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Don't Try This at Home

bourdain

By bourdain
in Food Traditions & Culture

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bourdain

bourdain

Posted
Posted

Coming in October, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME--a collection of culinary meltdowns, humiliating clusterfucks, worst moments, misadventures, low-points and absurd confrontations from:

Ferran Adria, Jose Andres, Dan Barber, Mario Batali, Michelle Bernstien, Heston Blumenthal, Daniel Boulud, yours truly, Jimmy Bradley, Scott Bryan, David Burke, Sam Clarke, Tom Collicchio, Scott Conant, Richard Corrigan, Tamasin Day-Lewis, Tom Douglas, Wylie Dufresne, Jonotahn Eismann, Claudia Fleming, Gabrielle Hamilton, Fergus Henderson, Paul Kahan, Hubert Keller, Michael Lomanoco, Pino Luongo, Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feninger, Sara Moulton, Tamara Murphy, Cindy Pawlcyn, Neil Perry, Michel Richard, Eric Ripert, Alan Sailhac, Marcus Samuelsson, Bill Telepan, Laurent Torondel, Tom Valenti, Norman Van Aken and Geoffrey Zakarian.

How do you spell schaudenfreude?

abourdain

ludja

ludja

Posted
Posted (edited)
Coming in October, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME--a collection of culinary meltdowns, humiliating clusterfucks, worst moments, misadventures, low-points and absurd confrontations from:

...

How do you spell schaudenfreude?

Ok, I'll be a smartass and answer: "schadenfreude"...

Sounds like a show that will be a great source of entertainment for people here and elsewhere.

Do you know if it is on cable or not?

edited to add: Good question Soba; for some reason I assumed it was on tv...

Edited by ludja (log)

"Under the dusty almond trees, ... stalls were set up which sold banana liquor, rolls, blood puddings, chopped fried meat, meat pies, sausage, yucca breads, crullers, buns, corn breads, puff pastes, longanizas, tripes, coconut nougats, rum toddies, along with all sorts of trifles, gewgaws, trinkets, and knickknacks, and cockfights and lottery tickets."

-- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 1962 "Big Mama's Funeral"

brooklyncook

brooklyncook

Posted
Posted

I suspect it's a book; I wouldn't consider much on television to be a "collection" of anything.

Color me geeked. Can't wait to get my hands on it!

chefdg

chefdg

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm sure that when this publication comes out many people will read it and be very enchanted by the embarrising stories that the well-known chefs will have so reluctanctly shared with the reading audiences. The problem I have with this sort of thing is, I will read it and think to myself "self, that has happened to me". So does it make these embarrising moments not so embarrising if it happened to a Sara Moulton or Norman Van Aiken? Or, will it make me feel in some way connected with this person or that person? No, it will piss me off that my story is being told by someone else, and that person is getting all the recognition, and money for it. That's my opinion.

Edited by chefdg (log)

"He could blanch anything in the fryolator and finish it in the microwave or under the salamander. Talented guy."

Tonyy13

Tonyy13

Posted
Posted

Are you kidding me? This is a modern day miracle, getting chefs, in general, to admit any kind of wrong doing, let alone putting their stories in a book that is really putting the guns to the mistakes that they have made. I mean, we all know that we make mistakes, but we hate to admit this in public to anyone, although it is better than having to directly tell your line cooks in the heat of the moment that you were wrong, but still. This will be juicy, so juicy. I can't wait. Think Food Arts' They Loved It/They Hated It section. October you say, eh?

Tonyy13

Owner, Big Wheel Provisions

tony_adams@mac.com

chefzadi

chefzadi

Posted
Posted
Are you kidding me?  This is a modern day miracle, getting chefs, in general, to admit any kind of wrong doing, let alone putting their stories in a book that is really putting the guns to the mistakes that they have made.  I mean, we all know that we make mistakes, but we hate to admit this in public to anyone, although it is better than having to directly tell your line cooks in the heat of the moment that you were wrong, but still.  This will be juicy, so juicy.  I can't wait.  Think Food Arts' They Loved It/They Hated It section.  October you say, eh?

I don't really know if the chefs felt like they were making huge admissions. Not that is what you are saying. People (even writers who are conducting interviews) usually don't ask chefs these questions directly. Maybe they conjecture about them on the boards.

I am curious to see how many of the stories are recent and not remembrances of things long ago. "We had a big VIP party of critics and celebrities and the third course was being plated, someone dropped X on the floor. All of it. It was an essential component, no subsitution possible. It was dusted off and served" :laugh:

I can be reached via email chefzadi AT gmail DOT com

Dean of Culinary Arts

Ecole de Cuisine: Culinary School Los Angeles

http://ecolecuisine.com

marlena spieler

marlena spieler

Posted
Posted
Coming in October, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME--a collection of culinary meltdowns, humiliating clusterfucks, worst moments, misadventures, low-points and absurd confrontations from:

Ferran Adria, Jose Andres, Dan Barber, Mario Batali, Michelle Bernstien, Heston Blumenthal, Daniel Boulud, yours truly, Jimmy Bradley, Scott Bryan, David Burke, Sam Clarke, Tom Collicchio, Scott Conant, Richard Corrigan, Tamasin Day-Lewis, Tom Douglas, Wylie Dufresne, Jonotahn Eismann, Claudia Fleming, Gabrielle Hamilton, Fergus Henderson, Paul Kahan, Hubert Keller, Michael Lomanoco, Pino Luongo, Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feninger, Sara Moulton, Tamara Murphy, Cindy Pawlcyn, Neil Perry, Michel Richard, Eric Ripert, Alan Sailhac, Marcus Samuelsson, Bill Telepan, Laurent Torondel, Tom Valenti, Norman Van Aken and Geoffrey Zakarian.

