Picky Eater Help

[sandercohan]

So I have a friend, who, despite being a lovely person, is an aggavatingly picky eater. This personality trait makes going out to dinner, or having her at dinner parties, a bit of a challenge.

What usually happens is that she'll eat separately, or I'll make her something that she will eat, while the rest of the party goes about their business. She seems to be okay with this, but I would like to include her when I cook.

I would like to (gently) expand her herizons. The plan is to branch out from tastes and flavors I know she like, to get her to try (and maybe like) some more adventurous foods and recipies. What I would like help from you is some recipe ideas, perhaps tactics from dealing with picky eaters in your life.

What my friend will eat. Literally, this is it, folks (she's in her late 20's).

-Macaroni and Cheese (no funky/smelly cheeses, though).

-Plain, skinless/boneless chicken breast.

-Caesar Salad (no visible anchovies, detectable fishiness)

-Steak, well done.

Definitely a challenge. My instinct is that the best method to go through is exploit the garlic angle in the Caesar Salad. Let me know if you have thoughts.

thx.

[BarbaraY]

Good luck! The chances of expanding her food horizons is pretty slim if she has reached her late twenties and still eats like a four year old.

I had a niece that said, "I won't eat anything I haven't tasted before."

[Megan Blocker]

One way to go may be to exploit her enjoyment of mac and cheese - spice it up with some veggies or meat in it, use a little garlic, maybe some parmesan (if she likes Caesar salad...), and sneak things into it.

That might be a start.

[jsolomon]

Had? Eep! What did you do to her? I have a 4 year old niece who is very similar.

My opinion is that ungracious guests ought not be invited back as often as gracious guests. But, I'm a rather abrasive, callous person when it comes to those who do not want to expand their horizons as a rule.

[godito]

Sorry, I think it's pretty much up to her. If she doesn't want to try new things, it's best no to force her. My brother is not really a picky eater, but he won't eat any seafood or fish. Now, what do I like to cook? Fish..., so, when I cook for my family, I never make seafood or fish. I've explained to him how good scallops are and stuff. But nothing. Let her be. Like arbara said, it's hard to deal with a 4 yr old mentality. Not everybody appreciates post-modernist paitings, and not everybody enjoys great food.

[Tess]

I agree that it's up to her. Unless she's interested in expanding her horizons, it ain't going to happen and you'll both just end up frustrated.

[Curlz]

Yeah, this is a tough one...I have one friend who's almost as bad. Turns out that when he was a kid, his mom went on a macrobiotic kick and forced it on the whole family, which is why, at 40, he eats about 12 things. But since he's a single guy who only eats/cooks a handful of things (i.e. if it's Thursday, it's salmon on his George Forman grill, or he'll take out the ONE dish he likes from the Thai place--and no, I'm not making that up), I love to bring him containers of stuff I've made! He doesn't like too much spice. He doesn't like many veggies. He won't eat my minestrone...because it has beans in it. But my turkey/wild rice soup, which has mushrooms (THE HORROR) in it gets the seal of approval, b/c he can pick out the 'shrooms.

About a month ago, I made a fantastic (and ridiculously easy) recipe for (pork) carnitas in the crock pot. I brought him a serving for dinner--over white rice, with some cheddar cheese sprinkled on top, and a few tortillas wrapped in foil. I commanded him to heat the tortillas over an open flame on his stove (GASP), using tongs (he actually had them). I got a message on my machine that night saying "Okay, I did the tortillas exactly as you told me to, and you were right...they're not rubbery like they usually are out of the microwave. And btw, I've liked a lot of things you've made me, but this gets an A++, and you can make it for me ANY time!" That, friends, was a rave. After all, there is cumin in the recipe!! Of course, MY carnitas also had black beans, corn, cilantro and salsa on them...

Once I heard the story about his mom and the macrobiotic stuff, I decided to forgive him for this one (major) flaw.

[Tess]

By the way, does anyone know any literature about picky eaters-- medical or otherwise? I find it a really interesting topic and would like to know what it is like being an adult who's a very picky. I try to think of the few foods I hate, and imagine how it would be to feel like that about most food, but I can't.

