Asparagus Etiquette

[GG Mora]

So, formal rules of etiquette dictate that in America, the correct way to eat asparagus is with knife and fork; in Europe it is correct to eat it with your fingers. What's so incorrect about eating asparagus in America with your fingers? I elicit looks of abject horror when I eat my asperges with my fingers, be it at home or in any restaurant -- low-brow or high-end. Last night I roasted a few bunches on the grill and trained my step-kids that they could use their fingers. My husband, an otherwise reasonable and reasonably well-informed guy, told them that it was okay in our home only, and that if he caught them "pulling a stunt like that" anywhere else he'd kill them (he's given to hyperbole). Is it really so mortifying? I'm curious how others weigh in on the matter, and whether or not you'd scowl at me were I to finger my asparagus in your presence.

[wawairis]

Are they saucy? I would think the sauciness of the dish would keep you from eating with your fingers (licking fingers for sauce removal)

Personally, I prefer to eat them with knife and fork. I'm not saying that's right, because I've been wrong about so many other things in the past. It's just what I do.

[tryska]

i wouldn't mind...but I'm Indian and we pretty much eat everything with our fingers.

[bleachboy]

I wouldn't give it a second thought if I saw someone eating asparagus with their fingers. I don't do it myself, but it wouldn't bother me.

I don't exactly understand why the French custom evolved that makes it okay to eat asparagus with your fingers, however. It's no harder to eat than any other vegetable, really, with a knife and fork, and certainly easier than certain popular peas and/or beans.

Iron Chef seemed to imply during "battle asparagus" that it was eaten with the fingers so as not to damage the "delicate" vegetable, but this sounds like hooey to me.

[GG Mora]

Hooey, indeed.

Now that I think about it, I suppose I eat it with my fingers precisely because it bothers people. Bothers people, but is in some way socially acceptable, as opposed to bothers people because it's just rude and gross, like belching loudly in a crowded dining room or, for that matter, gabbing loudly on a cell phone.

[Bux]

Eat asparagus with your fingers? Whaddya think they are French fries? Let's start with the proper disclaimer. I don't know nothin about etiquette, but I know what I like.

I've never eaten asparagus with my fingers in the US or France except when I'm cheating and eating stuff before it gets to the table or when it's served as a crudite with dips at stand up parties. Is it really proper to eat asparagus with one's hands in France? I've never seen anyone do that, but I haven't looked closely to see if others are doing that. Most of the time I get asparagus in France they are sauced or in a dish with a composite garnish. I've always been served a knife and fork with asparagus in France, so I assume that eating with one's fingers would either be optional or home bound etiquette. I don't recall having asparagus in a French home. I am not above picking up food with my fingers and eating it in reasonably fancy restaurants in France. Mrs. B. is an even greater advocate of eating with her fingers, but says she would use a knife and fork for asparagus. Perhaps we should get testimony in the France forum.

As for French fries. I think it's all dependent on the venue. I don't have a strict rule, but it would be dependent on the number or tablecloths under my plate and the color of the one on top.

[Bux]

Now that I think about it, I suppose I eat it with my fingers precisely because it bothers people. Bothers people, but is in some way socially acceptable

I'd save that for pigeon legs and lamb chops where there's some good meat to be gained by picking up my food. Asparagus gain nothing by being eaten out of hand.

[curlywurlyfi]

for my money, asparagus just TASTES better when eaten with the fingers. sort of gives it an 'abundant' feel, as if I've got so much asparagus on my plate that I can just dig in and don't have to savour every last bite.

And does anyone else reverse the order they eat it in - eat the stalk first and save the soft and delicious tip for the last mouthful*?

oh well, just me then.

Fi

* have now rewritten this sentence three times and it still sounds vaguely smutty

[Carolyn Tillie]

There is this really cool old Victorian, silver gadget that gently clamps the asparagus with a small hook to go around the finger for delicate eating. These were used by the hideously wealthy only as EVERYONE ELSE USED THEIR FINGERS!

[rcarter]

I was subjected to a horrible etiquette class in while in high school. I don't know that I took much away from that experience. For what it's worth, we did learn to eat asparagus with our fingers - but only if served with a sauce on the side. Anything served with a sauce was to be eaten with a fork and knife.

Then again, I was taught to put an unpeeled banana on a plate, slit the top with a knife, and eat with a spoon.

[Anna N]

I eat with my fingers often (though not in classy restaurants) because it brings to mind my beloved Gran who allowed such things in her home saying that fingers were made long before forks and worked so much better!

[Bux]

There is this really cool old Victorian, silver gadget that gently clamps the asparagus with a small hook to go around the finger for delicate eating. These were used by the hideously wealthy only as EVERYONE ELSE USED THEIR FINGERS!

Well that clears up why my grandmother had a set of small silver plated gynecological instruments in her cabinet.

[Cusina]

I love asparagus. Seems to me we eat it with a knife and fork mostly, but then, in a moment of wild abandon, will pick it up just because we feel like we can, even if there are multiple tablecloths and dessert spoons in presence. Adds a little excitement! Whoopie!

fi - you cracked me up!

