Pit-roasting a Pig

[slkinsey]

If yours is frozen (fairly likely, I'd say), I recommend defrosting and brining it at the same time overnight in the bathtub.

There is *absolutely no way* I will be able to get this girl to put a dead pig in her bathtub. I'm having enough trouble resigning her to the idea of putting it in her car.

Well... where are you going to put the pig, then? I say you present her with a fait accompli: "Oh... well, I naturally assumed we'd have to defrost it in your bathtub overnight. Otherwise, we'll all be eating raw pork tomorrow. Wherever shall we put the pig? Whatever shall I do?" Or, hey, you could always get one of those kiddie pools...

BTW . . . your typical brine?  Sometimes I brine pork in vanilla brines, or juniper brines.  Would this be worth it with a pig meant for the pit?

See... you're thinking about it, aren't you? I would think that flavored brining wouldn't work very well with most kinds of roasting because the flavor from the brine would be obscurred by the smoke. With luau style, however, it should work very well. I also stuff the cavity of the pig with fresh herbs. I'm not sure that a vanilla or juniper bring is really what you might want for a pit cooked pig, though. I'd consider dumping a few big bottles of lemon and lime juice and a few jugs of orange and grapefruit juice into the brine. That would be tasty.

Oh... I agree with Brooks about the farting. Be sure to keep her away from any open flames.

[NeroW]

I am going to be laughing about this all day. She WILL explode if I try to fill her tub with citrus juice and dead pig.

This is great. I need to rope her live-in BF in on this.

[fifi]

I thought this was just another pig roasting thread but it has me rolling in the floor and gasping.

First the transport problem can possibly be solved with this approach.

Maybe you can convince her of the wisdom of the bathtub by having enough candles sitting around to give piggy's bath a bit of ambience.

We are doing a luau for my sister's birthday at the end of June. Not being anxious to dig a big pit (it would fill with water) and build a roaring fire (the firemen frown on that sort of thing in the burbs), we are going to order one.

I can't wait to see how this finally works out. Pictures, please.

[slkinsey]

I am going to be laughing about this all day. She WILL explode if I try to fill her tub with citrus juice and dead pig.

This is great. I need to rope her live-in BF in on this.

Dude (and I say "dude" in the non gender-specific sense )...

Do you have any idea how awesome it will be if you actually do fill your exploding friend's bathtub with a citrus-brined whole pig? You'll have conversation fuel for years to come!

Oh, and pictures are a must. Lots of pictures.

[Varmint]

If your pig is too large, you'll have to remove the head for it to fit in the tub:

Unless you have one of those big-ass garden tubs, that is!

[slkinsey]

Now, see... that would look a lot less like a person if the direct view of the pig was obscurred with a nice cloudy citrus brining liquid.

[Mayhaw Man]

Hell, if you had a whirlpool with a good hot water heater you could just juice the water up ala Sam and have a big tub full of citrus stewed pork.

Cook some rice in your other tub and you could have a whole meal and the serving would be easy-just send the guest from bathroom to bathroom to serve themselves.

[Varmint]

I remember what my tub looked like after we removed the pig and drained it. It's almost ready for baths, 7 months later. I can only imagine what would happen to the jacuzzi jets. Ugh.

[Gifted Gourmet]

Hell, if you had a whirlpool with a good hot water heater you could just juice the water up ala Sam and have a big tub full of citrus stewed pork.

Cook some rice in your other tub and you could have a whole meal and the serving would be easy-just send the guest from bathroom to bathroom to serve themselves.

Like perhaps twin hot tubs?

Seriously, ya'll, never have I had such a down-and-dirty eyeview of what goes into cooking a porcine creature ... truly in awe of you who have made this an "art form"!!

[Mayhaw Man]

I remember what my tub looked like after we removed the pig and drained it. It's almost ready for baths, 7 months later. I can only imagine what would happen to the jacuzzi jets. Ugh.

You could make that a feature at "Varmint's Spa and BBQ".

Think about it.

Mud baths...........Blood Baths!

You could do facial packs with bacon. The possibilities are endless.

[ianeccleston]

Does anyone have experience renting the equipment to roast a pig? From what I understand, you don't have to dig a pit, get a "chinese box", etc.

My dearest wife has already been thrown into a state of panic at the thought of a pig's head lolling out of the tub when she wakes up in the morning. I hope to convince her otherwise, by September (my 30th birthday - I'm throwing myself a big 'ol pig roast).

