

It hit the recycle bin after one attempted use.

What a piece of shit. 

woodburner

I had one of those, too! It quickly became a small trivet.

[robyn]

<<my salad spinner ranks a close second.>>

We use ours all the time. Guess one man's trash is another man's treasure. Robyn

[tryska]

one of those "as seen on TV" combo wisk/tong things.

a gift from my mother.  she said it was useless, but since they had 2 for some reason, i needed to take one.  i might find a use for the useless thing.

actually maybe i could use it as a litter scoop, now that i think about it.

I gifted one of these useless "tools" to my mother, as they come two to a box.

Flimsy. Won't fit in the olive jar like they show on TV. Doubt if it could pick up a fried or hardboiled egg. Cheap locking mechanism.

Dumb.

ahh...that's why she had 2.

i still haven't tried it as a litter scoop, but i will report back when i do!

[Mayhaw Man]

I thought of another while I was posting on the corn thread.

I have a wooden device with a metal blade and some really gnarly teeth that was designed to cut corn off of the cob. Not only is it much easier and more efficient to use a good, sharp paring knife, but this thing will scrape the skin on your knuckles down to the bone.

The corn shucker is a useless, cutesy little piece of Americana invented by some guy with way too much time on his hands (and not much skin after he got through trying it out)

[curlywurlyfi]

Fish poacher.

I was given a really expensive one almost five years ago and have yet to use it for fish (although I did use it once for a pork loin that was extra long).

my mum uses hers when she's making Christmas puddings - does about five at a time. it's never seen a fish in its life.

I've got a mandoline which has never been out of the box, and an asparagus kettle, ditto. And I gave away the mouli-legumes after using it once and coating the entire kitchen and myself in a smooth puree.

[EdS]

2-3/4" boning knife, Henckels Pro-S

runner-up: serrated "tomato" knife

I got this as part of a set before I knew better than to buy a set. It was a pain trying to bone a chicken with a blade so short. I've replaced this with a Wusthof 5-1/2" boning knife and find its usability improvement over the other knife like night and day. I've also moved up from the Henckels 8" chef's to a Wusthof 10" Wide and use a shorter, thinner paring knife than the one from the set. So, I've found the purchase of that set to have been a waste. Well, perhaps I've gotten some brownie points for giving these away to friends to replace their funky Ginzus.

[Suzanne F]

Oh, yes! Knives: got a set of some very nastily serrated Regent Sheffield (English) knives years ago, before I knew any better. They remain in the knife block because HWOE likes them (what does he know? He . . . Only Eats ) They are the flimsiest, most dangerous knives I've ever had. Ugh.

I too have a fish poacher somewhere in the back of the bottom of the cupboard. And a big, fancy Bron mandoline on top of the cabinets. Well, at least I only paid about half price for it. Benriner is so much easier to use.

Also several wine-bottle-opening accessories, such as a hook to fish the cork out after it's gotten pushed INTO the bottle. Can you say, BIG SPLASH ALL OVER?

[FistFullaRoux]

I just discovered this complete waste of time....

The automatic egg peeler

[AzRaeL]

garlic press, it's a pain in the ass to clean.

3qt PressureCooker you can't hardly put anything inside

[NeroW]

My Jacard machine (that little needle thing meant to tenderize meat) is a piece of useless crap.

I much prefer the meat mallet for mechanical tenderization purposes.

I also have a Chef Wizard . . . one of those 8-in-one kitchen tools, someone bought it for me as a gag. It's really

[Varmint]

I thought of another while I was posting on the corn thread.

I have a wooden device with a metal blade and some really gnarly teeth that was designed to cut corn off of the cob. Not only is it much easier and more efficient to use a good, sharp paring knife, but this thing will scrape the skin on your knuckles down to the bone.

The corn shucker is a useless, cutesy little piece of Americana invented by some guy with way too much time on his hands (and not much skin after he got through trying it out)

Hah! I got one of those for Christmas. Plus a bread knife with the adjustable sizing arm. Anyone want these???

[marinade]

Truffle Shaver. This was a gift (or a tease). To get any real use out it I'd have to blow a week's take home pay. About as useful as an Aston Martin key ring without the key that goes with it.

[abier]

Orange juicer press. Gets about half the juice out of an orange that a cheap plastic twist-type juicer gets, takes twice as much effort. Also, weighs about 10 lbs. and takes up a square foot of counter space (or did until I put in the closet, anyway).

[fifi]

I don't have one of these but FistFullaRoux's link reminded me of this one.

The Eggstractor!

Does anyone have one of these things?

I will now nominate my cherry pitter. When the good cherries were coming in last year, I had to have one. It works, but it also sent little droplets of cherry juice all over the kitchen and me. I haven't tried it on olives yet.

[Mottmott]

I just looked through the drawer and found a tea ball. When I was growing up we had a tea ball that never got used. I guess I'm just upholding an old family tradition.