I've had two male friends who were extremely picky and kind of a pain in the butt about it. They always seemed so scared that someone was going to make them eating something they would not like. There was always a fuss of some kind about food. Last I heard of either of them, they were both single and wondering why and I really suspect it had something to do with what it was like eating meals with them.

Edited July 7, 2005 by Tess (log)

[Metal Spice]

Let it go. She's not going to be happy about the fact that you're "sneaking" things into her food. Why does everybody feel the need to change picky eaters? I can't stand spicey foods & everybody always gives me the same speech - just try it, you'll like it. Um, OK, what part of I don't like spicey foods didn't you understand? I don't mind a little kick but I simply cannot eat food that makes me uncomfortable. Picky eaters know what they like & when they feel adventurous, they'll try something new. Until that time, leave it alone. However, if you do invite this person over for a meal with others, make it perfectly clear that you are not bending over backwards to make her a special meal. We have a friend who is 35 years old & he eats nothing but junk food. Pizza, cheeseburgers, mac & cheese, kool aid, mountain dew & sugary, chocolatey snacks. No fruit, no veggies, no chicken unless it's fried. At Thanksgiving, he brings a pizza to his parents house & that's all he eats.

[laniloa]

As a still reforming picky eater my advice would be to go at her pace without drawing too much attention to it. Keep the setting fun so she doesn't get defensive and dig in her heels. Grab onto any remotely positive comment she makes. If cooking multiple meals gets too tiresome, go out for dinner, happy hour and nibbles, brunch where someone else has to do the work and your focus can be on enjoying her company.

[TMus1111]

Oh, do I have a friend like that. She only eats the most unhealthy foods, i.e. fried chicken, mac and cheese, pizza, double cheeseburgers, etc. Won't touch a piece of lettuce, not even on her burger, and fruit -only if its baked in a pie. She is 35 years old and very over weight. Sadly, I don't think she will ever be able to change this fact unless she makes up her mind to try new things. I have been trying for 10 years to get her to try stuff, but she just won't budge.

[BarbaraY]

Had?  Eep!  What did you do to her?  I have a 4 year old niece who is very similar.

She was a grown woman at the time. She died several years ago.

[Verjuice]

I really want to know: Does your friend cook?

My best friend was an unbelievably picky eater until she hit 27, when she moved in with her grandmother temporarily.

As she had only lived in cities until then, her twice-daily chicken-cutlet-on-white-bread-sandwiches-with-lettuce-only and iceberg-lettuce-salads-with-lemon-juice-only were easily accomodated by any number of places ranging from Greek diners to pizzerias to coffee shops to chains like TGIFridays and the like. She invariably bought her food at carry-out restaurants.

When she wanted to lose some weight, she shed one hundred and fifty pounds by switching from fried chicken cutlet to grilled. That adjustment and also deleting her thrice-daily habit of coffee-cream-sugar were the only dietary changes she made.

The only other things I saw her eat in ten years were canned chicken-and-stars soup (had to be stars) and fries that she ordered "soft and soggy"- she had a downright aversion to crisp fries. The sight of a steak or the smell of a lovely, ripe cheese would send her gagging out of the room.

So, enter grandma, who eats a lot of frozen dinners and lives in a rural area with no 24 hour take-out joints. My friend realized that she would have to learn to cook her own nursery fare. She started with chicken cutlets, of course, buying them buy the dozen and freezing them until needed. Then she started placing the breasts on her iceberg lettuce salads. When the markets were out of iceberg lettuce, she'd buy romaine, and then one day she tried baby spinach because it looked more fresh. The next week, she heated the spinach in the microwave (no laughing!). Then she tried it in a pan. Then she tried adding a little bit of olive oil. And so forth. It's been ten months, and even though she's gained thirty pounds back, she's ecstatic to have discovered the Kitchen. She says that cooking is "like magic".

And her New Year's resolution was to try fish and she started with poached salmon. Last week, we went out for sushi and she couldn't believe that the tuna sashimi didn't smell like cat food, as she had expected.

I know that this is an unusual case, but it's true. Nevertheless it was something she needed to figure out on her own, and she wouldn't have if the circumstances had been more forgiving.

Take her camping, perhaps? Feed her griddlecakes and berries and fresh trout?

