How we ate growing up

[fifi]

I want to bump this thread up.

It is one of the classics here and we have a lot of new members that may have something to add to this important topic.

[bleudauvergne]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

I grew up in a deep southern household located in central New York. We looked normal on the outside but saw the world through a completely different lens.

Was meal time important?

Meal time was a chance for the family to discuss the ins and outs of the new culture where we had been transplanted to. My parents also took the opportunity to question us about what the yankees were teaching us in school about history, etc. After adjustment on many levels, and as my siblings and I grew up, meal time was time to talk, a slow time, no one was excused unless there was a really good reason. My father who was in the advertising industry, taught us lessons about the power of advertising and its goals at the dinner table. We talked about how sometimes products are created from marketing ideas. He would bring co-workers to eat from time to time. We we also discussed and methods of creative problem solving at the dinner table, which turn out to apply to much more than advertising. My father always openly thanked my mother for all the work she put into the meals. I have memories of being profoundly thankful for her cooking as well. As a child, I had very few friends over to my house to eat. Of the ones that did come, some were amazed and enchanted, and some were freaked out. The ones who could appreciate the food at my house eventually became my lifelong friends.

Was cooking important?

The way some things were cooked was important, and they were not discussed much. However I learned the meaning of the common recipe terms "until it looks right", "a few times", "until done", "enough", "knead three times", and "ready" in the process of helping. Our battery of pots and pans were different from my friends' families. We had one sharp knife in the house. "Go get the sharp knife" My father would say when carving meats at the table. I can still audibly remember that phrase and his voice.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

It was simply not allowed. We did not wait to see what the penalties were.

Who cooked in the family?

My mother, and my grandmother, when she was with us. My father had his signature dishes, a stuffed squid, frog legs, and veal tongue stewed in brine, all of which I loved, and all of which we would have been burned at the steak for eating if we told any of our friends. He also smoked meats and fish for special occasions. My father was the egg poacher and the breakfast meats master. My mother made the biscuits, rolls, and corn bread, okra, and pretty much everything else.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

I have very few memories of eating in restaurants. When we did eat out, it was Ethnic. There were only a few restaurants that were worth the money, in my father's opinion. We drove long distances to get there, and the owners knew my father, and they sometimes came and joined us at the table. It was then that they would talk about food.

When I turned 16, my father took me out to dinner in a fancy restaurant. It was during that meal that one on one, he corrected any problems that had gone unnoticed in my table manners. Which implements to use and when, where to put things you weren't using, what to do when you leave the table, etc.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Never. We were expected to be seen.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

By the time I left home at 17, I knew it was important to a good meal, although we weren't regularly allowed to have it. As a freshman in college, and I went to a liquor/wine store. The drinking age at that time was 19, on it's way up to 21. It was the first time I was going to cook a meal for someone and I wanted to do it like a special occasion, with wine. The proprietor sized me up and quizzed me long and hard about what I was planning to cook, I think just as much to see if I was serious about wanting a good wine as to see if I was an undercover cop. He sold me a 1983 medoc. The price was 8 dollars. I every once in a while, when I was cooking for friends, I went back to buy another bottle of the same. His supply slowly dwindled over about 2 years. One day I went back and he told me there would be no more 1983 medoc. My conversation with him that day had a profound effect on my understanding of wine. He planted a seed what would flower much later.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Yes. But I always thought that "let us thank Him for our food" was actually, "lettuce - thank Him for our food" and would often think of different varieties of lettuce. It's strange but true.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No, and yes. My mother had her phases, and in between them we got the old staples.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Not much, except that I think that growing up in a transplanted family made me open to being a foreigner and curious about other places. It may or may not be connected to the reason I have travelled and lived abroad for 8 of the last 10 years. I have finally settled in France and have been in Lyon for the past 3 years. I still consider southern food comfort food, although I have never lived futher south than Chapel Hill North Carolina (that was not considered The South to my parents for some reason, nor was the entire state of Florida - very strange!). I have of course visited with extended family in the South and traveled there on my own. Culturually speaking, there are many non-food related things that been replicated, but that would be off topic.

Thank you for asking those questions, it's nice to read about other members and watch this thread. Cool!

- Lucy

[reverendtmac]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

...middle class Canadian with the occasional holiday-centered dip into old-school Ukranian. My dad's Scottish and my mom's Ukranian...and since Mom did 99.5% of the cooking, that means a meal ain't a meal without a starch of some variety and plenty of meat. Mom needed to have someone else make something and taste it before she ever felt comfortable enough making it herself...still does, come to think of it. Sunday dinner was as event-based as it got with any regularity...Mom'd cook a roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, something along those lines. Eating out meant McDonalds and its ilk, by and large...neither of my parents feel comfortable in a real high-end place, especially my mom.

Holidays were completely different - we'd all go to my mom's mom place, and Grandma would do a totally amazing Ukranian dinner. Christmas Eve involved perogies (her family's ultra-simple recipe: dry-curd cottage cheese, potatoes, little bit of onion. Boil, serve with melted butter and onions and sour cream), cabbage rolls, halibut. They're old-school Roman Catholic, so it also involved Midnight Mass...then Christmas Day was turkey, potatoes, the left over perogies (pan fried in more melted butter and onions, served with the butter and sour cream), Grandpa's homemade kielbasa, holopchi (head cheese), and a couple loaves of the most amazing homemade bread...god. Great, now my mouth's watering.

Was meal time important?

Not really. Dad was out of town a lot, so 3-4 times a week it was just my mom, my brother and I...and both my bro and I were the kinds of kids that came home after school and talked with Mom for a while. I was *extremely* lucky to have a mom that was home when we were, although, of course, I didn't know it at the time. When Dad was home, we'd usually eat dinner together.

Was cooking important?

Again, not really. Me ma, bless her, based her cooking more on ease of execution than anything else. My brother and I have reacted to this by making a real effort to learn to cook 'properly'...Justin's gone towards old-school Italian and buying every strange thing he can find at the asian market here in town, while I've learned the pleasures of Creole and Cajun cuisine. My mom still marvels at a) how well we've learned to cook, and b) that we're willing to use an afternoon making a proper pot of gumbo, making stock, whatever...

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

You mean for looking like my father? Pops works in the building supply industry, always has...so he eats like his customers, by and large. Something else my brother and I picked up along the line were proper table manners for high-class joints (mostly from his college roommate's dad, actually. Floyd's dad is an ad exec in Boston, and one night he took Floyd, Floyd's brother Max, my bro and I to a really nice place in Halifax for dinner - and basically proceeded to teach us a course on table manners and resto behaviour. I owe that man a debt I can't repay.)

Who cooked in the family?

