how to insult an egotistical chef?

[bvus]

"Please send my compliments to the chef...and send my regards to Mrs. Boy-R-Dee as well".

Edited September 10, 2004 by bvus (log)

[intraining]

i'm unaware, but do i actually have to pay for this crap?

actually, i think i'm right in saying, that, in england, if the food served is terrible, you may pay what you think the meal is worth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of course, there will be an argument, but i'm pretty sure that's the case. unless someone can enlighten me?

[chefdg]

"Are you aware that by being here you are depriving some village of an idiot"

That is one of the best cut downs for just about anyone!

[RonThePirate]

I think that if you really want to insult a chef, you should target their seasoning ability.

Chefs spend YEARS developing their unique seasoning eyesight and eventually it just becomes second habit. To insult a chef's seasoning ability is like insulting a yoga instructor's breathing.

That's just my opinion, I could be wrong

[chow guy]

How about? "Is there anyplace nearby that's still open, where we can get something good to eat"?

[chiffonade]

We went to a beautiful new Belgian Brewery here in the Tampa area, called St. Sebastiaan. One of my cooking teachers at Kump, Ruth Van Waerebeek, was Belgian and I was anxious to try this place. (Florida is full of chain restaurants and it was nice to see an independent. I was intrigued.)

So we drive all the way to this Brewery and the place is gorgeous. We looked at the menu and did some ordering. I spotted Belgian Fries on the menu and insisted we order them, remembering that Ruth would NEVER refer to a fry as "French" but insisting the Belgians invented them. DH ordered some of the artisan beer. It was delicious.

We ordered the beer soup which was made with the brewery's own Belgian beer. Although the color was disconcerting, the flavor and mouthfeel were excellent. I had no idea the soup would be the high point of the meal.

DH ordered a shrimp pasta special. The "shrimp" were canned salad shrimp. (The "chef" must have been taking cooking lessons from Sandra Lee.) The pasta was barely sauced - and I don't mean in a Mario Batali sort of way - I mean dry and tasteless. Daughter had snacked just a little earlier so she wasn't all that hungry but did spot in the side dish list potato gratin which is one of her favorites. The gratin was served warm, not blazing hot from the oven, as it should be. I'd much rather have food served blazing hot so I could make the choice to let it cool slightly on my plate than have that decision be made for me and serve something like potato gratin at body temperature.

I ordered a chicken dish that wasn't half bad but the piped mound of mashed potatoes was horrible. (They were billed as "Mashed Potatoes" - nothing else.) These were roundish-mounds of mashed potato that had obviously been piped in advanced and left in a warming oven. Mashed potatoes don't have a crust. I stuck my fork in (broke through the crust , tasted it and decided that it needed no further exploration.

Perhaps the worst disappointment was the order of Belgian Fries. When I ordered them, I expected a huge basket of piping hot freshly fried golden brown potatoes, salted and served with home-made mayo. What I got was barely a saucer of obviously mass produced, frozen bagged pale FRENCH fries that were served warm.

DH never sends anything back but he and I both wrote e-mails to the restaurant. I suggested the Brewery get a copy of Ruth's book Everybody Eats Well In Belgium and grab a few recipes out of that. I pointed out that anyone who knows anything about the food industry knows that potatoes are almost free and should never be skimped upon when measuring portion sizes. I pointed out that Belgian Fries are a pride of Belgian Cooking and should have been treated as such.

Neither DH nor I ever received a response - and of course, we never darkened their door again.

http://www.saintsebastiaan.com/

[chromedome]

Insulting the chef's seasoning chops would certainly get a rise out of him.

Personally, I'd send a note to the kitchen suggesting that he return to McDonald's at his earliest convenience.

[arielle]

I beg to differ. As much as I love potty humor, Gill's cheap shot about shrimp-and-foie-gras dumplings as "condoms" is just Benny Hill stupidity. It certainly doesn't say anything about what that dish was or wasn't about; it's just a dick joke that's intended to make the prim reader giggle at his outrageous reference to a rubber on a haute cuisine dinner plate. (Beavis: "Heh heh.... He said, 'condom.'")

Chris, I agree with you that some of the critics are writing for their own pleasure, and for the pleasure of their fellow critics, but I think that AA Gill's reference to the dumplings as condoms is actually relatively appropriate. Obviously, the dumpling casing was tasteless and rubbery (or perhaps was so bad as to emanate the 'dusty' smell of latex!!!! ), he could have said "It was tasteless and rubbery", but it's no-where near as evocative as prophylactic! I have been served ravioli that was made from wanton wrappers: not such a bad thing to use at home if you don't have a pasta-maker, but in a restaurant!? I'd refer to them as condoms, or, if they are over-cooked, as soggy cereal-box (the difference is especially noticeable when you have real, homemade pasta in a restaurant one night, and the next, something that resembles store-bought wax-paper!)

(Rant over, whew!)