Gifts to France

[John Talbott]

A French friend suggested a good gift for young folks (eg for weddings), which has worked for me; those big, banal, chips and salsa-cup serving trays from Williams-Sonoma or the like. My thought was that it was too American, but I guess like maple sugar, that's the point.

[bleudauvergne]

I would appreciate one of these:

[Bux]

While we have many fine, fabulous chefs and restaurants-neither wine nor syrup are local

Local is relative. To a European, California wine is local to all of the US. My daughter's French in-laws live in Brittany and bring me Burgundy or Bordeaux wines.

That way your hostess will think of you whenever they use the item again

Sometimes consumables are a welcome blessing when your guests or hosts don't share your taste.

[NeroW]

We brought a beautiful coffee-table book of Ansel Adams landscape photographs as a hostess gift for a very refined French woman living in Brittany--we agonized over the gift, not certain what would be appropriate.

The hostess laughed and proceeded to hand us a beautiful coffee-table book of black-and-white photographs of the French coastline. Then she said that she'd deliberated over our gift for hours and was terrified to give us the "wrong" thing.

It completely broke the ice, and we were all able to relax a bit and enjoy her beautiful house and Champagne and petit fours and all manner of yummy little bites.

I think it is touching that both cultures are so afraid of somehow offending the other by giving them the "wrong" gift. I hope that you find the "right" one and have a good visit!

[cigalechanta]

People all over the world have their likes....or...dislikes! I brought maple syrup because I live in New England, I chose the tins shaped as N.E, farm houses.

One tin to Provence, the other to Normandy and woe was me, they all disliked it saying it was too sweet. However both coasts loved the Chevas Regal..much more expensive there.

Edited March 20, 2004 by cigalechanta (log)

[Gabrielle]

I need advice about French social conventions. I just found out we will be meeting more relatives that I previously anticipated. We will be visiting several families in the country and riding out from Paris with a cousin.

I am so grateful to have so many wonderful suggestions because as it turns out we will be visiting not only my friend's aunt for lunch at her home but in the afternoon, an uncle's house for tea as well.

My friend has given me the itinerary, and a wonderful day is planned. Her family is being incredibly gracious. A cousin is going down for lunch from Paris also and is going to meet us at the train station in the morning. We are going to be met by my friend (direct train to Rambouillet) and her husband and children and tour the town and Saturday market before going to her aunt's house for lunch. We will then be going to a Chateau (Chateau de Breteuil) were there are waxworks inspired by the works of Charles Perrault (Sleeping Beauty, Puss in Boots, etc. which should be fun for the children. We are then going to an Uncle's home, where we have been invited for tea.

I'm not sure if I'm overly caffeinated this morning or terrified of committing some horrible faux pas but I'm oddly nervous. I speak a little French of which has come in handy if only because of the sympathy garnered by those who have had to listen to it. I feel confident that my child is well mannered, my husband unerringly polite as I hope am I. For some reason I feel I am representing not just myself and my family but the honor of my country (Hum-I wonder why I feel that way? )

So now I ask, in addition to all of the wonderful suggestions about hostess gifts, do I need to know anything about conventions or customs that I might be unaware of?

SOS, S'il vous plait!

Gabrielle

[bleudauvergne]

Gabrielle, I remember the fear. It's nothing, things will be fine.

Be prepared to kiss everyone on the cheeks (just making cheek contact rather than a full on smooch on the cheek is the way to do it) when arriving and when leaving. Prepare your child to do this. Follow their lead as to what side to start on and how many kisses (many from towns near Paris kiss three times).

Since these are relatives of a friend of yours, and not your own relatives, they may just shake your hand. Follow what they do.

As for table manners, somethign I did at the beginning was to simply follow the actions of the hostess and everything was just fine. Remember that if you are uncomfortable with the French way of holding a fork, they understand you are a foreigner and will not hold it against you if you do it your way.

Two things to remember are : although you have been taught to put your hands in your lap at the table, the French keep their hands on top of the table (watch and follow), and although you have been taught to put your bread on the edge of your plate or on a seperate plate, the French put their bread on the table.

Have a wonderful trip, your itinerary does sound just wonderful. Your children will simply love it. It will be a wonderful adventure.

[fresh_a]

Menton- I've been able to obtain all types of maple syrup at most of my local supermarkets...