That would be me ma, by and large. Dad barbequed on occasion (until I got better than him at it). And if we were at Grandma's house, Grandma cooked. She was incredible (and still is). My grandfather cooks, too...he makes amazing chicken and leek soup and the best breakfasts EVER. I'm positive I got my love for bacon and eggs from that man.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Again, if we're talking fast-food, probably once a week. Otherwise...they'd be business related for Dad, so it'd just be my mother and him. Maybe that's why I took an interest into more high-end dining...until I was payin' the check, I really don't remember being in one.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Not so much in our own house...on the rare occasions my parents entertained, it was usually just another couple over - so getting 6 of us around the table wasn't all that hard. Now, at Grandma's over a holiday, you'd have the whole family - Mom's bro and sister and their husbands and kids, my family, my grandparents, in a small bungalow in Calgary. All the cousins (six of us) would sit at the kiddie table out of necessity, since they were managing to get 8 adults around a very small main table! What's crazy about it, though, is that...well, let's see - the youngest of the cousins is 18, and the oldest are my cousin Terri and myself at 26 - and we still fight over who gets to sit at the kiddie table. It's still just more fun.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

My parents were not drinkers by any stretch of the imagination...or, more accurately, meals at home didn't involve alcohol. Dad's not the kind of guy that came home and had a beer or a rum and coke, and Mom isn't either. My grandparents always had a bottle of wine at a family dinner, though, so I'm sure I had one there. Grandpa started sneaking me a really weak screwdriver when I was like 7 or 8, though. Again, this is another thing that makes me wonder what I'm compensating for...I adore wine now! And scotch, which Dad couldn't drink (some crazy night with Walker Red and homemade polish sausage at a customer's house when I was about three :)

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Nope - not even at my grandmother's, which was really strange because she was hardcore Roman Catholic.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Nothing I'd call a rotation, although Mom seemed to make the same ten or twelve dishes over and over. Probably why my brother and I go looking for the strongest, strangest tastes we can find.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I'm single and 26...so not very much at all. I eat a lot better when I'm away from the family, that's for sure...or I should say 'with a much greater variety'. Mom's stuff always tasted good - it just wasn't always the best thing for you. I got a cholesterol scare when I was 23 that I don't care to replicate, and adamantly refuse to pass along to my (as of yet unborn) kids...

[jo-mel]

FUN thread!!

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

30s-40s. working class. Mother was French Canadian. (great Tortieres!)Father - French Canadian roots.

Was meal time important?

Yes -- Sit-down breakfast and dinner. We didn't eat until all were seated. Father (when he was sober) was strict, so mealtimes were not always happy times. The food was cooked, tho, with great love.

Was cooking important?

Yes. Most things from scratch. My Mother loved to cook. When she was in her teens, she cooked at my Grandfather's lumber camp. She used to make 100 apple pies at a time!

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

A reprimand. Along with speaking with your mouth full, and taking big bites. Hand always in lap when not being used. I've carried that one over to adulthood. One time, my Mother said to my teen-age brother "Another bite like that, and you'l leave the table." His answer -- "Another bite like that, and I'll be done!"- There was too much laughing for Mom to get mad!

Who cooked in the family?

My Mother. Except for the few times my Father made 'Mulligan Stew' that he had had in WW1. Beef and onions and bread mixed in with the gravy with lots of poultry seasoning. I loved it!

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions? I can only remember going to Boston's Chinatown. It wasn't an era for restaurant meals. I think my town had two/2 places that would qualify as restaurants.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

No. Kiddie table only at Grandmas, when there was a crowd.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Under 10. (given to me by my crazy French-Canadian uncles.) First glass was not until I was 18.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Only Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Not really, but Friday was fish night and Saturday was Franks and Beans and Brown Bread. (typical Boston stuff) Every Sunday we had a big roast along with 2 vegetables and some sort of potato. All from fresh. Lots of Corn Chowder, Clam Chowder and American Chop Suey - Hamburg, onions, tomatoes and elbow macaroni. Something like Beef-a-roni, but SOOOOO much better. (I can taste it just thinking of it.)

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Quite a bit, when my kids were all home. I guess the apple never fell far from the tree!

[Toliver]

I have finally settled in France and have been in Lyon for the past 3 years. 

Thanks to everyone for posting your food histories.

My question to you, Lucy, is that now that you are in Lyon, do you cook any southern US meals (probably hard to get okra)? And, if so, have you shared them with any French friends and what was their reactions, if any, to the food?

[sequim]

Holidays were completely different - we'd all go to my mom's mom place, and Grandma would do a totally amazing Ukranian dinner.  Christmas Eve involved perogies (her family's ultra-simple recipe: dry-curd cottage cheese, potatoes, little bit of onion.  Boil, serve with melted butter and onions and sour cream), cabbage rolls, halibut.  They're old-school Roman Catholic, so it also involved Midnight Mass...then Christmas Day was turkey, potatoes, the left over perogies (pan fried in more melted butter and onions, served with the butter and sour cream), Grandpa's homemade kielbasa, holopchi (head cheese), and a couple loaves of the most amazing homemade bread...god.  Great, now my mouth's watering.

Wow, that sounds like my Polish family's food. My grandma could cook up a storm. She and my grandpa were farmers. Homemade chicken noodle soup (what is better than the slightly rubbery bite of homemade noodles, stuffed cabbage rolls, kielbasa, spareribs and sauerkraut, beet bortsch. .. My mom bakes great pies. Our family holiday dinners at my grandma's house were piled high with food. You could hardly lift the giant bowl of mashed potatoes to pass it on, or the platter of turkey and stuffing. My Uncle Stanley would always come by with his bottle of polish vodka and would give us kids a taste.

[bleudauvergne]

Toliver-

Okra's easy. It's from Africa. There are multiple sources here, Fresh.

As far as the French acceptance of Southern food, they like it, for the most part. Okra's not a big hit unless it is well incorporated into a gumbo. I like to set it in the spotlight, but I don't try and challenge my friends too much with that! I always try to keep things light, I usually introduce one dish in the midst of a meal that seems more French. For example, I like to serve corn bread with winter soups. It's a novelty. Then we talk about it. That got some getting used to. In France they talk a whole lot about what's being served. I had to get used to it and not take it as a deconstruction of my efforts.

Anyway, I'm realizing that there's a huge french influence on southern food in general, not just LA fare. Many southern favs have actually migrated north from LA, and the African connection is instrinsic.

One big challenge when we first arrived was locating my sources. First new year and I was panicked in my search for blackeyed peas, stupidly not realizing I had to go to Africa for that. Once I made the connection in my mind things have been easy to find.

- Lucy

Edited to add that house guests have arrived so I will not be able to post until tomorrow!

Edited February 11, 2004 by bleudauvergne (log)

[BrennaMorgan]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

I'm still growing up (college freshman). My family's very comfortable, so we've always eaten healthy, quality foods. I consider myself to be really lucky in that regard. My mom grew up eating things like mac n' cheese and fish sticks, so it's her priority and my father's (he works for a food chain) to buy the best that they can.

Was meal time important?

Meal time is always important. The only time I ever ate alone was when I had an eating disorder my senior year of high school and didn't want to be around anyone when I ate (because I didn't). That really killed them. Besides the bad time though, my parents have always made it a priority that we eat dinner together. They think it's a good time for us to talk about our day. My mom says that meal times are "family bonding".

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

There is none. For us, the whole point of being able to eat together as a family is not being fussy over insignificant things like that. Not to say that we don't have manners, but if one of my sisters did that no one would make an issue out of it. Life is too short!

Who cooked in the family?

My mom always cooks if it's something in the oven like baked salmon or turkey. If it involves the grill at any point, such as when we eat sirloin burgers, london broil, etc., that's my dad's line of duty. We eat lean meat almost every night. It's very rare that we have pasta or anything very starchy, although I do love an occasional pizza night (my mom always insists on us drinking milk and making a salad though....yuck!)

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

We don't go out to eat all that often, mainly we prefer eating at home. We live in a fairly rural area, so there aren't many decent restaurants to choose from. I personally hate eating out just because I'm such a picky eater, and my mom is trying to watch her weight, so we hardly ever do. For my birthday, she and my dad offered to take me to a fancy local restaurant and I said I would rather have prime rib at home.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

We always have the kiddy table at family parties and even though I'm 19, I still sit there. I love being with my cousins even though we get to see each other pretty often. I think there's a part of me that doesn't want to grow up yet.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

When did you have your first sip of wine?

