Overheard in the wine shop . . .

[Fat Guy]

Definitely hectares. I don't know where to find statistics on juice -- there's nothing about it in World Atlas of Wine or any of the other books on my shelf. Juice may not be measurable separately if the grapes are crushed together. As to the hectare issue:

"Bordeaux is the largest fine wine region in the world with 110,000 hectares under vine . . . . Merlot is the most planted variety with 40,000 hectares under vine."

http://www.american.edu/projects/mandala/T.../wine/wine3.htm

"Merlot is by far the most widely planted grape of the entire Bordeaux region and third, behind carignan and grenache as the most planted black variety in France."

http://www.winepros.org/wine101/grape_prof...iles/merlot.htm

"Merlot: Variety popularly associated with the wines of Saint Emilion and Pomerol in Bordeaux, and the most planted grape in the region."

http://www.thewineroom.ie/merlot.html

"Merlots most famous home is in the Bordeaux. Even the Medoc region, famous for its Cabernets has about 40% area under Merlot. Merlot comes in third behind Carignan and Grenache as the most planted red grape variety in France."

http://www.uncork.com.au/tidbits15.htm

"The merlot grape is the second most planted variety of Vitis vinifera in the world, and the most planted grape in Bordeaux."

http://winemaking.jackkeller.net/request152.asp

[Fat Guy]

The dude on the other thread did much better research than I:

http://forums.egullet.org/index.php?act=ST...ST&f=24&t=24618

[carpet bagger]

An amusing experience I had while working at a specialty wine shop.  The date is December 31, 1999 and the phone rings.  I answer it.  A gentleman asks me, "I have a bottle of Champagne and want to know if it's ready to drink."

"OK sir.  Who is the producer?"

"Ferrer."

"I'm sorry sir, who?"

"Ferrer.  Gloria Ferrer from Sonoma."

"OK - (I am already stifling the urge to giggle because it isn't even real Champagne, however, I realize the label may say Gloria Ferrer Champagne Caves and assume he doesn't know it's Sparkling wine.  I proceed)...and what year did you say it was?"

"Um - let me see...It doesn't seem to have a year on it.  It just says Sonoma Brut (rhyme with gut)"

"Alrighty then.  Sir, what day is it?"

"It's New Year's Eve."

"Right.  And is there some other special occasion that you're saving this wine for?  An anniversary, graduation, anything??"

"Well, no, not really."

"And do you think you'll be here for the next milennium to drink it?"

"(giggles) Certainly not!"

"Well given all that, what exactly are you waiting for to drink it?"

"I want it to be at it's peak."

"Sir - it's New Year's of the millennium.  DRINK IT!!!" 

  ARRRGH!!!  I didn't have the heart to tell the poor soul that he was holding on to a bottle of $17.99 sparkling wine as if it were the next coming of the vintage of the century.  This just proves to me that even the most unknowlegeable wine drinker has this ridiculous notion that a bottle must be drunk at some unknowable nanosecond in the space-time continuum.  Wine should produce joy and not anxiety.  This will never cease to amaze and irritate me.  I suppose this makes sommeliers bloody geniuses because they can read the stars and divine when that exact moment might be. 

At the risk of offending you, which I really don't want to do. If I were a wine salesperson, which I'm not , I would have taken a different approach. I would have laughed inside and then told him the truth and suggested some appropriate champagnes for him to celebrate with. He might have become one of your best customers. Someone learning like him might have become a real wine officianado. His ignorance was only exceeded by his interest in learning.

[KatieLoeb]

An amusing experience I had while working at a specialty wine shop.  The date is December 31, 1999 and the phone rings.  I answer it.  A gentleman asks me, "I have a bottle of Champagne and want to know if it's ready to drink."

"OK sir.  Who is the producer?"

"Ferrer."

"I'm sorry sir, who?"

"Ferrer.  Gloria Ferrer from Sonoma."

