Hi,I'll be your server tonight, how is everything?

[Gifted Gourmet]

article on service etiquette

what I find remarkable is the lack of regard for the customer and the guest by the Service Staff, often unwittingly disrespecting my patronage. The greeting is friendly certainly, but far too familiar and casual.  I do not want to be a friend, a pal or a buddy. I am paying for this dining experience; relishing the chef’s creation.  Beyond being offered crushed pepper on my meal before I even taste the entrée (an affront not only to our Mother’s Cardinal Rule but also to the Chef’s expertise), I anticipate the mandatory visit to ascertain my pleasure with the entrée.  Hopefully, this occurs somewhere around bite number ten.  Servers should never ask the open ended question. “how is everything?"  This becomes like a crime scene, and you are a witness. No one likes to be put on the spot.

Do you ever feel that you are being put on the spot?

Do any of the comments in this article sound like something you have thought while dining out?

Does your server offer you ground pepper before you have a chance to taste your entree?

Does your server check on your meal, but unobtrusively?

Opinions on this interesting article??

[Pan]

I agree with some of the author's objections, but I think he is a real curmudgeon:

The meal close is the appropriate formal time to recognize my patronage, and thanks should be effusive.  We are pleased that you joined us, thank you for your business, please come again—thank you, thank you, thank you!  Not, “thanks, guys”. And, another thing  I do not like smiley button expressions, like “have a nice day”.  This is overused and banal.  Become a little more elegant and considerate with “enjoy the remainder of the evening”.

Who cares? Not me! Then again, I suppose the author may be older and more old-fashioned than I.

If I am asked to “walk this way” to my table, I usually stumble trying the various gaits demonstrated.

Now, this crosses the line from curmudgeonly to stupid, unless it's supposed to be funny.

I also don't object to "How is everything?" if the question is sincere, or if the staff are willing to do something if I have a complaint in response. But you have to know what the situation is, and your complaints have to be reasonable, accordingly.

The pepper thing is truly annoying, though. I want to taste the dish before deciding whether it needs pepper. And if it's Pasta Fra Diavolo, it had better not need pepper!

[Tess]

I didn't think he sounded too much like a stickler. Calling people "guys" is not what I expect in a medium-to-fancy place. You never know what's going to annoy people, but I think that staying away from too-cutesy speech is a pretty safe bet. I stopped going to one place with pretty good food because the waiters, who did not seem particularly inexperienced or uncouth in other ways, were very show-offy (but dumb) in the way they talked. They particularly liked to repeat our name several times loudly when we showed up. It's a long Mediterranean name (lots of vowels) and I guess they thought it sounded amusing. They would say things to rhyme with it and stuff. It got to be a crashing bore.

On the other hand, I was just in a restaurant where the waiter seemed very nervous and kept saying things like "Excellent choice," but I forgave him because he wasn't trying to be cute or anything; he was just inexperienced.

[Gifted Gourmet]

I agree with some of the author's objections, but I think he is a real curmudgeon:

Who cares? Not me! Then again, I suppose the author may be older and more old-fashioned than I.

←

John R. Hendrie, CEO Hospitality Performance, Inc.

sounds like he is not only a curmudgeon and CEO, but knows the business quite well!

[Pan]

Yeah, I imagine so, Melissa.

Still, you have to admit that people have different levels of tolerance for things. I get angry when wait staff repeatedly break into conversations to ask whether I'm "still working on" my food, but I don't give a damn about informality. Then again, it's not like I'm dining at Alain Ducasse every...um, ever.

[lovebenton0]

I do appreciate a more pointed question from servers than "How is everything?" but I'm not going to be upset by it. Offering pepper - or grated cheese -- for my food before I have tasted it is inappropriate. I then need to either make the server wait while I taste and appraise the dish under their watchful eye (maybe it's just me, but I don't go out to eat to actually have people watch me eating ) or ask them to return in a few minutes.

