When Your Guests Mortify You

[rockandroller]

-+I was the host only by dint of paying the check, and in no way connected to the restaurant, and I've probably told this little tale somewhere in another thread, but the parm kid reminded me of my sister's dear friend JohnnyBean.

She was a lovely young woman and had grown up near us, going off to college, being absolutely brilliant at everything she did, winning all sorts of scholarships and awards, and going on to teach French for several years.

She also WENT to France to spend at least every other Summer, and one evening, we saw part of her financial planning.  I took the two young ladies and my three children to dinner in a nearby town, and saw for myself some of her legendary economic maneuverings to save her pennies.

Sis had told me of JB's propensity to fulfil all the cheap tricks that waiters have come to dread, laugh at, and scorn---ordering a pot of tea only, making the cup with the bag, and immediately asking for "more hot water" with which she made herself that ketchup/sugar/salt/pepper/butter/whatever else was on the table soup, eating all the crackers and rolls from the complimentary baskets.  She carried a handful of baggies in her big net market-basket purse, and when she left the table, all transportable edible goods went with her.

So we ate dinner, with my waiting for the klepping to begin.  Nothing happened during dinner, as she was ordering and I was paying.  We had dessert and coffee, and as we rose to leave, I headed for the register to pay the check.  She was the last to leave the table, and I glanced back to see her standing there, no remorse, no shame, just pouring salt and sugar into baggies and neatly fingerthumb grabbing all the Sweet n Low packets for dropping into her purse.

We stood and watched in dismay for a moment, in a roomful of people that we KNEW and went to church with and saw across our business counter every day, as she methodically gathered up every usable food item.

Then, as she picked up a handful of those little butterpats with the cardboard trays and bit of waxed paper atop, that lovely, melodious voice which had mastered all the nuances and inflections to make French her own, that joyous, beautiful voice which had read to me in Moliere's own tones---she bellowed across the room:

"DOAN CH'ALL WANT SOME A THIS BUDDER?"   

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This is absolutely my favorite, I cannot stop laughing. And I too really like "klepping." Can I borrow?

[ludja]

We were at a restaurant in CT for a friend's landmark birthday celebration over the holidays. The guests included family and friends including the future mother-in-law of the host's daughter. During dinner this woman turned to another guest (another family friend of ours) and said so loudly that that all 30 people heard: "With that red hair are you Irish or Jewish?" Upon hearing the graciously polite reply, given through gently gritted teeth, she continued with, "Oh! So you're Jewish!" She then proceeded to ask our friend what religion she was raising her kids, etc. in an extremely noisy and obnoxious manner. Everyone cringed in horror, especially for the family that will be gaining this woman as an in-law. I guess this could have happened anywhere, not just in a restaurant, but I think this woman would have queried a waiter or waitress regarding their religion or ethnicity if she was "curious" as well! The host, guest of honor and all the other guests were mortified to be sure.

Edited January 10, 2008 by ludja (log)

[mrsadm]

I have an uncle who, years ago, was a waiter. He loves to send food back to the kitchen and correct the wait staff.

[Poffertjes]

Last night, Dinner with my cousin and two of her co-workers who were in Chicago on business.

Took them to Lula Cafe, one of my favorite low key restaurants in the city. Thought my cousin would love it, great food and wine list...

These two women drank 4, very strong, margaritas each with their dinner (one had a caesar salad, one had the house salad), made fun of the duck pate on the menu (why would anyone eat duck liver), asked how I could eat my (hanger) steak so rare, started talking about God before we ordered (not polite dinner conversation), and generally made loud, ignorant asses out of themselves.

Patrons were staring, the waitress was giving me pity eyes. I tipped well and got the hell out of there, not before they accosted two patrons sitting at the bar on the way out because they thought they were gay, and that they were the women to set them straight.

Drove them back downtown to their hotel, in a snowstorm, with them screaming and whooping and hollering in the back seat, in a snow storm.

I love my cousin dearly. She enjoys food and wine, polite dinner conversation, etc. How she works with these two pieces of work day in and day out, amazes me...

[maggiethecat]

Dear Poff:

What awful dinner companions! I feel for you on that drive in the snowstorm.

I'd feel even sorrier for you if I hadn't laughed so hard. The upside is that, as my great-aunt used to say, you'll be able to "dine out" on that story for years.

[zeffer81]

My mother, brother and I are all left-handed. When we go to restaurants with chopsticks, my father must inquire "do you have left-handed chopsticks?"

This usually occurs before he makes the "hankie/napkin squirrel."

