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Striving for imperfection


Adam_Balic
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wellll

it wasnt exactly my fault...yeah I know it never is...

the BBQ was flaring up big time and I went to get it a bit further away from my very wooden garage.

I cover the thing...naturally, the thing dies down a big degree.

I uncover it...almost no fire....

then before I can say *oh no my eyebrows*

FOOSH!!!

Just like the theater scene in Backdraft, the fire gets a gulp of air, and a frigging fireball comes up and catches me squarely in the face.

First degree burns around the eyes..cheeks...no loss of facial hair, just a trip to the ER to have charcoal bits removed from my eye.

That was technically a backdraft.

Hopefully its the only one Ill ever see.

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There are too many "Sue's too tired/distracted/drunk to safely hold a knife/vegetable peeler/set of kitchen scissors/meat fork" moments for me to bore you with them...however, I do have a coffee story of my own:

I'd just moved into my very first on-my-own apartment, and owned a cheap no-brainer (ha!) Melitta coffeemaker. The phone rang one evening, and as I picked it up I flipped on what I thought was the gas burner for the big pot full of water, ready to make some pasta.  I turned my back, engrossed in the conversation, until a truly nasty stench and the blare of my apartment's smoke alarm turned me back around: the burner I'd turned on (full power) was underneath the empty Melitta glass carafe, which I'd set up with its plastic funnel and paper filter.  The plastic was melting directly into the carafe...and the filter was on fire.

Nothing for it but to move fast:  I slammed the stopper into my kitchen sink, turned on the cold water full blast, and used two potholders to grab the whole coffeemaker assembly off the stove and slam-dunk it into the rising water while diving for cover.  The carafe didn't explode as I'd thought it would, hot as it was, but cleaning up the wretched mess (and going without my cherished Kona the next morning!) was one of the most emphatic "pay ATTENTION, idiot!" experiences I ever got through without injury.

Me, I vote for the joyride every time.

-- 2/19/2004

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I was going to make a chocolate milkshake.  I figured I could use one of the beaters in my handheld mixer.  So, I got a big class, filled it with ice cream, cocoa powder, sugar, and milk.  Then, I jammed the one beater down into the ice cream real good, and turned the mixer on.

One doesn't hold a mixing bowl, does one, so I didn't hold the glass.  The beater, stuck firmly in the glass, immediately began spinning around, glass and all, with the speed of lightening, flinging cold would-be chocolate milkshake ingredients everywhere.

I was so startled (since much of it went into my face) that I didn't think to turn the thing off until not only I, but the entire kitchen, floor, walls, ceiling, tables, chairs, EVERY

THING was covered with the mess.  

PS - To the "hot chile" people....  don't ever change baby's diapers after handling chiles, either.  The poor kid will scream for a week.  :sad:

I don't understand why rappers have to hunch over while they stomp around the stage hollering.  It hurts my back to watch them. On the other hand, I've been thinking that perhaps I should start a rap group here at the Old Folks' Home.  Most of us already walk like that.

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Frying up a few pounds of chicken cutlets without realizing the "flour" I used for dipping was really the powdered sugar.  Nuff said!  

Julliana

I did the same thing seasoning chicken cutlets with garlic powder that looked awfully dark..smelled funny too...then realized it was cinnamon.

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Most deli people I know cut themselves while the slicer is running.  Uh unh...not ME.

We were taught to clean the blade with the machine running...never a problem.

Theres a space between the lower edge of the blade and the casing over the motor....of course you NEVER cleaned that area with it running.

THATS where I used to cut myself....sliced knuckle.

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Oh -- you mean like the time I was fixing a big breakfast on Sunday and poured the grease from the pan of bacon into the coffee grounds in the French press pot?  Or the time I knocked the used grounds from the press into the toilet, so hard that half the glass canister ended up in the bowl?  Or the time I didn't wait long enough after I turned off the buffalo chopper for the blades to stop, before I reached in?  (Still have my thumb, though; boy, was I lucky!)

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Or the time I didn't wait long enough after I turned off the buffalo chopper for the blades to stop, before I reached in?  (Still have my thumb, though; boy, was I lucky!)

