Not again, Mom!

[Eric_Malson]

I posted about this on another thread, but Mom made this WAY too often, and it stills qualifies as just about the worst food I've had in anyone's home....

"Salmon loaf"--made with canned salmon, chalky vertebrae left in--accompanied by a floury-pasty creamed peas. Having that regularly inflicted upon me was a truly traumatizing experience.

Actually, all fish-products were disaster. In Ohio in the mid-'60's, fresh fish was either simply not available (which I suspect) or prohibitively expensive....in any case, it was not purchased for the family. Fish meals, therefore, were produced exclusively from canned or frozen products--fish sticks or breaded fish filets (practically tasteless and ALWAYS dry, and somehow always managed to have bones in them) baked too long in the oven, and of course the tuna-noodle casserole (which might not have been bad without the presence of canned tuna, a product which I cannot eat to this day). I never, ever understood how anyone could eat those things voluntarily.

I was into my 30's before I could eat fish (not shellfish--I always liked shellfish when prepared properly) with any enjoyment whatsoever.

[tejon]

My mom was a bad enough cook that I pretty much took over fixing dinner by the age of 12, though she still would tell me what to make. We had steamed vegetables every night, which doesn't sound bad, but it was always a mix of vegetables steamed together - broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, onion, etc. They all ended up tasting vaugely similar in a slimy sort of way. Wasn't allowed to make the veggies any other way, since steaming was "healthy". I've only recently started steaming vegetables one kind at a time, and have been surprised at how good they are.

She could make some pretty impressive dishes when she really set her mind to it, but lacked any idea of what would work and what wouldn't in a recipe. She was also extremely frugal, to the point of using meat that tasted funny, cheese that had mold on it ("just cut that part off!"), produce that was going bad, spices that were older than I was.

The worst dish ever was a horrible fish soup. I've blocked most of what was in it, though the broth was tomato based somehow. It was cooked so long that the whole house reeked of fish, and even my seafood loving stepfather couldn't stand it. Put me off fish for the rest of my life.

Runner up was the eggnog she made one year to take to our family Christmas celebration. I've never been a big fan of eggnog, so I didn't have any. Everyone was raving about how tasty it was, when my little sister piped up, "mommy made that in the same blender she mixes the puppy food in!". My mom blushed red. It was perfectly true - she was breeding Beagles at the time and used to mix puppy chow with milk in the blender to feed to younger puppies. The blender never really got cleaned out well. Made me glad I don't like eggnog.

[Mayhaw Man]

Tomato Aspic. Yuck

I like things jellied as much as the next true southerner and I love jello, which I know many of you jaded gourmands refuse to admit (although I secretly think you hoard a stash of green jello with fruit cocktail for late night dining pleasure).

That being said, I hate aspic. Nothing says, "I hate the holidays and am ready to get the hell out of here" than a lonely square of jellied tomatoes on a piece of iceberg lettuce.

My mother can cook better than virtually any home cook I have ever known and is able to do just about anything she pleases in the kitchen, but she INSISTS on having this stuff at almost every holiday meal and many Sunday lunches as well.

Yuck. Bleeghhh. Ack. Gag.

[docsconz]

Mom was an old-school New England cook. We had baked beans (and franks) every Saturday night. She used the recipe from Durgin Park, or doctored up the B&M version. (I only recently received an explanation that in early days, Sabbath was on Saturdays, and no work was to be done in the house, including cooking. Consequently, people would bring their bean pots to the local bakery ovens to cook during the day, and retrieve them for supper.) But I digress. Years of pressure-cooked vegetables and single cloves of garlic in an entire dish were fine, however, when faced with...

Goober beef.

In one of those home-making magazines that used to have a tear-out recipe section, one month's feature was a month of recipes with hamburger. Mom, in an effort to broaden her culinary perspectives, found a recipe that included hamburger and peanut butter. In theory, this included two elements that children would love; but in practise, browned hamburger in some sort of gray-brown peanut butter gravy was simply ghastly. I was lucky - I was sick in bed at the time and managed to slip most of mine to the helpful family beagle.

After both my parents had passed away, and the siblings and I were packing up the house, we found the recipe section. Mom had saved it, but put a big black X through the goober beef recipe.

wlg, great story and welcome to eGullet!

[Eric_Malson]

Tomato Aspic. Yuck

Off-topic for a moment:

Talking with my mother once about food, I used the word "aspic". Oddly enough, she had no idea what it was, and asked.

