What Do You Find Annoying in Dining Companions?

SobaAddict70 · November 6, 2003

I admit to being one of the annoying dining companions mentioned in this thread.

My experience at the seafood place in Brooklyn comes to mind. Can't remember the place, but Suzanne F and the Perlows know exactly where. :blink: It was the place where "Charleston she-crab soup" tasted more like cream of cream soup and where I made a total ass of myself. A bit embarrassing this self-flagellation, really.

At least dessert was memorable. It was actually GOOD.

I've matured since then, I hope. :unsure:

Soba

Bux · November 6, 2003

My husband and I share dishes whenever we eat out. We usually eat half and then trade plates, which suits us just fine but sometimes seems to mortify our dining companions. Are we being tacky? Does anyone have any etiquette tips for us?

Yes. Yes. I would try to avoid that practice, especially in places where all the food tastes the same anyway. It really seems to offend people who eat in those places. :raz:

If our etiquette is of any help, I'll share it with you. There's no trading if my wife says "no." That's because she really likes what she ordered. If she really, really likes what she ordered, I will generally get a forkful passed over just so I'll know she ordered better than I did. If my wife isn't hungry or her portion is too big, she gets a third of my food and I get three quarters of hers. All kidding aside, we're more apt to trade plates if we're dining alone, or with very close friends and we try to do it as surreptitiously as possible. On the other hand, it's also something we may do in the very best restaurants precisely because we want to taste as much as possible. I have very subjective attitudes towards restaurant behavior. You can do anything you want in a really fine restaurant as long as you know the staff understands it's because you're a connoisseur. :biggrin:

rozrapp · November 6, 2003

My husband and I share dishes whenever we eat out. We usually eat half and then trade plates, which suits us just fine but sometimes seems to mortify our dining companions. Are we being tacky? Does anyone have any etiquette tips for us?
Yes. Yes. I would try to avoid that practice, especially in places where all the food tastes the same anyway. It really seems to offend people who eat in those places.
If our etiquette is of any help, I'll share it with you. There's no trading if my wife says "no." That's because she really likes what she ordered. If she really, really likes what she ordered, I will generally get a forkful passed over just so I'll know she ordered better than I did. If my wife isn't hungry or her portion is too big, she gets a third of my food and I get three quarters of hers. All kidding aside, we're more apt to trade plates if we're dining alone, or with very close friends and we try to do it as surreptitiously as possible. On the other hand, it's also something we may do in the very best restaurants precisely because we want to taste as much as possible. I have very subjective attitudes towards restaurant behavior. You can do anything you want in a really fine restaurant as long as you know the staff understands it's because you're a connoisseur.

This brings to mind the first time my husband and I dined at Daniel, the 4-star temple of haute cuisine in NYC. We decided to have the 8-course tasting menu. We had expected that we would both be getting the same items (as is the case with most tasting menu situations). When the first course came, the plates placed in front of each of us contained different items. We, of course, decided to share, each eating half, then passing the plates across the table. The same thing happened thoughout the meal so that we ended up having 16 different tastings, plus an additional dessert on top of the two regular desserts. Our server became aware early on that we were exchanging plates. He and other staff members kept a close eye on our table and each time they saw that we were ready to make the move, one of them was right there and made the exchange for us. :shock: :smile:

Btw, Bux, I'm a little like your wife. Sometimes I'll order something that I particularly like, but since I've already agreed to share with my husband, I exchange plates at the midway point. However, if it turns out that I don't care as much for what he has ordered, he knows that, after he has taken a little taste of my choice, he has to give me my plate back. :biggrin:

tirgoddess · November 6, 2003

Dining with my husband is a bonding experience. We don't necessarily trade plates, but we do put portions of our dishes on the butter plates and exchange those. We sorta think that since we only live once, we might as well share the experience as much as possible. He sweetly gives me a taste of everything on my little plate as it is presented on his. To me, it is a loving gesture.

Bux · November 6, 2003

Our server became aware early on that we were exchanging plates. He and other staff members kept a close eye on our table and each time they saw that we were ready to make the move, one of them was right there and made the exchange for us.

That's a class act.

