The Worst Hamburger in DC DelMarVa

[DonRocks]

Other than a hamburger had eons ago in Moscow that tasted like a plastic-wrapped vending machine version (I think I found a seed in it), the gold medal for me would have to go to Rainforest Cafe in Tysons Corner. It was like eating a box of Kleenex except drier. I'm trying to think how it could have been worse and maybe if it had a moldy bun.

[mnebergall]

I find it odd that a burger in a place such as the Rainforest Cafe would be dried out, what with all the humidity. Perhaps they need to let them sit out a little longer so they can absorb more moisture from the air. I can understand mold on the bun though.

[morela]

I'm willing to bet that the worst burger in D.C. is actually right in D.C.

Ever had a burger at a D.C. Public School? How about a hospital?

[Minister of Drink]

Other than a hamburger had eons ago in Moscow that tasted like a plastic-wrapped vending machine version (I think I found a seed in it), the gold medal for me would have to go to Rainforest Cafe in Tysons Corner.  It was like eating a box of Kleenex except drier.  I'm trying to think how it could have been worse and maybe if it had a moldy bun.

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What on earth brought you to that hell-hole??? The smell emanating from that faux jungle should have kept you at bay.

The lamest excuse for a local hamburger I recently attempted to eat was at The Front Page in Ballston -- a rectangular, thin patty kneaded up of the finest institutional grizzle and probably lips, ears and hoofs as well!

[bilrus]

I find it odd to imagine DonRocks in the Rainforest Cafe at Tyson's Corner.

[Busboy]

Destruction of real rainforests in South America leads to construction burgeoning local beef industry. Meanwhile, construction of fake rainforests in North America leads to the destruction of real American beef delicacies.

I think there must be a karmaic connection here, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

In the mean time, I expect the burgers at Fed Ex Field are at least as bad as those described above. At $10 a pop, to boot.

[JPW]

I'm willing to bet that the worst burger in D.C. is actually right in D.C. 

Ever had a burger at a D.C. Public School?  How about a hospital?

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AMEN to that sister!

I still haven't hazarded a burger since the one I tried at Holy Cross! Chewing on soggy cardboard with a sprinkiling of salt is about as well as I can describe it.

Or, Don is welcome to come out here to Rockville to join me in our company cafeteria. One hint - it is run by Marriott. That should tell you all you need to know.

[DonRocks]

[fast food, schools, hospitals, stadiums, office cafeterias, jails (yuck!), bowling alleys (yuck!) and rent-a-cut-in-half-trashcan fraternity cookouts don't count!]

[jhlurie]

[fast food, schools, hospitals, stadiums, office cafeterias, jails (yuck!), bowling alleys (yuck!) and rent-a-cut-in-half-trashcan fraternity cookouts don't count!]

Too bad. I went to college in DC, a long time ago, and Marriott certainly made me aware of how bad institutional cooking CAN be. I'm sure they are still ruining tastebuds wherever they can--in DC and other places.

As far as fast food burger-carrying chains go, is Roy Rogers still around DC? Their burgers certainly sucked.

[DonRocks]

Too bad.  I went to college in DC, a long time ago, and Marriott certainly made me aware of how bad institutional cooking CAN be.  I'm sure they are still ruining tastebuds wherever they can--in DC and other places.

As far as fast food burger-carrying chains go, is Roy Rogers still around DC?  Their burgers certainly sucked.

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It doesn't get much worse than Roy Rogers.

[jhlurie]

It doesn't get much worse than Roy Rogers.

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More to blame on Marriott, although the people who took over afterwards (briefly Pepsico and then Reise Restaurants--at least in my current neck of the woods) didn't really help any.

Anyway, if you are focusing on restaurant burgers, I suppose part of the process would be if you could tell if the burgers were bought/shipped in as pre-made patties or not. You know... they have that hockey-puck shape and consistency when they do.

[eunny jang]

I had an absolutely awful burger at Clyde's once - I asked for it medium rare, and it was literally raw completely throughout. Couldn't have been in the pan longer than 10 seconds on each side. When I showed it to the bartender she shrugged and said "that's our medium rare". Last time I checked steak tartare was not described as "medium rare".

[Busboy]

It doesn't get much worse than Roy Rogers.

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Known in my dromitory as "Trigger Burgers."

[JennyUptown]

I think the burgers at Cafe Deluxe are the worst. That spot is far from a favorite of mine, but one friend always suggests it and every once in awhile, I give in. The menu is overall so uninspired that I've made the mistake of ordering the overcooked, bland, dry burger more times than I care to recall.

I have finally resolved never to eat there. A drink, fine. No food.

[hjshorter]

Is there a Fuddrucker's in DC? I would nominate them. Super greasy, and not in a good way.

[morela]

Is there a  Fuddrucker's in DC?  I would nominate them.  Super greasy, and not in a good way.

