Your Culinary Nemesis in the Kitchen

[Lesley C]

I can make a terrific wedding cake, I can made superb chocolates, I can make pie crusts blindfolded, and I can cook anything I put my mind to with success.

But for the life of me, I can not make a good vinaigrette. I follow instructions, I know the proportions, I buy great oils and vinegars, and I have tried hundreds of recipes. It always tastes awful.

I think I'm cursed.

[Mabelline]

foodobsessed, I know where you're comin' from! I am a sour,salty,bitter type, and I cannot abide by sugar or chocolate,unless in a mole.

I was trying to think up my personal nemesis, and it has to be candy making. I do 'praleens' every Christmas, but I'd much rather be doing spicy pecans (OH, wait, I do those, too).

Anyway, candy and all it's traditions don't do anything for me.

[JAZ]

Pancakes. I've tried scores of recipes, including Bisquik, and nothing turns out those fluffy light cakes I'm looking for. My sister used the recipe from Joy of Cooking at Christmas and made wonderful pancakes; I went home, used the same recipe, and turned out thin, dense miserable tan frisbees.

Bet yer mixing 'em too much. Every time I've had pancakes that sucked – that were too thin and rubbery – it was because someone just couldn't resist mixing until the batter was perfectly smooth. Go light. Leave it lumpy.

Maybe try letting the batter stand.

EDIT: to say Flapjack beat me to it!

Thanks, all, but I already know all that. I mean, I've been making mediocre pancakes for a long time. I know how baking powder and soda work; I know about protein content in flour, I know about over mixing and letting batter rest.

I can make biscuits that will bring tears to your eyes; I can make great dumplings. I cannot make good pancakes.

But thanks anyway.

[robyn]

I can make a terrific wedding cake, I can made superb chocolates, I can make pie crusts blindfolded, and I can cook anything I put my mind to with success.

But for the life of me, I can not make a good vinaigrette. I follow instructions, I know the proportions, I buy great oils and vinegars, and I have tried hundreds of recipes. It always tastes awful.

I think I'm cursed.

As I have said previously - I can mess up so many things it doesn't make sense to list them.

Vinaigrette was one of them too - until a friend gave me this recipe.

Wisk together 3 tablespoons of champagne vinegar (I've used any old white wine vinegar - like Regina - too with equally good results); 1/2 tsp. dijon mustard (I use Grey Poupon); 1/2 tsp. minced garlic; 1 large egg yolk (omit if concerned about raw eggs - but I've never tried that); salt and pepper to taste. While whisking - add 1/2 cup decent olive oil (I use Colavita extra virgin - no big deal). That's it. Perhaps it is the mustard that "pulls it all together". I don't know. It works. And that works for me . Robyn

[sequim]

As I have said previously - I can mess up so many things it doesn't make sense to list them.

Vinaigrette was one of them too - until a friend gave me this recipe.

Wisk together 3 tablespoons of champagne vinegar (I've used any old white wine vinegar - like Regina - too with equally good results); 1/2 tsp. dijon mustard (I use Grey Poupon); 1/2 tsp. minced garlic; 1 large egg yolk (omit if concerned about raw eggs - but I've never tried that); salt and pepper to taste. While whisking - add 1/2 cup decent olive oil (I use Colavita extra virgin - no big deal). That's it. Perhaps it is the mustard that "pulls it all together". I don't know. It works. And that works for me . Robyn

Ah yes, I discovered the value of mustard as well. It just made my vinaigrette. That and the smidge of honey I whisk in. My vinaigrette came up a notch as well when I discovered miso. What a lovely flavor explosion that was. I've never used the egg yolk, finding the oil and miso enough to emulsify.

[morda]

Pan fried chicken.  Done it many times, tried all the recipes, read all the threads, love it.  But as often as not, I make a complete mess of it.  And even when it works, it's still not as good as KFC.  A couple weeks ago I had 2 (cast iron) pans of chicken going at the same time.  One came out well, the other sucked.  Exact same everything in both pans.  Drives me crazy.  But I continue.....  and the first person that suggests I check my oil temperature gets a fat lip.

Oh yeah, I also can't do pastry to save my life.  But I don't even try to do that kind of stuff.

- Hong Kong Dave

As good as KFC......................is KFC chicken really good?....................NOT!!

I have the same problem. Unless, of course, you like your fried chicken burnt on the outside and raw in the middle. Personally, I'd go to Popeye's over KFC any day.