Never; my family's very strict about alcohol. I'm not allowed to touch it until I'm 21, and surprisingly this hasn't made me rebellious. I could care less about it.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Rarely, but when we do we would hold hands underneath the table instead of folding them and bowing our heads. At major holidays though, grace is always essential. My grandmother would probably turn violent on anyone who didn't participate, and I agree with her. I think it's really important to be thankful for everything; life is better that way when you realize that you're actually lucky.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No, we definitely don't have a rotating menu partly because my mother grew up with one and hated it. Fridays were the worst for her because she was Catholic and forced to eat either Cod or fishsticks---eeeew. That aside, we do eat a lot of the same foods very often. My family is very big on eating fish--ex. salmon, swordfish, shark, etc. We also eat quite a bit of lean beef. We have an English background, so nothing we eat is ever exotic. I don't really like to try exotic or spicy foods though, so that works for me.

I love eating with my family.

[hillvalley]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

-Both sides of my family are Eastern European Jews so food was the center of everything. My grandmother learned to cook in her father's deli so a lot of our recipes (and family jokes) date back to the restaurant. When she and my grandfather came to visit she always brought a cooler full of food. My mother discovered food when she moved out of her parent's home and passed on this love to me (although not my younger sister). We also ate a lot of sushi.

Was meal time important?

-You needed a really good excuse to miss dinner. Homework, practice, rehersals, etc. were not an excuse. There was always music in the background. Everyone was expected to share their day. Brunch at my grandmother's was and still is important as well. It only happened a few times a year though.

Was cooking important?

-Absolutely!!!! My mother took gourmet chinese cooking classes when I was a baby so I grew up making Peking Duck and wontons. There was always a Bon Appetite lying around. Now that I think of it, my mother had her standard repetiore, but it was really good. She is known among family friends as the best cook. She started a fruit/vegetable co-op and bought most of our food at farmers markets. Fresh was best. Veggies were everywhere and available whenever we wanted them. Eating "the best" was important, whether it was gourmet French, or roadstand BBQ. My mother and I also used to spend Sunday watching the cooking shows on PBS. Jeff Smith and Jacques Pepin were our favorites. Julia scared me until I was a teenager.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

-A reminder from my father to take your elbows off the table. He would then recieve a reminder right back!

Who cooked in the family?

-Mom. Dad did the grilling and made caviar omletes. Everything else was cooked by mom. Until I was about 14 we ate pretty damn well. Mom was into gourmet cooking. Then she burnt out and we had stir fry constantly. I helped out a few nights a week, if I was in the mood.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

-Pretty common, but we did it big for special occasions. For your birthday you could pick any restaraunt in the city. When I was 6 I picked Roy Rogers. This year it's Mini Bar (the local El Bulli wanna be). We also celebrated many occaisons with sushi. Everything from getting a good grade to Dad's promotions were toasted over maguro maki (tuna rolls).

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

-Not at my house (it wasn't big enough for a kids table). At my grandparents, where we did many holidays, there was. A few months ago we had our first family meal where we needed a kids table for the next generation.

When did you have your first sip of wine?

-The day I was born. A bit of Dom off my father's pinky. The first time I remember getting drunk was at Passover in the 6th grade off of Manachevits.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

-On Shabbat we did the candles. I have no idea why we skipped the bread and wine. As we get older my father adds more prayers at the holidays. Again I have no idea why.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

-Roasted chicken and baked potatos on Shabbat.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

-Not enough, but mainly because I am single and make no money. I cannot wait for family dinners again. Except for the sushi. I still eat a lot of sushi and use it to celebrate.

[Bux]

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

It was simply not allowed. We did not wait to see what the penalties were.

I hope I'm not derailing this thread, but since I know you are married to a Frenchman and living in France, how has that affected you now that you are immersed in French culture? Americans, and others I suppose, take certain forms of etiquette as a moral issue and one of natural law and breeding. I'm rather sure that there's no stigma attached to putting one's elbows on the table in France, but putting one's hands in your lap at the dinner table is rather less than acceptable behavior. Manners are often the product of reasonable thought and designed to enble smooth social interactions, but often they are arbitrary and vary from locale to locale. What's a gracious gesture in one part of the world, is extremely offensive in another part of the world

[paul mitchell]

What poignant stories. Am kind of dumbstruck in thinking about mine. I remember my grandpa making shrimp cocktail on sunday night as an 'appetizer'. He even had special glasses he put them in. It was incredibly exotic and ritualized like I supposed kings would do on their sunday nights. The only thing any 'man' in our family ever made.

One of my favorite things in the world was being 'sent' to grandma and grandpa's house on friday nights with my sister. The absolute highlight was riding the elevator from 7-9 on the saturday morning and then going out for pancakes at mcdonalds. Grandpa didn't eat pancakes, he just smoked.

My mom cooked. I am sure my father would live on ritz crackers, cheddar cheese and campbells soup if it weren't for my mom. To this day I am not sure if my dad has ever done a complete grocery shopping trip. He has never even washed his socks. ever. I have just gotten over the need for everything to be surgically clean in the kitchen. I love to cook. it doesn't matter what i'm making. I also make a huge fucking mess.

Restaurant meals weren't common. there was always the underlying notion that it was way too extravagant. my family wasn't rich but we were well off. I suppose that is why, as a waiter, I love spoling my guests. there is something so innate about feeding people. giving them a space to relax and be doted upon. in my mind there is nothing that could be more honorable.

[ms. victoria]

Great thread. And something close to my heart. My father died three years ago and I feel closest to him in the kitchen.

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Lower middle class. My dad was the child of a first generation German father and a second generation Swedish mother. My mother is from the South. They were self employed so we often ate dinner at 9 or 10 at night. Both of them cooked regularly and had their own signature dishes. We often ate weird combos like gulash and baking powder biscuits. I have 8 brothers and sisters but am the second to youngest by 10 years. When everyone was still at home when I was very young we ate a lot of spaghetti because it was cheap and fish out of the lake in front of the house.

Was meal time important?

Somewhat. We sat down to eat together fairly often, but as often we all got something on the fly.

Was cooking important?

Yes. My parents were both excellent cooks and my younger brother and I were taught to cook at a young age so we could fend for ourselves.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

Nothing stiff. Mostly gentle reminding. Chewing with your mouth open and talking with a mouthful were the big no-nos.

Who cooked in the family?

Everyone. Both parents and my younger brother and I, after the older siblings had all moved out. My sister always made the salad when she was home and cloverleaf rolls.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Only for special occasions because it was too expensive. My younger brother and I were usually taken out for Chinese for our birthdays.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

We had several tables. I don't think we have all ever sat down to one table together. My immediate family currently numbers 45.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

I don't have a clear memory of that. My dad made homemade wine and it was always around. I'm sure I tasted it very young and there is a family joke that I teethed on beer bottles. Not true, but Dad would always let us have a tiny sip of beer and he never drank out of the bottle, that was crass. Beer was always poured into a glass. Ladies, according to my father, never drank anything out of the bottle.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Only for major holidays: Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Not as defined as that. We had spaghetti often, see above. We had Dad's beef stroganoff once a month. Sundays, we always had pancakes or waffles with homemade pancake syrup. In the summer we ate BELT sandwiches (bacon, egg, lettuce and tomato) almost every day for lunch with homemade bread and tomatoes from the garden. Mom picked blackberries to sell but we always got lots of blackberry cobbler out of the deal.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I make many of the things my parents cooked, but I travelled in the US fairly widely in high school and to Europe in college and picked up a more adventurous palate. I make the traditional family recipes for holidays and my grandmother's preserves and chili sauce. Sitting down to dinner is really important to me as we didn't get to do it very often growing up. I find as I get older, I have started to crave foods that my dad described but we never had money to make. Old country German recipes and Swedish dishes his mother made.

