If you need it done right...

[GTO]

As awesome as she is (Great cook), I was just in the kitchen with my Housemate, who offered to pour the water into my cup at the same time as hers; "Yeah, thanks."

"How can you get that wrong?" I thought. She filled it about 3/4 the way up, leaving a void of...well 1/4!

I just waited until she'd gone, and filled it the rest of the way.

What little things do you have to do yourself, because other people "get it wrong"?

[Lilija]

I'm a little bit nutty over kitchen control, so whenever there's kitchen-stuff happening in my house, I'm all up in it, till the victim turns the reins over to me. Not on purpose, I swear I'm not neurotic. It's just the way it is, around here. I can't tell you how many times Housemate, husband, or son went "I'll make you a sandwich, you relax" and would spend about a half hour puttering around, pulling out random stuff, making a mess, till I hopped up and took over, producing two sandwiches, a side, and a beverage.

So, in short, no matter how much I try to relax, I inevitably wind up doing everything myself.

Some things I wouldn't even LET someone do...hmmm. Buttering my toast. I'm real particular. Anything with a spread, I like just enough, and no more. Not too stingy, not too thick. Same with ice in a glass. I like a lot, like right up to the top, bar-style. No one ever gets it right.

Edited October 15, 2007 by Lilija (log)

[FabulousFoodBabe]

I'm a little bit nutty over kitchen control, so whenever there's kitchen-stuff happening in my house, I'm all up in it, till the victim turns the reins over to me. 

..snip..

←

OMG, Lilja. The first time I saw Mr. FB attempt to make his own mojito, my head nearly exploded.

I also can't stand to watch anyone use a knife. Anyone. MIL consistently grabs my best one and, index finger carefully guiding it, uses it to cut a sandwich ON THE COUNTERTOP.

I am not going to make it through Thanksgiving this year.

[GTO]

I agree on the knives thing. When I was at home, my Mum would use my "good knife" then scrape things around with it!

On top of that, she'd then wash it and put it IN THE CUTLERY DRAWER!

(It stays out, away from things that may impede on it's awesomeness.)

[SundaySous]

Knives? I've decided to cut the next person that disrespects my knives. LOL word has gotten around too.

I think there may be a genetic pre disposition to overcooking hot dogs in my family.

[NimaCooks]

I think there may be a genetic pre disposition to overcooking hot dogs in my family.

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...better hot dogs than steaks. I don't know why my family doesn't consider a steak to be cooked until it is charred on the outside and rubbery on the inside!!!

[feedmec00kies]

Spreading anything on anything else. No one knows how to do it "right". And no one spreads butter/pb/jam/et al. right to all the edges, and evenly.

Don't get me started on tomato sauce on pizza.

Then again, I've also fixed thicknesses on things while cooking with friends, or fought the temptation to say "nevermind, I'll cut it myself..."

[annecros]

Eh - I torture my husband until he relents. I don't know who wins. Me because I am getting my way, or him because I am serving him TV side?

I guess it depends upon perspective.

He still gooses me when I am trying to cook. Drives me mad.

[Kent D]

Umm...I have a kitchen control problem. When offered help I reluctantly accept it, and then end up doing everything because "YOU'RE DOING IT THE WRONG WAY!"...which is kind of bad when it's one of my daughters offering to help. I know...I'm trying to get better about it. I'm learning to step back, let them screw up, and then explain how to do it better next time. As long as they don't chop off a finger or burn themselves, we'll be fine.

Oh, and under no circumstances is anyone to approach my grill.

[Chris Hennes]

My wife can't slice bread. I don't understand the difficulty, but she always ends up crushing the loaf. For a while I tried to show her how, but obviously I'm a crummy teacher... now she just hands me the knife.

[Knicke]

Um...everything?

It's a problem.

I've done this to several housemates, including the current one. It's weird because I'm not really a perfectionist at all when I'm the one cooking. As soon as someone else gets into the kitchen, though...I just can't stay out of it. I have...ADVICE to give. It's not in my nature to be completely controlling (I do believe in the free will to make mistakes), but I make suggestions. Tons of compulsive suggestions. "If I were cutting that, I'd..."; "You MIGHT want to turn down the heat, because..."; etc.

And when they're not looking, I'll fiddle with the flame level or crack the pot lid or just generally MEDDLE.

I really do mean well, you know - there are tons of little tricks and tips that I've learned through experience, and most of the victims have told me (grudgingly) later that yep, it was helpful. And in my defense, all of them have been less kitchen savvy than me. Still, maddening. My former roommate (and still excellent friend, thank god) banned me from cooking in the kitchen with her for several months until I got myself under control.

Now, well...I know my limits. If someone else is cooking, at most I'll just take a peek under the lid, close it and leave the kitchen. Otherwise I absolutely cannot keep my mouth shut.

[Mikeb19]

Oh boy. Well, all of my experiences are in restaurants, I don't know where to begin. I'll just share a few stories:

- Culinary school graduate who couldn't make a mayonnaise - she broke her mayonnaise 4 times before asking me to help her.... (after that I had to watch her make absolutely everything, originally I assumed she would at least know basic preparations...)

- Same girl making brioche - couldn't figure out how to combine the butter into the flour, had to show her how, after I had already told her and she didn't listen (our method of making brioche is a little different than the classic method, in my experience it works better - you combine the flour and butter first until crumbly, then add your yeast and crumble it in, then your liquids including salt, then mix into a dough)

- Guy with culinary school training and 5 years experience (including overseas) who couldn't make a simple ganache - thankfully I caught it early and showed him how (he had no idea chocolate was an emulsion...)

