Hello, my name is...

[SobaAddict70]

It may be standard practice for servers in some establishments to introduce themselves by name.

That doesn't mean I have to like it.

Personally, when I go out to eat, I'm there for the food, the service and the ambiance. I'm not there so I can be your next best buddy. There are "appropriate" (to borrow a page from cabrales) forms of server friendliness and this is not one of them. That doesn't mean I don't view them as people. It means I view them as representatives of the restaurant, and they should act appropriately.

I'm sure there are servers who would feel much the same way if patrons started getting all touchy-feely with them. (If I were a server,) do I really need to hear about your day at the office or the travails of your mother-in-law and her two year old kid? I know I would be.

What can I say, I'm weird like that.

Soba

Edited September 15, 2003 by SobaAddict70 (log)

[beans]

I totally get what Soba's saying.

I almost walked out and chose another restaurant when our server actually sat down alongside me and then dared to touch my shoulder after telling us her name. That is more interaction than I'd care to sign up for -- either as the guest or employee!! (We never went back either....)

That was a bit too friendly and invasive. Either that, or I just don't like being touched by strangers!

[MatthewB]

I just don't like being touched by strangers!

So you say.

[capnhank]

While I always introduce myself right back at them, my waitresses usually wind up just calling me "sweetie" or "hon" for the rest of the meal. Is this because they are taken aback at my initial introduction and forget my name instantly or is it because I only eat at Denny's?

On the same topic:

Many of my ex-girlfriends and roommates who worked in the food service profession used fake names on their badges (one in particular actually used "Fluffy", which I thought rather original). This was as a precaution against creepy stalkers lurking in dark parking lots after shifts who might initially disarm them by calling out their real names. Is this fairly common in the industry (the fake names, not the lurkers)? I always used a fake name when I did telemarketing, but that was for different reasons...

[beans]

On the same topic:

Many of my ex-girlfriends and roommates who worked in the food service profession used fake names on their badges (one in particular actually used "Fluffy", which I thought rather original). This was as a precaution against creepy stalkers lurking in dark parking lots after shifts who might initially disarm them by calling out their real names. Is this fairly common in the industry (the fake names, not the lurkers)? I always used a fake name when I did telemarketing, but that was for different reasons...

[while ignoring Matthew ]

Hi capnhank!

Welcome to eG!

Safety/privacy is one reason. That's cool. Fun is another. We had a "Bar Flower," "Christmas" -- for a gal that was named Mary Christine, a "Slayer," the "Terminator" and "Starr." That was near the end of a busy season and anything to be silly was good while working 16-18 hour days. Our crowds are happy go lucky boaters, so all is very relaxed and friendly. (But not the "Let me sit with you and chat while getting your order" friendly).

Oh, and fake names and the bartending -- with several shouting any bartender's name to grab attention: (We have huge crowds, especially when we have a free outdoor concert on the pool patio stage). Somehow you never get used to that and will glance at who is calling you with the default thought it is someone you know.

[Toliver]

It never really used to matter to me, but after dining out numerous times with my best friend, I've gotten so I like it. My friend always asks the waiter's/waitress' name, if it's not given (it usually is nowadays). Then throughout the dinner, he will make it a point to call the wait-person by name..."John, I'm can't decide between the smoked pork chop and the catfish. What do you think?" or when the wait-person comes back to ask how everything is "John, the pork chop is wonderful. That was a great recommendation."

Using the wait-person's name moves the dining experience from the impersonal to the personal. Channeling Martha, I think that's a "good thing".

This may be something that deserves a thread in itself, but I've also dined with friends who have waited tables themselves and they don't cut the server any slack at all. I never have so I am a little more forgiving when things go wrong.

[SobaAddict70]

That's just it though. Servers can be personable and friendly without crossing the line (my opinon) to inappropriateness. Servers at most places don't usually introduce themselves by name -- or at least the places I frequent they don't -- your experience may vary -- and yet for the most part, most manage to be warm, welcoming and friendly without having to introduce themselves by name.

I suppose it's the nature of the business. I can see why this is the norm for an airline flight (you're confined in a small enclosed space for anywhere from 45 minutes to 12+ hours, for hopefully an event-less flight, although the potential for an event to happen exists, so naturally the need to establish some sort of benchmark exists if you are a flight attendant.) In a restaurant setting, I'm going to be there for less than (in most cases) three or four hours, and chances are I won't be back for a period of time -- so hence I don't see the need to establish that level of personal contact.

But then again, that's just me.

Soba

[capnhank]

Beans, thanks for the warm welcome!

I used to work in the pizza parlor/pub at a university. During the end-of-semester festivities, we would serve pizza and beer in such volume that we would run out of dough and pitchers. During times like these, I would have loved to have had "Emblus Fingby" or "Tom Potts" on my nametag. There's nothing like a 20-deep line of drunk fratboys shouting your name.

[tommy]

do I really need to hear about your day at the office

but we have to hear about your days at the office.

[elyse]

Yeah, I've introduced everyone at the table.  For me, it shows the server how rediculous the introduction is.  I am not in favor of the introduction.

