I will never again . . . (Part 3)

[snowangel]

When slicing the hard-cooked eggs in half to make deviled eggs, don't toss the yolks into the drain of the sink.

[Luckylies]

Never eyeball cornstarch for a crumble (especially if you are not a born baker). Had to throw away the pan

[Grub]

This one's just a close call, but it woulda been real bad -- involving a blender... Can't quite remember what I was making, but I had just boiled something and poured it into the blender. Hadn't put the lid on yet, but decided that I should plug it in first. In order to reach the socket, I leaned over the blender, so that my face was just over the steaming liquid. Then a little voice in the back of my head said "Oi, dumbass!" and I realized maybe I should check if the blender was in the off position. Sure enough, it was turned to "High" -- I woulda had the whole thing just exploding straight into my face. Just goes to show how dangerous it is, to not pay attention and just run on auto-pilot in a kitchen...

Another incident involved no dangers at all, but I thought it was pretty funny. I was trying to place this plastic container onto a stack of other containers in a cupboard -- I'd normally use both hands to do this, but I was in a hurry and happened to hold a kitchen towel in my left hand, so I tried to finagle this thing in with just one hand. It didn't work -- I disturbed the precarious balance amongst the plastic containers and all of a sudden they decided to make a break for it! But I realized what was happening in time, and expertly tossed the kitchen towel I held in my left hand, over my right shoulder -- just like the pros do on the tee vee. And then I had both hands free to stop the containers from avalanching out of the cupboard.

Except the tossing of the kitchen towel over my shoulder didn't quite pan out -- I ended up placing the towel over my head. So now I was standing there on my tippie toes, holding back a gazillion containers on the brink of falling out, with a damn towel over my head and of course I couldn't see a thing... I ended up just standing there for a minute or two, contemplating the absurdness of it all. Like something out Some Mothers Do Have 'Em.

[Jenny McClure]

Trying to make a simple caramel for the top of a bread pudding. All it involves is melting sugar. First lesson....don't try in a glass bowl!!!! Hrdend caramel and broken glass EVERYWHERE. 2 days later and with new rings for the stove, I now, having learnt my lesson, am using a baking pan ( a new one) however the spoon is scratching the bottom, so what do I reach for....a plastic spatula!!! Great idea Jenny. I think it took about 30 seconds for that thing to melt right in there with the half melted sugar and caramel. ANother fine mess. There has to be an easier way to get hard caramel of things. My husband has banned me from making bread pudding.

[racheld]

Except the tossing of the kitchen towel over my shoulder didn't quite pan out -- I ended up placing the towel over my head. So now I was standing there on my tippie toes, holding back a gazillion containers on the brink of falling out, with a damn towel over my head and of course I couldn't see a thing... I ended up just standing there for a minute or two, contemplating the absurdness of it all. Like something out Some Mothers Do Have 'Em.

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My Monday Mornin' Hee-Haw!!! Grub, you do beat all.

Glad it wasn't your cast iron skillets.

[C. sapidus]

Trying to make a simple caramel for the top of a bread pudding.  All it involves is melting sugar.  First lesson....don't try in a glass bowl!!!!  Hrdend caramel and broken glass EVERYWHERE.  2 days later and with new rings for the stove, I now, having learnt my lesson, am using a baking pan ( a new one) however the spoon is scratching the bottom, so what do I reach for....a plastic spatula!!!  Great idea Jenny.  I think it took about 30 seconds for that thing to melt right in there with the half melted sugar and caramel.  ANother fine mess.  There has to be an easier way to get hard caramel of things.  My husband has banned me from making bread pudding.

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Jenny: Awesome story - thanks for sharing. The clean-up sounds horrendous but, y'know, funny from a distance. When you get spousal approval to try bread pudding again, I recommend stirring the caramel with a nice, dry wooden spoon.

Link to my mishap with caramel and a plastic spoon.

I ended up just standing there for a minute or two, contemplating the absurdness of it all.

Grub: That would be an excellent sig line, or a perhaps one-sentence autobiography.