I appreciate it when a server is friendly and observant without intruding on converstions or hovering too much. A bit of informality is not going to throw me, but a "thanks, guys" at the end of a fine meal is like finding a Hershey bar on your chocolate plate -- unexpected and inapproriate in a formal setting.

And the bit about "thank you, thank you, thank you," bowing and scraping is a bit over the top IMO. One thank you, enjoy your evening, etc., is quite sufficient!

We don't go out often and choose where we do go based on food, service and ambience depending on our mood. I don't expect to receive the same service/informality at a fine restaurant as I am sure to get from a diner. "Thanks, guys!" from the waitstaff at the diner is just fine with me.

[TheFoodTutor]

John R. Hendrie, CEO      Hospitality Performance, Inc.

sounds like he is not only a curmudgeon and CEO, but knows the business quite well!

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Does he? He didn't sound like it to me.

Crushed pepper and cracked pepper are two different things, and he confuses them in the space of a pretty short article. If you offer crushed pepper flakes, you'd bring them in a little dish on the side with a demitasse spoon, so that the guest can pepper his own food. If you offer cracked pepper, you use a peppermill, and it is, contrary to many people's opinions, correct to offer the cracked pepper immediately on placing a salad in front of the guest.

That's simply a standard of service, and it is not indicative of a decline in etiquette.

[jackal10]

I do object to this over familiarity by the service staff. A nasty mostly American habit, I fear.

I have no wish to enter into a personal relationship with my server, still less a first name one. "Waiter" is a perfactly satisfactory and respectful form of address, should it be needed.

Even worse is a personal greeting with a cutsy icon scribbled on the check, in the jope of a better tip. Next will be their phone number and an invitation to stay the night, or start an affair...

I realise these people are, by tradition, not paid properly and need to beg, but if giving service is as much of a pleasure as they state, surely that is its own reward?

"How is everything?" is one of those questions, like "How are you" that requires a conventional lie in response "Fine Thanks", meaning "Go away". Telling the truth - the bread is par baked rubbish, the food greasy and cold, the steaks over-cooked, the fries pale and aneamic, the salad dressing commercial and oversweet, is to invite trouble, and in any case most of these things are not in the control of the waitroon, or even the chef.

None the less, evil is done by indifference. We should all tell it how it is, and preferably direct to the manager, owner or someone who has control. Otherwise we will continue to suffer indifferent food, and the establishment management will continue to believe their customer's don't care, and to be smugly self-congatulatory on a a job poorly done. Alas, I don't often have the energy to protest as I should, nor, I suspect, do you, and thus, following Gresham's law, the bad drives out the good.

[Marlene]

Pan,Nov 23 2004, 12:49 AM

If I am asked to “walk this way” to my table, I usually stumble trying the various gaits demonstrated

Now, this crosses the line from curmudgeonly to stupid, unless it's supposed to be funny

.

this is a line from one of the only movies I've ever seen, Young Frankenstein, in which the hunchback(Marty Feldman) asks Dr. Frankenstein ( Gene Wilder)to "walk this way" and Wilder imitates Feldman's strange gait as they walk along.

Given the fact that this writer opened with a line from comedian Rodney Dangerfield, I suspect he was trying to be funny.

In my opinion, the rules change depending on whether you're a frequent guest at the restaurant (a regular) or a first time diner. When you frequent a restaurant, the staff get to know you, and it's natural to become more friendly and "familiar" with their regular customers, depending on how you react to such informality. As a server, part of the art is to judge your customers and understand how your customers like to be treated. A good server will always follow a customer's lead. If a server tests the waters by greeting a table, with "Hi guys, how are we this evening" and receives "We are not guys, and I am fine thank you", any server with a clue, is going to back off the friendly laid back approach and revert to a more formal mode. If, on the other hand, the customer's response is a smile and a "hey we're great thanks", it's usually an indication the server can proceed in a more informal manner.

