Dining out: avoiding "dish duplication"

[Gifted Gourmet]

Am I mistaken, or do I detect an implication that dish duplication is some sort of ... "sin," because certain people don't want to "share"?? 

GG, what are YOUR thoughts on this? 

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From a personal viewpoint, I am in favor of sharing and ordering a variety of things to taste ... but it also depends upon who I am with, because not everyone thinks that this is a good idea and some have their own idiosyncracies.

Dish duplication as I have used it in my initial post doesn't carry any pejorative or derogatory meaning ... as usual, this is just my own insatiable curiosity!

[tejon]

With close friends and definitely with Mr. tejon, we carefully order to avoid dish duplication. Then everyone gets to try a little of something different. In mixed groups I don't usually see this done. The glaring exception would be any eGullet group event, where sampling is absolutely encouraged

[Pan]

[...]If someone actually tried to tell me what to order out of selfishness and not because they wanted me to "try" their fav dish, that would be my last meal with them.  No question.[...]

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Here, I agree with you. I would never tried to tell someone what to order, unless they asked for a suggestion. A more likely scenario is for me to ask what looks appealing to them on the menu or whether they've decided what they're getting.

[PaoPao]

This topic got me thinking about the last time we we're out with a group. We decided to go to a Tapas place. IMO when you have over 4 people in a table at a Tapas place, people are going to go hungry.

Now when the 6 of us decide to order, we choose among a tasty menu of selections. Each course comes out and we've ordered 2 or 3 of the same dishes just so it goes around enough for everyone to try.

My problem is that I only get enough for a bite of each dish. While for others this at the end of all the courses equates to a satisfying event. For all 6'3", 230 lbs. of me I feel like I have just been teased all night. Never really experiencing a satisfying "Ahhh", that I enjoy so much after a good meal.

The delimma is that yes you get to sample alot of different dishes, but at the same time manners dictate that you can't take too much, etc.

So now we are at the end of the meal and the burger place down the street is looking very tempting. I just don't like this situation after spending $150 for our portion and still having my stomach growl.

It seems though many people who are foodies, just "Love" to eat this way. So inveitable I am torn between wanting to go out with them and enjoying their company, while trying to look content and full noshing on my 1/2 of a Rack of Lamb medallion.

Suggesting we order more just implies, more time that people are sitting around watching me eat. Very nice.

My new solution is to eat something before we eat Tapas style with others. Seems to work better.

Still, the best scenario for when I am out in a restaurant is: I'll order what I want with the intent of eating it fully as my meal. If someone wants a bite, no prob. Maybe I'll try theirs also. But keep your yap shut about what I order unless you had something before, and think I would really like it.

[PaoPao]

[...]If someone actually tried to tell me what to order out of selfishness and not because they wanted me to "try" their fav dish, that would be my last meal with them.  No question.[...]

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Here, I agree with you. I would never tried to tell someone what to order, unless they asked for a suggestion. A more likely scenario is for me to ask what looks appealing to them on the menu or whether they've decided what they're getting.

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If I ask you, then sure, it's fair game.

[emmapeel]

...while trying to look content and full noshing on my 1/2 of a Rack of Lamb medallion. 

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I've been there.

[Genny]

I don't mind sharing, and my order usually reflects it, but I don't like to negotiate to get what I want, i.e., I want beef, and they don't, then I suggest chicken and they say "Nah, why don't you get the shrimp?"  Then I say, "Well what are you getting?"  "I'm getting the pork, is that ok?".  "Sure" I answer, "but I don't want shrimp".  Then they reply, "well I'm not eating beef or chicken and shrimp or fish is the only thing left."  For crying out loud, it's MY dinner.

So occasionally, I just order without others in mind, and take the heat.

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You my dear are sitting in my husband's seat! bwaa-haaa haaa. evil geniuses will prevail!

edit to add: BUT, in my defense (after reading through all the posts) I only do this to my husband! And he's OK with it. If he really wants something else, he'll get it but we are often thinking on the same lines. And I do go to Outback with him whenever he wants even though I don't often get in the mood for a steak. (little too defensive?

Also, it really does depend on the level of comfort on has with one's dining companions. Decorum really only allows this with close family and friends.