Ian

[enrevanche]

This will help you keep the peace, brining-tub-wise.

At your favorite big-box discount store, buy the largest plastic garbage can (yard-waste size) you can find. Even if brand-new, give it at least a lick and a promise with a scrub-brush.

Put a pile of clean bricks in the bottom, for added stability.

Place your pig in the can, headfirst.

Fill with brining solution. Soak until ready to cook. Enjoy.

[Mayhaw Man]

Does anyone have experience renting the equipment to roast a pig? From what I understand, you don't have to dig a pit, get a "chinese box", etc.

You can build one of these things for cheap. Search on Cajun microwave and you should be able to find plenty of info.

Here is one for example only, I know nothing about the guy

[Varmint]

Does anyone have experience renting the equipment to roast a pig?  From what I understand, you don't have to dig a pit, get a "chinese box", etc.

My dearest wife has already been thrown into a state of panic at the thought of a pig's head lolling out of the tub when she wakes up in the morning.  I hope to convince her otherwise, by September (my 30th birthday - I'm throwing myself a big 'ol pig roast). 

Ian

I've cooked 5 or 6 pigs with a rented cooker. This is the type I usually get:

You can use wood or charcoal with these. Amazingly, these are harder to find than similar versions that use propane. It's a hell of a lot easier to use propane, but the product is nowhere near as tasty. If you're using wood, you'll need a separate firebox. If you're using charcoal, that's not absolutely necessary.

These cookers rent around here (Raleigh, NC) for about 50 bucks for a weekend. They're a bitch to clean, of course!

[slkinsey]

They're a bitch to clean, of course!

I wonder how they would clean up if you sprayed in a whole bunch of industrial-strength oven cleaner, let the whole thing marinade for a few hours, and then went after it with a hose fitted with a spray nozzle. How do you clean these things, usually?

[Varmint]

Pressure washer. A steam cleaner would be better, but Mrs. Varmint only has a pressure washer.

You can't let things soak, as they have holes in the bottom for air flow (and for drainage when cleaning!).

[slkinsey]

Hmmm... still, that oven cleaner stuff sprays on like a foam and doesn't drip off (else it would run down the walls and drip off the ceiling of your oven). I bet it would work well.

[ianeccleston]

Those rentals look great! Thanks; I'm salivating already. What is the capacity, pig-wise, of the models shown above?

I had looked into building something, but since it will be my first time cooking a whole pig, I thought I should eliminate as many variables as I can - renting probably does the trick.

[Varmint]

What is the capacity, pig-wise, of the models shown above?

I started with a 200 pound pig (before butchering) that ended up around 120 pounds (without the head). It easily fit on the cooker:

If you get a pig much bigger than that, it'll be a total bitch to flip.

[ianeccleston]

That rocks. Thanks again Varmint. I think I'll shoot for 150 - 200 lbs. How long did that one take you, in the rental?

[Varmint]

We cooked this over slightly green pecan. We put it on at 9:30 PM and did our best to maintain the temperature at 225 F over the course of the night. At 5 or 6 AM we flipped the sucker. It was done at approximately 10 AM. We served at 12:30, I believe.

[NeroW]

Fuck a cooker. We're digging a hole in the yard.

Of course . . . if she agrees to it. After the whole "pig in the bathtub" thing, I'm not sure.

Quick. Help me think up some good ways to eeeeaaaaase into that conversation with her. Something other than my usual approach, which would be somewhere along the lines of this:

"Hey, Kate! Not only are you having a weekend-long party with 40 of your college drinkin' and smokin' buddies in your new $200,000 house, but we're also puttin' a pig in your tub! Get outta the way!"

[Varmint]

Actually, you do what I did with Mrs. Varmint -- you don't tell her. When you get the pig home, you ask her which tub to use. After she calms down, you inform her, "Of course it needs to go into the tub. How the hell else do you cook a damn pig?"

[Malawry]

Poor Dr. Mrs. Varmint.

Nero, I recommend having a little renovation discussion with her...everybody wants to change some things about their house. Then you can segue into the bathroom, and finally you can offhandedly mention that Trading Spaces episode where they installed a pig in a bathtub, and suggest she should consider it for her own bathroom.

Or something.

[hillvalley]

Fuck a cooker. We're digging a hole in the yard.

Real women don't need cookers

I am laughing my ass off, by the way.

What if you bought your friend a pair of white gloves, so she wouldn't actually have to touch the pig? I may have a pair left over from my junior high ballroom dancing class.

Pictures. We want lots of pictures.