Oh, and I've messed up Waffles from Liege many a time, but I'm not sure that I actually have a good recipe or the right ingredients. (I'm pretty sure the pearl sugar from the King Arthur's flour catalogue is NOT the right sort of sugar.)

[curlywurlyfi]

My vinaigrette came up a notch as well when I discovered miso. What a lovely flavor explosion that was. .

oooh, sequim, recipe or vague proportions? this sounds great!

Fi

PS tried the meringue thing again over Easter weekend (had literally 20 egg whites left over after marathon slow-roast tomato tart with creme fraiche + basil epic). Nope - still weepy. This time they had something even I hadn't managed before - a layer of clear toffee on their bases. Actually it was very pretty, if not in the strictly classical meringue style.

[sequim]

My vinaigrette came up a notch as well when I discovered miso. What a lovely flavor explosion that was. .

oooh, sequim, recipe or vague proportions? this sounds great!

Fi

Hi Fi,

I love saying that.

More vague, like what I feel like or have. For a dressing for one salad which I frequently make, I use a splash of champagne vinegar or something tasty, about just under a tablespoon of the white miso, 1/4 t + of dijon or garlic dijon mustard, about 1 T + of peanut oil, 1/4 t + of honey, a dash of ground coriander (love the lemony flavor of it). Maybe tarragon. Ground pepper. You know, with miso it's easy to experiment as it hasn't overpowered the dressing yet.

[Susan G]

My nemesis is biscuits. Communion wafers, every time.

[Hest88]

Soup. I don't know what it is, since everyone says that soup is the easiest thing to do, but even when I follow a recipe religiously--much less when I try to do what my mom does, just throw things in a pot--my soup often comes out tasteless!

[balmagowry]

PS tried the meringue thing again over Easter weekend (had literally 20 egg whites left over after marathon slow-roast tomato tart with creme fraiche + basil epic).  Nope - still weepy.  This time they had something even I hadn't managed before - a layer of clear toffee on their bases.  Actually it was very pretty, if not in the strictly classical meringue style.

Fi - where do you live? Climate can affect meringues. I live near the ocean, and I don't even try them during the summer - too humid.

[typo]

Edited April 14, 2004 by balmagowry (log)

[sequim]

My nemesis is biscuits.  Communion wafers, every time.

I'm with you.

One of these days I'm going to get scientific and make me some good ones, though. I just can't/won't believe in fate.

[NeroW]

Everytime I make buttercream in the KA, I get sugar all over the sides of the bowl.

I tell myself: "will pour sugar down sides of bowl, will pour sugar down sides of bowl," but still. . . everytime.

[arjay]

Hollandaise sauce. I cannot master this simple, but delicious concoction. I am a self-proclaimed good cook, but I more often than not get scrambled eggs or egg juice. What must I do?

[sequim]

Hollandaise sauce. I cannot master this simple, but delicious concoction. I am a self-proclaimed good cook, but I more often than not get scrambled eggs or egg juice. What must I do?

Have you tried the blender method? That worked for me and being careful not to make the butter too hot.

[ronnie_suburban]

Hollandaise sauce. I cannot master this simple, but delicious concoction. I am a self-proclaimed good cook, but I more often than not get scrambled eggs or egg juice. What must I do?

After the butter has melted, whisk it (while adding it slowly) into the egg yolks, off the heat. Do not add the yolks to the melted butter. After the yolks and butter have been homogenized, away from the heat source, add lemon juice (and salt and cayenne too if you like) to taste and then move the mixture (in a properly-sized bowl) back onto a pan of simmering water (effectively now a double boiler) and whisk it until it thickens, removing the bowl from the heat occasionally. The sauce will break when it gets too hot, so be careful not to leave the sauce on the double boiler indefinitely.

=R=

Edited April 14, 2004 by ronnie_suburban (log)

[ludja]

I bake successfully quite a bit but I have about a 50/50 success rate with cream puffs! Sometimes they just don't puff up that much; or they are still too raw in the middle while too brown on the outside.

I haven't really committed to one recipe and make them with longs gaps of time in between. Guess I have to find a good recipe and take notes!

[NeroW]

Or cook the egg yolks (6 yolks is more than enough to serve Eggs Benedict for 4), with some salt and pepper, and maybe a Tbsp. or two of cold butter, if you like, whisking constantly over a pan of nicely-simmering water (helps to make a gasket out of a dish towel to hold the mixing bowl) until the yolks start to thicken and you can see the trail left by the whisk.

