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Round Four: Limericks


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There once was a clam from Nantucket

Who found himself caught in a bucket

No one finger salute

For this bivale so cute

So he hauled off and just said "OH SHUCK IT".

Somebody had to start! Anna N

Anna Nielsen aka "Anna N"

...I just let people know about something I made for supper that they might enjoy, too. That's all it is. (Nigel Slater)

"Cooking is about doing the best with what you have . . . and succeeding." John Thorne

Our 2012 (Kerry Beal and me) Blog

My 2004 eG Blog

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Original, I assume. While I'm thinking of one, here is a personal favorite. And it's about Pie! Well, actually, Pi....

A favorite project of mine,

A new value of Pi to assign.

I would set it at three

For it's simpler, you see,

Than three-point-one-four-one-five-nine.

okay, here's my first attempt:

An eGulleteer named Craig Camp,

Went foraging for some fresh ramp.

He boiled them with milk,

Mashed his spuds smooth as silk

And produced a terrific Ramp Champ.

I'm still waxing poetic ( :biggrin: ) about ramps and Craig, yours was the only egullet that came to mind that rhymed. Hope you don't mind. And, of course, we all know that ramp (with no "s") is also the plural. :hmmm:

kit

"I'm bringing pastry back"

Weebl

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re the limerick comp. I wrote this for CBC radio in Canada a number of years ago. here goes ~

there once was a hog who did snuffle

under leaves and twigs did he ruffle

with his nose did he poak

underneath a dead oak

and unearthed a most glorious truffle

enjoy Bruce

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A young lad named Armisted Auger,

Favored copious foam on his lager.

To the barmaid he said,

“Give me plenty of head.”

Whereupon she karated his schwagger.

And, if I'm allowed another try:

Young Fred, who lived west of L.A.,

Tried to beef up his bratwurst last May.

Adding peppers and spice,

He ground everything twice --

Now he takes a Viagra each day.

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Okay....here goes nothin' :wink:

A knockout new restaurant reviewer

Her tastebuds and visage both pure

Was about in the town, and while making her rounds

The heart of each chef she did skewer.

A waiter ran into the walk-in

And said “Chef, there’s no more time for talkin’!

That reviewer is here, and she’s ordered a beer,

And the whole wait-staff’s out there just gawkin’!”

The Chef made his way to her table

(Her melons were covered with sable!)

He said “Madame critic, please have some Glenfiddich,

And I’ll make the best meal that I’m able!”

He sent out asparagus flan

And a stunning free-range coq au vin

He plied her with cider, and sat down beside her

Presenting warm, crisp tarte tatin.

She exclaimed, “What a wonderful dish!”

And the Chef, so emboldened by this,

Was so floored by her charms, he took her in his arms,

And leaned in to pilfer a kiss.

He’d prepared himself for a slap,

But instead – felt a hand in his lap!

What a glorious night! And with no end in sight,

He dismissed his whole staff with a snap.

He remarked on her miniscule waist

And worshiped her radiant face;

So fetching was she, he fell to one knee

And proposed that they be wed post-haste.

She slurred “Chef, I am flattered and all,

And though I’m convinced you’re a doll,

Many thanks for the thought, but alas I cannot -

I’m afraid your cucumber’s too small!”

Marsha Lynch aka "zilla369"

Has anyone ever actually seen a bandit making out?

Uh-huh: just as I thought. Stereotyping.

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I told this one to my surgeon before undergoing knee surgery:

There once was a gentlemanly fella

Who suffered from an aching patella.

Though a cortisone shot

Hit his pain in the spot

An arthroscopy made it all better!

He laughed, then he put a mask on my face. :shock:

Next...

A matron with an enormous proboscis

Called her doctor to seek his prognosis.

"I would urge rhinoplasty,"

Said the doctor, "And not lastly,

Listerine to cure your halitosis!"