"OK - (I am already stifling the urge to giggle because it isn't even real Champagne, however, I realize the label may say Gloria Ferrer Champagne Caves and assume he doesn't know it's Sparkling wine.  I proceed)...and what year did you say it was?"

"Um - let me see...It doesn't seem to have a year on it.  It just says Sonoma Brut (rhyme with gut)"

"Alrighty then.  Sir, what day is it?"

"It's New Year's Eve."

"Right.  And is there some other special occasion that you're saving this wine for?  An anniversary, graduation, anything??"

"Well, no, not really."

"And do you think you'll be here for the next milennium to drink it?"

"(giggles) Certainly not!"

"Well given all that, what exactly are you waiting for to drink it?"

"I want it to be at it's peak."

"Sir - it's New Year's of the millennium.  DRINK IT!!!" 

  ARRRGH!!!  I didn't have the heart to tell the poor soul that he was holding on to a bottle of $17.99 sparkling wine as if it were the next coming of the vintage of the century.  This just proves to me that even the most unknowlegeable wine drinker has this ridiculous notion that a bottle must be drunk at some unknowable nanosecond in the space-time continuum.  Wine should produce joy and not anxiety. This will never cease to amaze and irritate me.  I suppose this makes sommeliers bloody geniuses because they can read the stars and divine when that exact moment might be.

At the risk of offending you, which I really don't want to do. If I were a wine salesperson, which I'm not , I would have taken a different approach. I would have laughed inside and then told him the truth and suggested some appropriate champagnes for him to celebrate with. He might have become one of your best customers. Someone learning like him might have become a real wine officianado. His ignorance was only exceeded by his interest in learning.

You haven't offended me, but trust me, this was hopeless in this particular scenario for several reasons:

1) He REALLY wanted to drink that wine, but only if it was AT IT'S PEAK. Having had the experience of getting the nuances of his tone of voice, etc., as well as other parts of the conversation which were left out, believe me, he was all about that unknowable nanosecond, and he wasn't looking to "learn" anything. At least not that night.

2) It was already quite close to closing time and he clearly wasn't coming out. He just wanted an "expert" to tell him it was OK to crack open the Gloria Ferrer Brut. The phone call was about seeking approval.

3) I did suggest he come by another time to purchase some "replacements" for his wine rack once he'd celebrated the millenium in style. I also wished him a Happy New Year.

I don't know if he ever did come in or not. He never gave his name. Most of our regular customers would unfailingly do that when looking for help (either in person OR over the phone) because we kept a database of all their past purchases so even if they didn't remember what they'd bought, we could find it for them again, or suggest other wines based on their taste preferences.

[Mark Sommelier]

A true story:

I walked into a liquor store here in Washington, DC to buy a bottle of Dom Perignon for a friend whose wife had just had a baby. The year was 1979. Since there was no DP on the shelf, the clerk went in the back to look. He came back with 2 gift boxes of 1969 DP marked $18.99. I said "$18.99!!??". He said "yeah, that DOES sound expensive. Let me go check the price". I said: That's OK, I'll just take them. That and the store I once visited that had a 70's vintage of BV Private Reserve Georges de Latour with the original $7.99 price tag were the two best bargains I ever found.

[birder53]

I was in a very small shop in Mountainside, NJ trying to track down a rose champagne they, unfortunately, no longer carried. There was no one in the shop but the owner, two employees, me and my husband. The owner engaged us in conversation, which was very enjoyable and educational, about many of the french wines he had. As the queen of the $15 and under wine, I admitted to being very ignorant and insecure about french wine. I let it slip that I really enjoy Australian wines. His response - Don't worry, you'll get over it. ( That may be true, but it hasn't happened yet!) We haven't been back again. Mainly because they are a bit of a trip for us and no longer carry the champagne we first went to them to buy. But I also remain pretty ignorant about french wine!

[tjaehnigen]

I let it slip that I really enjoy Australian wines. His response - Don't worry, you'll get over it.