[Knicke]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Well, my parents both grew up Mennonite (my mom's dad was Amish). So, there was some of that "Menno-cuisine" : verenike or kuchen on special occasions, lots and lots of home canning and preserves. There was a Mennonite movement (and cookbook) put out in (I think) the 70's called More With Less, which was sort of in the Diet for a Small Planet vein...not cutting out meat entirely, but learning how to live without it some nights or use it for flavor instead of an entree. So we almost never had chops or steaks or similar items. Lots of casseroles, some good, some awful. The "less meat" thing was both good and bad; sure, I missed out on a lot of good steaks, but we also got to eat strawberry shortcake with milk FOR DINNER (not just dessert!).

We always had a garden wherever we lived, and we'd usually go to the "Pickin' Patch" every summer...it was a pick-your-own place with almost every kind of vegetable you'd want, plus berries and orchards. My first taste of hard-but-fun work: all morning in the hot sun picking peas, and watching the sheller go through 6 5-gallon buckets of them in the space of 15 minutes.

Our 'food culture' was also subject to the constraints of the schedules of two busy teachers and their over-involved children. Summer vacation = canning time!

Was meal time important?

Yes. Unless it was completely impossible, we all sat down to supper together every night. Other meals, though, we were usually on our own.

Was cooking important?

Not unless there was time to putter around in the kitchen. My dad was a great improviser, for better or worse, and liked making things up, with mixed results. I discovered recipes around 12 or so, and started making whatever sounded intriguing, with mixed results (much to the amusement of my family).

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

None. Our mealtimes were quite informal. Knees up, open-mouthed chewing, and plate-licking were all discouraged, however.

Who cooked in the family?

Everyone. Both parents; whoever got home first started dinner. My sister and I were occasionally called on to help, but we mostly made treats and experiments in the kitchen, not so much meals.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Only once in awhile, usually Sundays after church. Almost never a fancy restaurant; my parents are more partial to seedy-looking ethnic restaurants with good food and no ambiance.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Only if there was a huge group and we couldn't all fit around one big table...and then, only if there were many kids there.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Oh boy. My parents were not wine drinkers; actually, I thought they were non-drinkers until my dad started drinking beer again every so often when I was 8 or 9. I guess they were afraid they'd corrupt me? Well, they were too late! I'd already tasted alcohol! One of my clearest memories from when we lived in Puerto Rico (I must have been 3 or so) was a dinner party at another house; the adults were somewhere, looking at something, and I sampled the dregs from all the cocktail glasses! I didn't like it then...but at 10, on vacation in the Florida Keys, I got Dad to give me a swig from his can of ice-cold Budweiser. And I DID like it. But didn't tell HIM that. Now my dad and I drink beer together a lot, but I am more of a beer snob than he is. And my mom likes a glass of white wine now and then.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Always. Sometimes my sister or I had to say it (very embarassing).

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No...lots of stir-fry, because it was 'different', could be meatless, and quick. Lots of sliced tomatos in the summer. But no rotating schedule.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Food is more important/exciting to me than it is to my parents, perhaps because I don't have a family to feed; they see it as mostly fuel, not something to be revelled in. But my general distaste for large hunks of meat (except for some good steak now and then), and my love of all fresh and home-canned vegetables, and my frugality, are all from my parents, and I expect to feed my children that way when I have them.

Edited February 17, 2004 by Knicke (log)

[chow guy]

This is a great thread

WHAT WAS MY FAMILYS' FOOD CULTURE?

We were middle class American with Irish and Alsatian accents. My mother was a great cook and did homemade soups, great tomato sauce, corrned beef and cabbage and all the typical roasts and casseroles. My Irish Grandmother did not cook very often but she would do kidney stew. The Alsatian side made great onion soup, and pork with red cabbage. My grandfather had a Saturday morning mens group that hung out in the kitchen eating smelly cheeses(Lindberger etc.), drinking strong ales and beers and eating things like bock wurst, raw clams and shad roe.

WAS MEAL TIME IMPORTANT?

Yes, very important. For years we would come home from school at lunchtime for the main meal of the day. If the noon whistle blew and the meal was not on the table. My grandfather would bring out salteen crackers and milk and not eat his meal which caused my mother and grandmother lots of pain and promtness. We always ate together, even afetr my parents opened up a bar/ restaurant. We would all be shuttled down to "the place"for dinner. Breakfast however was never important.

WAS COOKING IMPORTANT?

Yes. My mother and grandmother took great pride in cooking and using fresh ingredients.

WHAT WAS THE PENALTY FOR ELBOWS ON THE TABLE?

Table manners were VERY important and severly inforced. Elbows on the table got a wack with a flat maple stick. Not asking to be excused from the table meant you had to sit alone at table for a while after everyone was done. You had to finish everything on your plate or it would be brought back out of the fridge for the next meal without being heated.

WHO COOKED?

My mother and grandmother cooked except on rare ocassions my dad would make mushroom soup or lobster bisque or something he loved. Then after my parents openened thier restaurant and I got boored with their tiny menu. My mother said,"You can read, there are lots of cookbooks at home, cook your own dinner if you don't want to come down here. So at 11 years old I began to do just that.

WHERE RESTAURANT MEALS COMMON?

Yes. We went out at least once a week. I was wrestling whole lobsters , eating raw clams and loving elaborate Riestafels by the time I was five years old. My parents loved to eat out in nice restaurants and trainned their kids to know how to dine.

WAS THERE A KIDDIE TABLE?

At holidays only. It was in a different room too.

WHEN DID YOU TASTE YOUR FIRST WINE?

I've seen home movies of my grandfather giving me wine as a toddler. I did not like it and everyone got a giggle. My twin on the other hand looked like a real boozer even at three.

WAS THERE A PRE MEAL PRAYER?

For years there was grace at holiday or Sunday dinners only. Then many years later my mother became quite religious and there was always a prayer.

WAS THERE A ROTATING MENU?

Not really, but certain things showed up often on certain days like: Manhattan clam chowder and Mac and Cheese on Fridays. Sunday dinner was at noon and would feature roast beef quite often. Sunday night supper would ofetn feature Dee Dum Diddy. It was Velveeta cheese melted in a double boiler with sauted green peppers, Worchestershire and hot sauces . Then it was served over toast.

HOW MUCH OF YOUR FAMILY CULTURE IS BEING REPLICATED IN YOUR PRESENT LIFE?

I make most things from scratch with fresh ingredients like my family did. Including lots of soups, stews and sauces. I don't do large meat meals like roast beef since my wife is vegetarian but I will do corned beef and cabbage on St Patricks Day and I also make Alsatian specialties and love cheeses. My wife eats fish so I buy alot of fresh clams for soups and sauces and seafood of all kinds. I never developed a taste for shad roe and it was one of my fathers favorite foods. We eat dinner together almost every night. In fact when she comes home from work dinner is waiting.

[psychobombshell]

Im a sharing and antecdote-whore....I'm one of those silly people who fills out surveys on the various blog sites, just because....

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Different periods had different cultures. For instance,the first 6 or so years of my life my mom was a granola hippy mom , who made her own yogurt and grew her own sprouts. I had carob bunnies at easter and mollases candy canes for Xmas. Then when my truck-driver manly man step-father came along, we added things like steaks and fried chicken (I also inheirited a couple of odd food habits from him ,like up until recently I refused to eat thin soups. I'd load them up with 12 packets of saltines, or croutons, or anything!). Add to this my grandmothers WWII-style/German-Lithuanian-Irish cooking when I lived with them off and on (mmm Chicago-style kielbasa....*drool*), and to top it all off welfare-white-trash haute cuisine (you've never tasted anything til you've had chicken marinated in watered down 2-month old Mrs T's bloody mary mix! Yes sir!).

