eG Foodblog Tag Team IV: Marlene, Dave, snowangel - Cold Turkey, Three Ways

[maggiethecat]

And, thanks for saying it isn't easy.  Marlene and I are have a really rough time.  The stories of "I just put them down one day and never looked" back are not helping me, at all.  So, feel free to bitch and moan with me.

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Would it help if I said it was hellish for three weeks and THEN it was amazingly easy? I'm not saying I was never tempted again. Heck I even smoked a cigarette or two a few years later (and it made me dizzy and nauseated, so I didn't do it again). But after those initial three weeks, it became doable. I had to relearn what to do with my smoking hand when I was on the phone (cigarette and the phone go together very well), after a meal (perfect time to smoke, no?), while putting off the next thing on my list (yeah, I'll do it after this cigarette), while having a drink (alcohol, soda, it all required a cig), first thing in the morning. Etc., etc., etc.

Really, I know you're suffering. I know it's painful, and terrible and hard. But you can do it!!!!

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Yes, Patti, that might help. A little. Maybe.

I love your list of things the smoking hand has to forget, then relearn, especially the fun it was to put something off until after the smoke was finished. I was back to the job, back to the cold and got hit with a few very unpleasant things at work. I ate half a pound of carrot sticks and twenty sugar-free Lifesavers, but man, I missed my drive-home-from-work smoke!

I pulled out a yoga tape from sheer desperation, because I could feel myself melting down. It helped. A lot.

I'm stuffing peppers for dinner, and preparing to pull out needle and thread and replace every missing button on every garment in the house. (For the first time ever, as a project at least!) And I think I've earned a martini.

Welcome to the party, Toasted. Dave, you OK, Babe? Brooks? Matt?

Susan and Marlene: Group hug?

[Marlene]

First, a little history. (Oh come on, bear with me). We started talking about quitting a couple of months ago. Apparently for some reason (which I'm having trouble remembering) we all thought this would be a really cool idea for a blog. Such was our innocence, our smugness. After all, how hard could this be? Hundreds of people watching us, how could we fail or at least admit that we failed? We'd be able to document our newly found sense of taste and smell. We'd be heros. Or heroines.

While recently buying a car, the dealer and I got talking about smoking. I recalled that he was a heavy smoker. Imagine my surprise when he told me he'd quit a year ago, and that he had absolutely no trouble. And then he handed me a book. Allan Carr's Easy Way to Quit Smoking. He swore by it and said I would too.

I took the book home and started to read. I made Dave and Susan get the book. I was excited because instinctively I understood everything this guy was trying to say. By the time it came for that last cigarette, I really truly felt I was ready.

I put out my final cigarette and went to bed. That feeling of euphoria lasted about 6 hours the next day before my mind started to do battle with the rest of me. Maggie has it absolutely right. This is a mind game. And if Maggie's been smoke free for more than 5 days, she'll know exactly what I mean, because technically, her body is completely nicotine free now and there are no physical withdrawals.

But that doesn't seem to matter when your mind has decided you really haven't quit after all. If you let it, it can become all consuming, so you can't think of anything else. I reveled in the fact that I could smell things, that my car smelled so fresh and clean. But all the while my mind screamed for a cigarette.

You all know I've slipped some during this blog. And I continue to slip. One of the worst parts of doing this so publically, is to know you are letting people down who are rooting for you. The other worst part is how badly you can make yourself feel about that. I could lie of course. I mean, how would you know? You can't see me. And you have faith in me. Which is truly why I can't lie to you. Because you do, and your cheers and encouragement have meant far more to me than you'll ever know. But it does put an additional layer of pressure on you which can just about do you in. (and believe me, there's nothing worse than the look of (imagined) disappointment on a loved one's face when you light up). My husband is my biggest non smoking cheerleader, and I've let him down too. And then there's just trying to deal with everyday life. Homework, work, volunteering, eGullet. (the staff have been really smart and have stayed away from me recently. )

So I fall, and I get up. Each day I fall a little less, but I still fall. I was a two pack a day smoker. I've averaged three cigarettes per day since this blog started. It has made a difference, but I'm not clean. Jason asked me a while ago whether I'd had any cancer sticks. While the sentiment wasn't exactly helpful, the fact is he's right. And I know intellectually how bad this is. And everything in that book makes perfect sense to me. The problem is, my need is still overpowering my intellect.