Pan · November 7, 2003

I admit to being one of the annoying dining companions mentioned in this thread.
My experience at the seafood place in Brooklyn comes to mind. Can't remember the place, but Suzanne F and the Perlows know exactly where. It was the place where "Charleston she-crab soup" tasted more like cream of cream soup and where I made a total ass of myself.

But what did you do?

(Tangent: The name of that soup sounds like a Porgy and Bess reference.)

srhcb · November 12, 2003

She shows it to the waitress, saying "well I was going to finish my salad but then I found this hair..." The waitress apologized profusely. After the waitress leaves, she says "I just like to see how they react".

What I find most annoying in dining companions is anybody who will berate or chide the waitstaff over matters outside their control.

None of you ever worked that end of the operation?

SB

malarkey · November 12, 2003

She shows it to the waitress, saying "well I was going to finish my salad but then I found this hair..." The waitress apologized profusely. After the waitress leaves, she says "I just like to see how they react".
What I find most annoying in dining companions is anybody who will berate or chide the waitstaff over matters outside their control.
None of you ever worked that end of the operation?
SB

I have I have!! :biggrin: but I know what you mean, I don't get it either, and I did find it annoying.

malarkey · November 12, 2003

I pick apart every aspect of the experience. The room, the flowers, the table setting, the china, the silver, the crystal, the linens, the service, the menu, the presentation, the preparation. At least half the time, I don't even say anything. She can just tell from my face that I am doing it and that I have found yet another thing that I find to be wrong. It never occurred to me that she might find this annoying. Maybe I'll ask her.
I can't help it . . . I am critical.

um, yes, I would find that extremely annoying. My suspicion with people who do this is that they never truly enjoy anything. there's always something wrong somewhere, wrecking their buzz.

And if I'm spending big bucks to have an over-the-top dinner, by god, I want to be happy about it. Sitting next to someone who is picking apart everything and constantly stating what's wrong with the experience would wreck my buzz.

hjshorter · November 12, 2003

I'm with you on that one. What's funny is that I can't possibly count the number of times I'm down on my knees under the table, picking up the 137 pieces of food, when the server tells me that I don't have to do that. Even when they're not disingenuous, I respond by telling them that their job is to take care of our food needs, not to pick up our kids' mess. They're always grateful.

We clean up the table, but not always the floor if Ian is having a freakout. We just try to get out as soon as possible. Usually I slip the person sweeping up an extra tip. Emma is a very tidy eater, and always has been, but Ian is thrower. We don't go out much these days, although we had dinner out on Monday and he was perfect - ate his food, colored, no shrieking. Maybe he's getting a little more civilized. :hmmm:

Even worse is when parents don't clean up the high chairs (because the restaurants sure as hell ain't going to do a good job with it).

Now, there's no excuse for that, along with letting your children out of their seats to wander around the restaurant. That is absolutely not permitted in our house - it's rude to the other diners and dangerous for the waitstaff.

We went out with one neighbor family once, never again, because they let their daughter down to wander around. Of course Emma wanted to get down too, and we felt uncomfortable saying in front of this other couple that it was rude and we don't do that...

SobaAddict70 · November 12, 2003

But what did you do?
(Tangent: The name of that soup sounds like a Porgy and Bess reference.)

Oh, I just shot down everything I ate after the first taste.

Looking back on it, I remember feeling lucky I didn't vomit all over the table because of a certain queasy feeling that was creeping up on me. :blink:

Good thing that didn't happen, eh? :blink: :blink: :blink:

Soba

Pan · November 13, 2003

Good thing indeed! But I'm not sure you did anything wrong. Only your dinner companions could judge that.

Pan · November 13, 2003

We went out with one neighbor family once, never again, because they let their daughter down to wander around. Of course Emma wanted to get down too, and we felt uncomfortable saying in front of this other couple that it was rude and we don't do that...

How old are the kids you're talking about? My folks did let me walk around restaurants, always keeping a close eye on me and never letting me wander out of their eyesight. The restaurant staff and patrons were very nice to me most of the time, and I don't ever remember getting into any trouble or creating any kind of problem. The only way I created problems that I can remember is when I got cranky (tired, bored), and then I would whine to my parents, whereupon they would solve the problem by either getting me to be quiet or leaving. They'd tell you, though, that I was a pretty easygoing kid.