Too bad I'm not famous enough for your list, I have an excellent one involving a miserable client, a wedding cake and an army of snails doing my getting even for me!

Marlena

Marlena the spieler

www.marlenaspieler.com

marlena spieler

marlena spieler

Posted
Posted
Marlena, do tell us the story!

Okay, here goes. I was a caterer in san francisco, and one of my clients was such a nightmare, she argued the price, and shaved money off here, and money off there, and complained and complained and complained. by the time of the wedding she had shaved off so much money for this and so much for that, that when it was time to prepare the wedding cake--tender sponge drenched in amaretto and cognac, a layer of praline powder, fresh summery fruit: berries, bananas, peaches, nectarines etc, layered in the traditional descending size circles, about 5 layers. It looked like a traditional wedding cake but was very fresh, iced with a stiff-ish cream chantilly, and decorated with more fresh fruit and edible flowers.

So, having so much money shaved off the price of everything, at the last minute i discovered i had no money left in the budget to purchase any edible flowers.

so. across the street was a HUGE flower garden, no one was home but i knew they didn't use pesticides. I sent my catering staff into the garden with baskets, and they came back laden.such beautiful gaily coloured nasturitiums.

I layered and iced, smoothed the cream into a very architectural sleek finish, decorated with the fruit and flowers, it sat a short while as the room was getting ready, then i sent it out with serving utensils and a waiter.

In perhaps 15 minutes or so the nightmare woman came into the kitchen. i thought: oh god not more complaints, what now? But she was sweetness personified and said: " I know I've been difficult, I can't help it. But the cake is just so outstanding I had to compliment you."

nice, i was touched. i mean, too little too late but i did appreciate it.

she continued: I loved the scrolling pattern etched into the icing, so artistic, and the little cruncy bits scattered throughout the cake.....".

ice gripped my heart: there WERE no crunchy bits. the icing was meant to be flat. i whipped that cake back into the kitchen as fast as i decently could, and there, mostly buried in whipped cream, was an ARMY of the tiniest little snails, all winding around, probably getting drunk on the booze and drowning in the cream.

i never told her of course.

in fact, i've never gone public. I swear, we DID wash the flowers.

i hasten to say i don't cater any longer, so any health inspectors out there, take note: i'm legal.

and i must say this: the cake was fantastic. really one of my best! talk about secret ingredients. i must admit i had a few bad moments when i wondered if perhaps the snails weren't a poisonous type, but all was fine. whew.

Marlena

Marlena the spieler

www.marlenaspieler.com

marlena spieler

marlena spieler

Posted
Posted

Actually it gets worse: it was at a synaogue, and i know that those snails were not kosher. luckily it wasn't a conservative or orthodox synagogue, so its only me feeling guilty.....

m

Marlena the spieler

www.marlenaspieler.com

divalasvegas

divalasvegas

Posted
Posted (edited)
Coming in October, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME--a collection of culinary meltdowns, humiliating clusterfucks, worst moments, misadventures, low-points and absurd confrontations from:

Ferran Adria, Jose Andres, Dan Barber, Mario Batali, Michelle Bernstien, Heston Blumenthal, Daniel Boulud, yours truly, Jimmy Bradley, Scott Bryan, David Burke, Sam Clarke, Tom Collicchio, Scott Conant, Richard Corrigan, Tamasin Day-Lewis, Tom Douglas, Wylie Dufresne, Jonotahn Eismann, Claudia Fleming, Gabrielle Hamilton, Fergus Henderson, Paul Kahan, Hubert Keller, Michael Lomanoco, Pino Luongo, Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feninger, Sara Moulton, Tamara Murphy, Cindy Pawlcyn, Neil Perry, Michel Richard, Eric Ripert, Alan Sailhac, Marcus Samuelsson, Bill Telepan, Laurent Torondel, Tom Valenti, Norman Van Aken and Geoffrey Zakarian.

How do you spell schaudenfreude?

Tony, Toni, Ton-ee,

Everyone here already knew that your tried and true secret ingredient for those immaculate sauces was..................... Miracle Whip so no sweat. :laugh: Take care, love.

--- Peace, Love and Hairgrease

Edited by divalasvegas (log)

Inside me there is a thin woman screaming to get out, but I can usually keep the Bitch quiet: with CHOCOLATE!!!

Bond Girl

Bond Girl

Posted
Posted

Marlena, that story was too funny. Absolutely priceless! Reminds me of the time when I was an assistant on a film set. We were shooting in a park and a somewhat aging actress was yelping for her diet tea. There was no hot water to to be found and I ended up making her tea with pipe stained hot water from the toilet tap.

Ya-Roo Yang aka "Bond Girl"

The Adventures of Bond Girl

I don't ask for much, but whatever you do give me, make it of the highest quality.

Jinmyo

Jinmyo

Posted
Posted

Good stuff.

"I've caught you Richardson, stuffing spit-backs in your vile maw. 'Let tomorrow's omelets go empty,' is that your fucking attitude?" -E. B. Farnum

"Behold, I teach you the ubermunch. The ubermunch is the meaning of the earth. Let your will say: the ubermunch shall be the meaning of the earth!" -Fritzy N.

"It's okay to like celery more than yogurt, but it's not okay to think that batter is yogurt."

Serving fine and fresh gratuitous comments since Oct 5 2001, 09:53 PM

cakewalk

cakewalk

Posted
Posted
Actually it gets worse: it was at a synaogue, and i know that those snails were not kosher. luckily it wasn't a conservative or orthodox synagogue, so its only me feeling guilty.....

m

Oy, I'm plotzing! :laugh::laugh:

It's a great story -- with a great punchline!

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