The MRE

[Mayhaw Man]

This website is dedicated to the discussion of all facets of food and drink, and one of these facets has recently blown into my life thanks to a really big, really destructive hurricane. Now, just to clear things up, I have been dealing with these things all of my life. One of the earliest clear memories that I have is off the events that surrounded my family and the humorously bad selection of Mobile, AL as an evacuation destination just before Hurricane Camille. In retrospect, this was not one of the better decisions that we ever made. On the other hand, I learned that hurricanes aren’t much fun, though there is, and it’s kind of hard to explain, something really amazing about seeing one of those things breaking stuff. This amazement is not enough to keep me around. If it looks bad, I go- now that I have children. Previous to that, I stayed no matter what, just because I was a moron who liked to watch the things. No more a moron am I. I left for Katrina just ahead of the storm.

I returned a few days after the storm with my brother (this was not legal at that point, but I am nothing if not a scofflaw redneck and a few downed trees and hot wires are not nearly enough to keep me away from my friends when they need some help) the little town that I have spent the last 15 years of my life in had been changed forever dramatically. Totally. Completely. Enough of that. Read the Hurricane Katrina thread for more details and depressing photos. I am here to talk about a stunning discovery that I have made as a result of this horrific event.

I have discovered that MREs (the abbreviation comes from it’s full military nomenclature, “Meals, Ready to Eat") are better than TV dinners and sadly, probably better than most school lunches or meals in the average Midwestern truckstop. Really. They’re not that bad. And besides that, from a technological standpoint, they are absolutely amazing.

For those of you that have had your head in a bucket for the last several years, and have blissfully missed all of the war news from Afghanistan and the Middle East, you might not know that the American armed forces and the Allied Forces (the few that we seem to have, anyway) eat these things pretty regularly. You can tell that they are not all for Americans as there is a pretty diverse variety of stuff in those sealed plastic bags, including Kosher meals, and vegetarian meals. Aside from the specialty stuff, there are a fairly large number of entrees (I think that there are 12 available at any time, but I'm not too sure on the menu).

The main meal, which generally is something with meat and a starch to go with it -ie:Thai Chicken with Sauce and Rice Pilaf-BBQ meat pattie with macaroni and cheese, a cracker of some sort and something to go on it (cheese, peanut butter, etc.), a dessert or snack like thing (fruit mix, mixed nuts and dried fruit), a hot drink with caffeine and some condiments to compliment it, sugar (Domino from New Orleans or New York), salt and instead of pepper every single MRE in the history of the world has a little tiny single serving of Tabasco!. This proves to me, once again, that Louisiana is the culinary center of North America and that the Federal Government, in all it’s wisdom, has recognized this by putting Mr. McIlhenny’s secret recipe in every brown MRE package. There is also a very high quality plastic spoon (biodegradable no less, so that you don't leave litter behind after you blow stuff up), a pack of matches, a napkin, a wet wipe, and a couple of chiclets, so that after you dine you won’t have any of that pesky gingivitis to offend your fellow combatants or disaster survivors. Those government guys think of everything. You can’t put anything by them. Trained professionals everyone. The MRE guys should go to work for FEMA, things would be fixed in no time.

Now for the MRE porn.

It's a shame that I can't scan the side of the package, as I want a tshirt with the smiling military guys chowing down on their MREs. It's a really great image.

Here is the attractive brown packaging. Brown is in this year, so they are right on point, as usual.