[MSRadell]

I've got two good restaurant stories.

The first occurred several years ago while I was living in France. An employee who works for me arrived in France for a stay after attending our companies language school. The first weekend he was there we went to a nice cafe for lunch. I ordered steak TarTar which I really enjoy my friend anxious to use its French said "La même chose bien faite" (the same thing well done). It only took the waitress about 10 minutes to quit laughing! I still harass him about this!

The second incident with a few weeks ago at a local casual dining restaurant. My wife and I were enjoying a pleasant dinner when a party of four adults in two children (age 5+/-) at a table next to us. As soon as they were seated the first thing they did was open up a portable DVD player and put in a comedy for the children to watch. The children turned the volume up and spend the remainder that time we were there (about an hour) laughing and giggling trying to be louder than the video. Their parents acted like the kids didn't even exist. I don't know who was ruder the parents or restaurant management for letting it occur!

[prasantrin]

Years ago, the most well-known (and notorious) restaurant reviewer in my hometown wrote of a Chinese restaurant that she deemed "one of the most authentic" in the city.

My parents went, and ordered some of the same dishes she did. The dishes that arrived were far from what my parents were expecting. They were more replicas of that gloppy bean sprout-based Chinese food one finds in small towns everywhere across North America. My mother asked the waitress about some of the dishes and she replied, "Well, this is what's popular here." To this, my mother replied, "Oh, I thought this place was supposed to be authentic."

My dad damn near crawled under the table.

[Terrasanct]

I don't think that's embarrassing. I probably would have said the same thing.

About the kids and the DVD player, that's just unbelievable. Again, I would have said something.

Maybe I'm the embarrassing one at restaurants!

[BekkiM]

Years ago, the most well-known (and notorious) restaurant reviewer in my hometown wrote of a Chinese restaurant that she deemed "one of the most authentic" in the city.

My parents went, and ordered some of the same dishes she did.  The dishes that arrived were far from what my parents were expecting.  They were more replicas of that gloppy bean sprout-based Chinese food one finds in small towns everywhere across North America.  My mother asked the waitress about some of the dishes and she replied, "Well, this is what's popular here."  To this, my mother replied, "Oh, I thought this place was supposed to be authentic."

My dad damn near crawled under the table.

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A few years ago, I was one of the adults sitting at that table, only it was only one child, aged 2 1/2, who abandoned the movie after about 15 minutes to go running through the restaraunt, watched happily by his doting parents who thought his antics were "charming" (I'm sure the other patrons didn't think so, nor did the waitstaff who were endangered while caring large trays of hot food). Meanwhile, the DVD was allowed to continue blaring at full volume even though noone was watching it (a nasty habit I don't allow in my home, much less in public) until I reached over and pointedly turned it off. Much as I love the friends we were with, I don't go out to dinner with them any more.

[Special K]

There is a chef/owner of a very expensive, very nice, small restaurant here who has a reputation for his temper. Well, I know how he got that reputation, and I tell you, it isn't his fault. It was my husband's then-boss who pushed him to his limit. This man was the worst a** of all time, and especially in restaurants. I guess he was trying to impress somebody (his wife? his business guests? his employees? the chef? who knows?), but what happened instead was that his guests discovered a wonderful restaurant that they then felt they could never return to because of his behaviour. Diners at the other tables probably had their evenings ruined, as well.

Every time he'd come to this restaurant, which was often, he'd include his wife and sister, and sometimes, if the rest of us were particularly unlucky, one or more of his completely obnoxious children ("My dad OWNS this company!" - Oh, really? Wonder where he got that idea? Ever heard of shareholders, kid?). True, he did spend a lot of money (shareholder's money, of course), but that seemed to make him think he owned the place. The sister liked to smoke at the table, and the CEO thought she should be able to do so - and that he and his family should be able to do just about ANYTHING they wanted to do - he really seemed to think he was in his own home, with servants to order around.

The chef and his staff were unfailingly polite, and endured many of these visits with good grace, but finally, one night the chef had had enough (I think the last straw was the smoking) and ordered the CEO and his family to leave and never return (Unfortunately I wasn't there that time - but I'd bet the rest of the diners in the place cheered!). His CEO-ness then proceeded to ban all company employees from dining there, on or off the payroll, and I believe he and his lackeys are responsible for spreading the poisonous rumors about the chef's bad temper.

We have eaten there a few times since (as often as we can afford it!) and the chef has been warm and friendly - even though I think he might have recognized us as having been at the same table as the CEO that first time we ventured back, to his everlasting credit he did not kick us out immediately!