[Bux]

You will make mistakes. I don't mean to put you on edge or increase any anxiety, but it's inevitable that when meeting anyone from a foreign culture, you will make some mistakes. I take comfort in the fact that if they are not sophisticated, social errors will matter less and if they are sophisticated they will understand you are a stranger to their customs and will understand.

There are many books on the subject of the differences between American manners and French manners. Most of them are humorous and deal with an American's history of faux pas upon first meeting their spouse's French families. Take comfort in the fact that people live though it and look back at their own experience with humor. Most American's expect the French to be a warming hugging Mediterranean country. They are not. They are an extremely reserved and formal people with a codified set of manners to which you are not an intitiate. For all that, I have always found the French to be the most genuinely hospitable people if you show an interest and respect for their culture and an appreciation for their history and culture. I've found this to be true as a student in 1959 and I find it true today when I meet friends of our friends in the Languedoc and my daughter's in-laws in Brittany.

I understand your position however, as I am infinitely more comfortable in the presence of French strangers then French relatives, especially when meeting new people in a formal setting, such as at weddings. We compensate for our social ignorance by showing great appreciation for their wine and by eating as much as possible of the things they expect Americans not to eat.

Bleudauvergne gave some good advice on table manners, especially the "no hands on your lap." Elbows on the table if done gracefully, are not a problem however. It's amazing how two western countries can have such opposite conventions. Just realize it's a matter of different local customs and not some universal genetic fault. The French will. The French are very proud, but they are diplomats by custom and habit.

I am looking at a "Buss Map" of France. It's an attempt to graphically represent the number of cheek kisses normal in each part of France. It's not all that helpful as it really represents the maximum. Four kisses in Brittany are expected when we arrive after a long absence, but three are sufficient on the second morning of our visit. Should we meet more than once on a given day, French effficiency dictates only two kisses. I am kept in training here in NY by my son-in-law.

[menton1]

Menton- I've been able to obtain all types of maple syrup at most of my local supermarkets...

Interesting... we've given it as gifts and the French people we give it to are very pleased and say that they have never seen the product before....

What is the origin of the Sirop d'Erable? Is this in Carrefour, Super U, and the like?

[menton1]

Gabrielle--

One of the best guides to French customs and how they differ from American ones is "Savoir-Flair" by Polly Platt. An American who has lived in France for 20+ years, she takes you through the kissing, meeting, greeting and eating habits of the French and what's acceptable and what is not. It is an invaluable book for what you want to know and I highly recommend it. (Available on Amazon) (I don't know how to link it so Egullet gets credit, though...)

[tate]

Menton- I've been able to obtain all types of maple syrup at most of my local supermarkets...

Interesting... we've given it as gifts and the French people we give it to are very pleased and say that they have never seen the product before....

What is the origin of the Sirop d'Erable? Is this in Carrefour, Super U, and the like?

I live in the 14th and can buy Maple syrup at the Franprix and Champion, both right down the street...that's not to say that it's cheap, though!

[Bux]

I think I've seen maple syrup a few times on French menus. Of course there's Passard's famous egg at Arpège, but the maple flavor was very subtle, almost undetectable to my dull palate. Veyrat served a flight of pots de creme in assorted flavors as one of a few desserts. Diners are asked to guess the flavors. We did very well, guessing almost all (all if you accept anise/licorice/fennel as one taste). Maple syrup was one of the flavors, and apparently the one that most Frenchmen missed. For us it was a no brainer. Here it was in all it's glory as a dessert sweet.

[bleudauvergne]

The maple syrup available at the supermarkets in France is like Mrs. Butterworths in comparison to the Vermont, New York, or Canadian syrups you can bring in from the other side of the pond. I still stipulate it's not the same animal.

Edited March 26, 2004 by bleudauvergne (log)

[Jonathan Day]

One aspect of a French family house that can seem strange to foreigners is that it often has a "public" and a "private" part. If you're invited into the salon, it would be rude or at least unusual to ask for a tour of the house, or visit the kitchen, or take dishes into the kitchen for washing. Those are private parts of the house, not for visitors, and they may not be tidy and ready for others to see without embarrasing the host.

The private parts of the house often include the toilet / bathroom -- with some families, at least, a polite visitor would not ask to use the toilet. So you might be well advised to look for public toilets in the market, chateau, etc.

[bleudauvergne]

Ugh public toilets. Asking to use the toilet is really ok, if you have to go. If you are sitting down to a formal meal, it's not considered good form to leave the table during a course to use the toilet, though.