Have a stick and a half or so of melted butter and a ladle handy, also a few more Tbsp. of cold butter to stir in if you think you may have cooked the eggs a bit too long and want to slow their cooking. As Ronnie said, ladle the melted butter sloooooowly into the egg yolks while whisking to create the necessary emulsion.

Add a bit of lemon juice, seasonings, etc. If you want to thicken the sauce slightly after adding the butter, just whisk it up over the double boiler again. And for bernaise (my fave), reduce about 1/4 a c. vermouth and 1/4 a c. white wine vinegar with some minced shallots and tarragon. Reduce it almost to au sec, then add it to the cooked hollandaise instead of the lemon juice. You can strain the bits out, of course, but I like the bits

Some people cook their hollandaise over direct heat but in this area, I am a huge wuss.

[JPW]

My nemesis is sauteeing garlic. I could put garlic in oil in a cold pan on the countertop, and I'd still find a way to burn it.

Son of a motherless goat!

I f*&%^&%* did it again last night!!!!!!

[NeroW]

My nemesis is sauteeing garlic. I could put garlic in oil in a cold pan on the countertop, and I'd still find a way to burn it.

Son of a motherless goat!

I f*&%^&%* did it again last night!!!!!!

[Varmint]

Like Bond Girl, my nemesis is Chinese food. Part of my problem is my range, which just doesn't generate enough heat. The real source of my shitty abilities is that so many of the ingredients are total mysteries to me. I'm just not good at working out the flavors. I'll take crappy Chinese take out over my cooking any day of the week.

Pie crusts and biscuits are something I'm proud to have mastered. Come by and I'll give y'all a lesson!

Don't have a clue how to deal with a whole fish, or to cut up a chicken.

Oh, and I'm still very, very bad at making caramel. But then, bad caramel is better than no caramel at all, right?

[ronnie_suburban]

Some people cook their hollandaise over direct heat but in this area, I am a huge wuss.

I've only succeeded at this once. My other attempts all ended in failure.

=R=

[sequim]

Pie crusts and biscuits are something I'm proud to have mastered.  Come by and I'll give y'all a lesson!

Oh, and I'm still very, very bad at making caramel.  But then, bad caramel is better than no caramel at all, right?

Alrighty then, I'm goin' to Varmint's place. Pie crusts I can't get either and I really really like pie.

Caramel I learned after three takes before a party I was having. DON'T STIR IT! Oh well, sugar's cheap.

[balmagowry]

Some people cook their hollandaise over direct heat but in this area, I am a huge wuss.

Damn right! Me too. But you guys make it sound so much more complicated than it needs to be. Why all the pre-melting of butter? And what's with all this using-a-bowl-like-a-double-boiler business? Why not just use a double boiler? That's how my mother taught me to do it, and how we both always did it (until I discovered the blender method, which occasionally tempts me...). I use a pyrex db for this and for creme anglaise and have never had a problem with either (except once at high altitude and once in extreme low-pressure system... but those were easily resolved and are stories for another day). If memory serves the proportion is about 3 yolks to 1/4 lb (1 stick) butter - I cut the stick in 3 pieces; put the yolks in top of db over gently slightly-more-than-simmering water, stir 'em together till smooth; put in first chunk of butter and impale it on tip of fork, then just stir and stir with the butter until it's melted away; same with other two chunks; when the last of the butter has melted, voila, there's your emulsion - just add lemon juice and adjust seasoning, stir a little more, it's done.

[ronnie_suburban]

Some people cook their hollandaise over direct heat but in this area, I am a huge wuss.

Damn right! Me too. But you guys make it sound so much more complicated than it needs to be. Why all the pre-melting of butter? And what's with all this using-a-bowl-like-a-double-boiler business? Why not just use a double boiler? That's how my mother taught me to do it, and how we both always did it (until I discovered the blender method, which occasionally tempts me...). I use a pyrex db for this and for creme anglaise and have never had a problem with either (except once at high altitude and once in extreme low-pressure system... but those were easily resolved and are stories for another day). If memory serves the proportion is about 3 yolks to 1/4 lb (1 stick) butter - I cut the stick in 3 pieces; put the yolks in top of db over gently slightly-more-than-simmering water, stir 'em together till smooth; put in first chunk of butter and impale it on tip of fork, then just stir and stir with the butter until it's melted away; same with other two chunks; when the last of the butter has melted, voila, there's your emulsion - just add lemon juice and adjust seasoning, stir a little more, it's done.

Double boiler's too big for making small batches.

=R=