I'm so glad you're okay.  That particular thing has always been my greatest kitchen fear. :wow:  The sound of the machine still unerves me.  It's silly but it's almost a phobia.  Not that I won't use one.  It's just that I obsess about someone getting hurt whwnever it's in operation.

Nick

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Has no one but me been dumb enough to pour the stock through the colander and down the drain, having neglected to place the strainer over another pot?

No, but how many times have I filled the fryer without making sure that the cock was closed. :biggrin:

o/' slip slidin' away o/'

Nick

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Once I was cleaning out the deep fryer and I drained the old ( hot ) oil into an oil drum.So far fine. I even made sure the ( plastic ) stop cock on the drum was closed.

(do you see where we're heading?)

Pack away the drum and return to cooking.

They're pretty tough, those plastic cocks, but within 10 minutes the entire dry goods room was flooded with 20 litres of hot oil.

How sad; a house full of condiments and no food.

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first time I nuked a knish~

carefully nibbled the edge to test temperature.

Figured ok its good...not knowing (my first time nuking ANYTHING) that it gets hotter in the middle.

So I snarf right into it at full speed.

The lousy stuff cooks the roof of my mouth and I cant initially get it out.

If I enjoyed pain Id have been in seventh heaven at that point.

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Early one morning I was in my tiny apartment kitchen assembling a nice lasagne. Since I didn't own a dedicated lasagne pan I used a rectangular Pyrex dish. Lasagne takes a lot of pots and pans to prepare so I had little room left to work. I sat the Pyrex on an unused burner on the stove. Just as I was adding the top layer of Mozzarella the dish EXPLODED! I had inadvertently left the burner on warm! I was cooking au natural so after the shock wore off I checked all the "equipment". Whew, everything was still there! But there was lasagne on the walls, ceiling, dripping into every crack and cranny, every drawer seam. My S.O., who had been asleep, rushed into the kitchen, fearing a bomb had exploded. I was covered in sauce and all she could do was laugh!

The only recognizable glass that was left was a perfectly round disk. I think it came from the center of the dish.

I cleaned everything up, showered and dressed, and went to the store to buy ANOTHER $35 worth of ingredients. I finished assembling the second one but had to work that day and didn't get to taste it. My S.O. and her mother ate it!

My only explanation for the violent explosion is that Pyrex must be made with tremendous stresses built into the glass.

I also don't cook au natural any more. I'd already learned this when frying bacon but I won't take any more chances!

--------------

Bob Bowen

aka Huevos del Toro

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Gee, my story is pretty tame compared to everyone else's (though I have had my share of cuts & other accidents). I was in college & fairly new to cooking anything more complex than breakfast. I decided to make chili using dried beans. Turns out I didn't soak them long enough and ended up with crunchy chili--good thing I was the only one who had to eat it.

I've used canned beans ever since.

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  • 4 months later...

Dropped a marble paper towel holder on my foot and broke my big toe. My hands were wet and it just slipped out.

I've stabbed myself in the lip while trying to eat a club sandwich with the toothpick still in it. DUH!!!

:wacko:

Iris

GROWWWWWLLLLL!!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Bringing this one back up so that HelenaS doesn't feel alone.

I have to add that a few weeks ago, I too did what Suvir mentions elsewhere -- taking a sauté pan out of the oven without remembering to use mitts or a towel. Oops. OUCH. Oh well. :blush:

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I have a propane grill story.

I awoke from a deep sleep to grill some steaks. I stumbled out to the grill, still have asleep to light the grill.

I turn the valve of the propane on, and turn my two burner knobs to the "ignite" position. With the grill lid open I start hitting the mechanical button that sparks the gas. Nothing. I press, press....nothing.

So, I close the lid. Wait about 10 sec, and without thinking I start to push the button just as I crack the lid.......

W O O S H!!!!!! Fireball city, with grill debris hitting me in the face!!!

I instantly shut the grill and discovered my beard, eyebrows singed, and my favorite cap smoking. Luckily I had on eyeglasses that are a snug fit to my face!!. Reddened my left forearm that picked up the grill lid but thankfully no blistering or burns.