I said, "Well, it's bigger than a toothpick...."

She nearly slapped me.

Edited January 8, 2004 by Eric_Malson (log)

[slkinsey]

I kind of like aspic, when it's surrounding a pate or something like that.

[sparrowgrass]

Broccoli, without a doubt, broccoli was the worst. Put on to boil at the same time the potatoes were started, it was grey mush by the time it reached the table. Served with a sauce made of the cooking water and a pat of margarine.

Sorry, Mom.

[Steebles]

My father would occasionally have a fit of WW2 nostalgia.. and make, ahem, SoS. Shit on a Shingle.

Pardon the vernacular.

I'm not sure exactly *what* it was.. but involved those small jelly-like jars of chipped beef (Hormel?) and Cream of Wheat.

He never forced his horrified offspring to eat it, thank God. The smell was bad enough.

I've met others who recall this concoction as DVoT. Dog Vomit on Toast.

[Huevos del Toro]

My father would occasionally have a fit of WW2 nostalgia.. and make, ahem, SoS.  Shit on a Shingle.

Pardon the vernacular.

I'm not sure exactly *what* it was.. but involved those small jelly-like jars of chipped beef (Hormel?) and Cream of Wheat.

He never forced his horrified offspring to eat it, thank God.  The smell was bad enough.

I've met others who recall this concoction as DVoT.  Dog Vomit on Toast.

HEY! I LIKED SOS in the Navy. I STILL like it, although I doctor it up more than the original. I never heard of Cream of Wheat being used but I suppose it's possible to use that instead of a cream gravy. Sorta like grits with chipped beef in it. Soundin' better now that I think about it.

Guess I'll have to stop by the store on the way home. Yum! SOS tonite!

[deibu]

For me it was the pork chops. My dad liked them nearly flat, and fried to a well-done crisp so they were nice and chewy, with lots of salt. I hated pork chops until I actually had a nice thick one that had been grilled at a friends house when I was a teenager.

[pattimw]

great topic.....

my dad actually did most of the cooking when I was a kid. He is only a slightly better cook than my mom, who is pretty much a disaster in the kitchen, with the exception of home made mac and cheese.

Anyhoo....

He used to make this awful thing called "heartburn meat". I am not sure if this is unique to my family, but, it is basically beef stew meat marinated in white vinegar, and some tomato-y base - maybe puree or sauce? Not sure....

Anyway, it was true to its name. I blame it completely for the early onset of acid reflux disease in my stomach.

[JPW]

Anything my mom made fits in this category. She was the worst cook imaginable. It's amazing that I'm as fat as I am today. Thank goodness she started working as nurse when I was in high school and she usually had the 3-11 shift. I learned to cook out of necessity.

[Mayhaw Man]

I kind of like aspic, when it's surrounding a pate or something like that.

I'll save mine for you, although I suspect that it is under the Homeland Security mailing guidelines as a biological hazard, so getting it to you might prove troublesome.

[Bicycle Lee]

cold carrot soup....

luckily my mother hated it too so we never had to say "not again!"

[torakris]

Reading through this thread I was trying to remember things of my mothers that I hated while growing up and I couldn't really come up with anything. She was quite a good cook and did amazing things with a very limited budget and 8 kids......

Most of the stuff I didn't like were dishes that I personally didn't care for and still today don't eat like corned beef, smoked kielbasa (I don't really like smoked foods ) and her scalloped potatoes. The scalloped potatoes was probably the worst for as I hated (and still do) potatoes and still don't care for butter and cream....... I used to just pick out the ham.

That being said I don't make too many of her dishes in my own home (except for her BBQ sauce and stuffed cabbage) but I don't mind eating anything she makes when I visit, though I have to admit she has gotten much more creative now that most of the picky kids are out of the house.

[reesek]

porksketti - that was day three.

during a frugal period, my mom discovered pork roasts (shoulder i think) on special. the week went something like this:

monday - pork roast - raw pork gets slathered with powdered garlic and ginger and nance's sharp mustard. (no salt - ever or pepper) bake until dry. serve with macaroni and cheese.

tuesday lunch - cold pork sandwich (in one inch slab) on cold toast with more nance's mustard. no lettuce or tomato.

tuesday dinner - pork stir fry - green peppers, onions and pork + garlic powder and low sodium soy sauce. serve with uncle ben's.

wednesday - porksketti- shred (with electric knife - this was so tough all the way through my jaw hurt by the end of "dinner") pork, add to jar of classico (thank god) and serve with spaghetti. note - drain pasta for .03 seconds so that pool of water forms on plate.

repeat the following week.