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Not to create linguistical controversy, but as a kid, I always called that place RugFuckers

[hillvalley]

Is there a  Fuddrucker's in DC?  I would nominate them.  Super greasy, and not in a good way.

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Yep, right near the MCI center

Went there once during my vegetarian days (don't ask, I was visiting friends) and vowed never to go back)

[eunny jang]

BASEBALL IS COMING TO DC!!!!!!!!

uh, topic: I bet they'll serve a shitty burger at the stadium.

[jhlurie]

The irony is that in their very early years, Fuddruckers burgers weren't that bad, as I recall. It was only after they started franchising like crazy that it all went to hell. And from what I know, they fell pretty much all the way down.

BASEBALL IS COMING TO DC!!!!!!!!

Yeah, but it's the Expos. You are going to have to control your excitement until it's clear whether or not they will still suck.

[DonRocks]

Yep, [Fuddruckers is] right near the MCI center

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Gotta love that chocolate chip cookie at Fuddruckers.

Perhaps best to walk a half-block west to Matchbox.

The irony is that in their very early years, Fuddruckers burgers weren't that bad, as I recall.

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I swear I think Roy Rogers used to be good too.

I've always wanted to say this to a site manager:

[user JHLurie, would you please stay on topic? Fuddruckers is a national chain, and this has no relevance to DC & DelMarVa.]

[Malawry]

[fast food, schools, hospitals, stadiums, office cafeterias, jails (yuck!), bowling alleys (yuck!) and rent-a-cut-in-half-trashcan fraternity cookouts don't count!]

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For the record, I make a respectable burger for the girls at my sorority. They had me run a cookout for a new fraternity on campus last week and a couple of the guys came and hung out with me near the grill. "Ooh, she put the onions right in there and everything," one of them said.

Um, bad burger: I know we're not supposed to discuss chains but I think McDonald's is beyond deplorable. I detest frozen preformed patties no matter who slings them--the last one I had was on campus at UMD.

Why are we talking about bad burgers anyway? I'd rather talk about Stoney's, about Palena, about Firefly, about Five Guys, about CK. Them's good burgers.

[giuinha]

i nominate hamburger mary's for one of the suckiest burgers in dc. overcooked, cold, cheese not even melted on the cheeseberger. the even managed to screw up a veggie burger my friend ordered. for a place with hamburger in the name, you'd think they could at least cook one to temp!

[landrumm2000]

Without a doubt, the worst hamburger, ever, would have to be any one of the hamburgers I had to cook during my first six months in business.

All arguments will be silenced by fifteen minutes on my grill.

The fact that I lost two dollars on each one I sold at 5.95 makes each one more horrible than anything outside a George Romero movie or a Bush/Rove/Rumsfeld/Rice/Cheney strategy meeting.

The fact that on Chowhound, to this day, TWO YEARS LATER, they regularly post complaints about my not serving burgers anymore only makes each burger I had to cook even more horrible, retroactively, as time passes.

Don't even get me started on temps, or I'll have to say "fuck."

Michael

The other "other half" of Nectar

Edited to say, Michael from Ray's The Steaks

Edited September 29, 2004 by landrumm2000 (log)

[LittleWing]

The irony is that in their very early years, Fuddruckers burgers weren't that bad, as I recall.  It was only after they started franchising like crazy that it all went to hell.  And from what I know, they fell pretty much all the way down.

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Yeah, I remember growing up in Buffalo, where the dining options were slim to none (but have since gottten much better! ). However, Fuddruckers had a fine bacon burger, to which you could add cheese yourself from the nacho cheese dispenser (instead of ordering the bacon cheeseburger, with just a slice of plasticky-cheese). I've been to the Fuddruckers here in DC, and it ain't so hot.

Why are we talking about bad burgers anyway?

Exactly. What about good burgers?

Foggy Bottom is kind of limited as far as food, too, but Lindy's has the Bluebeard -- a burger with blue cheese -- and its pretty tasty. Especially with cheese fries.

Are you sensing a theme yet? (Hint: cheeeeeeese makes everything better. :yum:)

Edited to add: I guess this post is off-topic, since we are supposed to be talking about bad burgers, not good ones . So I'll say the worst was probably at Johnny Rockets. But they do have good shakes, which, along with cheese fries, is a necessity with a cheap burger or hot dog (i.e. the opposite of the kind you get at Palena.)

Edited September 29, 2004 by LittleWing (log)

[JPW]

Why would anyone EVER order a burger at Roy Rogers?

Two Words -

Roast

Beef

That said, playing according to Don's new rules (hmm, kind of reminds me of my mother-in-law, she too likes to change the rules halfway through the game ), my nominee is Tastee Diner in Bethesda.

Your plate comes with its own grease trap.