So I'll continue to cook for you and to try for you. I'll keep trying for me. We've got 5 days left. I'll be happy if I can get one of those to be completely smoke free. And the trying doesn't stop when we stop blogging. But I'm no heroine. Just so you know.

(Maggie, a group hug would be just fine right about now.)

[fifi]

. . . . .

So I fall, and I get up.  Each day I fall a little less, . . .

. . . . .

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Oh . . . I dunno about all the rest of the stuff. This makes you a heroine in my book.

[maggiethecat]

Marlene:

Yeah, what were we thinking, trying to quit in public and maintain dignity and decorum? Did we really think that even food, the blissful bond that brought us together could compete with the agony of withdrawal? Gee, were we so wack that we thought this could be mostly about the food?

Every alcoholic who's quit, every drug addict who's recovered -- I'm your sister. Of course, I am a drug addict, a recovering smoker.

Heck, I'm so low and shaky and shameless I'm gonna close my eyes and think of you and Susan and Dave and Matt and Toasted and Brooks and send a huge psychic Group Hug.

Yeah, tomorrow will be Day 7 without a cigarette. Not a single one. Remember that I said that I was going to sew buttons on garments missing them? I pulled out my beautiful raspberry- fool colored wool coat, and whaddya know? A fresh pack of Marlboro Lights and a Bic in the pocket. I almost fainted with lust -- it was physical. I gave them to Lou.

Marlene, you are my heroine. Three cigarettes? That's great! Let's try to remember that we're in withdrawal, depressed, scattered. We're still good people!

On topic: Second martini and a carrot stick.

[Pan]

. . . . .

So I fall, and I get up.  Each day I fall a little less, . . .

. . . . .

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Oh . . . I dunno about all the rest of the stuff. This makes you a heroine in my book.

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Agreed. Two packs a day is a lot to just go off cold turkey. If tapering off works better for you, terrific!

[avocado]

Yeah, tomorrow will be Day 7 without a cigarette. Not a single one. Remember that I said that I was going to sew buttons on garments missing them? I pulled out my beautiful raspberry- fool colored wool coat,  and whaddya know? A fresh pack of Marlboro Lights and a Bic in the pocket.  I almost fainted with lust --  it was physical. I gave them to Lou.

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Oh, honey...how completely awful of the Gods of Vices to screw around with you like that. And how completely awesome of you to throw it back in their faces.

You all are quite an inspiration to me. I hope you all know the favor you're doing all of us by publicly exposing the rawness of your struggles, successes, and failures. I've no advice to give, as I've never had to quit anything so addictive as smoking. Nonetheless, just know that you have a little one-woman cheering section here in a little corner of Wisconsin that thinks of you often and wills you to succeed.

On topic: I love applying food imagery to everyday life- makes everything more intersting. Using "raspberry-fool" to describe a color is brilliant.

[Jason Perlow]

Jason asked me a while ago whether I'd had any cancer sticks.

Jeez! Just tell everyone what a callous A-hole I am, why dontcha! They don't need to know the truth!

[snowangel]

I'll lighten the mood a bit while I talk about dinner. I'll talk about the heavy stuff later.

So, my deep freeze is jammed. My pantry is full of stuff I don't know where came from. My current mission is to use up some of the stuff that's just laying around, which is what I did tonight.

I discovered that no, my Super Bowl party guests did not eat all of the smoked turkey. Someone had kindly wrapped it up and put it at the back of the fridge. So, I needed to do something with it.

A quick perusal of the pantry revealed a bottle of something. A can of this. Plus the 24 cans of diced tomatoes (yes, I will use those; Costco purchase). I had flour tortillas. I had shredded cheese (yeah, I know, but it's much easier for the kids). I also have block cheese, but I wanted to make this quick. And, I intended to use as few a number of cooking vessels as possible.

To start

A can of diced tomatoes, whizzed (but not to a puree) with my handy-dandy immersion blender. You'll note that my stove is on a peninsula which opens to the dining room, table which is full of stuff the kids dropped after school.

Then, I decided I really wished I'd sauted some onions and garlic for this. So, I diced an onion and smashed some garlic with my ultra cool mushroom. The onions went into the pan while I gave the garlic a rough chop.

I've already dirtied a second cooking vessel unnecessarily. Oh, well. But, as a side note, I really like that spatula thing. I got it at Crate and Barrell years ago, and I haven't seen one there since.

Meanwhile...