That's funny. I am assuming the guy was referring to the fact that your tastes might (and likely will) change or evolve.

[Rebel Rose]

Date: Yesterday

A group of giggling young women. My tasting assistant, Dan, poured our sangiovese-cab blend for the first one on the left, and explained at length what it was. The second woman held out her glass and said, "I'll try that. What is it?" Explanation from Dan. Third woman, "I'll try that, too. What is it?" Dan takes a deep breath and explains again.

Fourth woman has not been tasting because she only likes white wines. Suddenly she asks for the syrah. Dan pulls it out and she shrieks, "O wait! It's red?" Dan assures her that it is indeed, very red. She points to the tasting list and wails, "Oh, but it says here that it tastes like blueberries and chocolate! I really wanted to try it."

What color did she think it was going to be?

I have a firm rule that we are not allowed to laugh until customers reach the end of the driveway. It was a long wait.

[2roost]

Not in the wineshop but..........

Many years ago (early 1980's) I was the beverage manager/wine buyer for a large restaurant in Vancouver, these were the days when California "Chablis" were still the rage and varietal labels were still a bit of an oddity. One of my servers took a glass of Chardonnay to a table, I observed a little banter, and than she returned with the glass of wine intact.

When I asked what the problem was she replied that the guest had told her "he wanted the Red Chardonnay". I promptly poured a glass of Pinot Noir and told her to take him the Red Chardonnay which he quite happily consumed.

To this day I am occasionally haunted by the fact that this person may be traveling the world telling people that he had Red Chardonnay in Vancouver and why can't they get it for him.

Edited May 17, 2005 by 2roost (log)

[iheartoffal]

My favorite thing is when people complain that their wine glass isn't filled to the brim. This one guy came in and insisted I give him a full glass of wine. I told him that, in fact, that was what was on the table. He pointed to where he wanted it filled and I gladly obliged. He then complained later on when I charged him for two glasses of wine. Some people...

[Weissman]

My favorite thing is when people complain that their wine glass isn't filled to the brim.  This one guy came in and insisted I give him a full glass of wine.  I told him that, in fact, that was what was on the table.  He pointed to where he wanted it filled and I gladly obliged.  He then complained later on when I charged him for two glasses of wine.  Some people...   

←

Good for you!! I hate those cheap SOB's who think that they can get a full brim to the glass for nothing. At the restaurant where I work, there is one customer that comes to mind that does the same thing!! However, he gets it for nothing. The dining room manager lets it go on. WHATEVER!

You have to take charge of your customers. Don't let them take charge of you!

[Smithy]

Date:  Yesterday

Fourth woman has not been tasting because she only likes white wines.  Suddenly she asks for the syrah.  Dan pulls it out and she shrieks, "O wait!  It's red?" Dan assures her that it is indeed, very red.  She points to the tasting list and wails, "Oh, but it says here that it tastes like blueberries and chocolate!  I really wanted to try it."

←

...and you managed to wait until they reached the end of the driveway?

Lady farmer, you have the self-control of a samurai.

[ctgm]

Some from some of my customers:

"It comes from the Bodegas region of Spain"

"Can we have a claret next time as we don't like Bordeaux"

"The white burgundy purchased has been, i regret a bit of disappointment for me. It's [a] a chardonnay not as good as the Pouilly Fume I buy"

When in a restaurant, a waitress came up and said "We only have 2 Chateubriand left so you may wish to reserve them". Another waitress comes along a few minutes later and asks us how many bottles Chateuabriand we want.

A customer asking about a wine he has, when asked what it was replied - 1986 Ch. Talbot Cordier Coté à Ouvrier.

[Mark Sommelier]

My favorite thing is when people complain that their wine glass isn't filled to the brim.  This one guy came in and insisted I give him a full glass of wine.  I told him that, in fact, that was what was on the table.  He pointed to where he wanted it filled and I gladly obliged.  He then complained later on when I charged him for two glasses of wine.  Some people...   

