Competition 28: Culinary Limericks Revisited

[maggiethecat]

Post your limericks on this thread, please.

[reesek]

my husband awoke with the grippe

with red eyes and nose poised to drip

to cure him of croup,

i'll make him some soup

chicken noodle will fix him up quick

Edited September 24, 2006 by reesek (log)

[Carrot Top]

There was an old codger from Bruges,

Whom no female had ever refused.

Chimay, mussels and fries

Then framboise on her thighs,

Left all parties highly enthused.

[Pan]

There once was a man from Peru

Who made a soufflee out of glue

And try as he might

He just couldn't quite

Relieve his poor mouth of that goo!

I knew a young man from Shanghai

Who never could bake a good pie

Pine needles and cones

Duck feathers and bones

The filling could make a man die!

[Pat Churchill]

A chef by the name of John Reid

Was entranced by the thought of sous vide

So he slow braised some snails

Then chopped off their tails

And served them with pea foam and mead

Meanwhile back in culinary school

The students were playing the fool

With the liquid N2

And a pound of wagyu

They made something terribly cool

[Simon_S]

My attempt to tie together recent culinary news from Illinois.

A diner in Sweet Home Chicago

sat wondering "Where'd the foie gras go?"

His face turned quite dour

When Alderman Moore

Defended his recent embargo.

Displeased with this clumsy approach

Which he felt would surely encroach

On his civil right

He took some delight

In eating a live Six Flags roach.

Si

Edited September 26, 2006 by Simon_S (log)

[ludja]

How do I cook a red mullet?

I think I’ll just look on eGullet!

My search went astray

browsing New Threads Today,

My new dish is tender young pullet.

[Pan]

A woman I know in Nantucket

Found an oyster so big she can't shuck it

Its liqueur she prized

But she soon realized

That she might as well put down the bucket

[moosnsqrl]

A diner in Sweet Home Chicago

sat wondering "Where'd the foie gras go?"

His face turned quite dour

When Alderman Moore

Defended his recent embargo.

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding - we have a winner! That is pure genius.

[sazji]

Ummmm...there are two that I wrote in a "limerick storm" with a friend last year. And just realized they did involve food. The first is only marginally offensive:

There was a young wino from Muş

Who preferred to get drunk through his toosh.

He’d get himself loose

With a fifth of chartreuse

And end up with with a creme de menthe douche.

The second is part of a five-part series about goings-on at a monastery. If this don't get me banned from eGullet, I don't know what will! But they are limericks after all....

You have been warned

Really.

You can still decide not to read this.

Oh, okay.

The Abbot, a crusty old sod,

liked to slop mayonnaise on his rod.

Then a monk from Siam

would add bits of old Spam,

and suck till the Abbot saw God.

[Carrot Top]

...........................

There once was a poulterer from France

Who wore goose feathers rather than pants

Each morning he woke

And as the dawn broke

He engaged all his geese in a dance.

His concept was "Poulet Heureux"

(Gastronomic confreres: furieux!)

But his roasts were so succulent

They brought all un-buckle-ment

"Delicious!" they cried, curieux.

One chill morn he suffered priapsis

While roasting a fat goose while capless

His feathers they crisped

No more joyous bliss!

Tout fini! Est son nom est "hapless".

...............................................................

(With apologies to the French language )

[moosnsqrl]

Our cats demand petting, those two

So we call them Kobe and Wagyu

When they're fattened and tender

We think they will render

A gourmet, upscale feline stew.

[Carrot Top]

There once was a florist from Rye

Who had dropped so much food on his tie

That when asked for a rose

He'd place tie to his nose

And shout "Wouldn't you rather have pie?"

[Carrot Top]

There was a young lad from Peru

Who adored home-made guinea pig stew

So he worked in a pet store

Where he always could get more

And enjoyed every last little chew.

[Simon_S]

This Paddy’s learned much from eGullet:

Like “What’s rouget?” Oh, simply red mullet!

As an offer of thanks

Here’s a class for the Yanks

About Guinness and how you should pull it.

There’s a rule that you must take to heart:

Tilt the glass, pour the draught, but leave part.

Please don’t finish the fill

Till all’s settled and still,

That’s the secret behind the “black art”.

Si

[racheld]

Simply perfect.

[Simon_S]

I didn't realise ludja got there first with the gullet/red mullet/pullet rhyme. Apologies for that! I was frantically trying to think of some way to get bullet in there, but I pulled a blank. So to speak.

Si

[ludja]

I didn't realise ludja got there first with the gullet/red mullet/pullet rhyme. Apologies for that! I was frantically trying to think of some way to get bullet in there, but I pulled a blank. So to speak.

Si

←

Hey, your limerick is great!

[moosnsqrl]

I think we need a separate "master class" for these Irish blokes - they are genetically predisposed and the rest of us simply cannot compete with them. Or perhaps a handicapping system? Maggie?

[MsSumida]

You can't get me to Las Vegas no way

The restaurants are just play

So I search high and low

And wouldn’t you know

I find a place with Bobby Flay

I must of had to much wine before this...it's awful! LOL

Edited October 15, 2006 by MsSumida (log)

[tomweir]

There once was a sommelier named steven

who's nostrils were terribly uneven

one was large, filled with bumps

hills, hollows and lumps

the other, you just wouldn't believe in...

I made this up in school...this is em...cleaned up...

[maggiethecat]

I think we need a separate "master class" for these Irish blokes - they are genetically predisposed and the rest of us simply cannot compete with them.  Or perhaps a handicapping system?  Maggie?

←

No can do, Love. Just because it appears that the Irish are over-endowed with wit and charm and the gift of the gab can't lead us down the road of National Sterotyping.

[munchymom]

There was a boy from Carolina

Who thought that there was nothing finah

Than to eat ice cream cones

And fried meat with no bones

Till he shrieked like a badly trained mynah.

There is a website called eGullet

That knows how to keep readers full - it

Gives every great cook marks,

That's why in my bookmarks

It's still #1, with a bullet.

[Simon_S]

the Irish are over-endowed

←

Words you don't see every day...

Si

[ruthcooks]

Tavern Romance

There once was a wench--ah so fetching

Whose cooking sent strong men a-retching

“I’d chuck the whole thing

But I first need a ring

Then the lads can go elsewhere for leching.”

A stranger stopped by in a blizzard

And bragged he was really a wizard

He conjured a cake

A flask and a hake

Some soup and a cock with its gizzard.

“You’re hired!” cried the lass to Houdini,

“But first, we must toast a martini,

For you I shall wed

And after,” she said,

“You’ll cook and I’ll raise the bambini.”