Turkey shredded by hand. Then there was this bottle of stuff rattling around. Lord knows why I ever bought it. Perhaps someone left it here after a party. I don't have a clue.

I mixed a mess of that with the smoked turkey and added a can of those diced chilis.

Assembly line

I really should have shown one of the "enchiladas" in process. A big of the tomato stuff on each side (not very much), some of the turkey stuff and some of Costco's very finest shredded cheese, rolled and into the pan.

Since there wasn't a lot of liquid in this, I tented it with foil for the first 15 minutes in the 350 degree oven, removed the foil and added cheese to the top.

Garnished with those three sorry looking scallions languishing in the veg drawer and cilantro (fridge staple in our house). The two at the back of the pan are cheese-less, per Diana's request.

Dinner!

Since this was a way tamed down dish, I added salsa to mine. Specifically, Salsa Lisa (very hot), a local company. This is good stuff.

Sorry, no bite shot. That's really hard at a family table with three kids.

But, this was yummy. Perfect treatment for the smoked turkey. And, the larder is just that much emptier.

[Smithy]

You and Fifi both? It looks like I'll have to get myself a stainless steel garlic smasher mushroom thingie.

[Marlene]

You and Fifi both?  It looks like I'll have to get myself a stainless steel garlic smasher mushroom thingie.

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Let's not go there. They don't make them anymore.

[snowangel]

But that doesn't seem to matter when your mind has decided you really haven't quit after all.  If you let it, it can become all consuming, so you can't think of anything else.  I reveled in the fact that I could smell things, that my car smelled so fresh and clean.  But all the while my mind screamed for a cigarette. 

You all know I've slipped some during this blog. And I continue to slip.  One of the worst parts of doing this so publically, is to know you are letting people down who are rooting for you.  The other worst part is how badly you can make yourself feel about that.  I could lie of course.  I mean, how would you know?  You can't see me.  And you have faith in me.  Which is truly why I can't lie to you.  Because you do, and your cheers and encouragement have meant far more to me than you'll ever know.  But it does put an additional layer of pressure on you which can just about do you in.  (and believe me, there's nothing worse than the look of (imagined) disappointment on a loved one's face when you light up).  My husband is my biggest non smoking cheerleader, and I've let him down too.  And then there's just trying to deal with everyday life.  Homework, work, volunteering, eGullet.  (the staff have been really smart and have stayed away from me recently. )

So I fall, and I get up.  Each day I fall a little less, but I still fall.  I was a two pack a day smoker.  I've averaged three cigarettes per day since this blog started.  It has made a difference, but I'm not clean.  Jason asked me a while ago whether I'd had any cancer sticks.  While the sentiment wasn't exactly helpful, the fact is he's right.  And I know intellectually how bad this is.  And everything in that book makes perfect sense to me.  The problem is, my need is still overpowering my intellect. 

So I'll continue to cook for you and to try for you.  I'll keep trying for me.  We've got 5 days left.  I'll be happy if I can get one of those to be completely smoke free.  And the trying doesn't stop when we stop blogging.  But I'm no heroine.  Just so you know.

(Maggie, a group hug would be just fine right about now.)

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Marlene hit some of my nails right on the head.

Today was a bad day for me. Especially bad.

First off, Paul will do this with me. He just wants to finish the cigarettes in the house, so they have been available. And, I haven't had the fortitude that Maggie has had.

But, I hit rock bottom today. This will absolutely disgust all of the people who have never smoked, but those who have smoked and quite with difficulty can relate. At 3:00 this afternoon, I went out on the deck to see if I could pry my stock loose (that's another story). Wait, another backtrack. We don't smoke in the house, but on the deck. The ash catcher for the Weber Kettle serves as the ash tray. There it was. A barely smoken cigarette. Yes, I did. And, I've had three more this evening.

Tomorrow morning I go and get the patch; the script is ready.

But the moment came about 2 hours ago. Peter and I had to run to the bookstore to get a book for Diana. When we got home, he asked me to come into his room and sit on his bed. He crawled into my lap, and looked at me. "Mommy, if you love us, why do you smoke?"

So tomorrow, I pick myself up, dust myself off and get going. What amazes me is that I am a strong and resilient person. I am the one who left the hospital shortly after giving birth. I take having a seriously mentall retarded daughter in stride. I'm even calm about Diana and her learner's permit and driving. I've got to let go of thos noose. I'm a stay at home mom, and in the past few days have gotten precious little done that needs to get done.