This is how they come packed. There are twelve of these bags in a case. This means that all you need to do is heave a few of these over the side of a deuce and a quarter and, assuming that the recipients have some water to get them going (this is, believe me, an assumption that has lately been something that is not a guarantee), everybody will be eating soon. And not only will they be eating, but they will generally all have some choice in what they are eating. Now, this means that after a while, everyone will develop favorites and this is something that those fast thinking government guys anticipated. The way that they avoid the recipients of these fine meals tearing into them looking for the highly desired BROWNIE, CHOCOLATE, the COOKIE, MACADAMIA, or the NUTS, MIXED WITH FRUIT, is to simply list the main entrée on the package and to randomly stuff the bags with everything else. Tricky, yet effective. This was all explained to me by a guy in the PA National Guard who is manning the line handing out the cases of MREs and ice -which incidentally, is worth a mention-we have been getting ice here from as far away as Upstate New York (Glacier Brand Ice, excellent, kind of like crushed cubes), Michigan, Oregon, and Wisconsin-seems like a long way to send water, but we sure are grateful. As I have explained many times before both on eGullet and elsewhere, ice is the greatest modern invention-now many of you in colder climes might not think of ice as an invention-but those of us in tropical regions know damn good and well that it is an important development in the history of man. Without ice there would be no cold beer, no iced tea, and no ice cream, just to name a few things. This NG guy had already done a hitch in Afghanistan, another in Iraq, and then a ten day stint in New Orleans just after the storm. Guess what he said the worst of the three was? I love those guys. No more snide remarks about weekend warriors. I take it all back. Sorry guys. Here’s to you.

All of this MRE silliness has been brought on by the fact that as I type this, I still don’t have power, gas, or much else. Hopefully soon though. There has been an army of Georgia Power and Light guys here today and they should be pulling the switch soon. It’s been a long time, and it sure will be a pleasure. I like camping and everything, but not in South Louisiana in the summer time. It’s hot as hell here and the bugs are awful. I could use a little central air. We have no hope of lanline telephone until AFTER THANKSGIVING, and that’s the rosy scenario, and cable, well put it this way-the direct tv guy will hopefully be here even before I get power-bringing me many channels and internet access-something I am currently driving a very long way and sitting in a Holiday Inn to get (though the HI folks have been great and don’t mind all of these geeks and business guys (I’m both) sitting around with laptops, cellphones, headsets, and what not). So not only is it a pain in the ass to cook a decent meal (though I can go out to eat, but it’s almost not worth it because of traffic and the fact that the places that are open are packed because there is a curfew and their serving window is pretty small-so everybody shows up at once. On top of that, this evacuation crap is really expensive and there just isn’t much lying around to eat every meal out. So, the MRE has become the easy meal of choice for my boys and I will admit that I am kind of fascinated by them, from a couple of angles-though I would get very tired of them, very fast, if I was sitting in an unairconditioned military vehicle in Bumfuch, Sandland eating them for the 200th meal in a row. But as an easy and low budget (Thanks American taxpayers!) meal solution, they aren’t half bad.

So, once the hungry diner has made his selection, it’s time to prepare tonight’s repast. First, you will need two things to make this go well, and three is you really want to be a stylish MRE pro-you will need a pair of sharp scissors or a REALLY sharp knife, some water (only about two tablespoons to activate the heating device), and for the most well equipped diner, a multi tool such as the Gerber that you will see pictured here. These things get really hot in their little heating sleeve and that pair of needle nose pliers is a great way to keep from burning your trigger finger or to save fingers scarred from days of swimming in disgusting water and clinging to roofing shingles. I never evacuate without them (Gerber should contact my agent for any promotional inquiries).

So, here is the drill, as written by me-I will give you the short version of what’s on the side of the package, and tell you the right way to do it, as we (my boys and I) believe that the technical writers who wrote the heating instructions might work for FEMA instead of the military, as the directions are clearly wrong, yet they keep printing millions of packages a day.

This is the entire contents of a delicious meal of Thai Chicken with Yellow Rice Pilaf. Nice, huh? Mouth watering yet? Just wait! It gets better!

This is the little vacuum packed set of condiments and stuff, including Tabasco!

This is the contents of the package.

You'll need some water. We have been using Houston's Finest lately. I guess that they just ordered up a shitload of can stock and ran water. Or maybe they keep it on hand. Either way, it's welcome and kind of a stylie hit at parties, where most people just have the usual brands.

Here are some delicious crackers, some peanut mix, and my fabulous Gerber Tool

What you do is this. You open up the top of the bag, and dump everything out. The first thing you do is check to see what the extras are. Did you get a brownie? Score! Next you separate everything out, get your mise en place all set to go, so to speak.