←

The stemware I use in the restaurant for wine by the glass holds 25oz. of wine. I had the restaurant's logo discretely etched on the glasses at the 6oz. mark. No one yet has demanded a glass filled to the brim, but I'd love to see their faces when I pour a whole bottle of wine into the glass.

[Freckles]

I really love this site and appreciate all that I have learned -- and continue to learn -- from all of you. Thank you so much for your help!

But I cringe as I read this thread. Yes, there are many people who know nothing about wine. It's an intimidating subject, and until a few decades ago, not much was drunk by Americans, Canadians and other nationalities who are most highly respresented on this site. I see how scared many people are when it comes to wine: yes, SCARED. They are worried that they will make a mistake, do or say the wrong thing, be laughed at by wine snobs. And as a result they avoid learning about it, enjoying it, having fun with it. Isn't that a shame?

I think of my late parents -- exceptionally well-educated, well-travelled people -- who 'til their dying days pronounced Guacamole "Gwacka-mole" (rhymes with "Soul") They weren't ignorant or stupid; they just didn't grow up with Mexican food and by the time they were in their 60s and first began eating that cuisine, their minds were already full of other things. I would kick anyone's ass for making fun of them for something that I consider so trivial!

Let's not add to the complex that so many newbies have about wine. Instead, let's congratulate them for having the balls to try something they know nothing about, and for daring to set foot in a wine store when many of them realize that they'll later be mocked by people like us.

Edited May 30, 2005 by Freckles (log)

[afn33282]

I really love this site and appreciate all that I have learned -- and continue to learn -- from all of you.  Thank you so much for your help!

But I cringe when I read this thread.  Yes, there are many people who know nothing about wine.  It's an intimidating subject, and until a few decades ago, not much was drunk by Americans, Canadians and other nationalities who are most highly respresented on this site.  I see how scared many people are when it comes to wine: yes, SCARED.  They are worried that they will make a mistake, do or say the wrong thing, be laughed at by wine snobs.  And as a result they avoid learning about it, enjoying it, having fun with it.  Isn't that a shame?

I think of my late parents -- exceptionally well-educated, well-travelled people -- who 'til their dying days pronounced Guacamole "Gwacka-mole" (rhymes with "Soul")  They weren't ignorant or stupid; they just didn't grow up with Mexican food and by the time they were in their 60s and first began eating that cuisine, their minds were already full of other things.  I would kick anyone's ass for making fun of them for something that I consider so trivial! 

Let's not add to the complex that so many newbies have about wine.  Instead, let's congratulate them for having the balls to try something they know nothing about: daring to set foot in a wine store, when many of them know that they'll later be mocked by people like us.

←

Hear, hear. I couldn't have said it better. God bless you.

[Rebel Rose]

They are worried that they will make a mistake, do or say the wrong thing, be laughed at by wine snobs. 

Revolting, aren't we? We also make fun of wine snobs, cork dorks, wine geeks, sommeliers, and ourselves--and Robert Parker is pretty much accused of everything from conspiring to destroy the European Union to arranging cold vintages in odd years.

Let's not add to the complex that so many newbies have about wine.  Instead, let's congratulate them for having the balls to try something they know nothing about, and for daring to set foot in a wine store when many of them realize that they'll later be mocked by people like us.

We love newbies. Don't we, guys? But just as there are problem customers in restaurants, there are twits in wine shops. And it's not usually the newbies that give us cause for hilarity--it's the wannabe wine snobs. They're the brown belts of the wine dojo; they know just enough to make them dangerously confident.

For instance, here's a guy swirling and sniffing like he knows what he's doing, and he can pronounce "noir" correctly. So why is he asking me (and I kid you not), "So. Do you blend the pinot and the noir?" what to say, what to say . . . So I explained that pinot noir is the name of that varietal, but I'm thinking no, but sometimes we stir the cabernet and the sauvignon!