Maggie, my yoga mat is laid out for tomorrow morning. I've got my list of tasks to be done, and by god, I'm going to do them.

No platitudes, please. The encouragement I've received from the multitude of PM's that have stacked up and what has been expressed here has been remarkable. Have faith in me. I'm going to do it.

[Marlene]

So, soups and bread for Susan and I tomorow at least. French Onion for Don and I. Ryan loves chilled soups so even though it's winter, any ideas?

[Kouign Aman]

I've known people who gave up cocaine, heroin, etc, who say that giving up cigarettes was harder mentally than all those others combined.

You've been smokers for years. You've been non-smokers for days. You are not only giving up smoke, but working to break a myriad of habits that form around smoking. This has to be bloody hard. And you are persevering, and making progress. I am so very impressed by your fortitude, courage and grace. If I were doing something this difficult, we'd be eating drive-thru in my house! And I'd flay the person presumptuous enough to photograph it.

<editted to fix 'tie-po's'>

Edited February 8, 2006 by Kouign Aman (log)

[little ms foodie]

Susan, BRAVO!!! You are totally in charge now, I can tell!

on another note, seriously...I know this was cold turkey and all but other methods work and cause less stress.... programs and Zyban!!!!

[snowangel]

So, soups and bread for Susan and I tomorow at least. French Onion for Don and I.  Ryan loves chilled soups so even though it's winter, any ideas?

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Can attest to AlexP's White Gazpacho. You don't really need to peel the grapes, but if you want to do so, it's much easier if you dunk them in boiling water first.

[snowangel]

I know this was cold turkey and all but other methods work and cause less stress.... programs and Zyban!!!!

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Note above that there was cold turkey; cold smoked turkey right out of my fridge.

I tried Zyban once. It made me jittery, I couldn't sleep, and for the only time in my life, I was constipated (that includes being pregnant and after having kids three times). That was awful. I didn't want cigarettes any less, and what was worse was that my body was no longer my own!

[MarketStEl]

I know you've heard this several times before in this discussion, but:

Whatever you do, when you slip, don't beat yourself up about how you let yourself and the rest of us down.

Mood-altering substances can be crutches, and it's often hard to get rid of those once they are no longer needed.

Given how my Dad departed this planet, and given my own predisposition towards depression, I shouldn't even touch a drop of wine. And I didn't, for sixteen months. Now I do. I like to think that I control the drug more than it controls me, since I drink less than I did before I quit and never by myself without food. But deep down inside, I know I'm kidding myself when I entertain this thought.

Still, you can beat it into submission.

Edited to add: Glad you liked the dip, Marlene. I'll have to try your add-ins next batch. As soon as I download the current crop of pix from the camera, I will post this on RecipeGullet with illustrations.

Edited February 8, 2006 by MarketStEl (log)

[snowangel]

Peter and I spent a bit of time getting ready to make bread tomorrow.

Just call him The Bread Baker's Apprentice.

My mixer is an old (we'll have been married 25 years in June and I think this was a 2nd or 3rd anniv. present 250 watt KA made by Hobart (as was the dishwasher in my former house), back when this was the only model available for consumers, and only available in white. It has never let me down.

Peter finally found a use for that silly plastic shield thing that I never use.

Lest you think that Peter was up this late, he wasn't. I had a long nap, he's long been to bed, and my camera's new battery is slow to charge.

Off now. Perchance to sleep, perchance to dream. But, yoga in the morning and resolve in the heart. Tomorrow, I have to think, will dawn late and sunny. I think it would really help if I got up after the sun rises, but that's yet another excuse. Peter reminded me tonight not to beat myself up to much because I am a fun mom and I do lots of things for other people. I think I've spent way too much time beating myself up this week.

[Chufi]

Peter really does get cuter with every blog!!

His smile makes me smile as I'm reading this blog, procrastinating and yet again not cleaning my desk.

I have never smoked and thus never quit, but I am very very good at beating myself up about almost everything that I want to do but don't. It really wears you out and is absolutely good for nothing.

Keep going everybody, trying to do something good is heroism in my book, and you are the only ones who can define 'success'. Smoking less can be the success, thinking about the dynamics of smoking, as Susan and Marlene have described so eloquently here, can be the success. Awareness can be the success. Maybe you won't quit 100 % now, but I'm pretty sure one day you will, and doing this blog will have played part in that process.