No one I know deveins shimp including me. Lobsters yes, shrimp no.

Nick, I'm playing catchup on this thread. Like you, I don't use the tea-baller for tea. But I use it all the time instead of a cheesecloth bag for a bayleaf, peppercorns, cloves, cinnamon stick, etc. that I don't wish to fish out of my braises and poaches. In fact, I found a one big enough (in an Asian grocery) that you can stuff a bunch of herbs in, too.

[Cleo]

I don't have one of these but FistFullaRoux's link reminded me of this one.

The Eggstractor!

Does anyone have one of these things?

I saw this on late-night TV last night and I was wondering why the hell anyone would ever need this thing. I happen to hate hard boiled eggs, but on the few occasions that I've made them, it wasn't that difficult to peel them. In fact, I actually like peeling them...I only hate eating them!

[Rachel Perlow]

That eggstractor thing looks like those adjustable containers they were selling on TV a couple years ago. I always thought they'd be a pain to clean. They probably had a lot left over in some warehouse and found a new way to market them!

For those who have a ceramic ginger grater, I've found that it does a great job on pureeing garlic as well. And since they are frequenlty used for the same dish, no need to clean between uses.

As for the ricer - if you make only one dish - mashed potatoes - it will pay for itself.  If you're on the Atkins diet - forget about it :).  My favorite ricer is the one I bought at Williams Sonoma a few years ago.  Plastic - goes into the dishwasher and cleans up beautifully.  Robyn

I primarily use my WS ricer with the large holed blade to make spaitzle. I prefer a masher & whisk for mashed potatoes (I like'm a little lumpy).

As for my useless gadgets, I have most of those mentioned here: cherry pitter, garlic press, garlic peeler tube, grapefruit sectioning machine, plunger chopping thing, etc. I really should to through my drawers and remove anything that hasn't been used in a year (like going through your clothes closet), put in a box, making a list of said box's contents as it goes in there, and store it in the garage. Once you haven't used anything in that box for another year, time to garage sale or eBay it.

[jsolomon]

Rachel, I have one of those ginger graters and it works marvelously for small amounts of horseradish as well.

[Mottmott]

the one thing i could have lived without and never missed is any kind of fancy food processor......i want to puree my own stuff (if i have to, i can use a blender...ugh....but a blender is great for slushy drinks), i want to chop my own stuff, and the day has not come when i can't mix up a batch of dough without a machine, thank you very much.....the only good thing a food processor ever did for me was act as a door stop when i was moving stuff.........

It's not that I use my food processor often, but when I'm making large quanitites of food, it's a godsend. For instance, It's one thing to grate a cup of cheese by hand, but a couple of pounds? Food processor. Likewise for a couple of heads of cabbage. And it's indispensible for my cheddar-ale spread.

Here's a new one for you: Really useless, a gift set of 4 single serving brioche tins I can't give away. Like I'm going to do all that work to make that 4 brioche? Or maybe go out and buy a bunch more tins? I don't think so. (I am considering making a loaf of brioche plus 4 individuals on the side just so I can say I've used them once).

Now, playing catchup on the thread:

Processor: I don't think I'd enjoy cooking nearly so much without my processor. I find it has relegated the blender to only making drinks or an occasional puree. I use the processor for all sorts of things, from making bread crumbs to slicing cucumbers or onions, mincing instead of dicing large amounts of mirepoix or mushrooms when it's all going to be pureed later. Since I've started making doughs in it, I make pies and breads much more often, and in the case of pie dough especially, much better. And I don't find cleaning it such a big deal. It's only annoying when you have to dry it between jobs, but storing an extra bowl would be more annoying. I also have the small processor which I don't use a lot. I could give it up.

Virtually useless? The Bron mandoline. I'm so afraid of slicing off my fingers I seldom use it. I'm considering getting one of those mesh gloves. Anyone! A useless fix? Good money after bad?

My Atlas pasta maker found at a yard sale. I'm going to give it away to my DIL when they move into their own house. With kids it would be fun to use. But I very seldom use it. I do use my Kitchen Aid attachment. Love it, love it, love it. (Make the dough in the processor.)

Useless for me? A suribachi I've never used vs the large granite and small marble mortars I use a lot. The small one is perfect for grinding up pills to slip into my cats food as well as more usual kitchen chores. The big one's great, too, but oh so heavy.

(If anyone is keeping score, I'm in the no column on garlic presses and peelers (I use the bottle opener pad), mixed feelings on the cherry/olive pitter that seems to depend on the particular batch of fruit, and use the shrimp peeler if I have a big batch.)

No offense meant to the do-it-by-handers. I'm with you in spirit, but as standing for any length of time becomes ever more painful, having these time savers keeps me cooking. A kitchen stool is becoming a useful tool. The long resisted electric can opener is still resisted only by virtue of so seldom using cans.