You’ll want to lay everything out so that you can kind of get a visual of just what a fine and complex assortment of nutritional treats that you have in store. Some people (these are the same ones that bite Jolly Ranchers, Tootsie Pops, and bite ice cream cones-you know the kind-impatient, want it all now types) will go straight for the desserts and sweets before they heat up their entrée.

Once everything is organized, you’ll need the green bag which contains secret heating crystals designed by GOVERNMENT SCIENTISTS to heat your food to piping hot in just moments, with only the addition of a bit of water. Take the entrée (you have to heat two, so take the one that is largest first. There is some organization involved that might be difficult for someone getting shot at or drowning, but for the average diner, it just takes a bit of practice and pretty soon they are eating high on the hog.

OK, So I know you are going to hate this, but you will have to wait until the morning to read the end of this exciting post and see what I managed to do with the finished product (I plated the whole thing, it was kind of fun-as you can see, there is limited fun here).

So tune in, same time, same url, for more exciting adventures from "The Hamaker Family! We'll eat just about anything"

[zilla369]

Heh. I so cannot wait for the plating *rubs hands together*

And, what a cute little bottle of Tabasco!

What is the dessert if you're not lucky enough to score a brownie?

[mizducky]

A friend of mine who'd been in the service told me that, even though the MREs are pretty decent for what they are, they've also become known by the "alternate" name Meals Rejected by Ethiopia.

[Carrot Top]

I've always wondered about two things to do with those MRE's.

The first is, what are the portion sizes?

The second is, how would someone "out in the field" (i.e. without a table to lay it all out on to organize it) manage to put it together. . .is it a hassle?

The inclusion of Tabasco in every MRE is as it should be. I have no questions about that.

And that is one reason why New Orleans will be back and kickin' soon. For who could live without Tabasco, I ask?

Sh**load of work to do, though. But it's cheaper than joining the Health and Fitness Club for getting in shape, I guess. Or at least that is something to sort of think of as you haul trees away and hope the insurance people will be nice.

Good thoughts to you and yours.

Edited September 21, 2005 by Carrot Top (log)

[Daddy-A]

My son spent 3 weeks this summer at Air Cadet camp. The MRE's, according to him, were better than the crap being served at the mess. I had to laugh when I saw this:

After washing 3 weeks worth of clothes, there were 1/2 a dozen of these in the bottom of the washing machine!

A.

[FistFullaRoux]

Little gutbombs there, but the couple I've tried aren't bad. From all accounts they beat the hell out of the old C rations.

I also know a little trick with the warmers and another easily found object that will very quickly get the attention of the local constabulary... Voice of experience here, thanks to a friend who recently returned from Afghanistan and his welcome home celebration. He saved several of the warmer packs just for the occasion. Great party trick.

Can't wait to see what you've done with the plating...

[Jason Perlow]

So Brooks, is there any potential for an all-MRE degustation menu, or perhaps some innovative plating techniques and a new MRE fusion cuisine, a-la Sandra Lee Semi Home Made?

[snowangel]

Growing up in Thailand in the 60's and early 70's, I well remember scuba diving trips to the Andaman Ocean and someone would ways bring a whole mess of C-Rations. As I recall, the C-Rations were unmarked, as well, and not much was good. Except they came with a small package of cigarettes.

[SuzySushi]

We came by a handful of MREs a few years ago by way of a friend in the military. We kept them in the house for a couple of years as hurricane rations (which thankfully we didn't need to use), then took them with us on a trip abroad -- where they came in handy when my husband developed pneumonia and we were stuck staying in our hotel.

I don't remember exactly which ones we ate, but they were not bad. Better than the average TV dinner or airplane food. I recall a dried pear roll in one MRE that was so good, so intensely pear flavored, that we wondered why it hasn't been marketed commerically.

Tabasco sauce, BTW, has been a standard part of military rations since the Vietnam war.

[Chris Amirault]

I've never seen an MRE, but I'm utterly transfixed. Can anyone explain the miraculous (to me, anyway) appearance of the Tabasco sauce throughout the decades? It gives me a twinge of happiness to think of someone displaced from NOLA opening one of these for the first time and finding that heartwarming (and, possibly, heartburning) lil' bottle.

