Help - relationship advice

[KateW]

I wasn't totally kidding when I said aversion therapy. I don't mean anything cruel, like making her sick from it or anything. Although if she were gonna get tired of it, she probably would have by now.

Maybe you could switch her to low fat cheese so it at least isn't such a health issue. As for the mayo...have her make her own mayo every time she wants it...or switch to a healthier mayo...

I don't know if going to a doctor would help, because she probably already realizes that cheese and mayo aren't the best things for her. I think the idea of making good food for her, sans cheese and mayo, might work. Maybe she grew up eating awful food that she had to smother in order to get it down.

[MatthewB]

I don't know if going to a doctor would help, because she probably already realizes that cheese and mayo aren't the best things for her.

But if one has health problems--as Crinoidgirl noted she believes her GF has--wouldn't it make sense to see a good doctor, have a physical & a health baseline?

I guess it would be interesting to hear from Crinoidgirl as to what issues she is truly seeking advice on. Is it, "How can I get my GF to eat the food that I like or the food that I think she should eat?" Or is, "How might my GF become healthier?"

Crinoidgirl's post, IMHO, is more of a riddle that invites projections from subsequent posters rather than allowing for accurate--perhaps--advice.

[KateW]

Good point, going to the doctor would be good for at least finding out if she has health problems, but probably wouldn't be good for getting her off the habit. We need to find out the real issues here, as you said.

[tjaehnigen]

I used to have this friend who ate, um, mayonnaise sandwiches. You got it, two slices of Wonder bread and at least two or three tablespoonsful of mayo sslapped together and munched on down.

Eeek!

[tryska]

You could try some weird aversion therapy where you make her so sick of cheese and mayo she will never eat it again 

gallbladder disease would work.

[Callipygos]

Erm....

I realize you're concerned, but this may be something to just drop, actually.

Not belittling your concern in the least. But, she's an adult. I imagine you'e expressed the thought that "look, I'm only saying this because I know this could be affecting your health, and I just want ya around, is all," but ultimately, she has final say. Assuming she really has considered that and all other factors in influencing her eating habits, she's drawn the conclusion she deems best for her, and that's her bag.

I approach this from the perspective of someone whose SO also indulges in a habit with questionable effects on his health, too -- he smokes. He knows I wish he didn't -- but because I wish NO one did, because it is unhealthy. But he's also a functional adult, and for whatever reason he has made his choice, and there it is. He knows that should he choose to give it up, I'm behind him 110%, but until then, I'm not going to try to nag him to do something before he's ready to do it. That's the quickest way to make someone get defensive.

Also, I ain't his mom.

[Foam Pants]

Do you think she would be open to a really serious " I am very concerned about you" sort of talk or would she get defensive? I agree that she is an adult and there isn't much you can do but voice your concerns.

What sort of items does she eat smothered in mayo and cheese? Are they bad things or are they good things? Find the good points in her diet and start there.

[jschyun]

I am in a similar situation. I have a boyfriend who would only eat the following if left to forage for himself: pasta roni, prime rib, steak burritos, chinese takeout, Mountain Dew.

However, I was successfully able to start getting him to eat healthier. How? First, he already acknowledged that he was fat and out of shape. I convinced him through some logical argumentation, in terms he could understand, that he was going to die faster and feel crappier if he keeps it up. He said he didn't care because he would rather die fast and eat well than eat rabbit food and have a long life. I told him that it's quite possible he would have a stroke and then he would live another 10 years in a wheelchair, etc so he won't necessarily die fast. Frankly he was on the fast track to the autopsy table.

Also, I lead by good example. Unless it's a special occasion or we're on a trip, I eat a fairly strict vegetarian diet. So basically right now he eats fiber cereal and milk for breakfast, a lunch like chicken breast with broccoli in a chinese restaurant, and he puts some packed cucumber and celery sticks with peanut butter in a little lunchbox for a dinner snack. I often ask him what he had for lunch and tell him what I had for lunch, just as part of the conversation. Also, I had him try a little nibble of my veggie burgers and salads and whatever looked particularly appetizing, and we learned that he actually liked some of it.

I think the key is to let your girlfriend know how important it is to you that she eat healthier and that you care about her health and such. Also, it helps if she hears it from more than one person. I talked to my boyfriend's mom and she agreed and started nagging him to eat healthier too. That may not work for everyone though.

Also, if she has existing health problems due to her diet/weight I would respectfully bring them up. She may already realize she has a problem but doesn't want to admit it. When I first brought it up to my boyfriend he got a pained look on his face and cried, "You're trying to change me!" But I continued to show him how many of his health problems like obesity, hemorrhoids, sleepiness were due to his eating habits. I was polite but persistent. Plus since I never have these problems and I normally eat very healthy, he started to realize I might be on to something.

This has all been worth it to me because my boyfriend is one of the best, sweetest people I have ever met and I don't want to see him go downhill healthwise because he didn't take care of himself. It's still a work in progress, because sometimes he slips. But he has lost 10 pounds and kept it off. It also helps that he bought a nice bike and started riding it.

If your girlfriend is important to you, I think you should let her know how you feel and why. If she cares for you, she will (eventually) understand how concerned you are and not that you're anxious to be her diet police.

Hopefully this has been of some help to you.

--I should note that maybe she thinks that healthy foods taste bad, as mentioned previously in this thread. There are all sorts of alternatives. Lowfat mayonnaise, feta cheese instead of brie, a little extra tomato and lettuce in that sandwich. Veggie corn dogs are pretty good. Does she eat fruit? Find out what she likes and get it.

Frankly, this is a post to help someone that you really love and plan on being with the rest of your life. If the relationship is not solid, it's not worth the trouble. I wouldn't bother showing my boyfriend how eating healthier would make him happier, more energized, if I didn't love him dearly.

Edited August 12, 2003 by jschyun (log)