Was meal time important?

At mom's nope, you ate when it was time. At my grandparent's 6 o'clock on the dot! No humming, whistling or singing at the dinner table (don't ask me where in the hell that rule came from) and no eating dessert til everyone gets theirs!

Was cooking important?

Yeah, I loved to cook, even when I was young. A lot of the best stories from my childhood center on the kitchen (isn't that the way it's supposed to be?). Ah, remind me to tell you all the exploding beets story sometime

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

Again at mom's anything goes (hence the fact I am trying to find somewhere to take ettiquite classes for my bad table manners) and G & G's...I was a pusher, I got my butt beat a few times for that one

Who cooked in the family?

Mom or G-ma depending on where I was... Me now...

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Not really. It depended on how much my mom was working at the time. I can't remember ever going to a restaurant with my grandparents when I was a kid beyond goign for ice cream.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

There was always at least 2 tables going at the G-rents during holidays. They have 9 kids w/spouses and 15 grandkids...you do the math

When did you get that first sip of wine?

First Holy Communion count? I dont remember.. I remember the first beer though

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

I knwo it by heart.. we still say it even if out to lunch when my grandma is at the table

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

nope... it was a free-for-all

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Well since I really dont have a family life now (I live on my own far away from any of my family) I guess just the little things do. My grandma finally taught me to make her kielbasa and saurkraut just the way I like it. I still eat a lot of the things I grew up with, like the carob (so sue me), and mashed potatoes (big finger to Dr Atkins!), but I feel like Im starting my own new family here in the SW, so who knows what will happen.

[helenjp]

FOOD CULTURE WHEN GROWING UP...

Started out with my grandmother's cooking...the cooking of an Edwardian tomboy, spoiled youngest child of a well-to-do family, who married a country farmer with a northern English heritage, and sets up house just before the Depression. So my mother started out following the farmhouse way of eating, with solid breakfasts of porridge, and casseroles or soups for dinner (because she'd grown up eating her main meal in the middle of the day). Special day dishes were all the Edwardian favorites, I now realize!

By the time I was a teenager, the '70s had hit, the oats had all been turned into granola, and the casseroles had given way to her interpretation of Indonesian curries (the Australian fascination with Indonesia had seeped through to New Zealand).

At boarding school, I ate canned peas and warm cornbeef-gelatin moulds, mashed potato with "bones", watery stewed apple inexplicably colored purple..and copied dozens of recipes from European cookbooks in the school library while digesting those indigestible meals!

My mother didn't encourage us to cook as children, beyond telling anybody passing through the kitchen to "toss a cup of flour into that bowl, would you?", without ever mentioning what exactly it was that was being constructed. When she was sick (often), I was expected to know instinctively how to cook dinner, and remember scary hours alone in the dark kitchen, trying to lift heavy saucepans up onto the chest-high stove. However, a decade later, she would have cooking projects lined up for the holidays, and would be waiting enthusiastically for us kids to come home from school and learn to make bread, etc. I mostly learned to cook elsewhere, but in her kitchen I learned that it was normal to cook, and to be interested in doing it well.

MEAL TIME IMPORTANT?

Definitely! Having to eat before or after the family meal was always good for a lot of sympathy...except for infringements of manners, see below.

COOKING IMPORTANT?

Yes, very! Grandmother lived nearby, and she and Mum bolstered each other up in their belief that nobody else in the world cooked properly but themselves! They treasured family recipes, but were also very keen to try something new and to swap recipes with friends.

ELBOWS ON TABLE?

"Any joints on the table shall be carved" was the rule. Bad manners led to the dinner plate being moved to a newspaper on the floor, and an invitation offered to the offender to eat with the dogs.

WHO COOKED?

Mum. Grandmother also a great deliverer of "a bit extra that I made" of this or that, always in a steel or enamel bowl.

I didn't cook at home until I had been away at boarding school and was living with friends while at university. My mother sniffed at my attempts when I was a small child, and it wasn't until she was old and I realized that she often made my recipes when she felt lonely, that I started to realize what cooking meant to her.

RESTAURANT MEALS?

Surprisingly often, especially as they got older. Eating out was my mother's preferred form of entertainment, and she always had a mental list of places she wanted to try.

KIDDY TABLE?

Nope. Parents bought a table which had originally belonged to a Fijian aristocrat, built to entertain a tribe at a time. When guests came, 1-3 leaves were added to the table, and kids were expected to behave. The kiddy table didn't arrive until my grandparents moved to a smaller place, and the grandchildren were all nearly teenagers.

FIRST WINE?

At university, with friends. Too young to go to bars with my friends, because I entered university early, so they took pity on me and we had parties at home instead.

Parents very teetotal. When I suggested that we have some wine for the toast at my wedding, my mother burst into tears...

PRE-MEAL PRAYER?

Always. Gabbling the prayer also frowned on...

ROTATING MENU?

Nope - definitely "as the spirit moves". But I do remember several dishes that would always turn up on the rare occasions when my father wasn't going to be home for dinner. Most of them pretty sleazy, but very nostalgic now. Ground beef stew with frozen mixed vegetables and dumplings, anyone?

DO I MAINTAIN THOSE TRADITIONS IN MY OWN LIFE NOW?

I live in a different culture and country, so not directly. We can't eat dinner together, so I'm always concerned that we eat breakfast together.

However, food eaten at home is mostly cooked at home, and it's important to me to be able to make all the basics -- though that turns out to be miso and umeboshi, not bottled peaches and homemade bread!

If we don't eat my mother's and grandmother's recipes at festivals, I still believe that food is a big part of family traditions and we make the festival foods for Japanese celebrations at home. The kids sometimes hanker after bought birthday cakes, and they are welcome to choose that, but in the end they always choose a home-made one so they can order exactly what they want...and that was one tradition I didn't think we'd follow, since birthdays are not big in Japan!

Next??

[eunny jang]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My parents are first-generation Korean immigrants. I was born about a year after they came over - they hadn't had much time to acclimate before they had to deal with how to raise me and my sister. Money was verrry tight until I was a teen and they became (moderately) successful small-business owners.

We ate very Korean, mostly downscale foods. All my mom's food shopping was done exclusively at Korean grocery stores. There's a very strong Korean community in the DC area - even when I was little (20 years ago), the Korean groceries were well-stocked and modern. Trips to Safeways and Giants were rare adventures full of mysterious, wonderful things like lunch meat and cheese.

My dad was something of a country boy from a farming background and my mom was a city girl from Busan, but she ended up cooking a lot of the super-spicy, super-garlicky country foods my dad liked. At most meals, we had slivered cloves of raw garlic and raw sliced green chiles on the table as a vegetable panchan (Koreans serve lots of little dishes, marinated salads, kimchees, various little meat and fish plates, on the table along with the main meal. Collectively, they are called panchan. A light meal might be composed of nothing but a bowl of rice and 3 or 4 panchan). We ate a lot of cheap fish, less-desirable chicken parts and vegetables, lots of rice and tofu, and very little meat.

We never ate American food except at school or when we were visiting friends. I don't think we even had forks in the house until I was 8 or 9. Discovering food didn't really happen for me until I got a part-time job and could eat out wherever I wanted to. I started cooking then, too - and helped my parents discover that they love robustly-flavored ethnic foods (Italian, Mexican, Indian). Also, after their garlic-vinegar-chili-heavy diets, they deride most American food as bland and flavorless

Was meal time important?

