Rules for Serving

[gfweb]

17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.

I think this is one standard that, of the few remaining fine dining restaurants left in this economy, most restaurants should drop. It isn't even the standard in any but the upper, white tablecloth establishments, and when I've worked in those, I can tell you that it is literally hell to try to get guests to comply with this:

"You can take this," says the patron, literally shoving the plate in the direction of my pressed shirt and tie. Even better are the guests who start piling their dirty dishes at the end of the table while the rest of their family and friends are still eating. Better yet: the guest who actually gets up and walks over to the server to hand him/her the plate.

I couldn't disagree more. Clearing plates while one is still eating is not polite or gracious. It makes you feel rushed, which is the intent of course...to turn the table.

You shouldn't set your service standards to meet the expectations of the lowest level, but the highest. If the vulgarians want the plates cleared they can ask you to do it.

[haresfur]

The list is largely just service-business common sense (maybe we need a new phrase -- it's not quite so common now). My favorite: 8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials... Enhanced by Holly Moore's corollary: Do not interfere with diners' enjoyment of their meal by interrupting their meal to ask, "How is everything?" Even brief conversations get interrupted by that needless question. Which connects then to:

I don't mind a name, but I don't want him/her in my mental space. The waiter is not my dinner companion.

Years ago, checking out fine restaurants in a big new Las Vegas hotel, I saw a stark contrast. Some restaurants (Le Cirque) had high-end European-style service. Employees circulated, actively looking for things needing attention, and unobtrusively providing it -- not waiting for customers to flag them down. Others (Aqua) instead showed high-end "US-style" service. Servers would come to the table, beam at you, and talk about themselves -- and not notice missing silverware, or ask if you wanted coffee at the end. Being chatty wasn't a problem, but a symptom.

For me, most of these "offenses" fall into the category of "I don't really care"

Good, because as a customer you won't notice if those offenses are deliberately absent either. Everyone is happy. (Just as readers who are less word-conscious don't notice, or mind, when publications routinely edit out "in regards to," or "which" with restrictive relative clauses -- the result looks natural, both to those who don't notice and those who do.)

Now what we need (but rarely see) is the sequel: Good practices for customers in fine dining. It seems as if many of them think ethics or decorum are concerns only for the servers or the restaurant. (Otherwise, why would we see things like loud cellphone use, or past threads here by customers who pulled something obnoxious on a restaurant, then actually became indignant when called on it? Or the replies from other restaurant customers, sympathizing with them?!?)

Well, I think I do notice. But you are right, good service doesn't have to draw attention to itself. The article doesn't say anything about fine dining - it implies universal truth that isn't warranted. In Italy, if I asked for extra cheese I would be surprised if it came in a separate dish. And I wouldn't be surprised if the waiter made some comment to the effect of, "Are you sure?"

There are some I do care about, particularly #2. But it is so poorly worded I'm not sure what they intend. You try to shame them into eating at the bar? Sorry, the correct question is, "Would you like a table, or would you prefer to eat at the bar?"

As far as clearing the plate goes, I think it is cultural. I often dine with a slow-eating friend. I'd be surprised if she feels rushed because my plate is gone. If the pace is a problem, it is more my responsibility to slow my eating so it doesn't seem that I'm rushing her. Why would she care what the waiter thinks? I kind of like to have a clear path to lean attentively across the table and maybe snag a french fry (ok not fine dining ).

[Jaymes]

The "no names" rule really strikes me as odd and somewhat archaic.

The columnist didn't say "no names." If you're enjoying the service and want to remember that person's name, perhaps to request him/her for next time, you're perfectly free to ask and he/she is perfectly free to tell you.

What the writer is referring to is the (to me anyway) silly and unnecessary ritual of appearing at your table and immediately announcing, unprompted, "Hi. I'm Jeff and I'll be your server tonight."

To put this into proper perspective, if Jeff walked up and you immediately introduced yourself, do you think Jeff might find that a little odd? Inappropriate? Even off-putting?

And why? Same two people. Same cursory and fleeting relationship.

So why is one of these scenarios odd and the other a grand idea?