[Toliver]

Oh, God.

La Choy Chop Suey. Yeah, the canned stuff.

It was putrid and I never ate it...just sort of mushed it around my plate. Mom always accompanied this horror with a bowl of the crisp chow mein noodles (also from a La Choy can, most likely) which would end up being my dinner.

The chow mein looked like something even the dog wouldn't touch...

Lucky dog.

[oscar]

the worst for me would have to be my mothers rendition of my cuban grandma's picadillo, she would use ketchup instead of tom paste. and for salads, the worst was ketchup with mayo for thousand island. and all the countless american rip off dinners cause she wouldn't cook cuban food.

[hjshorter]

Oh, God.

La Choy Chop Suey. Yeah, the canned stuff.

OK, you just brought back a repressed memory. La Choy Chop Suey. Bleeeech. I can still remember the soggy water chestnuts. And yes, my mom served it with chow mein noodles and Uncle Ben's rice. I always thought I hated rice, until I left home and started making just plain boiled rice. What I hated was Uncle Ben's.

And Brooks' post about aspic made me remember the raspberry jello/tomato juice aspic she decided would be perfect with our prime rib Christmas dinner - she made it every year until all of us made her stop a couple of years ago. Egad it was awful. And the cucumber/cottage cheese/lime jello mold for Easter, to go with the canned ham and pineapple rings, was a horror too.

[Tam]

She could make some pretty impressive dishes when she really set her mind to it, but lacked any idea of what would work and what wouldn't in a recipe. She was also extremely frugal, to the point of using meat that tasted funny, cheese that had mold on it ("just cut that part off!"), produce that was going bad, spices that were older than I was.

Hmm, are you a long-lost cousin? Our mothers must have been related. My mother's cast-iron stomach saved her from her own concoctions. The rest of us, however, were not so lucky. As with others, I also learned to cook well out of necessity. Even when I visit my parents, I will still do the cooking. The alternative is not appealing in the least.

Oddly enough, I learned most cooking techniques from my maternal grandmother. I am always proud when my father says that my borshch tastes like my Baba's (Ukrainian for "grandmother"). My mother's never does. Guess the talent skipped a generation.

My parents were first generation Ukrainian-Canadian, very much a meat and potatoes diet. Boiled potatoes and cottage cheese were the norm. Needless to say, I rarely touch them.

That said, the worst dish was "Canadian" cuisine: boiled macaroni bound together with so much Cheez Whiz. The spoonful would glop onto the plate and not move, remaining a large mound of dry coagulation. Again, I rarely touch mac 'n cheese.

BTW, great topic. Glad to know others suffered as I did.

[Tam]

I always thought I hated rice, until I left home and started making just plain boiled rice. What I hated was Uncle Ben's.

Amen, Sister.

[woodford]

Geez, I feel bad about ratting my Mom out like this, but hearing all of these stories has reminded me of a sad, sad fact.

I didn't taste real butter until I was 18. My mother always used margarine. I don't even think I was aware that margarine was fake food-it was all I knew. The first time I tasted real butter was a profound moment.

[Jensen]

Hamburger Pizza Pie.

Hamburger pressed into a pie plate, covered with tomato sauce (not particularly seasoned, just tomato), and topped with sliced black olives (tinned, of course) and cheddar cheese. Baked until vomitous.

Blech.

[docsconz]

Hamburger Pizza Pie.

Hamburger pressed into a pie plate, covered with tomato sauce (not particularly seasoned, just tomato), and topped with sliced black olives (tinned, of course) and cheddar cheese. Baked until vomitous.

Blech.

With a little tweeking that might not be so bad

[Mudpuppie]

Oh, God.

La Choy Chop Suey. Yeah, the canned stuff.

It was putrid and I never ate it...just sort of mushed it around my plate. Mom always accompanied this horror with a bowl of the crisp chow mein noodles (also from a La Choy can, most likely) which would end up being my dinner.

The chow mein looked like something even the dog wouldn't touch...

Lucky dog.

Argh. We had this too. With cubed stew meat. Always accompanied by "apple salad," which was a sort of faux waldorf salad with lots of mayo and some cool whip.

It was my brother's favorite meal, and he was the pickier eater, so we had this often.