[Toliver]

There is this really cool old Victorian, silver gadget that gently clamps the asparagus with a small hook to go around the finger for delicate eating. These were used by the hideously wealthy only as EVERYONE ELSE USED THEIR FINGERS!

A related observation...

When I was in college, I had a friend who was from Iran. She said she'd never eaten a banana with her hands until she came to America. She said back in Iran her family was well-off so they would eat bananas with a knife and fork on a plate. She said in her social circle one would never eat a banana with their hands since that was what the lower classes did.

[Hest88]

Miss Manners says it's okay to eat with fingers, so you can turn to your friends and let them know you're actually the bigger etiquette snob than they are. ;)

[jackal10]

Fingers.

That is why a silver fingerbowl with warm water, and maybe a lemon slice or a few rose petals is brought to table. It is brought to table with your asparagus isn't it?

Btw it is not corrrect to drink from the fingerbowl despite the Queen Victoria story.

[sherribabee]

I've always eaten it with fork and knife, but next time I'm going to use my fingers (just to gauge the response from my fellow diners).

[Carolyn Tillie]

Well that clears up why my grandmother had a set of small silver plated gynecological instruments in her cabinet.

Did you inherit any of them?????

[hannahcooks]

Actually, Emily Post says asparagus is properly eaten with the fingers. So it's American etiquette as well- maybe not widely followed, but historically proper.

[Ling]

Miss Manners says it's okay to eat with fingers, so you can turn to your friends and let them know you're actually the bigger etiquette snob than they are. ;)

I remember reading that when I was very young. (I went through a phase when I was 10 or so when I LOVED reading etiquette books...dorky, I know.)

I eat asparagus with my fingers if they're just grilled and brushed lightly with oil (no sauce).

I just like eating with my fingers...seems a little more sensual, no?

[Busboy]

As for French fries. I think it's all dependent on the venue. I don't have a strict rule, but it would be dependent on the number or tablecloths under my plate and the color of the one on top.

The rule in our family is that french fries are to be eaten with a fork if the tablecloth is cloth. Anything else, and fingers are OK.

[bloviatrix]

Btw it is not corrrect to drink from the fingerbowl despite the Queen Victoria story.

I thought a host should drink from the fingerbowl only if a guest makes a faux pas and drinks from theirs. In that case it's to make them feel comfortable instead of having the other guests look at them like an utter boob.

Edited November 13, 2003 by bloviatrix (log)

[Adam Balic]

Eat asparagus with your fingers? Whaddya think they are French fries? Let's start with the proper disclaimer. I don't know nothin about etiquette, but I know what I like.

I've never eaten asparagus with my fingers in the US or France except when I'm cheating and eating stuff before it gets to the table or when it's served as a crudite with dips at stand up parties. Is it really proper to eat asparagus with one's hands in France? I've never seen anyone do that, but I haven't looked closely to see if others are doing that. Most of the time I get asparagus in France they are sauced or in a dish with a composite garnish. I've always been served a knife and fork with asparagus in France, so I assume that eating with one's fingers would either be optional or home bound etiquette. I don't recall having asparagus in a French home. I am not above picking up food with my fingers and eating it in reasonably fancy restaurants in France. Mrs. B. is an even greater advocate of eating with her fingers, but says she would use a knife and fork for asparagus. Perhaps we should get testimony in the France forum.

As for French fries. I think it's all dependent on the venue. I don't have a strict rule, but it would be dependent on the number or tablecloths under my plate and the color of the one on top.

And how do the French eat artichokes? I know somebody that taught dining etiquette at a girls school (UK). She gave them stuffed Breton artichokes and a dipping sauce, told them to tuck in and then waited for half an hour before telling them to use their hands for the scutes and knife and fork for the stuffing and heart. Asparagus in hand is OK as well.

I believe that eating whole asparagus with the hands derives from the small amount of titalation that can be gained from placing the phallic asparagus in ones mouth. Knife and fork spoil the effect.

In the USA do people swap their knife and fork around when eating asparagus?

[GG Mora]

I believe that eating whole asparagus with the hands derives from the small amount of titalation that can be gained from placing the phallic asparagus in ones mouth. Knife and fork spoil the effect.

Spoil the effect? Now there's an understatement.

Edited November 14, 2003 by GG Mora (log)

[Mabelline]

As soon as eating asparagus comes up, I am reminded of a story in a 1950s book I have- The World's Best Recipes, by Marvin Small. He tells of a very young girl, the daughter of a lady connected to the court, being invited to luncheon with Queen Victoria. Now it seems the little girl's governess had taught her that the only acceptable food to eat with her hands was bread, so anytime she did not do right, her governess' admonishment would be a shocked: "Oh, piggie, piggie." So this little girl was doing fine until she sees the Queen take some asparagus with her fingers. The little girl assumed her governess' resigned look and pointing her finger at Victoria said "Oh, piggie, piggie." According to this story, the Queen was "immensely amused" and laughed heartily.