I will never again . . . (Part 1)

[tommy]

I set my hair on fire annealing silver.  Burnt hair gives off a nasty smell, and freaks out everyone around you.

at a party not too long ago, i lit a cigarette with the stove. the cigarette was in my mouth. i smelled something odd for a day before i realized i burned my hair.

the ends of the strands get a cool little ball on them.

a stupid mistake easily avoided.

[Suzanne F]

OT but related: I used to burn my hair frequently when I smoked: I was working at a theater and would pull a Bette Davis, waving the cig around near my ear.

[wnissen]

... attempt to prevent myself from grabbing the handle of a pan freshly out of the oven by placing an oven mit over it. The melting plastic of the non-heatproof inner fabric makes a nasty smell and sticks to the handle!

Walt

[CalorieLab]

... pour an extra ounce or two of waffle batter in the waffle iron "so it won't go to waste."

Mark

[Huevos del Toro]

I think I posted this somewhere before but it’s been a while and I have no idea where it might be. Pardon the repetition.

I was just finishing up building a lasagna, getting it ready for the oven.

My small apartment kitchen left no room for the assembly so I was doing it on top of the stove (in a Pyrex baking dish).

Unbeknownst to me, the small burner I had set the baking dish on was set to low. Yup, the dish exploded with the force of a hand grenade with the attendant noise of one. Glass flew everywhere. The largest piece left was a perfectly circular disk about 2 inches in diameter. I later postulated it came from the very center of the dish. The lasagna components were all over the counter, dripping down into the drawers, all over the floor, the walls and some on the ceiling. What made this very scary was the fact that I was doing all of this in the nude. OK, so I used to cook in the nude! Used to I said. Frying bacon cured me of that! My SO heard the explosion. She was asleep when it happened. She rushed in to see what had exploded. She looked at me and the mess and couldn’t stop laughing. At least she had the sense to make sure I wasn’t injured. Trust me, I had already checked that!

I cleaned everything up, showered, dressed and went to the market to buy the ingredients to make another one. When all was said and done, I had to go to work while she and her mother ate the lasagna. I never did get a taste of it. Her mother took the rest of it home with her. I figure I spent about $70 on that damned lasagna, but fortunately I didn’t have to pay a doctor bill!

[ellenesk]

Cook any meat without a meat thermometer, easiest way to avoid overcooking

[hjshorter]

Unbeknownst to me, the small burner I had set the baking dish on was set to low. Yup, the dish exploded with the force of a hand grenade with the attendant noise of one.

My mother did this with a pecan pie a few years ago - thank goodness no one was hurt in either case!

[Rhea_S]

I was lighting a gas grill on a breezy day last September. I heard a loud whoosh, managed to dodge the huge flame except for some of my then long hair. I had my hair trimmed the next day, but the smell remained. I ended up cutting my hair VERY short two weeks later. I no longer have to worry about burning my hair, getting stuck in the mixer (poor Nessa), or getting hair in my food while cooking or eating.

[denise_jer]

Put tupperware in the oven to reheat the food.

In my defense, I was 15, really tired and hungry, and it was a favorite dish that my mom used to make for us. I kind of cried when I had to throw it out without even getting a taste...

And I never did get the oven rack clean!

[ludja]

these horseradish stories are reminding of me of a funny (ok it was actually cruel)thing that happened in college. My then boyfriend, who was Japanese, had just received a care package from his mom in Japan. We were sorting through the goodies when his roomate gave over to check the stuff out. He saw a green tube of wasabi and asked what it was, my boyfriend told him it was a special kind of Japanese green chocolate and to give it a try. I thought he would just put a bit on his finger and taste it but no, he tosses his head back and squirts what must have been half the tube into his mouth.......

cruel but funny...

My own mistake was during one of my early trips to a Thai restaurant.

The setting: Thai Hot and Sour Shrimp Soup

also key: only water to drink, no rice, etc

I espie a nice fresh grean bean in the soup and crunch it down in one piece---my introduction to Thai Prik Kii Noo Suan Chiles (much hotter than serranos for those that haven't met them)!

Nothing around to quench the fire; considered stuffing my napkin in my mouth!

[NeroW]

Did the old standby grab-the-hot-pan-handle today.

