Cooking and Food Fights with Home Partners

[NVNVGirl]

My family loves my cooking, and my husband does all the dishes, for which let us now fall to our knees in praise.  However, he does have one truly terrible trait - he won't eat fruit!  No fruit, except jam, or apples in pie, or orange juice.  Wait, also blueberries in muffins.  That's friggin' it!  It's so hard to make desserts when all that beautiful fruit can't be involved.  I know, it sounds petty, but it drives me mad.

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Oh well...there's all that beautiful chocolate, LOL But I know...if someone rejects an entire food group from their eating preferences, it makes things more difficult.

[Chris Amirault]

My family loves my cooking, and my husband does all the dishes, for which let us now fall to our knees in praise.  However, he does have one truly terrible trait - he won't eat fruit!  No fruit, except jam, or apples in pie, or orange juice.  Wait, also blueberries in muffins.  That's friggin' it!  It's so hard to make desserts when all that beautiful fruit can't be involved.  I know, it sounds petty, but it drives me mad.

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Petty? No way! Utterly justified critique!

I've heard tell of this. Given the wide variety of things called fruit, and given the array of preparations, how exactly does he justify this inexcusable position on the one category of food that nature actually intended to be eaten?

[Chris Amirault]

In fact, Abra's post makes me want to ask everyone:

Just how would your partners/SOs/spouses/pets explain and/or justify these appalling inconsiderations, these outlandish forgettings?

Here's an example.

Chris: "Why do you always leave your keys, wallet, newspaper, and other non-food crap on the cutting board?"

Andrea: "There's no room anywhere else in the kitchen."

[Mabelline]

Only if you can explain why a seemingly intelligent human male would place a gimme cap on a table, for crying out loud! And yes, I have a hatrack; when I asked why it wasn't there, the answer was because it's the cap with PRCA rodeo stars' autographs on it. I asked very sweetly if serving his soup in it would improve the autographs, at which time THAT practice came to a proverbial screeching halt.

[FL Heat]

My boyfriend is a better fighter than I am. I always lose, and it ends with me crying, so when I know he's wrong now, especially in the kitchen, I just let him be wrong, but gracefully withdraw from the process.

Recent brownies from a new recipe. I told him to be sure to use a little more flour than what's called for, since the White Lily flour is a little lighter. "I will follow the directions," he says. So I ceased any helpful comments, and didn't say a word when the brownies didn't hold together and came out of the oven a goopy, molten, eggy-tasting blob.

And he didn't think pegboard was a good idea for the kitchen walls (that idea spurred by a thread about remodeling a small kitchen). So I told him that I'd pay for the pegboard, I'd paint it, I'd do the measuring. If I did all that, would he just cut it for me and help me carry it? So last night we got the first piece put up. And he loves it. And is taking part of the day off work today to get the rest of it put up.

Yeah, it's smug, but I love being right.

When he leaves a dish unrinsed that has, oh, egg or cheese that hardens and is difficult to scrape off, I sweetly ask something completely passive-aggressive, usually, "Do you not love me anymore?" "Why would you ask that?" he responds. "Because you left your omelette plate on the counter and the egg & cheese dried on it and now I have to spend time scraping it off. I'd only do that to someone I hate." Usually there's a loud sigh from him followed by a conversation between him & the dog in which he complains about how I overreact. :)

Diana

[itch22]

My wife is very picky. The only meat she'll eat is beef (well done), pork (well done), and boneless, skinless chicken breasts (very well done). I also have to do all the grocery shopping as she seemingly refuses to learn the differences between heavy cream and double cream, Parmigiano Romano and Grana Padano, etc...

[bleudauvergne]

The current argument at our house is the difference between crème glacée and glace. He says ‘crème glacée’ is made with cream in the Italian style, and ‘glace’ is made only with milk. We don’t agree, since I have distinct memories of two distinct products at home, 'ice cream' and that horrible abomination, 'ice milk'. And I learned in school that 'glace' translates to 'ice cream'. In any case, I’m pretty sure that ice cream is made with custard, and not necessarily cream, but not exclusively milk, as he insists. But I'm not really sure, after all. Better to do a taste test.

We don't really dispute about the food on the table, ever, except a few times about beef. Cuts, and degrees of doneness. I have read the posts of people who's spouses get up and microwave food they feel is undercooked. That's just not right! I tossed a pot roast out the window once. But that was a long time ago.