Edited May 30, 2005 by Genny (log)

[DrKoob]

When I'm out with just my husband, we most often do order two different dishes and try tastes. The upside is that we get to try more than one entree. The downside is often one dish is better than the other, so one person feels guilty they have a better dinner and the other person feels cheated that their dinner isn't as good.

Marcia.

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We always decide who wins or if it is a tie. If one of us wins the other makes a note to have the same thing when they come back.

[lala]

Sometimes my friends and I specifically order different dishes so we can taste each others, and sometimes, we get the same dish because that one sounds so darn good. My gripe is when I'm out with someone and they say they're going to order dish B, then after I've ordered dish A, they order the same, saying "I like to get what you get because you always get the best thing". One person in particular does this. Sometimes I change my order at the last minute, just to confuse him!

[emmapeel]

Also, it really does depend on the level of comfort on has with one's dining companions.  Decorum really only allows this with close family and friends.

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Yes, for sure Genny, only a good friend or family can act like that and get away with it.

[JohnL]

the phenomenon of dish duplication. For those of you unfamiliar with the phenomenon, this is the policy -- apparently common in this subculture -- whereby no two people at the are allowed to order the same dish, presumably to allow the greatest number of dishes to be tried.

from Steven Shaw, circa 2001

Even if you are not in the business of being a restaurant critic or food writer, do you ever dine out with friends and/or family and suggest that everyone have something different? This to allow different tastes among the diners? Or is the idea of "sharing" repugnant?

I think it is a wonderful idea, especially with personally close friends ... your thoughts?

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This is a good question. It depends upon the situation. If there is a consensus that we order as a group--that is a number of different dishes are ordered and passed around; then I usually "vote" for a few items that interest me (and assume the others are doing the same or just don't care).

However--most of the time -I am interested in "putting together"/ordering a meal that I am interested in. I do not care so much what my dining companion(s) are ordering. I also do not appreciate people who take "sharing" for granted. I believe it is up to the person who ordered the food to "offer a taste" if so inclined.

Having said all this--if my companions and I are "torn" between some dishes then we make some effort to "not duplicate" so we can experience both items.

[MicBacchus]

As for a problem with multiple people ordering the same dish, I never realized this existed until my son gave out a big sigh when I ordered what he had been contemplating. (I think this was the second time we'd eaten out together after he moved away after college.) Being more observant in the future, I came to realize that my SIL followed the same philosophy. Not that we had to share various orders, but they just didn't want their choice duplicated. How stupid

My DH and I never order the same thing; that way we at least get a taste. Usually I like his more than he likes mine

[hotMeat]

If you're invited to someone's house for dinner, do you worry about "dish duplication"?worries about "dish duplication"!

Touche Johnathan but when you go to someone's house do you eat the salad and they eat the spaghetti. Everyone eats everything

[Pam R]

If I'm dining out with family and certain friends, then yes, we try to order a variety of dishes so that we can try different things. I have found though, that several people don't appreciate the 'after meal picking apart of everything eaten' that we tend to do. So with these people, I now know to order what I want, not worry about them and there's no sharing.

I have one friend who likes to order their own dish when eating at a typical family style restaurant (chinese, thai, etc.). Do other people do that?? Generally we try to choose a large variety of things so that we can try as much as possible - who would actually choose to eat a whole plate of one thing when there are so many other wonderful things they could be sharing?

On the other hand, if invited to a wedding, when you have to RSVP with meal choice, I try to make sure that somebody I may be sitting with will check off a choice that's different from mine so that we can try everything. Is that odd?

[therese]

My husband and I avoid dish duplication, though we don't necessarily end up giving each other a taste of our own meals. He's somewhat more likely to want to taste mine than I am his.

If I'm with a group of friends I don't bother to consider the issue at all.

With my mother, though, there's another issue, basically the same one that MicBacchus describes: my mother always orders the same thing that I've chosen. If I order first she orders the same item. If she orders first and I order something different she'll then change her order to match mine. And if I change once more she's right there along with me.

I did finally point out to her that I find it a bit odd, and she's pretty much stopped doing it. Except that now she wants to try everything on my plate! Serves me right.

[foodiehall]

Hummm, I don't like sharing, actually I hate sharing more specially when another fork pokes at my dish.