Very. My dad worked a day shift as a mechanic when I was a kid, would come home at 6, we'd eat dinner, and he'd go to sleep for a couple hours before he headed out at midnight to work another shift debugging/monitoring computers on the subway. Dinner every night, plus Sunday, was the only time we all saw one another.

Was cooking important?

My mom was constantly cooking. When I was very little, she'd make a year's supply of her own kimchee each fall - tons of people would come over, the men would go on the deck with beers and cigarettes, the women would put great big glass jars of kimchee up, and us kids would run around, delighted at all the activity and making a huge mess. My mom had ten ten-gallon metal bowls to do all the salting down and mixing in.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

None. You'd get a swat for interrupting a grown-up though, or for sloppy eating.

Who cooked in the family?

Mom.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Very, very rare special occasions. Sushi mostly. I was already 13 or 14 by the time we went to a really nice meal out at an American-style restaurant. I remember my mom hated it; she thought the waiters were too nosy.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Always. I remember the year I was so excited to be the most grown up at the little table and the boss of everything - then the subsequent year, when I "graduated," being mortified to be the baby at the adults table.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

My dad has always let me have tastes of whatever was on the table since I can remember.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

No, unless grandparents were around. When I was a kid, my grandfather's prayers were so long and full of fire-and-brimstone that I thought people only prayed before meals so everyone would lose their appetite and they'd save money.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Nope, although we could tell when money was running short - we'd have soup flavored with only meatless bones for dinner, along with rice steamed with beans to stretch it.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Well, I don't exactly have a family life of my own yet. I hardly ever eat Korean food now, though I crave certain things very badly a few times a year. I'm an economical cook like my mom was, though - never frivolous about wasting food or making a bad purchase. I do feel, very strongly, that good food cooked with care and concern for those who will consume it is one of the central means to having a happy house - when my friends come over for dinner, I want them to feel like they did when we were kids eating supper with the family, small and happy and sated and unworried, concious that everyone at the table is too.

[JennotJenn]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My parents are both first generation out of the Appalachian mountains, which at the time was like coming from a third world country. Dad didn't have indoor plumbing until he went to college, and he and his brothers and sisters shared 5 to a bed so they didn't freeze to death when snow would fall through the rafters and pile on the quilt. Anyway, they're both mostly German, going way back, with some Dutch thrown in on dad's side and a very healthy portion of Creek Indian thrown in on mom's side (her great grandma).

Eating with mom and dad was a mixture of middle class American and hillbilly. We had pinto beans and cornbread (not the yummy sweet kind, the course bland kind) at least 3 times a week for dinner. When it wasn't that, we had things like meatloaf and mashed potatoes or spaghetti with meat sauce. Lots of ground beef. If we were lucky, mom would make stuffed green peppers. Not like the ones you guys know. These were stuffed with hot breakfast sausage, corn, home canned tomatoes and leftover cornbread. Mmmmmmm. This was like a twice a year treat, though. In the summer, lots of "yucky" stuff...fresh tomatoes, green beans, cucumbers, all served with cornbread. And God love her, on nights when she didn't cook it was cereal or (uuuugh) tomato or banana sandwiches on white bread with mayo.

At grandma's, it was pork products and cornbread for breakfast, then pintos and cornbread for lunch and dinner. Home canned stuff in winter, garden fresh stuff in summer (mmm...fried squash). Rarely was any meat present, even in the beans. Neither she nor my mom ever used pork in their beans. Oh, and she and my grandpa make (made, he died last year) the most amazing kraut. Damn. And if you visit often enough, she'll give you a quart or two.

Was meal time important?

Yes, it wasn't a set time but we all ate together. If daddy was working late at school we'd get take out and bring it to him and eat in his office.

Was cooking important?

The process? God no, not to my mom. It was something she had to do so we didn't starve, but that's it. My grandmas see it like I do, as an expression of love for one's family and friends.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

None, but God forbid you should burp.

Who cooked in the family?

When we were little, my dad cooked because my mom worked night shifts at the battery factory. I remember helping him make spaghetti (not from a can!) and steakums. When she got an office job, she cooked. When I became a latchkey kid (after years of begging), I did (I was 12) because I loved to.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Once a week we'd eat out at a local place. This is weird, but I was mortified of restaurants (I have a mood disorder, which as a child manifested itself as a fear of being poisoned), so I usually was locked in the car while my family ate.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Guests? Dude, my parents didn't have any friends. Very clannish were we. Dad's best friend was his brother (he has since branched out...30 years off the mountain will do that to you). But people never came over to eat.

Now, at grandma's we never sat. It was buffet style. Men through the line first. There was a small table with four seats. The men got the seats and the barstools. The rest of us womens and childrens stood and ate (there were usually 20 of us at any one time). To this day I have never seen my grandmother sit down to eat a meal.

At my husband's fam, we still sit at the kiddie table (the kiddies are 27,26,25,22 and 19).

When did you get that first sip of wine?

19?20? Our church didn't even give out real wine at communion (try telling the Baptists that the passage doesn't read "and this grape juice, my blood")

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

"God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food. Amen" They tried to start this weird hand holding thing with the prayer when I was in junior high, but thank God that didn't play out.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Does pintos every night count? No, and I'm still facinated by those who experience that.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Kraut is very important. I once broke a lease with a roomate because she wouldn't allow me to keep kraut in the fridge.

[prasantrin]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My mother is Filipina and my father Thai and both were raised in privileged households that were very well fed. Both were also exposed to a variety of foods from different countries at young ages. Both also moved away from their countries of birth (my father at 16, my mother in her early-mid 20's) to Western countries (my father went to Wales and then onto various US states, my mother to Texas and New Mexico). After marrying and having three children, they moved to the Canadian Prairies which was, at least in the late '60s, not a very good place for food lovers. As a result of these multi-cultural influences the food I ate and was exposed to while growing up was eclectic to say the least.

Was meal time important?

In terms of eating together as a family, no. But food and meals were always, and still are, very important.

Was cooking important?

Yes. Very.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

There were never any penalties because we never did things like that. I think my mother must have taught us proper table manners from the time we could hold our own utensils because we never had problems with poor table manners. My mother often tells a story of when I was 3 and my sister 4 we ate ice cream at a department store restaurant. We didn't get any food on our faces and we lightly wiped our mouths with our napkins after we finished. Two ladies sitting nearby commented that they had never seen children who behaved so well in restaurants.

Who cooked in the family?

My father did most of the cooking though my mother was his sous chef. My sister and I started cooking fairly young, though my brother did not really start cooking (unless you count Pizza Pops and Kraft Dinner) until he was in his 20's.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Most of what we ate was made at home, though that was in part because during the late '60s early '70s, there were few restaurants at which my parents were interested in dining. There was one Chinese restaurant we would go to occasionally, though my father would make special requests from the owner/cook rather than order off the menu. When an Indian restaurant opened up, we would go there sometimes, too. Once our city started opening many more ethnic restaurants, we would eat out more frequently, though home cooked meals were still far more frequent than restaurant meals. We often went out to restaurants for special occassions, but they were never reserved just for those.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

When I was very young, I think yes, but once I turned 8 I don't remember ever having guests over for meals.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Does vermouth count? I remember being as young as 8 and having tastes of alcohol--mostly Kahlua. I wouldn't be surprised if I were allowed sips at an even earlier age. We rarely had alcohol in the house but it was never considered a 'bad' thing.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Nope.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Nope. What we ate usually depended on what my father felt like eating.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

A lot. I'm single, but I find my tastes is food to be much more varied than that of my friends. I still don't eat at the table and I still eat whenever I'm hungry, rather than at set meal times. I love to search out new restaurants and new foods, just as we did when I was young.