Jason Perlow · November 13, 2003

How about parents who bring their lovely toddlers, but refuse to clean up after them, leaving it all for the poor server. I don't mind the babies at all--love them, in fact--but tolerating dining in such a mess is beyond my understanding.

I'm with you on that one. What's funny is that I can't possibly count the number of times I'm down on my knees under the table, picking up the 137 pieces of food, when the server tells me that I don't have to do that. Even when they're not disingenuous, I respond by telling them that their job is to take care of our food needs, not to pick up our kids' mess. They're always grateful. Even worse is when parents don't clean up the high chairs (because the restaurants sure as hell ain't going to do a good job with it).

Worse, how about the parents that bring their toddlers to restaurants and allow them to run around the table like maniacs for an HOUR (and running around your table as well) and not disciplining them?

Seriously, I want to kill the little bastards when they let them do that. And I'm talking about killing the parents, not the kids. A few months ago we were at a Portuguese restaurant in Newark, NJ and this family was at a large table with a little girl -- Uncle Dipshit Fratboy was egging the kid on, making faces at her and urging her to run around all over the place. The parents were busy talking to the grandparents, not noticing a single thing was going on.

fifi · November 13, 2003

How old are the kids you're talking about? My folks did let me walk around restaurants, always keeping a close eye on me and never letting me wander out of their eyesight. The restaurant staff and patrons were very nice to me most of the time, and I don't ever remember getting into any trouble or creating any kind of problem. The only way I created problems that I can remember is when I got cranky (tired, bored), and then I would whine to my parents, whereupon they would solve the problem by either getting me to be quiet or leaving. They'd tell you, though, that I was a pretty easygoing kid.

Sorry, but if I had been a patron of the restaurant and you wandered over to me, I would have likely been polite but I would have wished that your parents had you firmly under control at their table. Age isn't really an issue. Intruding upon other patrons of a restaurant is rude. (There may be exceptions for certain neighborhood family places.)

It is also dangerous to have wandering children under foot when the waitstaff are trying to deliver heavy loads of hot food.

Uncontolled children is my #1 complaint at restaurants. Well, maybe #2 after raucous drunks. :biggrin:

Pan · November 13, 2003

I don't think I was wandering over to any tables uninvited. I like to walk a little, and a favorite place to go was the fish tanks in Chinese restaurants.

hjshorter · November 13, 2003

It is also dangerous to have wandering children under foot when the waitstaff are trying to deliver heavy loads of hot food.

That's why mine have to stay in their seats, because it's just not safe. We bring plenty for them to do, and if they start acting up we're outta there.

My kids are 4 and 18 months, too young to just go watch the fishtank, or the tortilla maker, etc.

MichaelB · November 13, 2003

Worse, how about the parents that bring their toddlers to restaurants and allow them to run around the table like maniacs for an HOUR (and running around your table as well) and not disciplining them?
Seriously, I want to kill the little bastards when they let them do that. And I'm talking about killing the parents, not the kids. A few months ago we were at a Portuguese restaurant in Newark, NJ and this family was at a large table with a little girl -- Uncle Dipshit Fratboy was egging the kid on, making faces at her and urging her to run around all over the place. The parents were busy talking to the grandparents, not noticing a single thing was going on.

I have to have one of the worse stories on this subject of all eGulleteers. Time, Halloween night, several (OK, at least 10) years ago. Place, Terra, Napa Valley, CA. Kathy had not been feeling well, so we took an early reservation, 7:00, to make an early night of it.

The staff was very into the Halloween thing and so service suffered a bit . . . but the bad kids, ACK!

We are seated in the room to the left of the door next to a table of three -- a slightly older man, his wife and their 3 year old daughter in a high chair. When we arrived, parents are just getting food; there is none for the child -- she ate at McDonald's earlier. The family is obviously on vacation. So, we have a child who has been dragged from smelly cellar to smelly cellar all day, gets an early dinner and is expected to watch her parents eat! If someone set out to make a child cranky, he or she could not surpass this couple's effort. She cries, she fusses, she whines. Just after my wine gets decanted (a Phelps Insignia, vintage either 1974 or 1978), the parents let the child out of jail. She flies around the dining room. As she heads back to her table, she grabs our table cloth and pulls. I dive across the table and catch the decanter just as it crosses over the table edge. I give the parents a laser stare; they just smile and nod.