And if I wanted to taste the other dish then I would have ordered the other dish. M'enfin!

It simply disturbs the decorum!

I even get put off  by people crunching on their Crudites and double dipping after taking a bite or the unknown fingers rummaging in a bowl of Salaisons. Yuuk

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I'm with you on the sharing question....seems like we're in the minority. The bit about double-dipping reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George's double-dipping at a post-funeral reception sends a family member over the edge: "When you double-dip, it's like you have your whole MOUTH in there. Take one dip and end it!"

[Gifted Gourmet]

my mother always orders the same thing that I've chosen. If I order first she orders the same item. If she orders first and I order something different she'll then change her order to match mine. And if I change once more she's right there along with me.

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More than likely, therese, she (not unlike many of us who read your extremely knowledgeable posts) trusts your culinary judgement ... she knows that your choices are made from experience and values that ... it is a compliment, to be sure!

[sockii]

Hmm, interesting. For me it really depends on who I'm dining with.

When I go out with my friends--whether it's 2 or 3 of us or a large group of 10--I find we generally order appetizers to share but stick with our own entrees. I never thought about it consciously but that how it's seemed to work out with my circle of friends, in general. I think it may be because we all have pretty different tastes and eating habits: a few of my friends are vegetarians and/or have major food allergy issues; others (:: cough :: okay, me) try to eat fairly healthy and avoid a lot of fried foods and heavy sauces; others are strict meat-and-potatoes types that aren't going to go for anything too exotic & don't worry about their weight. So by the time we all manage to find a restaurant we can all agree to go to, it's rare we're going to find entrees we'll want to share! But a couple appetizers for the table to pass around generally works out okay.

When my boyfriend and I go out, though, we always coordinate what we order so that we can sample the maximum number of tastes. It's usually a "what looks good to you?" question where we'll see which dishes were appealing to both of us. The only time we end up eating the same thing is if we're both doing a tasting menu or some other special-for-two at a restaurant.

With my mother, it varies. She has concluded through the years that I seem to have better "radar" for picking out a restaurant's best/better dishes than she does, so she will often wait to see what I've ordered and pick the same :-) It doesn't bother me because I'd rather see her happy with something she's ordered than disappointed after a couple of bites (and then I always end up feeling guilty and giving her most of MY meal, which she liked better, and eating most of hers instead...)

[TongoRad]

I grew up in a family that does this so it just sort of comes natural to me. The thing is, we're usually drawn to different things so there is usually no discussion involved, and when we place our orders it is amazing how everybody at the table is getting something different (...even now that we're all married and rarely eat out together. ) And, of course, before digging in the opportunity to share is offered.

My wife and I have the same dynamic. Typically we will get two or three selections in our head that we can't decide between and whatever the other person orders will help narrow it down even further- they order one item, you get the other. This, of course, only works as long as you are genuinely torn, but that is usually the case. I still like to look at dining out as an adventure (especially now that we have kids and don't do it as often) so I tend to be pretty spontaneous and maleable about what I order- unless we're going to a someplace like a steakhouse where it is pre-decided that we're getting the porterhouse for two before the key is even in the ignition.

When we're out with friends, though, we will keep the ordering and sharing between the two of us and don't involve the rest of the table.

[Kris]

I order what I want and expect that my table mates would too. However for those who have ordered something that "looks good" or something different, we'll usually ask the others if they want a taste or a bite (with clean fork of course).

But I would never try to negotiate what others should order and would resent if someone tried to do it to me.

[ghostrider]

I usually coordinate ordering with my dining partner(s) so that we get different things, for just the reasons stated above, but there are occasional exceptions to the rule when there's some item both of us just have to have.

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Precisely our approach.

[petite tête de chou]

Unless you and I share deep and passionate tongue kisses or you gave birth to me keep your damn fork away from my plate. Each to their own.

[foodiehall]

Unless you and I share deep and passionate tongue kisses or you gave birth to me keep your damn fork away from my plate. Each to their own.

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Yes! My thoughts exactly....you and I would get along well as dining companions.

[Hest88]

I used to care more about avoiding dish duplication, but at too many restaurants one dish really stands out for both my husband and me, so it seemed silly after awhile to get worked up over us both having the same dish when the alternative might have been one person resenting the other for getting to have the chosen entree.