Whether to offer pepper at the beginning or wait until the dish has been tasted is a matter of long standing debate. It's a ritual and nothing more. Usually, unless you specifically ask, all you're going to get is a few twists of the mill, not nearly enough to make a difference to the taste of your meal.

[NulloModo]

I actually enjoy famliarity and informality from waitstaff. Being in good humor helps ease the inherent tension of being served by others, and just makes the experience that much more relaxed and pleasurable. I also don't mind cute things scribbled on checks, it usually makes me smile, and a nice smile after a good meal is always a pleasant way to end things.

I also hardly ever turn down pepper or cheese when offered up before I have tasted. There are preccious few things that don't taste better with some fresh cracked black pepper on top, and if it is appropriate for a dish to be served with cheese, then sure, I would like some more added right at the table.

[Gifted Gourmet]

this is a line from one of the only movies I've ever seen, Young Frankenstein, in which the hunchback(Marty Feldman) asks Dr. Frankenstein ( Gene Wilder)to "walk this way" and Wilder imitates Feldman's strange gait as they walk along.

←

Never am I able to hear someone in a restaurant say this line without visualizing the exact same scene by the multitalented Feldman! Classic!

Thanks for the memories and proper attribution, Marlene!

back to the topic at hand .... sorry for the petite digression ...

[handmc]

Most service is ok. Please don't tell me your first name. I won't remeber it after I read the menu, and no I won't send you flowers the next day.

I don't necessarily mind the informality because it is hard to figure out what they are being forced to say or do. For example I don't think waiters like being forced to clip and pin cute things to their outfit becoming ever more garish and absurd but there are a few national chains that evaluate performance based upon a waiter's spirit, a.k.a. the junk pinned to their clothes.

Being force to sit through the specials mantra is tedious. A would you like to hear abouts tonights specials would be sufficent. I can read. If you can afford a slip of paper for the table or in the menu describing them or a chalk board I probably don't want to order the special. After AB's book I don't think I would ever order a special again anyway.

What I cannot abide is when the waitron returns to the table for the obligatory how's everything just after I have taken a bite. They then hawk over you while you gag and choke down your food so they can make a mental check mark. I will tip extra simply to be afforded the courtesy of being asked a question when I don't have food in my mouth.

The pepper thing, another check mark, tip grubbing at its finest. I'll ask for pepper if I need it. I hate people telling me what I need before I know I need it. Until I have a guardian appointed for me I'd like the precious few years, before I'm shipped off to a home and back in diapers, when I get to make a choice, to be free of this presumptuous intrusion.

Lastly, I don't want to see pictures of their children, swap yarns with waitron or engage in other unnecessary conversation. I am with either my wife, the tribe or a business associate, so I have people to talk to. I'm not unfriendly, but a night out with any of my companions is a treat for me, hopefully my companions and I'm not looking to strike up new friendships. Hi how are you, fine. Good night guys come back soon, that's fine too. But I don't want to know there is trouble in the kitchen, its unsettling.

Edited November 23, 2004 by handmc (log)

[Gifted Gourmet]

I have to admit it, handmc, that you have actually said this entire thing even more interestingly than I ever could, albeit tongue-planted-firmly-in-cheek ...

and I love the term "presumptuous intrusion" which sums up the pepper grinding thing beautifully!

[Pan]

Lastly, I don't want to see pictures of their children, swap yarns with waitron or engage in other unnecessary conversation.

←

Are waitstaff you don't know showing you pictures of their children? Or is this at places where you're a regular and they've known you for x-number of years? I think that kind of informality is quite alright at a diner or other informal restaurant, under the latter set of circumstances, providing that the customer had broached the subject by saying something like "How are you? I haven't seen you for a while."

[Gifted Gourmet]

Lastly, I don't want to see pictures of their children, swap yarns with waitron or engage in other unnecessary conversation.