[SuzySushi]

Here's a link to some army facts regarding MREs, and the inclusion of Tabasco sauce. I'll see if I can dig up a "why."

Edited to add another link, to an article originally from The Washington Post about trading and creative cooking with MREs.

On another link, I also read that some soldiers use the Tabasco bottles as improvised chess pieces, and others put drops of the sauce in their eyes (!!!) to help stay awake on long watches.

Edited September 21, 2005 by SuzySushi (log)

[torakris]

As a US Army trained Food Inspection Specialist (had to pay for college somehow... ) I have eaten a very large number of MRE'S. One of my jobs was to periodically go through the storage areas and randomly sample them to make sure they were ok. I guess if I died they would know the batch was bad....

I definitely had my favorites, especially some of the deserts, and they were probably better than any meal I have ever eaten on an airplane.

Brooks, I can't wait to hear more.

[KatieLoeb]

Brooks you continue to amaze/amuse me with your Never Say Die attitude (that's AT-ee-tood if you're from Philly) and ability to find humor in any situation.

I remember my older cousin Robert having some C-rations around from his stint in the Army when I was just a kid. He brought them over and I was fascinated. Until I tasted it, anyway... Even then I knew it was pretty bare bones sustinance. The MREs look a whole lot better. And what couldn't be improved with a wee bit of Tabasco from a wee bottle?

[*Deborah*]

Go, Brooks! you're the best.

[DTBarton]

Great post Mayhaw! Glad to see you're maintaining your sense of humor in the face of all that trouble. Best to you and yours, you all have been in our thoughts and prayers.

Can't wait to see the presentation. Maybe you could organize an Iron Chef type competition to see whose MRE cuisine reigns supreme! Not that you have anything else to do.

[raxelita]

My beau was embedded in Iraq for a few months last year (he's a journalist). He reports that a thai chicken MRE laid him out for two days. Apparently it was quite old-- but after a diet of cigarettes and candy for a week, he was willing to take the risk. And he paid, dearly.

edited to add: not that I'm trying to say MRE poisining is common...I'm sure the're well regulated and as safe as most foods we eat every day. I believe the date on the package was 1995, so he was taking his life into his own hands.

Edited September 21, 2005 by raxelita (log)

[redglass]

I was told that they include Tabasco b/c if a Soldier thinks it tastes bad, at least they can add some hot sauce to make it more palatable. The object with all the little condiment packages is to make sure the MRE gets eaten, not just the brownie!

Another fun fact: a MRE will set you back about 3,000 calories! That rice, etc is not normal rice- it's calorie packed super rice designed to fuel fightin' machines!

If anyone really wants to get technical, the Natick Soldier Systems Center are the "Government Scientists" who bring you the taste sensations known as MREs. Making sure that these suckers are tasty is their JOB, and they take it very seriously! They are doing some really amazing stuff up there.

Mayhaw, thanks for your post- eagerly awaiting the next installment!

[MGLloyd]

Somewhere on my bookshelves is a MRE cookbook, containing a number of tasty recipes that you can make with the contents of various MREs, and if necessary, heating them on the engine block of a handy vehicle. Another useful tip is the sealed entree packet fits down the exhaust stack of a HEMTT, a large military truck. After letting the engine idle for a few minutes, you stomp on the gas pedal. The surge of engine power creates a corresponding exhaust surge that blows the entree packet out of the exhaust stack, nicely heated.

But here is the most useful tip: use the small scissors on your Gerber to open the entree packet down the long side. This provides a shallower and wider opening from which to eat, therefore reducing the mess as you try to scoop the contents with the spoon.

[Mayhaw Man]

My beau was embedded in Iraq for a few months last year (he's a journalist). He reports that a thai chicken MRE laid him out for two days.  Apparently it was quite old-- but after a diet of cigarettes and candy for a week, he was willing to take the risk.  And he paid, dearly.

edited to add: not that I'm trying to say MRE poisining is common...I'm sure the're well regulated and as safe as most foods we eat every day.  I believe the date on the package was 1995, so he was taking his life into his own hands.