Edited February 8, 2006 by Chufi (log)

[Susan in FL]

I have never smoked and thus never quit, but I am very very good at beating myself up about almost everything that I want to do but don't. It really wears you out and is absolutely good for nothing.

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Wow, that certainly hit the nails on the head for me. What is it about most of us that we're like this? I've survived and overcome lots of things in my life, but this remains the hardest for me.

....Multiply that by what you all are doing right now, and not doing right now, and publicly, I can hardly imagine but I totally admire and respect you.

....And the food!! Sweet! Marlene, the hot roast beef sandwich looked so good. I haven't had that in years. I love the looks of those onion rings, too, and I want some like that on top of the next steak I have. They remind me of those that are served atop a beef stroganoff recipe I have.

Fast lunch; it was ready in 4 minutes.

Susan, I am going to search the Asian markets I go to for MAMA noodles. That meal is for me! Your dinner last night looked damn good too.

I hope Dave is OK... have either of you heard from him behind the scenes, so we know that he is OK?

LOL, this might be the most impressive of all:

Kudos to all, including those that are joining in along with the official bloggers.

[bleudauvergne]

But that doesn't seem to matter when your mind has decided you really haven't quit after all.  If you let it, it can become all consuming, so you can't think of anything else.  I reveled in the fact that I could smell things, that my car smelled so fresh and clean.  But all the while my mind screamed for a cigarette. 

...

So I fall, and I get up.  Each day I fall a little less, but I still fall.  I was a two pack a day smoker.  I've averaged three cigarettes per day since this blog started. 

...

So I'll continue to cook for you and to try for you.  I'll keep trying for me.  We've got 5 days left.  I'll be happy if I can get one of those to be completely smoke free.  And the trying doesn't stop when we stop blogging.  But I'm no heroine. 

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Hmm, On the contrary, I think that you all are well on your way. Your decision to do this and the efforts you have made in that direction make you all heros in my book. Keep looking forward. I enjoyed a cigarette now and then, maybe one or two a day over the last 6 months. I didn't know any of you smoked before this blog! Looking at the efforts here and hearing how profoundly this is affecting your lives has made me think twice about the reasons why I was doing it in the first place. It also made me think that even though it hadn't worked its way yet into my way of life, it is a good idea to go ahead and stop before I get hooked. I stubbed out the last one of the pack on page 4 of this blog, and haven't gone to get any more. Thank you for that. You may be saving more people than you know.

[Safran]

Good morning Snow Angel and Marlene!

It's a bright, crisp day here, excellent for new beginnings!! Heavens, Snow Angel, just COUNT the ciggies you DIDN'T smoke. If that isn't progress, I don't know what is! I find that both of you are far, far too hard on yourselves. You've done well....now, as Marlene says, let's try to find Dave either under a stack of computer stuff of cigarette packs...it's ok Dave, we love you too!!!

I really, really enjoy this blog, the food, life as it goes because yes, all of this is very much linked. Happy cooking, dear friends!

[snowangel]

Good morning. The late dawn has revealed a very sunny day. I'm hopeful that it will warm up enough that I don't have to take a blow dryer to that pot ot stock on the deck...

Peter and I have done yoga, and I have decided to try and eat an earlier breakfast than normal.

Peter joined me in grapefruit, but he prefers his halved and eaten with one of those serated grapefruit spoons. I prefer to peel mine, remove the membrane (one side) and eat them that way. Hints for what is for dinner are in the cookbooks on the counter. And, yes, coffee is also on the breakfast menu.

The morning program here includes some drywalling.

[Marlene]

Good morning all. It is sunny but rather cold today. The thermometer on my deck currently reads -9C (someone else do the conversion). I am about to make soups. I found a really nice roasted peach soup that I think Ryan will like. I do have a question though. What the heck is Star Ainse and can I use anise seed instead?

I couldn't find star anise anywhere for love nor money. The recipe calls for 1 star ainse, cracked.

Help!

(oh and we've heard from Dave. I can't speak to his smoking or not, but he is having major connection problems.)

[snowangel]

I should have noted the source of my grapefruit. My neighbors were recently in Arizona (Phoenix area) cleaning out her dad's house now that he has moved to a care facility. The grapefruit were picked off of the two trees in his yard. One tree provided white grapefruit, the other pink. They are absolutely wonderful, and seem to have thinner skins than what we've gotten at the grocery and are also smaller. They are absolutely wonderful, and I do think I prefer the white ones.