ETA: add'l comments

Edited August 7, 2006 by C. sapidus (log)

[McDuff]

My refrigerator was running warm last week, what wasn't, and I couldn't find the little broom thingie on a stick to clean the coil underneath. The vacuum cleaner doesn't do such a great job, and when you have two dogs and four cats, there can be a fair amount of stuff under there, even though I try to keep it clean.

So I reached for the leaf blower. It worked, but you don't ever want to do that.

[alanamoana]

McDuff, that's just what i needed!

for me...i'll never again...

agree to make two special cakes, on short notice, from my home kitchen, without the right tools and then to top it off use recipes that i've never tried before..."just to see how they work"...let's just say the cakes need to be done tomorrow and i'm not prepared!

[Darcie B]

My refrigerator was running warm last week, what wasn't, and I couldn't find the little broom thingie on a stick to clean the coil underneath. The vacuum cleaner doesn't do such a great job, and when you have two dogs and four cats, there can be a fair amount of stuff under there, even though I try to keep it clean.

  So I reached for the leaf blower. It worked, but you don't ever want to do that.

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Yeah, my husband tried that a couple of years ago...his way of never having to clean again, I think.

[walternewton]

My first post here!

A couple of months ago I needed to make a batch of clarified butter for Pommes Anna, I used butter from the freezer but didn't let it thaw completely. After a few minutes it seemed fine, melting nice and slowly, I skimmed some of the foam off the top and put it back on the stove for a bit. A short while later I'm across the kitchen and hear this WHOOSH!, soon followed by molten butter raining down on me...it had erupted, volcano like, literally hitting the ceiling and spattering all over the walls, stove, floor, and pretty much everything else.

My theory is some undisturbed, frozen chunk of butter was superheated by the surrounding liquid, instantly forming a big steam bubble and the resulting eruption. Fortunately it didn't happen while my face was over the stove...but talk about a nightmare to clean up, and I even ended up having to repaint the walls.

[racheld]

Welcome, Walter, and what a story!!!

A new paint job in the kitchen is always a good thing, just not as a result of a MESS. (Mine's butter-yellow---bet yours isn't )

[C. sapidus]

Yes, our kitchen's paint would hide the butter nicely. Dogs licking the walls would be the give-away, though

[sassybat]

not my bad, but my husband's: i will never grate cheese by holding the side of the cheese instead of the end. he gouged a chunk out of his hand last night and it was still bleeding this morning, so i took him to the urgent care clinic this morning.

[SeanDirty]

I will never, splash 400 degree oil over my hand, during service... again.

I will never grab the handle of a pan out of a 500 degree oven again.

I will never Wipe a plate, that is sitting on a turned on Flat top, with my finger again.

I will try never to watch the beautiful women walking through the kitchen while handling sharp knives.

[racheld]

I will try never to watch the beautiful women walking through the kitchen while handling sharp knives.

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Sean, you've got your SIG LINE!!! Welcome to eG---home of the industrial-size case of Bandaids.

[snowangel]

I will never grab the handle of a pan out of a 500 degree oven again.

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Don't count on it...but then again, some of us are slower learners than others .

[snowangel]

Not cooking, but definately entertaining related. Do not try and save time by carrying two 30 pound sacks of ice, and two cases of beer at the same time. All at once. I did make it up the flight of steps, through the dining, living and sun rooms. Then, the timer went off (potatoes done) and the phone rang, and I figured that I could use my elbow or heel to open the door to the deck. Wrong. Bang right into the door jamb.

The eye turned more swollen and purple as the night went on. Did you know that a black eye just looks worse and worse for the next two days? Diana thinks my right eye looks like someone at some make-up counter went over the deep edge. I can't wait until it turns green and yellow. Thank god for Ibuprofen and Ray Bans. I'm not even hung over and it hurts to blink.

[racheld]

  I'm not even hung over and it hurts to blink.

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Oh, you poor mis-colored thing!! I hope it's better soon.

You think a big slice of beefsteak tomato would help?

[onehsancare]

I will never again make two lemon chiffon cakes, two batches of Pierre Herme lemon cream, and run the disposal filled with 28 eggshells only.