I don't think you are showing the server anything she doesn't already know. She is told to introduce herself by managers/corporate. She probably thinks it's as stupid as you do. She hates having to do it. And your practice of introducing everyone at the table is probably not an eye-opener or funny, or a sly wink you share with the server about how ridiculous the whole thing is, it's just plain annoying. And she still has to do it.

Well THAT'S telling me. What's your point?

[tommy]

Well THAT'S telling me.  What's your point?

probably that you might be coming across to the server as being difficult and/or making him/her seem like an ass.

[KateW]

I never even thought about the possibility of fake names. A lot of people in the kitchen at Ruby Tuesday went by nicknames, but I knew their real names...or what I thought was their real names...

I wonder if the waiters' names were fake. Hmm...I feel cheated somehow.

I personally think it's redundant when waiters say "Hi my name is ___ and I'll be your server tonight"...no way, I thought you were stopping by with an order pad for the fun of it.

But I do like it when they say their name. Not because I want to make a friend or get laid, but because it just makes me feel more comfortable.

[MatthewB]

But I do like it when they say their name.  Not because I want to make a friend or get laid, but because it just makes me feel more comfortable.

Get laid?

[fyfas]

Further to the discussion...

NPR program, THIS AMERICAN LIFE, last weekend had a segment where waitstaff was trying to figure out why for certain staff people tips were dropping as a percentage of the check. They conducted an experiment among themselves where every other party was treated "coolly" rather than warm, overly friendly. Across the board tips went UP when the guests were treated with severe deference; as if some guilt mechanism factored into the tipping process. Even a known, single regular who never tipped more than 15% suddenly went to 20%.

Just a curious point.

[SobaAddict70]

but we have to hear about your days at the office. 

My days at the office could not possibly be more entertaining than spending all day glued to eGlutton. Especially when it comes to pictures of the nether regions of four-footed animals.

Soba

Edited September 16, 2003 by SobaAddict70 (log)

[elyse]

Well THAT'S telling me.  What's your point?

probably that you might be coming across to the server as being difficult and/or making him/her seem like an ass.

So, why exactly is my comment or introduction more offensive than the other people here who have stated the same thing? Not that I really care....

Aside from that, waiters have sections, and all you have to do is ask for "my waiter" to any employee who passes by, and the one who made, or did not make an introduction will appear at your table. False niceties do not impress me, and I'd rather not have to deal with them.

[Suzanne F]

NPR program, THIS AMERICAN LIFE, last weekend had a segment where waitstaff was trying to figure out why for certain staff people tips were dropping as a percentage of the check.  They conducted an experiment among themselves where every other party was treated "coolly" rather than warm, overly friendly.  Across the board tips went UP when the guests were treated with severe deference; as if some guilt mechanism factored into the tipping process.  Even a known, single regular who never tipped more than 15% suddenly went to 20%.

Just a curious point.

I don't understand. Is "severe deference" cool or warm?

[tommy]

Well THAT'S telling me.  What's your point?

probably that you might be coming across to the server as being difficult and/or making him/her seem like an ass.

So, why exactly is my comment or introduction more offensive than the other people here who have stated the same thing? Not that I really care....

i dunno. i suppose because you suggested that you're trying to show the server how ridiculous it is.

empty gestures of warmness are better, in my book, than just about all of the alternatives.

[fyfas]

Sorry, Suzanne if I wasn't clear enough...

Oddly (to me at least), being "distant" to the guest, not at all personable; even making the regular wait longer than usual/customary yielded across-the-board increase in tips. Minimally 5%; some checks more.

Not at all what I would have expected

[elyse]

For the record, showing someone how rediculous something is is different from "being difficult and/or making him/her seem like an ass."

Empty gestures of any sort rile me.

[tommy]

For the record, showing someone how rediculous something is is different from "being difficult and/or making him/her seem like an ass."

are ya sure servers don't think you're being difficult?

there are a bunch of ways of doing this. one ends in the server laughing, and some others end with the server being annoyed. hopefully you're making them laugh.

Edited September 16, 2003 by tommy (log)

[tommy]

Empty gestures of any sort rile me.

so when a server or bartender or customer support person on the phone is nice to you, do you get riled?

[elyse]

Depends on if it's genuine.

[elyse]

For the record, showing someone how rediculous something is is different from "being difficult and/or making him/her seem like an ass."

are ya sure servers don't think you're being difficult?

there are a bunch of ways of doing this. one ends in the server laughing, and some others end with the server being annoyed. hopefully you're making them laugh.

Why do you assume that I do it in a way that will annoy the server? The only servers who think I am difficult are the ones who piss me off enough to leave. And I don't give a fuck what they think.

[tommy]

Why do you assume that I do it in a way that will annoy the server?  The only servers who think I am difficult are the ones who piss me off enough to leave.  And I don't give a fuck what they think.

i haven't assumed anything. in fact, i just said that there are many ways of doing it. the only thing i assumed was that scrumdiddly assumed that the tactic you outlined might be upsetting servers, and i attempted to explain that as you asked "what's your point?"