[purplewiz]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

About as middle American as it gets. Roast for Sunday dinner, baked chicken, spaghetti with sauce from a jar and ground meat, grilled hamburgers and hot dogs in the summer. All accompanied by a starch and a vegetable (usually Bird's Eye frozen peas and carrots or "mixed vegetables", both of which I hate to this day). In the summer, virtually every dinner would be accompanied by a platter of sliced tomatoes and cucumber sticks - my parents had a large vegetable garden and it would produce accordingly.

My parents weren't (and still aren't) foodies - food tastes good, yes, but they're way more utilitarian about food than I am. We were fed well, and served balanced, nutritious meals, but they weren't in any way exciting.

Was meal time important?

Yes and no. We all ate together as a family until I was well into High School (my after school job sometimes had me eating early because I had to be at work at 6pm and that's when dinner time was). We talked about various things, but there wasn't a ritual, per se.

Dinner time became quite hellish when my sister and I were in our early teens - that's when the arguments would break out. We were adolescents, our hormones were carbonated, we didn't know any better.

Was cooking important?

Again, yes and no. My mother felt that feeding us well was important, but for most of her dishes, she was not an inspired or inventive cook. However, when she wanted to make something special, she was quite a good cook - she won the town pie contest one year for her cherry pie.

Cooking was not important to me until I left home, mainly due to my mother. Any time I'd try to cook something she'd nag the whole time how I was doing it wrong and to let her do it because she could do it "right". So I gave up.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

Incessant reminders to remove them.

Who cooked in the family?

Mom, most of the time. Dad cooked items on the grill in the summer, even if Mom cooked the rest of the meal - Mom NEVER grilled. And once in awhile, on Sunday nights, Dad would make pancakes or Western sandwiches (scrambled eggs with onions and bacon scrambled in on white toast or bread).

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Special occasions. We weren't poor, but we had limitations. When I was young, we'd go out maybe once every couple of months, usually to IHOP, where I was allowed to have the Young People's Platter (no longer on the menu): one large plate covering pancake, sausage or bacon, one egg cooked any way you like it, and a face on the pancake made from halved maraschino cherries (yuck) and a half a pineapple ring.

I still remember when I was allowed to "graduate" to the cheese omelet, which is what my parents usually had.

Yes, when we went out, I was told basically what I could order. Sometimes it would be a couple of items to choose from, but I remember being told "you're having the hamburger" or whatever. I think this had a lot to do with the extremely tight budget.

As I got older, and things got a little less tight, we would order pizza once a month or so, or order Chinese Takeout. But we didn't get the exciting dishes, just the Chicken Chow Mein and egg rolls. Or, if they were being particularly adventurous, the beef with broccoli.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Depended on the number of guests. If we could all fit around the old dining room table with both leaves in, we did. But when Thanksgiving came around and the whole family was there and we were feeding 18 people, out came the card table and that's where the kids sat.

I didn't like being at the kiddy table much. There are many pictures of me (every holiday had to be commemorated with pictures, especially of people at the table) looking very unhappy.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Geez, I can't remember how old I was, but I was pretty young. Dad let me have a sip, and I thought it was THE nastiest stuff I'd ever tasted, possibly next to beer.

Of course, years later I realized that Dad had been drinking Catawba Pink, and yes, it WAS indeed among the nastiest wines I've ever tasted. Fortunately, I've discovered the world of good wines since then.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Only on holidays and possibly at Sunday dinner (midday meal).

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

It wasn't quite that bad, but my Mom did have a rotating selection of main courses, all of which showed up on a pretty regular basis. I remember when she added "stir fry": sliced chicken breads, snap peas, water chestnuts, all in a cornstarch/chicken broth/very little soy sauce, cooked in her electric fry pan.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Virtually none . Seriously, my cooking is about as far away from my childhood eating patterns as possible. About all that I make that's the same is Mom's Deviled Eggs, Mom's Potato Salad and Mom's Meatloaf (because it makes fabulous sandwiches the next day). Ok, I also have a vegetable garden in the summer, but I grow cilantro, basil, and chilies along with the tomatoes and cucumbers.

I'm a MUCH more adventurous cook. I like chilies and spices and trying new recipes, so even though I do make some of our favorites more often than others, they're definitely spaced between new experiments and ingredients. Even when I roast a turkey for a holiday, it's likely to have a new glaze and at least one different side dish than the last time I made it. I grill everything that isn't nailed down, especially in the summer.

Part of the reason is that I read voraciously when I was growing up, and I knew there was a world of exotic foods out there, things like foie gras and chicken with tarragon sauce and pesto, and I really, REALLY wanted to try them and know what they tasted like. And when the chance finally came I ran with it, especially since I found out they were good .

Marcia.

[binkyboots]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

we lived in the scottish borders then in edinburgh.

scottish, very scottish, we had mince 'n tatties, mince 'n doughballs, spagetti bolognese (mum had slightly more adventurous tastebuds, but had to cater to dad's very definate ideas about food) roast beef/pork/chicken once a week, soups (especially potatos soup, golden or white) stews, sausages 'n tatties, haggis occasionaly as a treat.

Was meal time important?

sometimes we ate together, we did try to, mum and dad fostered disturbed teens and felt that having family meals helped them feel more stable/settled with us.

Was cooking important?

not as important as it is to me, though meals were simple but delicious.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

good table manners were encouraged from an early age, elbows weren't an issue, however if you started talking on a subject my mum considered rude she'd hiss "eskimo" at you o_0

Who cooked in the family?

mum, always.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

only for funerals and weddings.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

at bigger family gatherings, yep, just because of the volume of kids.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

wine, hmm.. can't remember, about 8/9 I would think.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

we said grace when I was little, but dad wasn't religious and didn't let it continue long.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

nope, though there were favourites that cropped up more often than others, mince 'n doughballs for instance.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

some? a little, I cook with an emphasis on fresh veg, organic where possible, grains, pulses...

we (that is my mum, husband and I) live together, my sister and niece frequently join us for meals and we eat together at the table every night.

I do all the cooking, bake our bread, shop, prepare etc... mum usually does the washing up.

we say grace at dinner time.

we had very few traditions as I grew up, and I feelk the lack of them even now, I always wished as a child that I had been Jewish, or had come from any culture with strong traditions.

I'm starting to work on creating our own traditions, we have a cold christmas breakfast, yoghurt, fruit (dried and fresh) cheese, a fruit soup, cold cuts and a sweet bread (a brioche type topped with pearl sugar) in the afternoon we have soup and bread and a light pudding/cake (not a fruit cake)

[Toliver]

Reading Owen's recent discussion about family backgrounds reminded me of this thread so I thought I would bump it back up for the new members.

[reesek]

thanks toliver! this is a great thread.