Edited November 4, 2009 by Jaymes (log)

[David A. Goldfarb]

The server using their name feels to me a lot like when the bank teller uses my name. It feels inauthentic, as if some corporate customer service consultant thought it was a good idea, and everyone was instructed to do it, and there are probably "secret shoppers" who grade the servers on their performance, and one of the things they do is check off a box indicating whether the server introduced him or herself by name.

Maybe if it's going to be a long meal, it doesn't seem as bad, because this is someone you're going to be interacting with for three hours or more, but for most restaurant encounters, it doesn't seem necessary.

[Holly Moore]

There is a ritual at Carman's Country Kitchen in Philadelphia for all first timers. The server introduces himself, the other server, Carman and maybe a few customers - all by first name. Then asks the newbees their first names. Sets the tone for Carman's. Anyone who objects would probably not return which suits Carman just fine.

[Jenni]

I agree with most of these. It's not like I'd be terribly offended or upset if someone broke one of these "rules", but I think that altogether they add up to an efficient, high-end dining experience that can be rather pleasurable.

As for the name thing - if I'm really enjoying the dining experience and the waiter is really great, I will often ask their name. If it's told to me at the start, it feels inauthentic (like they're only doing it because they've been told to) and also I won't remember it!

[Sugar Apple]

Part two is out now. He seems to be trying to pad out the list and there are a few I don't agree with:

76. Do not ask if a guest is finished the very second the guest is finished. Let guests digest, savor, reflect. I prefer to digest, savor and reflect without a dirty plate in front of me.

97. If a guest goes gaga over a particular dish, get the recipe for him or her. Is he kidding?

[David A. Goldfarb]

Okay, as a trombone player, I've got a problem with--

93. Do not play brass — no brassy Broadway songs, brass bands, marching bands, or big bands that feature brass, except a muted flugelhorn.

[gfweb]

I thought that that was odd too. And I once played flugelhorn.

If up to me I'd ban Mantovani, all C&W, Streisand, Houston, Celine, and Tennessee Ernie Ford.

[MaxH]

If up to me I'd ban Mantovani, all C&W, Streisand, Houston, Celine, and Tennessee Ernie Ford.

Good one!

It's easy to list idiosyncratic, even weird, personal preferences that restaurant owners might conceivably impose, but what I find striking is that it really happens, as I'll illustrate. Normal, successful business wisdom is to serve your market, not yourself (as anyone would learn if they assembled a wine list, for instance, fitting their taste but not their clientele's). Contrast this small steakhouse chain in a pleasant corner of southern California (Coachella Valley, aka "Palm Springs Area"), which has a relatively high restaurant density, being a vacation and tourist region. (From a large file of restaurant notes):

LG's Prime Steakhouse ... Bustling independent local steakhouse group (3 locations) onto which eponymous owner Leon Greenberg oddly imposes his unusual personal dislikes of (1) soups and (2) bar dining. For (2) you can conspire with friendly staff unless LG himself is present, but for (1) you're out of luck ... (Food-historical note: Soups were the original evening meal of Western civilization, source of French word "souper," English "supper.")

[prasantrin]

97. If a guest goes gaga over a particular dish, get the recipe for him or her. Is he kidding?

Why? If he wants to give out the recipes for the dishes at his restaurant (and if you read both articles thoroughly, you'd know that the rules are for the servers at the restaurant he's about to open), then he can certainly direct his staff to offer recipes to diners.

[johnnyd]

Inspired by the article, 100 things a customer should never do

13. Show up for your reservation with a different amount of people without calling first.

27. Spend a lot of money to impress your friends/date and not tip on it. If you’re going to be a big shot, follow through.

39. Put your dirty plates on other tables, nothing makes us want to dump a drink on your head more.

[MattyC]

Inspired by the article, 100 things a customer should never do

13. Show up for your reservation with a different amount of people without calling first.

27. Spend a lot of money to impress your friends/date and not tip on it. If you’re going to be a big shot, follow through.

39. Put your dirty plates on other tables, nothing makes us want to dump a drink on your head more.

I love it, although I tend to agree with everything Ricchio says anyway

Hell, I work back of the house, and 90% of that customer one pisses me off most of the time and I don't even deal with it, I just hear about it.