←

Thai Chicken is our favorite, along with the meaty, delicious ravioli. MMMMM. Tasty.

Actually, if you look at that Wikipedia thing that I attached to the above post, it gives alot of interesting facts. The things are (average) about 1200 calories. Generally, as Kristin said above, they are better than most of coach class meals that I have endured while amassing 750,000 miles in air travel over the last 10 years.

I am working on the second half of the post (the photos take a while). Give me a minute. Sitting in the lobby of the Holiday Inn is not exactly optimum posting world.

[Darcie B]

Great post; looking forward to the finished product.

We have a few friends in the military and since my husband collects military paraphernalia, we have received quite a few MRE's from said friends. The ones we opened and ate weren't bad; I especially liked the Cherry Nut Cake. Is that still one of the desserts?

One more question: How long are they supposed to last?

EDIT: nevermind, clicked on the link you provided and answered my own questions.

The packaging is required to maintain a minimum shelf life of three years at 80 °F (27 °C) or six months at 100 °F (38 °C); additionally, short-term temperature extremes of −60 °F (−51 °C) to 120 °F (49 °C) must be sustainable.

I was hoping they would last longer...we better save the ones we have as collectibles and not try to eat any more of them...I think they date to the first Gulf War.

Edited September 21, 2005 by Darcie B (log)

[Anna N]

Thanks, Brooks. I was always very curious to actually see an MRE (might not want to taste one, mind you.)

[ludja]

Is it possible to buy these anywhere?

We just a state day (yesterday) reminding Californians to plan for emergenices with kits, water, food for pets, etc in the case of an earthquake. These might be a an easy way to have some food set aside for an emergency kit. Recommendations around here are to have food and water supplies for 4-5 days.

[jsolomon]

I've always wondered about two things to do with those MRE's.

The second is, how would someone "out in the field" (i.e. without a table to lay it all out on to organize it) manage to put it together. . .is it a hassle?

The inclusion of Tabasco in every MRE is as it should be. I have no questions about that.

←

Sadly, Tabasco is not included in every MRE. There are a couple out there (the hamburger, for instance) which could really be improved with some Tabasco.

How someone "out in the field" or "down-range" would manage to put it together is a very complex task called rat-f**king. Rat being short for rations. None of the individual items is so large that it cannot fit in the cargo pocket of BDU's. In fact, you can keep two MRE's in a pair of BDU pants, one in each cargo pocket.

As for putting it together, when out in the field, you usually eat in a catch-as-catch-can manner.

The normal manner is as such:

1: Get the MRE issued

2: Open and inspect contents

3: Trade with unsuspecting REMFs and POGEs for the items you want/like and to get rid of the items you don't.

4: Place MRE items in rucksack, pockets, camelback, etc (if on foot)

5: When you have a few minutes where you're not required to do something, eat an item from the MRE.

6: Work

7: Repeat 5 and 6 until MRE is eaten or mission is done.

As for what items you actually get in your MRE, each main entree has a specific group of sides that go with it. It's not random. And, in the last 10 years, there have been several changes to the MRE menus, as well as an increase in the number of menus.

The main thing is, when you're hungry, they are good. You can also tell the people who've been working because they don't care if parts fall in the dirt. They'll pick 'em up and eat 'em anyway.

And, each one is only intended as a replacement for one meal for a hard-working soldier. 800-1500 Calories is the range of the MRE menus. If you have to eat them, remember, they are high in protein and low in fiber.

[*Deborah*]

jsolomon, I am familiar with REMFs, but would appreciate clarification of POGE.

Please PM me if it's not suitable for public display!

Cheers!

[jsolomon]

For all, REMF is not something I can post here, but POG (not poge, as I posted earlier) is, after consulting some of my old materials from my first enlistment, an acronym, contrary to what I just PM'ed Deborah--a thousand apologies!

POG stands for Personnel Other than Grunt. Pog (pronounced poag) is a very insulting term.

Just random military stuff. Move along.