Thank You! I'll be here all week! :laugh:

There are two sides to every story and one side to a Möbius band.

borschtbelt.blogspot.com

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Oh well, looks like someone's already taken the cucumber vein, but here goes...

"It's too soft", garde manger quipped demurely

"No, too short", whispered she, nodding surely

"Should be firm, nice and long,

crispy sweet, smooth and strong!

Not for my salad, cucumbers too early!"

an attempt.

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  • 8 months later...

Zoo 'Que

A man from the South missed 'que

so much that he went to the zoo

He caught a giraffe

and cut it in half

and smoked it in lots of goo.

It did not provide satisfaction,

tho blessed with ample olifaction

Despite slow cooking in goo,

it had considerable chew;

too much to provide groovin' action.

Tho his appetite was almost indomitable,

he found the zoo 'que abominable.

He wondered aloud

if he'd been too proud

to do that which was honorable.

He said, "What the heck!

I'll butcher the neck."

He cut it in two,

and made a ragu

and served it out on his deck.

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  • 2 years later...
Beurre manié behaves much like a roux,

Flour and butter in soup, sauce, and stew.

You whisk like the dickens

To add it; it thickens

The stew (and your arteries, too).

-- Carl Lands

source for this limerick

When I came across this site just now, I found some truly delightful and clever limericks ... has anyone got a food limerick to share? :laugh:

more eGullet limericks here ... :wink:

Melissa Goodman aka "Gifted Gourmet"

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There once was a girl from Nantucket

She put all her clams in a bucket

She put up a pot to boil

But could not find butter nor foil

So she threw them back and said "Fuck it!"

or

There once was an alderman named Moore

Who sought to a way to enlarge his score

It need not be a large coup

Any cause celebre will do

He teamed with PETA, foie gras no more!

Edited by scordelia (log)

S. Cue

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  • 4 weeks later...

Not an original, but I've always enjoyed it:

There once was a lass from Kilbride

Who ate so many apples she died.

The apples fermented

Inside the lamented

And made cider inside her inside.

Si

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Our cats demand petting, those two

So we've nicknamed them Kobe and Wagyu

When they're fattened and tender

We think they will render

A gourmet, upscale feline stew :shock:

Sorry. Needless to say, I'm kidding. Please address complaints to Fat Guy - he started it :biggrin:

Edited to make sense.

Edited by moosnsqrl (log)

Judy Jones aka "moosnsqrl"

Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.

M.F.K. Fisher

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OK, how 'bout this.

There once was a Chef named Bourdain

Whose age in the kitchen caused pain

So he took to writing

Folks found it exciting

and now royalties fall down like rain.

Judy Jones aka "moosnsqrl"

Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.

M.F.K. Fisher

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My favorite sweet, the Dacquoise,

Gives the epicure reason for puoise*.

Be it lemon or coffee,

Sides coated with toffee,

It leaves connoisseurs ooh-ing their uoise*.

(* yeah, it's a stretch, unless you have Buoiston accent!)

kit

"I'm bringing pastry back"

Weebl

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There once was a man from New York

Who could use neither spoons nor a fork

When they brought him some soup

You could see his head droop

'Cause he felt like a miserable dork.

Michael aka "Pan"

 

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There once was a girl who craved steak

In fact, it was all she would take

She wouldn’t eat greens

And she sneered at string beans

Until she ate one by mistake

Strangely enough, I’m having fresh green beans from the farmers market and grilled steak for dinner.

Grace Piper, host of Fearless Cooking

www.fearlesscooking.tv

My eGullet Blog: What I ate for one week Nov. 2010

Subscribe to my 5 minute video podcast through iTunes, just search for Fearless Cooking

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A writer whose surname is Ruhlman

Thought going to CIA would be cool, man

But his trip to Hyde Park

Would prove more than a lark

And now he's a food-writing fool, man.

OK, I'm not proud of it but seemed like Michael deserved equal time :rolleyes:

Judy Jones aka "moosnsqrl"

Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.

M.F.K. Fisher

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