[Bicycle Lee]

Within my family there is a great rift of those who feel that food is simply sustinence and those who feel that it should provide some sort of stimulation of the sixth sense. My brother (who I love very much, mind you) is very 'meat and potatoes' and my mother and I appreciate the occasional break from the hole-stuffing for something a little more introspective. Since I am pursuing a career in food my brother often gives me shit about the security of the biz... Needless to say it is an uphill battle.

[jgm]

We often talk on eGullet about specific techniques in cooking. But I sense that often those questions are not motivated merely by our own senses of taste, texture, doneness, and so on, but also by the preferences of others in our households -- preferences that, I'll bet, we don't always share.

So, instead of asking a question that focuses on technique, I'm feeling kind of Paul Harvey today, wanting to know... the rest of the story.

Give us some ancecdotes and tales from the darker side of your home relationships around food. What are the real knock-down, drag-'em-out food fights about at your dinner table? What do they say about you? Your partner? I'm a terrible snoop who finds such things fascinating, so the more squabbly and/or ranty the better!

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I have learned to be careful about who I accuse. Husband works evenings and I work days, so we often don't get to talk until the weekend. A few months ago, I set some butter on the counter before I left for work, intending to allow it to soften and use it in a recipe that night. After work, the butter was gone. It was also not in the fridge. So I softened more butter in microwave and made a mental note to have a chat with husband about leaving my stuff alone.

Over the next few weeks, this scenario repeated itself several times. On various weekends I would accuse husband of throwing out my butter, and he always denied it. Since we are the only two people living in the house, it was obvious he was lying to cover his passive-aggressive behavior, and because I was angry about that, we sat through several Saturday night meals in uncomfortable silence.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I once again set butter out on the counter for use after work. A few minutes later, I was hurrying to get out the door and not be late for work. As I approached, the dog, hiding behind one of the living room chairs, dropped his head in shame and guilt. He looked like he was ready to bawl. At his feet was the butter I'd laid out, already half devoured.

I went back into the bedroom, woke the husband up, and apologized.

[Mabelline]

I was going to suggest did you leave windows open...HA...blame the critters first.

[jackal10]

We have the Great Custard War.

We agree it should be Birds.

I think it should be thin, a pouring sauce.

Jill insists it should be thick enough to stand up, and preferably eaten like blancmange, especially cold next day with jam.

[taryn]

When he leaves a dish unrinsed that has, oh, egg or cheese that hardens and is difficult to scrape off, I sweetly ask something completely passive-aggressive, usually, "Do you not love me anymore?"  "Why would you ask that?" he responds.  "Because you left your omelette plate on the counter and the egg & cheese dried on it and now I have to spend time scraping it off.  I'd only do that to someone I hate."  Usually there's a loud sigh from him followed by a conversation between him & the dog in which he complains about how I overreact. :)

Diana

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Oh dear, I could never deal with someone who reacts to situations like that!! When I hear of situations like this I understand why my boyfriend says that I'm not like most women.

[Chris Amirault]

My wife is very picky.  The only meat she'll eat is beef (well done), pork (well done), and boneless, skinless chicken breasts (very well done).  I also have to do all the grocery shopping as she seemingly refuses to learn the differences between heavy cream and double cream, Parmigiano Romano and Grana Padano, etc...

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Dude! That's pecorino romano and parmigiano reggiano, right?

Those who live in glass houses...!

[Chris Amirault]

I tossed a pot roast out the window once.  But that was a long time ago.

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Oh, you GOTTA tell that story! That's like sprinkling sugar on the ground at a picnic to get rid of ants!!

[Mabelline]

Or going to Yellowstone Park and handing out sammiches to bears, and then wondering why they follow you to the campsite

[Smithy]

Oh yes, you must tell the story! I have visions of some poor passerby getting beaned by a flying pot roast under your window!

Ex-boyfriend was a no-fat no-cholesterol freak, and a control freak at that. Butter instead of margarine? Horrors! And couldn't I get used to 2% milk in my coffee, instead of half-and-half? We fought over many control issues, and food was among them. As a sidelight, I should add that neither of us was overweight or had any known health problems.

Here's an occurrence that foreshadowed our split. The scene: the dinner table, with friends over for a casual dinner. Main course was a beautifully broiled chicken with crispy done-just-right skin.