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Are waitstaff you don't know showing you pictures of their children?

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I think from the overall drift of handmc's post that the point was to overstate the case to make a point .. familiarity ain't necessary nor even desirable if you are interested in the dining experience in and of itself ....

[phaelon56]

IMHO different types and levels of service are appropriate for different types of establishments. At a casual or neighborhood restaurant that has a decidedly informal feel, I'm not at all put out by a server who introduces themselves by name when they first arrive at the table. I expect a higher degree of formality at more formal and more upscale establishments.

I respectfully submit that the statement :

I realize these people are, by tradition, not paid properly and need to beg, but if giving service is as much of a pleasure as they state, surely that is its own reward?

is a bit unfair. They don't need to "beg" and I've never personally seen behavior from a server that lent that impression but perhaps I don't eat out regularly enough to have witnessed that. Some servers seem to genuinely enjoy their work and thrive on the opportunity to interact with customers and meet their needs. Others go through the motions. I tip accordingly.

Our local small-town restaurant reviewer is frequently off the mark but she always properly identifies the "youse guys school of serving" when she sees it

With all due respect to jackal (I do regularly enjoy your posts), I also must disagree with this statement:

"How is everything?" is one of those questions, like "How are you" that requires a conventional lie in response "Fine Thanks", meaning "Go away". Telling the truth - the bread is par baked rubbish, the food greasy and cold, the steaks over-cooked, the fries pale and anemic, the salad dressing commercial and oversweet, is to invite trouble, and in any case most of these things are not in the control of the waitroon, or even the chef.

A question like that requires and calls for a direct response. If there's any issue with my food, regardless of what that issue may be (excepting my having not understood what I was really ordering), that question is affording me the opportunity to ask for it to be corrected. It's in the nature of kitchens and serving that mistakes do happen on occasion. I rate an establishment in part based on how they respond to problems and correct them. If they handle things in an appropriate manner I'll typically return there and give them another chance if the overall experience was good and/or they showed real potential. If they shrug their shoulders and fail to address the problems it's telling me exactly what I need to know: they don't value my business enough to have an interest in seeing me return (e.g. the waitress at a local Mexican restaurant who responded, when my dining partner and I both commented on the excessive saltiness of the burritos... "Gee - that's what everyone's been saying all evening when they get that dish". Duh. Then she walked away. So did I.).

[TheFoodTutor]

I find it very interesting to note that many of the things that irk diners on this thread are items on the checklist provided to secret shoppers. If a server doesn't do those things, it can pop up as a hideous black mark on the report from the shop, and there will certainly be some explaining to do, with the server possibly being suspended or fired. Here are a few required where I work:

I have to say my name.

I have to suggest a specific appetizer.

I have to say the specials, and I even have to try to launch into them before it gets too late in the initial greet, since if I wait for the secret shopper to interrupt me and ask, "What are your specials?" that will show up as a big deficit, since the shopper will write, "TheFoodTutor didn't tell me the specials until I asked." (this really happened to me )

I have to do a quality check within 2 minutes, and my boss tells me that it's even best to do it immediately, or as soon after the entrees hit the table as possible, since shoppers have a nasty habit of turning 2 minutes into 8 when they're remembering back and filling out the report.

And when I worked at places that offered ground pepper for salads, it was mandatory that it be immediate as well.

While I personally prefer unobtrusive, efficient service, the majority opinion seems to be the opposite. So the reason servers are too chatty is because this behavior is generally rewarded with better tips.

I was at lunch last week when my server asked me about my employment, and when I told him where I work, he kindly provided me with the information that he'd not only worked there, but that he'd been fired by a manager that I particularly like. Too much information, thank you.

[jgarner53]

I definitely look at the "How's everything?" question as an opportunity to comment on the quality of the food. If there's something wrong with it, I'm definitely going to let my server know. I'm not paying money to eat crap food. So when my crème brulée is grainy because it was overbaked, I'm not going to stew in silence, I'm going to let the kitchen know.