I'm very, very careful around that grill. No more Mr. Sleepy grill man either :rolleyes:

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Another friend said that something similar had happened him; although instead of rubbing his eyes, he visited the toilet... even bigger OW.

Dinnerguests and I wondering, horrified, why my husband was locked in the powder room moaning, screaming, swearing. For a long time!

Guests wondering why I (after checking out cause, like a good wife)was laughing so hard when someome was obviously in terrible pain.

They laughed louder than I did when all was revealed (metaphorically speaking!) As more liqour was consumed, commisserations became bawdier.

Margaret McArthur

"Take it easy, but take it."

Studs Terkel

1912-2008

A sensational tennis blog from freakyfrites

margaretmcarthur.com

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Last Thanksgiving, cooking big dinner for about 20 people. Put pot full of potatoes on to boil. Place lid securely on pot. After 20 minutes or so, figure potatoes are done. Try to remove lid to check on potatoes. Lid will not budge. Hubby goes to get flat screwdriver to try to pry lid off . So far guests have not noticed anything amiss. I am now trying hard not to laugh as hubby hisses at me to shut up before people notice. Hubby brings back screwdriver to pry off lid. Lids stays on, hubby's hand starts to bleed where the screwdriver slid off pot and into hand. Bandage hubby's hand, now laughing hysterically. Hubby stomps downstairs with pot, drills hole in lid, removes lid.

Marlene

cookskorner

Practice. Do it over. Get it right.

Mostly, I want people to be as happy eating my food as I am cooking it.

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Last Thanksgiving, cooking big dinner for about 20 people.   Put pot full of potatoes on to boil.  Place lid securely on pot.   After 20 minutes or so, figure potatoes are done.  Try to remove lid to check on potatoes.  Lid will not budge.    Hubby goes to get flat screwdriver to try to pry lid off .  So far guests have not noticed anything amiss.  I am now trying hard not to laugh as hubby hisses at me to shut up before people notice.  Hubby brings back screwdriver to pry off lid.   Lids stays on, hubby's hand starts to bleed where the screwdriver slid off pot and into hand.  Bandage hubby's hand, now laughing hysterically.   Hubby stomps downstairs with pot, drills hole in lid, removes lid.

Is this after you put the pot in the sink and ran cold water over the lid ?

Edited by GordonCooks (log)
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Have reached new level of stupidity. Roasting a leg of lamb for Sunday Lunch, lamb Very expensive (US$50) so I used a meat thermometer. Lamb done, so I grab the Thermometer with bare hand. Large sizzle, much like when the Nazi grabs the Egyptian medallion in the Indian Jones film. Friends were laughing so hard they were sick. May cries of "it's a THERMOMETER you idiot, there is not excuse for not thinking it was hot!". Lamb was good.

Sometimes cooking for friends can be stressful, and I forget to think straight. Thus my decision to use a meat thermometer on the pork was rational, but it would have been better if I'd differentiated between the metal kind that can stay in the oven for a while and the electronic stick-in-to-check-and-remove version. The whole device melted. By a piece of tremendous luck, the meat was raised off the base of the pan and the bit sticking into it was metal and survived. I did some quick research on the web and concluded that the quantity of heavy metal in the battery and/or electronics was not threatening to health and, having informed my guests of the circumstance, served the pork anyway. Deglazing the pan was not an option. The meat was remarkably good: infusion of circuitry? That night I slept badly dreaming I'd killed them.

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Ah, reminds me of the time I tried to push a meat thermometer into a roast that was not yet completely thawed. GLASS tube broke, spewing red liquid (at least, not mercury. mercurichrome??) all over meat, along with tiny shards of glass. No-meat dinner that night.

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  • 1 month later...

Is this board dead, or can I breath some life into it? My typical one (I just can't learn) is that I sometimes dry things in the oven when it's turned off to save space. Last time was a cake saver I borrowed. It was old and stained and tacky, but I still had to replace it. Took a long time to find one for under $20.00.

Another one happened to a friend of mine. We were working in a fastish food restaurant which uses cheese sauce on fries or whatever (liquid napalm), and he dropped the (gallon sized?) can of bubbling sauce on his foot. It promptly oozed into his untied high tops surrounding his foot. He was out from work for a while.

Elyse

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