NBC's "Celebrity Cooking Showdown"

[Grub]

Oh, so the audience got to see Tom Arnold's creamed corn? Did they get to see his "Property of Rosanne"-tattoo also?

[KatieLoeb]

After a few minutes I was just hoping to see some blood spilled. You know just a common kitchen accident… like a nipple in a mandoline.

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OMG. That was so funny I just sprayed my computer screen with latte.

Angela

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That really is one of the funniest things I've ever read on eGullet.

It's a shame that this turned into such a debacle. It certainly isn't the first ridiculous premise on which to build a program. Dancing with the Stars and Celebrity Skating (or whatever the heck that was called) were surprise hits. The idea of an Iron Chef-type competition amongst celebrities, whom we all imagine to have personal chefs, isn't a bad concept. It was the execution and casting that was the nightmare. Perhaps if there had been some depth on the bench, this might have been more interesting. As it stands, I doubt many viewers really care what the D-listers are doing with their time.

[chefdg]

"There is no such thing as bad press", I'm glad to see anything food related on the tub, it makes me think that one day what I do will be identified as a bonified profession, and not some job that I do.

[BuzzDraft]

Well, now I have to check this show out for its hilarious awfulness.

Any show that cross-promotes on "Deal Or No Deal" and gets ridiculed this week by Joel McHale on The Soup is worth a few minutes of my time!

edit: looks like I'm too late... RATS! Or is that Rats-a-riffic?

Edited April 22, 2006 by BuzzDraft (log)

[johnder]

It's baaaaaaaack.

NBC is airing the penultimate episode tonight at 8pm and then the final at 9pm

Last chance to watch this train wreck of biblical proportions.

[Jason Perlow]

Oh, so the audience got to see Tom Arnold's creamed corn? Did they get to see his "Property of Rosanne"-tattoo also?

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I'm pretty sure he got that laser-ed off. I certainly would.

[Jason Perlow]

I sat and watched an entire episode, absolutely riveted by its mesmerizing awfulness. A loud, toxic, ineptly conceived pastiche of half-baked concepts and contrived melodrama. One bad idea after another, layered like some surreal Hawaiian Lasagna recipe:

The never-watchable Alan Thicke. Two words that absolutely guarantee nothing good to come.

A bunch of D-List celebrity fucktards. Who ARE these people?

A confused looking Wolfgang Puck?

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Just remember, Tony. Anyone in front of a TV camera are all a few steps away from becoming "D-List celebrity fucktards". That's the natural course of evolution.

Alan Thicke is totally unwatchable, true. But he has a lot of money, actually. He wrote a lot of themes to various 80's sitcom shows and got a lot of bank for it, and he also produces a lot of crap like this.

[Philanthrophobe]

It's baaaaaaaack.

NBC is airing the penultimate episode tonight at 8pm and then the final at 9pm

Last chance to watch this train wreck of biblical proportions.

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Oh, you've GOT to be kidding. Holy Jesus in Short Pants.

And of course I'll HAVE to watch it. I'm just trying to figure out if I should try to structure a drinking game around it, or just guzzle constantly from 8 until 10. I'm leaning toward the latter.

Booze TV: you can't just watch.

[johnder]

I thought about doing a drinking game everytime I saw a HAACP or some othe food safety violation. I then realized I would be passed out before the first commercial break.

john

[Lady T]

Mother kiss me on the shingle -- I just checked the NBC schedule, and the final double episode IS tonight. My TV Guide had all that listed yesterday. [snark]Hot damn: I haven't missed a chance to participate in our culture's most recent trend after all! [/snark]

Excellent. My entertainment for tonight is assured! I'm breaking out a bottle and doing a champagne drunk to accompany this <gag> work of art.

[Philanthrophobe]

You know what? We should just forget about the "game" aspect of "drinking game," due to the fully-assed, haphazard, carnie/nightmarish nature of this show. I believe I'll just chug a box-o-processed-wine-product and then throw up all over the furniture.

That, my friends, will be a fitting tribute.

[Lady T]

28 minutes in:

The first glass of champagne is going down really well -- and really fast -- with the smoked trout on toast. I'm eating better than anybody else on this show will.

Has the blonde model ever heard of hair restraint in the kitchen?

[Lady T]

45 minutes in:

Plating/presentation in progress on the screen: judging to commence shortly, apparently.

The Miss USA candidate has produced something I might actually be interested in eating: the soba-noodle dish.

I am extravagantly tired of the screaming crowd.

[Lady T]

Second hour begins:

I am beginning to hate Alan Thicke with a deep and abiding ferocity.

I am severely tired of Cindy Margolis' frontage.

I want to burn Gael Greene's hats. All of them.

[Miami Danny]

Is Gael Greene getting chemo? I mean, why else the hat?

[Miami Danny]

Wolfgang Puck must be a tired old whore

Edited April 23, 2006 by Miami Danny (log)

[Lady T]

One hour, ten minutes:

All three chefs buckling down. Decent-looking menus all round; only 40 minutes to nail 'em.

Did Puck *have* to throw the fish's head into the crowd? Ewwww.

I like Armstrong's knife work. He multitasks well too.

[Lady T]

One hour, 24 minutes:

Interesting to see that the chefs do in fact have chops. Cat Whatserface handles a pasta machine well, and she also appears to give good saute for the squash blossoms.

Haven't seen a damn thing Puck's doing. Are they keeping the cameras off him for a reason? Maybe he truly *is* a tired old whore.

I am extremely tired of watching half the dishes in the place get flambeed.

As to my own supper: second glass of champagne in progress; garlic is slivered, pasta is out, also S + P + butter + parmesan for last-minute mounting; herbs out for chopping to go into sauce at next commercial. Asparagus ready to wash and cut to go into saute.

Edited to add ingredient and opinion.

Edited April 23, 2006 by Lady T (log)

[Lady T]

One hour, 45 minutes:

Three chefs, nine dishes, all looking really quite creditable. Hype be damned: Puck's stuff looks awfully good. Cat's menu is certainly comfort-food-central, though. Cool exhibition overall.

We await -- at long stupid tedious last -- the announcement of the winners.

[Lady T]

One hour, 56 minutes:

Big purring furry surprise...the pretty blonde who made apple crisp gets the goods. Whatever they are. Was there actually a prize?

At least there isn't an audience screaming nonstop on my screen any more.

<Sigh.> Maybe I'll go to the NBC website later and have a look at the recipes. Might be something worth considering there; none of the dishes this week have been beyond a reasonably talented home chef's capacities, absent the 50-minute limit.

*Rises to finish preparing supper. Law & Order: CI is a repeat, so I won't miss anything.*

Exit Lady T, with a snort. Of good champagne.

[Philanthrophobe]

Thank you for flinging yourself atop the funeral pyre for the rest of us. I hereby suggest that you change your name from Lady T to Saint T.

We have 55 minutes to go in this time zone. I'm warming up the TV with The Big Joe Polka Show. (I need a hat.)

Yes, I have no life.

[Philanthrophobe]

...and the role of Gael Greene is played tonight by Terence Stamp.

Who are all those people who won't stop screaming?

I don't know if I can take another hour. I'm rapidly losing the will to live.

[Marlene]

Since this topic has degenerated into nothing more than attacks on the participants in the show, and there is nothing new being added it the way of food content, it's time to close this topic.