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

i remember sitting on the kitchen counter while my mom napped (sitting on counters not otherwise permitted!) and pulling out all the spices. i would read the labels and open the jars and smell the sweet oregano and spicy cinnamon. i read the backs of the jars to see what the uses were of each spice...we must have had 100 different jars. she didn't use most of it except for occasionally. she'd make corned beef and cabbage (which i thought was a jewish dish until college) and something she called "sweet and sour" which was basically huge meatballs wrapped in cabbage and stewed in a thin sour-salty tomato broth. she only made those a couple of times a year. i think when she was married she entertained more and made more interesting things. she always talked about beef bourgonion and lardons (like it was a dish) and chocolate mousse but i never ate that at home.

as a result, i was shaped by stuff i hadn't experienced. our every day food wasn't very exciting, but i always knew the good stuff was out there. it just wasn't fun or interesting to her to make time consuming dishes after working all day.

nonetheless - a balanced meal was very important to her. we always had a green salad with every meal, and the only frozen vegetable she ever made was peas. no canned veg. god bless her. she's a strong believer in cocktails and hors d'oeuvres so i developed an early taste for cheese. in the early 80's blue cheese, camenbert and maybe gouda was about as sexy as it got. i was in. we also ate a lot of deli. once a month or so we'd have "garbage" which was my favorite meal because i got to have an onion roll with dinner. (mom was atkins before he was) "garbage" meant a trip to snider's market for chicken salad, corned beef, havarti, roast beef, swiss, batampte pickles, plochman's mustard. we'd lay the bounty on a platter and make combo sandwiches. whatever we didn't eat would be for my lunch later in the week.

Was meal time important?

yes. we always ate dinner together. my mom hates to eat alone, so if she was home at lunch on the weekends, she'd make me lunch when she ate so she could have company. her one concession to the hassle of large scale cooking was make make thanksgiving dinner every year. we'd have strays and friends cook together (which despite her constant bitching - i know she liked) and she made delicious apple pie - a recipe i still use.

Was cooking important?

eating well and entertaining well were both important - cooking was an inconvenient part of that process. my mom is/was very proud that she is a better cook than her mother. she enjoys positive reactions to her food but sees the journey not as relaxing or enjoyable, but as hassle.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

elbows off the table, napkin in lap, no leaning back in chairs, no gulping of milk...penalties were irrelevant - obedience was expected.

Who cooked in the family?

my mother and i both cooked. i was making dinner a couple nights a week after the age of 10 or so.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

they were pretty common. once i hit high school i think we ate out a couple of times a week. when i was in junior high - we were very poor and never went out. she was a realtor - some years we lived very well, some years we scrimped. birthdays were always marked by a visit to "whatever" restaurant we wanted. fancy was sort of expected...we all like to dress up.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

never. in fact, i don't think i have ever sat at a kiddie table anywhere.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

the womb.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

no

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

before my parents split we had steaks and baked potatoes every sunday. after they split - chinese from shanghi (with the good egg rolls) which, i think was a tradition my mom got from her family - the only one she kept. other than that - there was no set menu, but my mom made a lot of the same things - and then repeated her "leftover creations."

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

i definitely got the taste for eating out from my parents. when i would see my dad, we'd almost always go out - so i probably ate out 2-3 times a week for most of my childhood. i eat out less now, but meal time is important to me. i'd much prefer to share a meal than just eat when we're hungry - which i think is what my boyfriend would be happy doing. (he indulges me though) i don't use frozen vegetables except peas (and corn). my mother instilled an appreciation and a taste for quality and fresh ingredients. i think the main difference between my mom and me is that she spent more money at higher end restaurants than i do but i cook the same things. i take a pleasure in the process that she doesn't have.

[Toliver]

i was shaped by stuff i hadn't experienced. our every day food wasn't very exciting, but i always knew the good stuff was out there.

I thought this was an interesting point. I think that's what drives a lot of us to this site and elsewhere. Just think about the poor souls who will never know that there is good stuff to be had out there.

Thanks for contributing!

[CompassRose]

Oh! this is my favourite type of thread. I'm another one of those Food Sociologists (food, fashion and etiquette...)

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Solid, home-cooked, German-influenced. And abundant. Even when we were very poor (we became a one-income family as soon as the first child was born, and stayed that way, and with four kids, even a decently middle-class wage doesn't stretch THAT far) there was always lots and lots of food. There were some standards, family favourites that appeared over and over. And there were the food jokes: my mother would ask what we wanted for supper, and my father would say, "Poached salmon" (reference to a HUGE salmon we had once, which caused my mother great grief in the finding of a cooking vessel cos she didn't want to butcher it) or "Steak and kidney pie!" (because my mother, though fine with most sorts of inner bits, will not have anything to do with kidneys).

Was meal time important?

Absolutely. Food is very important to my family, period. Dinners were always eaten together, and when possible, so were breakfasts and lunches.

Was cooking important?

Um... uncertain what you mean by the question. Was a big fuss made over cooking techniques, that sort of thing? No. Cooking is a thing that puts the food on the table; my mother is a good cook, but not an enthusiastic one. She thinks I make a great deal too much fuss and bother over food...

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

Gentle reminders. It wasn't that big a deal, except of course that our table isn't huge, and with four substantially-sized kids around it, it got crowded pretty quickly if we weren't careful about our respective limbs.

Who cooked in the family?

Mostly my mother, but my father has a few specialties: macaroni and cheese with grilled tomatoes on top, weekend scrambled eggs. None of us cooked, growing up; we didn't go anywhere NEAR the kitchen when cooking was being done. My mother likes to work uninterrupted and unhindered. There I was, eighteen years old, on my own for the first time, no idea even how to boil an egg... (actually, I STILL can't reliably boil an egg to my taste, but otherwise things have improved).

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occasions?

Restaurant? Huh? Any kind of eating out or even prepared food happened once in a very blue moon. We weren't rich, there were a lot of us, and for a lot of my childhood we lived where the restaurants were very thin on the ground anyway. It was a big treat, a holiday thing mostly (we went on long driving vacations -- now that was fun, four kids packed into the back seat of a Volvo sedan!).

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Nope. We had the Leaf, and the Extra Leaf for the regular table. I remember being stunned, and a bit offended, at the mature age of twelve or so, eating at an aunt's place and being relegated to a kiddy table.

Mind you, my parents are remarkably anti-social creatures, and very rarely entertain anyone at all.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Apparently when I was two or so, I grabbed my father's glass of after-dinner sherry and downed the whole thing. Then I gave a short dance performance on the first landing of the stairs, and immediately lay down and fell asleep.

We were always allowed sips if we were interested, but we were never much interested that I recall. Now that I know more about wine, I'm not so surprised; my parents don't, and are not by nature "drinkers." They have wine when they think they "should" have wine, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. We always got white Welch's grape juice when they had wine, in the fancy glasses, and I think we all much preferred it.

I remember vividly going home for Christmas maybe two years ago, and being offered a glass of white wine with my dinner. The bottle was open, in the fridge... "How long has this been here?" I asked, warned by some Inner Sense (perhaps the fact that it was at the very back of the shelf). "Just since Thanksgiving," my mother said. "It's fine!" (Recollect, if you will, that the Canadian Thanksgiving falls in October.) I still have little interest in wine.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Yes. In German. My mother says it.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No, not really. Although we always had bread and cold cuts for supper on, verily, Thursday, because my parents would go out grocery-shopping that day. There was, therefore, no time to cook.

And we had greater traditions; each of us had our own birthday cake which appeared almost every year (we were always asked what we wanted, but almost always chose the same thing). There was a Short List of Festive Foods: the pork tenderloin with mushrooms, the particular type of chicken stuffing that appeared on one type of occasion versus the one for another type of occasion; the ham cakes on pineapple two days after Easter. The green split pea soup my brother always asks for the first day he's home for a visit.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Very little, really. A lot of my family's food culture makes me nervous (for disordered reasons of my own). We also had a sort of family tradition of overeating -- for instance, when my mother made potato cakes (German-style, from raw potatoes) she'd use a whole bag of potatoes -- because we loved them so, we'd compete to see who could eat the most. It was not uncommon for each of us to consume twenty or thirty three-inch potato pancakes in a meal.

We were well fed. I remember the food, fondly, but I don't taste that way any more, and I like my own versions of most of my favourites better than my mother's, mostly.