Steve, Don't Eat it!

[Schielke]

Newly updated with Urkle-o's and Breast Milk

I had posted this once before when he was eating beggin strips and the like, but it has been recently updated! yay!

Ben

[jhlurie]

Yuck. And "Heh".

[Toasted]

Disturbing yet funny as hell. I'll have to check out the rest of the site later. Thanks.

[Mayhaw Man]

That's hysterical.

Thanks for the link.

I think.

[docsconz]

I have to give the guy credit...for what I don't know, but I do have to give him credit.

[jhlurie]

I like the older entries in the "Steve Don't Eat It" archive. The "Potted Meat" entry alone is worth the trouble of looking.

Steve says:

I know I learned at least one thing from "Ralph's Potted Meat"-- Ralph is a fucking dick.

[Pan]

The Urkel-O's segment is pretty funny, too:

This particular box of Urkel-O's is unique because it's some kind of weird sales sample, and has "marketing features and benefits" on the back. One of the "features" is actually listed as: Fun, circle-shaped product. I had no idea circles were so fun. At least now I know what to get the kids next Christmas. A fucking circle.

[JennotJenn]

I was the biggest fan of the pickled pork rinds. Husband took the computer away from me because I was laughing so hard at "Steve Don't Eat It!" that it was really annoying him. He gave it back on the condition that I didn't go back to Steve's page as long as he was in the room.

Oh, and this is one of my favorite quotes:

As I attempted to fish out a "good one," I couldn't help notice the alarming skin texture. For all those times I wondered what it would be like to gnaw on my grandmother's thigh, I was about to find out.

Edited April 4, 2004 by JennotJenn (log)

[Pan]

I was the biggest fan of the pickled pork rinds. Husband took the computer away from me because I was laughing so hard at "Steve Don't Eat It!" that it was really annoying him. He gave it back on the condition that I didn't go back to Steve's page as long as he was in the room.

?

[JennotJenn]

I was the biggest fan of the pickled pork rinds. Husband took the computer away from me because I was laughing so hard at "Steve Don't Eat It!" that it was really annoying him. He gave it back on the condition that I didn't go back to Steve's page as long as he was in the room.

?

He was trying to read and the sound of my chortles was distracting him. And no, the concept of moving to another room does not occur to him

[lala]

Damn you. Now I have diet coke all over my monitor.

[alacarte]

My favorite part was from the pork rinds section:

The label says "Ready to Eat." They left off "By Dumb-Asses."

[lesfen]

That guy is hilarious. The beggin strip B.L.T. had me in tears.

[Mayhaw Man]

My favorite part was from the pork rinds section:

The label says "Ready to Eat." They left off "By Dumb-Asses."

Hey Now!

I resemble that remark!

[FunJohnny]

WoW - perverted comic genius! Rabelaisian in its depiction of la condition humaine.

[Chad]

My favorite part was from the pork rinds section:

The label says "Ready to Eat." They left off "By Dumb-Asses."

Hey Now!

I resemble that remark!

Brooks, ya gotta read the whole thing. These are not your run of the mill pork rinds (which I dearly love) but pickled pork rinds that are basically chunks of pig skin in vinager. They look like something Hannibal Lecter might snack on.

I really enjoyed the part where he tried to reassemble the skin back into a pig. I think I wrenched something permanently because I was laughing so hard.

Chad

[sextons]

I still have tears in my eyes!! I'm printing his home page as I type to share with everyone I know! Thanks for sharing!!

[lueid813]

Dan Savage answered a similar question:

If one were to make cheese from human breast milk, what commercially available cheese would be its closest relation in taste and texture?

-- Please note: the first question & answer that this link leads to deal with "human breast milk cheese"; the subsequent questions and answers are very sexually explicit and may be offensive.

http://www.portlandmercury.com/2002-02-21/savage.html

and the answer is pretty good:

The overwhelming majority of commercially available cheeses are made from plain old cows' milk, which means that cheese production--what you do with the milk--and not the origin of the milk should be largely responsible for taste and texture.

. . .

It's also interesting to note that all cheese is made from breast milk, because all milk comes from breasts (of various mammals).

Edited April 9, 2004 by lueid813 (log)

[slbunge]

That was the hardest I have laughed in a while. Thanks for the link.

[deibu]

How about this food-related item in the same day's column:

His name is Jeff, and he is a gorgeous, caring, and loyal lover. In response to his question, "What's for dessert?" my response is, "You are, and I am going to eat you up like a bowl of Blue Boy ice cream." Thanks, Dan.

[curlywurlyfi]

The Guardian newspaper featured this website in its media listings guide over the weekend, along with a couple of other food-related (kind of) sites:

Zack's Bug-Feasting Page

The World's Worst Food

The Museum of Burnt Food

Fi

[StInGeR]

I just sprayed friggin' beer all over my keyboard. This has to be my favourite quote :

"While I cannot endorse the eating of Pickled Pork Rinds, I do endorse playing with it like a puzzle. I did have some fun trying to put the pig back together, but eventually that got boring as I lost the will to live."

Cheers

Tom

[jhlurie]

You know, when you are done eating all of the goodies disucssed by Steve, you can always clean up with a selection from The Modern Moist Towelette Collecting Website.

Dude, they take this stuff seriously. There's even a theme song.

[Pan]

A know of a woman who used to collect airplane barf bags. Fact is, people will collect everything including the kitchen sink - and dust.

[Chad]

Jon, that's just disturbing.

Despite whatever differences we have as humans, we can all satisfy the natural urge to clean ourselves with lemon-scented, moist-filled napkins.

Chad