[Cleo]

She's not going to be happy about the fact that you're "sneaking" things into her food.

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Totally agree with this. Do not sneak things into the food or she will just pick them out.

I am married to a somewhat reformed picky eater. The root of his problems stem from the fact that when he was a child, his father demanded that he and his brother eat certain "healthy" foods. Like tuna fish. His father would "sneak" tuna fish into peanut butter sandwiches. Yeah, that really worked. And his father demanded that they eat vegetables that they didn't like. So now, my husband would die before he would eat tuna fish or even a piece of lettuce and most vegetables.

But since I love food, I have been very patient with him and in the 5 years that we've been together, I've encouraged him to try new things. Sometimes he will, and likes them. Sometimes he refuses. But he would never ruin a night out or a dinner party and he never expects people to cater to his needs. He either finds something he likes, or he eats when he gets home and doesn't make a big deal.

And the more I stopped making a big deal, the more interested in food he has become. As somebody else mentioned, go at her pace.

[shelora]

Have you tried getting her really drunk first? Or high? I've noticed this tends to let down ones guard.

On a more serious note, how about a jaunt to local farm for a u-pick experience. This bland palate of hers sounds like it belongs to someone very out of touch with where food comes from and very little experience cooking and no travel experience.

Could I suggest organic chicken next, for a baby step toward full flavoured foods? You could perhaps do a back to back tasting - regular factory chicken vs free range organic.

[NulloModo]

Next time you invite her to a dinner party don't cook anything special for her, she either eats what everyone else does, or she goes hungry, well either that or she stops coming to your dinner parties, which would be less of a hassle.... picky eater friends are best hung out with in non-dinner party scenarios anyway.

I was never a super-picky eater, but when I was a kid I disliked okra, turnips, carrots, potatos, seafood other than shrimp and lobster, and beef stew. Thankfully, my parents were adamant that I at least taste some of everything they cooked, and over time I grew to like all of those dishes. Obviously, you aren't her parent, and she isn't a child, so you don't have the same sway, but the argument of 'this is what I have cooked, eat it or not, but I'm not cooking anything else' does have some sway.

I'm also indebted to my father for convincing me that if I couldn't eat a raw jalepeno when I was 12 that I really wasn't a man's man ;) Heck, if I hadn't gotten into spicy foods then I might not have discovered the joys of hot sauces and spicy foods that I know now...

Expansion of minds and tastes is never a bad thing, sometimes people just need a little push.

[Lynn Dinwoodie]

It's hard to believe that once.. a long long time ago..I too, was a picky eater. Fortunately, my parents did not hide things or make a big deal of anything..and so at my own pace.. I became less pedestrian in my tastes. Now, I will pretty much try anything..at least twice. The first time for the experience and the second time to see if I really really either love it or dislike it. I believe that one should also explain to people that your taste does change..kind of a face saving device. As children we can be quite vehement ..saying...ooo I just hate..whatever..and then as your horizons and tastes expand..one does want to try whatever. Of course, if you have made a great fuss about not liking something..sometimes it can be a bit intimidating or just down right embarassing wanting to try different things. So my advice ..everything is an adventure..give it a go..and enjoy the experience.

[nacho]

I hear where you are coming from, sandercohan.

A really good friend of mine is now engaged to a picky eater. I have only invited them over for dinner once in the last year (even though I love having friends over for dinner) b/c I don't know what to fix that would accomodate her. Most of the stuff I enjoy cooking is gonna include something she dislikes (onions, mushrooms, etc.). They've invited me over a couple of times (and neither of them are good cooks, so accepting the invitation is really more about keeping in touch), but since I haven't returned the favor, we seem to be talking less and less, which is a real shame.

Then, last night as I was eating the dinner I had just made, I finally realized it was something I could make that they would both love (and by your criteria above, might work for you as well)....

Kabobs.

There's so many options here. Last night, I cubed the steak and had steak-only skewers, another skewer was halved small new potatoes, another was of alternating mushrooms and onions, another of just sliced zuccini, etc. I hadn't been thinking in terms of picky eaters when I decided to make the skewers "single item"...more of the idea that everything on the skewer would be just the right doneness at the same time.