Although it always is interesting to see how plumbing works, up close, and personal!

[JaclynM]

Wow, who would have thought that one recipe would give me so many contributions to this thread?

I'm somewhat of a newbie here. I'm a newlywed who's still learning her way around the kitchen. My husband doesn't cook at all, so if it were up to him we'd be eating tv dinners every day. So if I want "real food" it's up to me to cook it. (Which is fine, because I generally enjoy doing it.)

Today I tried making my own concoction of chicken quesadillas with cheese and black beans. Aside from some boring lessons like "use more cheese" and "spray more pam in the pan" I learned the following:

1) When simmering black beans, do not use a wooden spoon to stir them, unless you want it to be permanently dyed purple.

2) When draining the beans into the sink next to the electric stove, remember that the burners don't cool off immediately, and don't bend over in such a way that your long hair is resting on the burner. (Luckily I jumped up as soon as I heard a "sizzle" sound, and my hair didn't actually get burned.)

3) Do not use a Magic Bullet to shred cooked chicken breasts, because what you end up with is powdered chicken, not shredded chicken.

4) Plastic bags sitting near a hot pan will become melted/stuck to the pan. (This is sort of my husband's fault, because he left the bag there, but it's also my fault for not moving it away.)

Needless to say I was somewhat stressed after the meal, but luckily my darling husband offered to do most of the clean-up, and recommended that I de-stress by having large amounts of alcohol.

[prasantrin]

Do not use old vanilla beans to make vanilla sugar, and then use that vanilla sugar to make leche flan only to realize upon tasting said leche flan that you didn't make vanilla sugar, but vanilla salt.

[Luckylies]

Do not use old vanilla beans to make vanilla sugar, and then use that vanilla sugar to make leche flan only to realize upon tasting said leche flan that you didn't make vanilla sugar, but vanilla salt.

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The best!!!!!!!!!

[prasantrin]

Do not use old vanilla beans to make vanilla sugar, and then use that vanilla sugar to make leche flan only to realize upon tasting said leche flan that you didn't make vanilla sugar, but vanilla salt.

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The best!!!!!!!!!

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It was my mother...she has a closet full of mistakes like that. I could write a book if I could remember them all...

She still feels really bad about having to throw out all that leche flan--she uses a lot of eggs and cream in hers.

[lexy]

Do not use old vanilla beans to make vanilla sugar, and then use that vanilla sugar to make leche flan only to realize upon tasting said leche flan that you didn't make vanilla sugar, but vanilla salt.

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Vanilla salt might have some interesting savoury applications though … did you just bin it, or did you try to use it anything?

[Jenny McClure]

Wow, who would have thought that one recipe would give me so many contributions to this thread?

I'm somewhat of a newbie here. I'm a newlywed who's still learning her way around the kitchen. My husband doesn't cook at all, so if it were up to him we'd be eating tv dinners every day. So if I want "real food" it's up to me to cook it. (Which is fine, because I generally enjoy doing it.)

Today I tried making my own concoction of chicken quesadillas with cheese and black beans. Aside from some boring lessons like "use more cheese" and "spray more pam in the pan" I learned the following:

1) When simmering black beans, do not use a wooden spoon to stir them, unless you want it to be permanently dyed purple.

2) When draining the beans into the sink next to the electric stove, remember that the burners don't cool off immediately, and don't bend over in such a way that your long hair is resting on the burner. (Luckily I jumped up as soon as I heard a "sizzle" sound, and my hair didn't actually get burned.)

3) Do not use a Magic Bullet to shred cooked chicken breasts, because what you end up with is powdered chicken, not shredded chicken.

4) Plastic bags sitting near a hot pan will become melted/stuck to the pan. (This is sort of my husband's fault, because he left the bag there, but it's also my fault for not moving it away.)

Needless to say I was somewhat stressed after the meal, but luckily my darling husband offered to do most of the clean-up, and recommended that I de-stress by having large amounts of alcohol.

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Number 3 is hilarious Sounds like me in my attempts with bread pudding (see above)