Here are some other questions I need good answers to:

Do you have a buttery Cabernet?

What's the bird netting for?

Is there really wine in these barrels?

No, that's where we store the contents of the spit bucket.

How many bottles do you get out of a barrel?

None. We can't get the bottles through the bunghole!

(Correct answer for those who really want to know = 300.)

Do you sell all the wine that you produce?

No, we throw it out when it reaches its expiration date.

No, we throw it out and make a fresh batch every fall.

Do you ever go to Napa?

No, I go to Kragen Auto Parts.

[peppyre]

Walking past a local wine shop the other day, a woman, standing in the doorway, looking around, hollers out to the clerk "Do you sell any wine?" It's a freakin' wine store!! That's all they sell, and their shelves, windows and displays are lined with bottle after bottle of WINE!

For the past 10 years I have been doing tastings for my mom and I have heard so many ridiculous things that you start to block them out after a while.

[DCatty]

I had to comment in support of Freckles here. The twit to laugh at is NOT the person who comes into the restaurant/winery/store and asks the really stupid question. That is, as Freckles says, the whole problem with wine people -- how can you laugh at the person who had the courage to ask the question? How many times have you been sitting in front of a lawyer/supervisor/doctor/etc. and been too intimidated to ask what you feared would be regarded as a stupid question? The twit to laugh at is the person who comes in and does NOT ask the stupid question. Alas, I saw many more of the former in this thread than the latter, and it is sad.

[ctgm]

To be fair, I don't think (or at least hope not) that peple on this board laugh at other people to make them fell intimidated. i think that it is aimed at those people who are supremely confident with a little knowledge, when rather than being a little more reserved, they sprout forth rubbish.

I don't think that the twit who doesn't ask the question should be "laughed" at either, as these people need encouragement to emerge from their shell.

As someone who works in the wine/spirit trade, I am much more interested talking to someone who has little or no knowledge but is wanting to learn than the person who thinks that they know it all (and usually doesn't).

Edited July 26, 2005 by ctgm (log)

[Rebel Rose]

Well, it's also important to learn how to be a well-behaved customer.

Customer # 1:

"This is our first time wine tasting, and we really don't know much about wine."

Welcomed with open arms.

Customer # 2:

Plunking dirty purses and half-eaten food on the counter, spilling wine, talking loudly and incessantly about their friends and schedule, yelling on their cellphone while walking around the room trying to get better reception . . . finally buying a mixed case of wine . . .

"So it says here we get a 5% discount on a half case, 15% off a full case, and 20% for joining the wine club. So that means we get 40% off, right?"

(These people were here last weekend.)

And then there's this thread:

Wine Tasters from Hell

I dare you to read it and not laugh. Or gag . . .

[Rebel Rose]

I just came across this really funny piece at OregonLive:

Be sure to shell those frog legs

from Arturo Ciompi, wine columnist for The Herald-Sun, Durham, N.C. :

"Are there any decaffeinated wines on the market?"

[JohnL]

well this pretty much made my day!

Really--this should be posted in general food--it is priceless!

(I am still laughing)

[PDXWineauxs]

A few years ago I worked on the retail side of the wine biz in Portland, OR.

An older lady called me one day for advice. It seems that she had a bottle of wine that she had purchased the previous year and wanted to know if would still be alright to serve for Christmas parties that year.

She assured me that she had kept it in her basement where it was dark and cool.

I asked her which wine she had.

She had a "lovely" Almaden Mt. Rhine.

She then informed me that they had only had two glasses out of it before she put it in the basement.

Trying not to laugh hysterically, I advised her that she should pick up a "fresh" bottle.

[fchrisgrimm]

Overheard in one of my favorite fine & pricey restaurants. From a table where a young couple was clearly visiting for a "big date"...

Customer: (unintelligible)

Sommelier: (shrugging) I'm sorry, but the restaurant does not own a blender, so we can't serve blended drinks.