Once off the grill, I served the kabobs with rice (and if your friend is a mac and cheese girl, you could add some butter to her rice, which while not at all "authentic", is pretty damn good ). She can then pick only the skewers she'll eat. Make some chicken only skewers as well, and just put basic seasonings on them. And in fact, my steak skewers were awesome and they were just seasoned with kosher salt, black pepper, onion powder, and finally, I added a little olive oil just before putting on the grill. Nothing too exotic.

For the less picky eaters, you can also make some hummus to serve on the side and toast some pita bread. And have tabooli.

[lmarshal1]

I'd say, invite her, fix what you wish, and let her go hungry, if that's what she wishes. I truly can't bear people like this. When we accommodate their childishness, we allow them to control us in an unhealthy way. lkm

[DTBarton]

I have some experience in this area. We have some good friends (a couple) and when we first met them, the woman (who was about 27, eerily) would only eat about the same things on your list (mac and cheese, well done steak, mashed potatoes, sweets like pastries and cookies).

She's now about 35, and while she's not going to tuck into a plate of sweetbreads or anything, she has expanded her horizons considerably. She will eat well in our local tapas place and sushi bar (loves grilled fish, not much raw fish, but she's advanced to seaweed salad, tempura shrimp and veggies, and California rolls), so it is possible for picky eaters to grow. When we first met she never would have considered setting foot in a Spanish or Japanese restaurant, much less actually EATING there! I believe this was accomplished by slow, steady exposure to other stuff by her husband and us without a lot of pressure. She also went to law school and when she was interviewing with law firms, they wined and dined her in many good Washington DC restaurants. She had started branching out before, but it was during the interviews that she actually stated her desire to get more sophisticated in her eating and drinking choices. So, probably like most things, if the person wants to change, they can.

[ratgirlny]

I once had a friend who would eat no vegetable matter of any kind. She was so bad about it that if she saw a fleck of green herb in a restaurant dish, she would send the whole thing back. Because she was so terrified of being served a vegetable, she would only eat plain meat and plain starch with no sauce - so the restaurant couldn't hide a vegetable in the dish.

I knew her for about 5 years, and she never got any better in that time.

I personally think food pickiness at this extreme level veers over into mental illness. Obsessive compulsive disorder perhaps?

[helenjp]

I've revised my views on picky eaters...a bit!

I've come to think that picky people probably are (or were once) more sensitive to tastes or textures, so the important point is how they incorporate pickiness into their eating habits - are they preemptive-defensive picky or merely cautious-but-not-incurious picky?

[mizducky]

The story goes round in my family that back when my brother was really young, he was a frightfully picky eater. Hot dogs and applesauce. That was it. Trying enough, but even moreso in a family obsessed about food. But my brother was apparently a little holy terror when he was small, so my folks were mainly glad they got him to eat anything at all.

Anyway, the story continues that one evening the whole family--except for Baby Bro--was having grilled steak for dinner. Bro was eating his hotdog as usual, when he stopped, sat for awhile watching everyone else chow down and go yum ... and suddenly he'd whipped that hotdog across the room and wouldn't stop wailing until he was given some steak too.

There remained some foods he continued to be a little odd about, but for all intents and purposes he pretty much wised up right then.

[savvysearch]

I once had a friend who would eat no vegetable matter of any kind. She was so bad about it that if she saw a fleck of green herb in a restaurant dish, she would send the whole thing back. Because she was so terrified of being served a vegetable, she would only eat plain meat and plain starch with no sauce - so the restaurant couldn't hide a vegetable in the dish.

I knew her for about 5 years, and she never got any better in that time.

I personally think food pickiness at this extreme level veers over into mental illness. Obsessive compulsive disorder perhaps?

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How is she still alive?

[TPO]

I agree with the others who have said sneaking food isn't going to accomplish much. It's not like you can take a victory lap around the kitchen afterwards chanting, "I got you to eat garlic!"

I know with many picky kids, getting them to help select the food or help with the cooking makes them want to try things they choose or helped prepare. Maybe invite her on a trip to a farmers' market so she can see a variety of things, and let her see you ask the farmers lots of questions and get excited about the food. Then another day ask her to either cook with you or help you prepare for a dinner party. Maybe that will make her more adventurous.