- Same guy was trying to make a foam for a special menu item - of course he had no idea how to so I had to tell him and walk him through the steps (he wanted an orange-butter foam so I had to explain to him he needed a stabiliser to strengthen the emulsion since he wanted to refrigerate it, before putting it in the iSi...)

- Culinary school grad with 1 year experience - when asked to juice oranges he put whole oranges (rind, pith and all) into a juicer - none of us were very impressed

- Cooks making macarons - I understand this French pastry is pretty technical, but if you follow the steps closely it shouldn't be a problem - in the end I always ended up making them...

[FabulousFoodBabe]

Anyone else remember "The Anal-Retentive Chef" show on the old SNL? Oh, how I miss Phil Hartman.

I can't stand to watch my FIL load a dishwasher. Drives me insane. Granted, the man is 75 now and only started "helping with the womens' work" a couple of years ago, but for god's sake, man!

Mr. Foodbabe can't slice bread either, Chris Hennes. What's worse is him taking a serrated knife that needs one pass through a tomato, and sawing at it. AiyEEE!

[wattacetti]

What's worse is him taking a serrated knife that needs one pass through a tomato, and sawing at it.  AiyEEE!

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Why does this sound like the "before" shot from a Chef Tony Miracle Blade infomercial?

[Gifted Gourmet]

Anyone else remember "The Anal-Retentive Chef" show on the old SNL?  Oh, how I miss Phil Hartman.

←

SNL The Anal Retentive Chef

And how do we throw things out? Okay. We take our paper towel, two pieces, unbroken, lat it out neatly, dump the refuse inside, arranged neatly.. [ assembles the garbage ] ..let's take these little nasties we separated earlier, put that back.. fold over carefully, making sure the corners are square.. and.. we take a piece of aluminum foil, and we place our refuse onto the foil, and fold over very carefully - this way, it won't leak onto the other garbage. Aluminum foil is such a miracle product! It's really an extraordinary product. Alright, and then we take a brown, paper sandwich bag.. [ opens bag ] ..place the refuse inside.. [ drops it in ] ..and.. oh no, this bag is torn.. [ looks around ] Well.. no, that's alright. We'll just fold over, and no will see. We'll fold it over twice to be careful.. then we get our tape. [ grabs tape, which is naturally covered in a cozy ] And, we tape it shut - be very careful to center the tape on the bag.

That could be me!

[MarketStEl]

Glad to see I'm not as weird as I thought in my kitchen control freakery!

Roomie has said he stopped loading the dishwasher after I admonished him about placing the dishes with their eating surfaces facing away from the spray arm.

With a very, very few exceptions, I'm a helicopter cook if someone else is working in my kitchen. I have been known to let others help when I'm in charge, though.

I've surrendered my kitchen completely to others on two memorable occasions. One was the birthday dinner chronicled in my second foodblog. The earlier time was an evening when roomie suggested that he and my partner cook for me and his then-partner. My partner came thisclose to tossing out the Hamburger Helper they decided to fix when he didn't get the instructions he hadn't read. We who usually cooked got laughs out of that for weeks.

[jumanggy]

Nobody else at home dares to touch my pastry armament, so that avoids a host of problems

I've already taught my family to cook pasta correctly (and to my preferred doneness, this brat), so that's one problem solved.

One thing I wish they could really, really manage without me is to carve meat. When they tuck their quasimodo son away from the guests, I return after the party to find that the carving was done with the worst possible knife, with impossible thicknesses, and with only enough care to produce furry clumps of meat. Ew. And I always practice a few slices with them before the party!

[GTO]

Quite the opposite in my house, Mark.

My Dad being a Fishmonger can and does, slice a roast into leaf-thin slices - Cheers, Dad, that should only take a few hours to eat then.

I can imagine you peering through the window from the garden at night, eyeing the guests in a Hunchback sorta way.

[Tangelo]

The cardinal rule in our family has become: Thou shalt not put foodie daughter-in-law (me!) in same kitchen with Italian mother-in-law and all of those sharp knives. Someone really could get hurt. I have to bodily remove myself from my own kitchen when she visits or I can't eat the meal. She leaves the milk and butter out with the lid off the whole time she is cooking which makes me nearly giddy with sanitation issues. She chops veg with my steak knives. She has one knife technique: dice. Nothing is minced. All meats are par-cooked in unheated and overcrowded pans, nothing is ever seared. I gotta stop there. I'm getting the shakes just thinking about it.

[Teri Everitt]

Every time my mom visits me she insists on washing the dishes. For days after she leaves I end up looking all over for things that have ended up in the wrong place, and removing chipped glassware and plates from the cupboards.

[Bree20]

After so many years of holding my tongue I decided I am now of the age to not really caring (hence on you have had a baby you pretty much rule- ) .

I declared the kitchen to be mine and mine alone! DO I go into the workshop and mess around with my husbands saw blade or his tools NO - the same should apply for my kitchen.

Here are a few non-nos in my house no one is to touch my knives or any of my pots or pans. (I have bought cheapies for hubby and son to use). I refuse to exlain once more the why several spoons and whisk should not be use on certain pans as I am also not going to tell them for the 11 million time why we use a cutting board.

I also have given up explaining that everything does not require the stove top knobs to be set on high when they decide to cook sompething (yes this means from soup to frying an egg).

All of my toys (blender, food processor, spice grinder) are off limits - and when my mom visits she knows not to touch anything unless she ask first - granted the same rule applies at her house. (hey maybe that is where I get it)

I often wonder though is this a ruse so I will do everything??? Just a thought.