I think that the behavior of the wait staff should reflect the atmosphere of the restaurant. "Thanks, guys," is OK, when the environment is casual, or I'm a regular (gee, I wish). But I certainly wouldn't expect it if I had to put on more than jeans to go out, and I'm likely to have dropped more than $30/person. This shouldn't be so hard, should it?

I'd be curious to know what kind of establishment FoodTutor works in that she's not only required to tell customers her name, the "recommended" appetizer, and launch into the specials before the customers have even unfolded their napkins. I imagine a tired server (FT or someone else) rattling off, "hi-my-name-is-food-tutor-and-i'll-be-your-server-would-you-like-to-start-off-with-some-buffalo-wings-and-our-specials-are..." in about 20 seconds flat.

This is where I say that any job that requires people to be perky 100% of the time would drive me insane. Needless to say, retail wasn't exactly my cup of tea either.

[TheFoodTutor]

I'd be curious to know what kind of establishment FoodTutor works in that she's not only required to tell customers her name, the "recommended" appetizer, and launch into the specials before the customers have even unfolded their napkins. I imagine a tired server (FT or someone else) rattling off, "hi-my-name-is-food-tutor-and-i'll-be-your-server-would-you-like-to-start-off-with-some-buffalo-wings-and-our-specials-are..." in about 20 seconds flat.

←

Well, it's more upscale than buffalo wings, but it is pretty casual as well. It's a chain of 50 restaurants that is known for both having excellent prime rib and having super speedy service. Really, really fast service.

And my greet doesn't sound quite like that, actually. I'm not allowed to say "and I'll be your server" because that's superfluous, and it really sounds dumb, anyway. I say, "My name is. . ." and then I'm supposed to ask if I can get them a beverage, but I usually offer something to drink. Beverage sounds a little strange to me.

And then, this is the worst part. I can't say "Our specials today are. . ." even if the guest asks what the "specials" are. We don't have specials, because, of course, all of our entrees are special. We do, however, have "additions to our menu for the day."

And then sometimes people stop me in the middle of it and say they'll just have the grilled chicken salad, because they always have the grilled chicken salad.

Yup. It's really hard to be smiley and fun over and over again, all day long. Knowing that Jackal thinks I'm "begging" doesn't make it any better, either.

[Chris Amirault]

I'm very interested in the sorts of responses people give to the "How's everything?" question -- what the Food Tutor refers to as the "quality check." I feel like the question gets asked in at least three distinctly different ways when I'm out eating:

(1) Corporate food server, perky, buttons on the suspenders, oblivious to your actual needs, wanting simply to be able to tell the shift supervisor that the quality check occurred within 120 seconds;

(2) Mannered and somewhat imposing, implying that, of course, everything must be fine, and if you don't think so you clearly don't deserve to be eating here; and

(3) Genuinely interested in the diner's opinion of the food.

Seems to me that (1) and (2) are unprepared for anything other than a positive response, and, honestly, they will get "Fine." from me unless things are truly awful. They also get my minimum 15% tip.

But (3) seems to understand what service means, and thus isn't thrown by reports about the food. After all, one can tell a server that the potatoes are cold, or that the creme brulee is grainy; the server can then take that information back to the kitchen, either to serve more potatoes, or comp the creme brulee, or simply apologize if those two options are forthcoming.

"How's everything?" doesn't imply a contractual arrangement to solve any problems that arise, and good servers know that. I am aware, I should add, that not all diners are aware of this....

[jackal10]

"How's everything" is a question that should not be asked.

Besides being poor English ("The war is Iraq is pretty bad" would be one reasonable reply), it shifts the responsibility from the waiter to the customer for things wrong. It should be the waiter, by their own observation, that ensures everything is good. That is their responsibility. That is what they are there for.