Him: "Smith, you shouldn't eat the chicken skin. You know that has all the fat in it."

Me: <stuff all the skin from my chicken into my mouth, savor mightily. Swallow. Smile. Grab the rejected skin from his plate, salt heavily, repeat the performance.>

My friends, who never liked him, still laugh about that.

[Chris Amirault]

Here's an occurrence that foreshadowed our split.  The scene: the dinner table, with friends over for a casual dinner.  Main course was a beautifully broiled chicken with crispy done-just-right skin. 

Him:  "Smith, you shouldn't eat the chicken skin.  You know that has all the fat in it."

Me: <stuff all the skin from my chicken into my mouth, savor mightily.  Swallow. Smile.  Grab the rejected skin from his plate, salt heavily, repeat the performance.>

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Crickey, I split a gut when I read that! I've done the exact same thing.

[RebeccaT]

We have passive-agressive dishwasher wars, in which I quietly come behind him and rearrange his arrangement, and later he'll come back and rearrange my re-arrangement. No one wins. But neither of us can give it up.

We also have battles over chocolate chip cookies. I like 'em interesting - with coconut, oats, nuts, or some combination therof. He likes 'em nekkid, nothing more interesting than the Toll House recipe, please. I say if he wants them that way he can make them himself.

But I love him, so I do occasionally make the Neilsen-Massey recipe, which is much better than the Toll House but he deems simple enough to be acceptable.

[Mooshmouse]

We have passive-agressive dishwasher wars, in which I quietly come behind him and rearrange his arrangement, and later he'll come back and rearrange my re-arrangement.  No one wins.  But neither of us can give it up.

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I damn near fell outta my chair when I read this!! It's comforting to know that there are anal-retentive dishwasher Nazis that are just as vigilant as I am!!

...and I'm still busting a gut laughing!

Edited because excessive laughter gets in the way of proper spelling.

Edited November 4, 2004 by Mooshmouse (log)

[jsolomon]

It never fails. Every time I meet some sweet young thing of the opposite sex and I think I may be ready to move things forward with her, I come to eGullet, and some kind group of gentle-hearted writers set me back in the path to truth, light, and happiness.

I'm gonna be a hermit ferever.

[lesfen]

Onions... always with the damn onions. My beloved gets a wiff of an onion and he freaks out. "Are you chopping an onion?! Oh god, my eyes. Phew! Oh, the smell... waaaah." Geez. I tried to explain that you NEED onions for everything, and that he'll never even know that they're in there, but still, the crying and whining.

[Mabelline]

But, jsolomon, you shall be a very wellfed hermit.

[Wayne]

My wife and I have one simple rule to avoid conflicts when cooking together:

One is in charge and the other does what is asked. We can't always conform

to that but it does prevent a lot of conflict.

[SeaGal]

Things I do in the kitchen that drive him crazy:

-Use the garlic press (only when I'm in a hurry, honest ) and leave it out to get dry and hardened

-Make a huge mess for him to clean up (which he always does, bless him)

-Forget to turn off burners/oven when I'm finished

-Leave ingredients out after using them (obviously, I'm not the tidiest cook, but I'm trying to be better )

Things he does in the kitchen that drive me crazy:

-Follows behind me, tidying, saying "are you done with this?", "do you want this burner on still?" (It's great that he cleans up, but not while I'm cooking!)

-Can't find anything in the frig

-Leaves the filtered water pitcher empty so I have to fill it

-makes room for stuff in the frig by shoving other things further back

-doesn't rinse gooey stuff off silverware before putting in dishwasher, resulting in stained, stainless utensils

-sometimes cuts up his pasta when I'm not looking

Other than that, we do fine, 'cause I cook and he has no interest in cooking, but is more than willing to eat anything I cook and clean up afterwards. I guess that's why we've lasted 24 years

Jan

[Chris Amirault]

It never fails.  Every time I meet some sweet young thing of the opposite sex and I think I may be ready to move things forward with her, I come to eGullet, and some kind group of gentle-hearted writers set me back in the path to truth, light, and happiness.

I'm gonna be a hermit ferever.

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Yeesh! I wasn't hoping to keep star-crossed lovers from joining together forever because of dried egg yolks or overdone pot roast!

Maybe we should start a thread for couples counseling on these issues....