Round Four: Limericks

[2BLU-EYES]

Just a quickie....

Some friends of mine from Berl'n,

Was sent to a state of hurl'n.

When they ate Mickey-D's -

Their intestines did seize-

The commode, I can hear, still whirl'n.

[Alchemist]

I have never written one of these before. It's a first try.

There was a bartender from Manhattan

Who’s drinks resembled hot satin

He shimmied when shaking

Till his arms started aching

He ran his bar like general Patton.

[srhcb]

The was once a proctologist's nurse,

said she didn't know which was the worse,

Those who gardened while nude

or wrong-ended their food,

her stories were really perverse!

SB (based on actual events)

[Daniel]

There once was a man from Peru

He loved to Barbecue

He'd eat fist fulls of pork

Not stopping to fork

His heart quickly turned into goo

[esperanza]

A nouveau Chinese from St. Louis

Was known for his shocking chop suey

With pieces and bits

Of pudenda and tits

Twas delicious, if just a bit chewy.

Edited September 6, 2006 by esperanza (log)

[sazji]

On the prairie one day Daniel Boone

Craved a spicy and hot lahmajoon

Then cried out "Oh, damn,

I'm all out of ground lamb!"

So he settled for fricaseed coon.

[highchef]

There was once a chorizo from Spain

that was delivered at 1 in the rain

with paprika as spice,

and saffron so nice,

the paella was declared quite insane!

What can I say??? the last time I had to write a limerick I was in 6th grade english class with an Irish nun for a teacher.

[moosnsqrl]

There was once a chorizo from Spain

that was delivered at 1 in the rain

with paprika as spice,

and saffron so nice,

the paella was declared quite insane!

What can I say??? the last time I had to write a limerick I was in 6th grade english class with an Irish nun for a teacher.

←

I thought the rain in Spain fell mainly on the plain

[highchef]

There was once a chorizo from Spain

that was delivered at 1 in the rain

with paprika as spice,

and saffron so nice,

the paella was declared quite insane!

What can I say??? the last time I had to write a limerick I was in 6th grade english class with an Irish nun for a teacher.

←

I thought the rain in Spain fell mainly on the plain

←

I told you I was rusty!!

[Pontormo]

Want to dine on authentic ragu?

Then Bologna just simply won't do!

"A Napoli, vai!"

Where they top pizza pie

With a cheese bufalese, impromptu.

"To Naples, go!"

[Peter B Wolf]

Sweetbreads, I dare

not sweet nor bread

I do not care

and heavier then lead

the sweetbreads I had

I do care

in few words I'm told

they are from a mare

other things are sold

The place, I advise, please spare

[PaniniGuy]

There once was a garde manger named Jacques,

Who created magnificent stocks,

When asked for his favorite,

He replied somewhat labored,

"A pot of Sprite and a bag of Pop Rocks."

[Carrot Top]

Skinny Tom, so verbosely a Locavore

Most people thought him Quite a Bore

Bold tales he told, repetitiously sold

As he choked down Damp Cabbage and Turnip Cores

One day his fate

Left nought on his plate (the winter had been quite hard)

Reaching the cupboard, his hand grasped his supper

Lucky he'd had some wheatgrass jarred!

But the jar was not true

No rubber to seal

For rubber, it was not local

So fermented wheatgrass left Tom poisoned dead

His bandana so gently caressing his head

As it suddenly shuddered and hit the table

The epitaph he left, it told his tale:

(He been sure everyone wanted to know)

"As I've always said,

Ten miles draws the line

For whatever it is that I choose to dine!

As I lay to rest, I've not tasted the best,

But do safely reside in my pride."

[maggiethecat]

Want to dine on authentic ragu?

Then Bologna just simply won't do!

"A Napoli, vai!"

Where they top pizza pie

With a cheese bufalese, impromptu.

"To Naples, go!"

←

Just lovely -- a real limerick.

[maggiethecat]

Sweetbreads, I dare

not sweet nor bread

I do not care

and heavier then lead

the sweetbreads I had

I do care

in few words I'm told

they are from a mare

other things are sold

The place, I advise, please spare

←

Poetry, but not a limerick, unless Ferlinghetti had a stab at limericks.

[maggiethecat]

Skinny Tom, so verbosely a Locavore

Most people thought him Quite a Bore

Bold tales he told, repetitiously sold

As he choked down Damp Cabbage and Turnip Cores

One day his fate

Left nought on his plate (the winter had been quite hard)

Reaching the cupboard, his hand grasped his supper

Lucky he'd had some wheatgrass jarred!