It reminds me of an old Jewish joke, illustrating the use of the Yiddish "Ah-ha!"

Insert your own embellishements, as to the goodness of the golden chicken soup mit knaidlach, how many years the late Mr Goldstein (may he be remembered for good) had dined at that restaurant, always taking the soup etc etc...

"Mr Goldstein, what's the matter? You haven't touched your soup!"

"Here take my spoon, and you try it!"

"OK, give me your spoon"

"Ah-ha!"

(there was no spoon)

Edited November 23, 2004 by jackal10 (log)

[Laksa]

This exchange on Rachael Ray's $40 a Day show just cracked me right up. Next time I'm greeted that way in a restaurant, I am going to say the same thing.

Waitress: "Hi, my name is Lilah, and I'll be your server tonight."

Rachael Ray: "Hi, my name is Rachael, and I'll be your diner tonight."

I very much doubt if the eternally perky Ms. Ray meant to mock the waitress, but I can imagine someone taking offense at that remark. Rachael's response is deliciously ambiguous, possibly derisive in a subtle way, possibly not.

[Busboy]

I find it very interesting to note that many of the things that irk diners on this thread are items on the checklist provided to secret shoppers. If a server doesn't do those things, it can pop up as a hideous black mark on the report from the shop, and there will certainly be some explaining to do, with the server possibly being suspended or fired. Here are a few required where I work:

I have to say my name.

I have to suggest a specific appetizer.

I have to say the specials, and I even have to try to launch into them before it gets too late in the initial greet, since if I wait for the secret shopper to interrupt me and ask, "What are your specials?" that will show up as a big deficit, since the shopper will write, "TheFoodTutor didn't tell me the specials until I asked." (this really happened to me    )

I have to do a quality check within 2 minutes, and my boss tells me that it's even best to do it immediately, or as soon after the entrees hit the table as possible, since shoppers have a nasty habit of turning 2 minutes into 8 when they're remembering back and filling out the report.

And when I worked at places that offered ground pepper for salads, it was mandatory that it be immediate as well.

While I personally prefer unobtrusive, efficient service, the majority opinion seems to be the opposite. So the reason servers are too chatty is because this behavior is generally rewarded with better tips.

I was at lunch last week when my server asked me about my employment, and when I told him where I work, he kindly provided me with the information that he'd not only worked there, but that he'd been fired by a manager that I particularly like. Too much information, thank you. 

←

This is an interesting report. I would guess, based on it, that you work for a mid-level chain restaurant? And that the goals of the chain/secret shopper is not wholly to provide quality service (checking back), though that is part of it, but to provide uniform service (the precise timing required) from store to store and to maximize customer spending (pushing a specific appetizer, reciting the specials list immediately).

I suppose it lifts service levels above a certain minimum level, but it's also another contributor to the homogenation of America and another symbol of lack of corporate faith in their lower-level employees.

[Chris Amirault]

"How's everything" is a question that should not be asked.

Besides being poor English ("The war is Iraq is pretty bad" would be one reasonable reply)... snip

←

Oh, man, you just gave me a line for next bad meal...!

[jackal10]

In what perverted portion of the universe do the powers-that-be think that the requirements set out in the Food Tutor's report above constitute good manners, or a pleasurable dining experience? What middle management hell do these people inhabit?

I guess the motivation is that somehow they think that announcing your name stands for personal service. They have read a pop psychology book that talks about trust associated with having an identifiable person, and seek to subvert that.

It also may be a legal point, with a specific identified authorised agent of the company taking the order.

Push the appetiser and the specials, since there is more profit margin there.

The quaility check I believe is another legal point. As I said above shifts liability from the establishement to the diner, and conpletes the contract - (You ordered, we delivered, you expressed satisfaction, accepting the food).

None of this constitutes genuine concern, careful hospitality or mutual enjoyment

However the reasoning behind the mandatory pepper beats me

Edited November 23, 2004 by jackal10 (log)