[hjshorter]

From now on I am not going to flatten cutlets with a meat mallet while holding the cutting board with my other hand.

Wham! @#$%^&!!!

[agnolottigirl]

In making gravy this Thansgiving, Mr. Agnolotti reduced about a half-gallon of balsamic vinegar. . . all was well until he put his head directly over the pot and inhaled deeply.

Last night I confused the heat-proof spatula with the, um, non-heat-proof spatula. Melted plastic mixed in with my lovely shitake gravy. Oogy. Hours and hours of marinating time, down the proverbial drain.

And then--a family favorite--the time my grandmother dumped parmesan cheese into her coffee, in the mistaken belief that we had a diner-style sugar shaker on the table. (Nobody saw her do it, but she kept saying it was the worst coffee she had ever had, and we eventually worked out what had happened.)

[NeroW]

Last night I confused the heat-proof spatula with the, um, non-heat-proof spatula. Melted plastic mixed in with my lovely shitake gravy. Oogy. Hours and hours of marinating time, down the proverbial drain.

That sucks! I did that once, only I wasn't confused, just stupid. I melted it into my creme anglaise or pastry cream or something. There were lots of little plastic bits. The Chef took off 10 points for something called "Sanitation." I have since purchased a Le Creuset spatula that is supposed to conduct heat up to like 1,000 degrees or something.

[NeroW]

In making gravy this Thansgiving, Mr. Agnolotti reduced about a half-gallon of balsamic vinegar. . . all was well until he put his head directly over the pot and inhaled deeply.

Aaah! I just realized . . . I've done that too! More than once. And one time I did it, and staggered backwards choking from the stove, and bumped into a dude behind me who was carrying a cutting board loaded with dirty mixing bowls, tongs, his French knife, etc. Luckily no one was hurt.

[agnolottigirl]

The screwiest part about melting the spatula was that the first thing I thought was, Hmm--it looks so creamy. . . maybe it will be ok!

I have also, too often, propped the (footed) colander in a sink on top of an unevenly stacked pile of dishes and stuff and watched the spaghetti make its way through the dirty dishes to the drain. This is one of those things I actually KNOW is stupid but do anyway.

[NeroW]

The screwiest part about melting the spatula was that the first thing I thought was, Hmm--it looks so creamy. . . maybe it will be ok!

I thought that too, I even considered turning it in for a grade, bits and all, then realized that was just . . . shitty.

[agnolottigirl]

I was actually thinking I might EAT it! Fortunately, the smart part of my brain came back from its bathroom break or wherever it had been before I could try it out.

[Mabelline]

My oldest daughter pulled the putting cold water into a boiled-dry syeamer. Yep. Chased off critters in at least a 1/2 mile radius.

Went to brush hair back just this last"cooking" season, and stuck my wooden spoon in my hair.

And by the way, all of us screwups are bravely paving the way for all of you all who have not ever screwed up soooo good it made you laugh!

[Suzanne F]

agnolottigirl -- while I feel your pain, I hope you mess up more because I LOVE the way you describe the screwups!

[agnolottigirl]

Oh, Suzanne, never fear. . . I could keep this thread alive all by my lonesome for at least another year. And that's if I stop cooking right now!!

[elivesay]

I will never again substitute my hand for the top part of the Kitchen Aid Citrus Press. See that top swingy part which squishes the fruit against the nub while the machine with all its mighty power juices it? Last night I decided it was adversely affecting my efficiency and thought if I only use the pulse control, why not use my hand instead? I got to the third lemon half and found out exactly why I shouldn't use my hand. Luckily it was only the lemon that flew against the wall. I escaped with only a few scrapes. Whew!

I know, I know...with 670 watts I should have never even allowed my brain cells to form the thought (the 670 watts = machine, not my brain ).

But it just seemed like a good idea at the time.

[tommy]

agnolottigirl -- while I feel your pain, I hope you mess up more because I LOVE the way you describe the screwups!

she's *very* good.

the spaghetti thing was classic. (guilty too)

[agnolottigirl]

Oh, you should see me in action . . . . !

[jvcap]

- add oil to a newly washed pot that still has water in it

- carry rice from my hands to the pot on the stove

- place a semi-frozen pizza directly on the rack in the oven only to watch it melt through after it warms