But the jar was not true

No rubber to seal

For rubber, it was not local

So fermented wheatgrass left Tom poisoned dead

His bandana so gently caressing his head

As it suddenly shuddered and hit the table

The epitaph he left, it told his tale:

(He been sure everyone wanted to know)

"As I've always said,

Ten miles draws the line

For whatever it is that I choose to dine!

As I lay to rest, I've not tasted the best,

But do safely reside in my pride."

←

Not a limerick, but a great Low Country Ballad.

[maggiethecat]

There was once a chorizo from Spain

that was delivered at 1 in the rain

with paprika as spice,

and saffron so nice,

the paella was declared quite insane!

What can I say??? the last time I had to write a limerick I was in 6th grade english class with an Irish nun for a teacher.

←

Sister Mary Margaret taught you well -- doesn't scan perfectly, but it's a true limerick.

[maggiethecat]

On the prairie one day Daniel Boone

Craved a spicy and hot lahmajoon

Then cried out "Oh, damn,

I'm all out of ground lamb!"

So he settled for fricaseed coon.

←

First class -- scans perfectly. Um, start a lahmajoon thread -- I'm clueless.

[maggiethecat]

Our cats demand petting, those two

So we've nicknamed them Kobe and Wagyu

When they're fattened and tender

We think they will render

A gourmet, upscale feline stew

Sorry.  Needless to say, I'm kidding.  Please address complaints to Fat Guy - he started it

Edited to make sense.

←

!!!!!

(If you'd dropped the "So" in the second line it would have scanned better. But you've got Limerick Love, I can tell.)

[Pat Churchill]

A chef by the name of John Reid

Was entranced by the thought of sous vide

So he slow braised some snails

Then chopped off their tails

And served them with pea foam and mead

Meanwhile back in culinary school

The students were playing the fool

With the liquid N2

And a pound of wagyu

They made something terribly cool

[ludja]

In case you you haven't seen it, Maggie started another thread to gather entries for a new literary smackdown...

You can submit your limericks from 2006, including those in this thread, in this new smackdown. (link below).

My favorites so far...

Our cats demand petting, those two...

and

A nouveau Chinese chef from St. Louis...

This is the Smackdown that won't die: I swear I've seen more entries on the Limerick thread after the old competition closed than before. Limericks just rattle around in your head -- Isaac Asimov published a book of Limericks while he was doing serious reseach and writing books and columns. My father wrote two hundred in two days.  It's just fun.

I'm (re?) publishing the hoary and perfect culinary Limerick here to remind you about scan and rhyme scheme.  I'll take points off for sloppy.

A gentleman dining in Crewe

Found a rather large mouse in his stew.

Said the waiter: "Don't shout!

Or wave it about

Or the rest will be wanting one too."

Please don't post your entries on this topic --  please use this thread. Anything you've contirubuted since the long-ago awarding of prizes can be copied and pasted there.

This is a fun interim Smackdown -- watch this space in the next few weeks for the new model.

Deadline poets: November 1, 2006.

←

Edited September 29, 2006 by ludja (log)

[sazji]

On the prairie one day Daniel Boone

Craved a spicy and hot lahmajoon

Then cried out "Oh, damn,

I'm all out of ground lamb!"

So he settled for fricaseed coon.

←

First class -- scans perfectly. Um, start a lahmajoon thread -- I'm clueless.

←

Tanks. I've got lots and lots of them, but they mostly have nothing to do with food, and they are also more or less foul. (A limerick almost has to be really, doesn't it?)

Lahmajoon/lahmacun is a very thin flat bread topped with ground lamb, pepper, onion, pepper paste. It's E. Turkihsh/Armenian. The Syrian version, lahma bi ajin, is quite different, with pine nuts and allspice in the meat. There's lots of recipes around.

[sazji]

Our cats demand petting, those two

So we've nicknamed them Kobe and Wagyu

When they're fattened and tender

We think they will render

A gourmet, upscale feline stew

Sorry.  Needless to say, I'm kidding.  Please address complaints to Fat Guy - he started it

Edited to make sense.

←

!!!!!

(If you'd dropped the "So" in the second line it would have scanned better. But you've got Limerick Love, I can tell.)

←

Or drop the "nick" of "nicknamed." I love it