The kid gets worse -- cry, fuss, run, fuss, run cry. Finally their check arrives; the kid is pitching a fit; and daddy takes the time to check the addition on the computer generate bill!

Meanwhile, some people get seated on the other side of us. A couple in their 30s from New York -- he's an investment banker, she's probably a lawyer -- and thier six month old daughter, Alexis. How do I know the baby's name you ask? Well, all through the remainder of my meal, Mommy kept bending over the pumpkin seat, ever closer to my right ear and cooed -- over and over and over --

Mommy LOVES Alexis.

If upon my death, I see that dining room, I will know that I did something terribly wrong during my time on earth.

Edited November 13, 2003 by MichaelB (log)

hjshorter · November 13, 2003

See, Michael, people are just stupid. At 7:00 that kid should have been having a bath and getting ready for bed, not in a restaurant somewhere. If we take the kids out we plan on getting to the restaurant between 5 and 5:30. It always amazes me how many people are arriving with their obvious cranky toddler children as we are leaving.

I usually do any serious shopping after the kids are in bed, and I won't even go into how many kids I see being dragged around the mall or Target at 8pm. :wacko:

Edited November 13, 2003 by hjshorter (log)

sherribabee · November 13, 2003

Does anyone ever go up to these parents who let their kids run loose? I sure as hell do. Please don't tell me I'm the only one! :blink:

I don't complain to the restaurnat, I don't give the parents dirty looks. The very first thing I do is march myself right over there and tell them exactly what I (and likely everyone else in the building -- patrons and staff alike) think. If that fails to work, I will find the manager and mention that either those folks leave or I do.

If I were in a Denny's sort of place, sure, I would practically expect kids to be running around and it wouldn't bother me so much. But the finer the establishment, the less I'm willing to tolerate obnoxious kids and their clueless parents.

SobaAddict70 · November 13, 2003

There should be an unwritten rulebook for these situations. :wink:

Soba

hjshorter · November 13, 2003

If I were in a Denny's sort of place, sure, I would practically expect kids to be running around and it wouldn't bother me so much. But the finer the establishment, the less I'm willing to tolerate obnoxious kids and their clueless parents.

I don't blame the kids. I used to before I had kids of my own. Now I blame the parents, because it's the parents' job to set limits and teach manners.

And yes, there should be a rule book. But would anyone read it? :hmmm:

MichaelB · November 13, 2003

See, Michael, people are just stupid. At 7:00 that kid should have been having a bath and getting ready for bed, not in a restaurant somewhere.

People are stupid -- or inconsiderate -- or selfish -- or something. One point of the story is that kid shold not have been within 400 miles of Napa Valley. How can you possibly entertain a child that age visiting wineries?

God made warm places with pools and beaches for people with children.

sherribabee · November 13, 2003

If I were in a Denny's sort of place, sure, I would practically expect kids to be running around and it wouldn't bother me so much. But the finer the establishment, the less I'm willing to tolerate obnoxious kids and their clueless parents.
I don't blame the kids. I used to before I had kids of my own. Now I blame the parents, because it's the parents' job to set limits and teach manners.
And yes, there should be a rule book. But would anyone read it?

Yeah, you can't blame the kids. It's not their fault they have fuckwads for parents.

:raz:

wawairis · November 13, 2003

Does anyone ever go up to these parents who let their kids run loose? I sure as hell do. Please don't tell me I'm the only one!

sherribabee, you're my new hero! :biggrin:

my friend and I went to a little neighborhood luncheonette one day. this place is very informal but the lunch crowd is usually office workers. ok, so we walk in and there are two mothers sitting at a table chatting and eating lunch. with each mother is what I thought one child, each screaming it's freaking brains out. Do the mothers stop and console their children? No they do not!! With what must be mommy-like deafness they continue to chat and eat lunch. I get a closer look at the strollers sitting beside each respective mommy and see they each have a set of twins. Quadraphenia! ARGGGGHHH! By the time they pay the bill and begin to clear out, the other patrons of the luncheonette are moving tables aside so they can make their exit quicker. When they are finally out the door, the luncheonette owner laid down in the middle of the restaurant floor, kicking her feet and moaning.

I just wanted to throttle the mommies. So very clueless...

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