How to Eat in Asian Restaurants

[Busboy]

Here's the scene. We get out to the suburbs, where most of DC's Asian community lives, and head to a Chinese, Vietnamese or Korean place that has mostly diners from the same ethnic group. Inevitably there is a table or two that you notice bcause it's six or eight or twelve people, probably family, and they appear to have been at the restaurant for some time -- serving bowls scattered about, the kids wandering around a bit, conversation at that relaxed but energetic level you get after the meal's rhythm has been established. (If you're me, you're also always checking them out in hopes of picking up etiquette tips, like how to eat crab with chopsticks).

We sit down, order, food starts piling out of the kitchen, we eat it, pay the check and 45 minutes after having sat down find ourselves walking out the door. Meanwhile, the family's still there, having a good time, while you're looking at your long drive home.

Not that I think we're getting the bums rush or anything, but we seem not to have broken the code that tells the staff: "we'd really like to just kick back for a couple of hours and enjoy each other's company, so relentless efficiency is not required." (For purposes of illustration, we're assuming that there's not a line out the door or anything like that).

Should we, for example, just order some soup and sit around with that for a while, then order first courses and plow leisurely through them and then order entrees? Should we say, in the appropriate language, "despite our obvious Anglo-ness, we are not interested in in getting in and getting out as fast as we possibly can?" Is there a secret hand sign? Or is it just one of those cultural things, where Americans just pick up on the inevitable fast pacing of the service and out of politeness, fear (of committing some cross-cultural faux-pas) or habit and rush through their meal, but Asians understand -- as Greeks and French seem to -- that the table is theirs for as long as they want, the management expects it and there's no reason not to relax?

I do enjoy a nice long meal with friends or family, and would like to learn how to politely extend my next meal at Viet Royale or Joe's Noodle House into (if not through) a second hour.

[nakji]

I think it might depend on what you order and the size of the group you're with.

In Korea, when we would go out to galbi-jibs (barbecue rib houses), we would order a first round; cook it, eat it, drink some beer; then order a second round; cook it, eat it, drink some soju; order some rice and eat it with the soup - you could keep the meat coming as long as you liked, and the bottles of soju as well, the staff didn't seem to mind.

In Vietnam, for example, if we go to a beer hoi or a lau (hotpot) house, we'll order some fried corn first, with maybe some fried nem and some roll-your-own spring rolls. We'll eat those, and then order a hotpot. We order more tofu; meat; or noodles as required...it goes on for quite a long time.

Is it possible to order (what we would consider) appetizers first, and then add to your order later on? I think maybe if I went into a restaurant here and ordered some nem and the lemongrass chicken, it would be over fairly quickly as well. Since they probably speak English (a luxury I rarely enjoy) why don't you just be direct, and let them know you're going to order in courses? And bring lots of friends and family along with?

I really enjoy this manner of dining at length, as it's how I was brought up, but my husband finds it a little freaky. Even when we lived in Canada, he viewed having a meal as something you do quickly, and then leave. At home, his whole family would eat as quickly as possible, and then immediately desert the table to go watch tv. In my family, we're known for staying at the table for several hours at a stretch, chatting, eating and drinking wine. The only problem with doing this here in Asia is that my legs still cramp up from sitting on the floor. I should take up yoga.....

[Gastro888]

Try to pace your ordering and go with more people. I've gone to many of those places you mentioned as a part of a two-top and I get the same treatment. It's just that they expect the larger families to linger longer b/c it's their "family outing" where relatives catch up with each other. Also, they're spending more per table than a two top so there's a bit more leeway given to them. I don't you being an Anglo affects you negatively, just the lack of other people eating along with you does.

[SuzySushi]

As others have said, I think it depends on the size of the group -- and the pace at which you're eating. If you seem to have finished your meal, the staff assumes you're ready to leave. If you're still picking tidbits, request another pot of tea, etc., they assume you want to take your time.

[Fat Guy]

More and more, we order in waves at Asian restaurants. It's the easiest way to control the pacing. You don't have to be sneaky or feel awkward about it. Just order some stuff and say, "I'm keeping the menu; we're going to order more later." You also don't have to go in a set order -- you can have soup at the end, or shrimp first.

If you go the route of negotiating for a slower pace, your best bet is to find the senior-most manager and approach that person. The servers are not as likely to be able or willing to accommodate you.

And definitely, when you show up with a large group, a lot of restaurants default to more of a banquet style service, where they bring the food slowly in waves. I think you'll find that this happens whether or not you're Asian.

It also helps to be a regular and have a relationship with the owners. At the two Chinese places where we're regulars, it's a simple matter for us to specify a given approach, request special dishes, whatever. At other places it's definitely harder to establish that sort of thing.

[Shalmanese]

I don't get the problem, do you feel the waiters are trying to push you out? Do you feel uncomfortable sitting a table without food on it? As long as it's clear your table isn't needed (ie: there's lots of empty tables around you), I've been perfectly fine with just paying the cheque and then sitting there drinking tea and talking to friends.

[Hest88]

I'm Chinese, and when I'm with a small group and want to linger I just do what Shalmanese does. The waiters are being efficient by clearing my table, but I don't necessarily feel I have to leave (unless there are people waiting for my table).

[canucklehead]

As noted above - in Chinese restaurants, the waitstaff are just trying to be efficient so that you can leave if you want to. If the restaurant is not too busy - lingering is not an issue.

A good way to do this is to order in a staggered fashion as FC suggests. Especially if you are a bit of regular and appear reasonably knowledgable or adventerous.

If a guest knows what they are doing and wants to dictate how they want their dining experience to unfold - a good Chinese restaurant will understand this and defer to the customer. In fact, there is a little bit of an expectation that the diner will take charge most of the time. I've always found that being a heavy tipper does not help one way or another.

It sounds like you generally let common sense be your guide - so don't worry and enjoy yourself.

[Busboy]

I end up feeling rushed, but not rushed. In other words, I feel that I haven't savored dinner as I might have liked to, but I don't feel that they're making a special effort to push out the door.

Of course, this happens in other types of restaurants in what is probably a far more calculated fashion, but I'm an old pro at putting the brakes on in Western places. I just curious about the etiquette in Asian restaurants nad curious to see if this was SOP.

(Next question: how to eat those crabs.)

[Domestic Goddess]

Quote: (Next question: how to eat those crabs.)

With your hands. Nothing is more efficient and downright satisfying (especially licking the juices and sauces on your fingers)

[SheenaGreena]

I end up feeling rushed, but not rushed.  In other words, I feel that I haven't savored dinner as I might have liked to, but I don't feel that they're making a special effort to push out the door. 

Of course, this happens in other types of restaurants in what is probably a far more calculated fashion, but I'm an old pro at putting the brakes on in Western places.  I just curious about the etiquette in Asian restaurants nad curious to see if this was SOP. 

(Next question: how to eat those crabs.)

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eat them with korean chopsticks, because our chopsticks are skinnier and easier to stick down into claws and such.

[hummingbirdkiss]

I spend hours with friends and family eating in Asian and nonAsian restaurants just by ordering a lot of food ..yes in waves if it is appropriate (that is why I love dim sum) ... set it all in the middle of the table always sharing and talking constantly ....

I think with busy work schedules and not much time to gather with people... a restaurant sometimes takes the place of a family meal...

talk a lot and you will slow down ...and even if they clear your table you can have more tea or beer ...perhaps ask for the menu again and order a few desserts to share... or as mentioned just keep talking at the clean table...if no one is waiting or the place is not closing no one cares..

just tip well

[Busboy]

just tip well

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Always.