The first time I had a dinner party and invited a bunch of American friends as well as the French, I entertained American style. The French were taken aback at first, but they happily got used to it pretty quickly. I purposefully served aperetifs to my guests the American way, i.e. thoughtfully serving them a drink the minute they arrived instead of making everyone wait for everyone else to get there and serving everyone at once. I also encouraged my friends to help themselves to things directly from the fridge, which was like sacrilidge to my French guests, they were watching on in awe as I said, help yourself to the beer on the bottom shelf of the fridge, and some people actually did it! I also said "yes" when people asked if they could help and gave them jobs to do.

It's like you said, differences in the private and public spaces of the house. The kitchen is rather private to the French, although when you are receiving friends it's often ok to congregate in the kitchen. The frigo is completely off limits to guests. I discussed this with a French friend of mine who says that she panics when other people open her fridge. I guess you might also feel the same way if your guests wander into your home office, for example.

Edited March 26, 2004 by bleudauvergne (log)

[menton1]

The maple syrup available at the supermarkets in France is like Mrs. Butterworths in comparison to the Vermont, New York, or Canadian syrups you can bring in from the other side of the pond. I still stipulate it's not the same animal.

I don't recall seeing too many maple trees in France; even if they have a few, I think you need a very cold winter for the maple sap to run freely in the spring. Except for the higher elevations in the Alps and the Pyrenées, it rarely goes below 0°C (32°F) anywhere in France.

So bring over that Vermont Maple Syrup with the knowledge that it will be greatly appreciated by French friends!!

N.B. Mrs Butterworths is NOT maple syrup; it is sugar, water, and brown coloring!

[bleudauvergne]

N.B. Mrs Butterworths is NOT maple syrup; it is sugar, water, and brown coloring!

Exactly!

[little ms foodie]

Not exactly gifts but as I'm heading to Paris to visit a friend in 2 weeks I asked what her and her room mate would like me to bring. Her replies:

- The current edition of Food and Wine Magazine

- "I can't believe it's not butter" spray for her popcorn

- French's mustard

Very funny! I hope the food police at the airport don't arrest me! haha!

[Louisa Chu]

Like a lot of places - flowers should be sent ahead - not brought with - so there's not a lot of fumbling for vases/water - unless it's in a container already. NO white carnations - for funerals.

BUT on May 1st EVERYONE gives/gets muguets/lilies of the valley. You can get them everywhere from street-corners - for a euro - to ultra-fashionable fleuristes - a lot more than a euro. It's a really charming tradition that makes me VERY happy.

Chocolate - the older crowd really loves the big old school brand names - that means Fauchon and have them giftwrap it - but younger people LOVE and are very impressed by hipper stuff - like Hevin and Delicabar.

[Bux]

Chocolate - the older crowd really loves the big old school brand names - that means Fauchon and have them giftwrap it - but younger people LOVE and are very impressed by hipper stuff - like Hevin and Delicabar.

It's good to know one is only as old as one's taste in chocolate.

[menton1]

Not exactly gifts but as I'm heading to Paris to visit a friend in 2 weeks I asked what her and her room mate would like me to bring. Her replies:

- The current edition of Food and Wine Magazine

- "I can't believe it's not butter" spray for her popcorn

- French's mustard

Very funny! I hope the food police at the airport don't arrest me! haha!

Is this recipient a French person or an Ex-pat?

[bleudauvergne]

Chocolate - the older crowd really loves the big old school brand names - that means Fauchon and have them giftwrap it - but younger people LOVE and are very impressed by hipper stuff - like Hevin and Delicabar.

That reminds me - my husband's grandmother, who is French, said she really loves to receive gifts that she can "use up". For example hand crafted cards or notes, decorative cocktail napkins, chocolates, bottles of aperetifs, etc.

[little ms foodie]

Not exactly gifts but as I'm heading to Paris to visit a friend in 2 weeks I asked what her and her room mate would like me to bring. Her replies:

- The current edition of Food and Wine Magazine

- "I can't believe it's not butter" spray for her popcorn

- French's mustard

Very funny! I hope the food police at the airport don't arrest me! haha!

Is this recipient a French person or an Ex-pat?

One is an American ex-pat and one is French Canadian ;)

[menton1]

One is an American ex-pat and one is French Canadian ;)

OK, that explains it. I can't imagine any French person longing for French's mustard!!