What Do You Find Annoying in Dining Companions?

[robert brown]

At some point in the short history of eGullet we may have had this discussion. I can remember components of it having taken place here such as the vagaries of picking up or dividing a restaurant check and economic disparities that can cause uncomfortable moments both when paying and ordering. Yet whether or not there has been a wide-ranging discussion about dislikes in dining partners, it is a subject worth coming back to from time to time.

So, the question is, what sort of behaviors engaged in any of your dining companions do you dislike. I will start the discussion off by mentioning this story:

While I do not recall the dish in question, but do remember that the offensive act was perpetrated in the summer of 1997 at the Mas du Langoustier on the Ile de Porqurolles by the wife of a couple we have dined with in Europe many times. Quite simply, my wife and I were taken aback and quite offended when she said, "This is so delicious that I'm not going to share it with anyone." At first, we did not believe her, thinking it was her way of letting us know how fortunate she was in ordering the dish. My wife and I kept waiting for her to pass her plate or to put some of the dish on our plates. In the end, she devoured the portion by herself, and it became a little dining saga that we reminisce about (if that is what you call reminiscing) nearly each time we dine with them.

[Fat Guy]

Well, for me the big one -- and it happens more often than you'd think it would happen outside of an insane asylum -- is when a friend or relative says something wildly stupid to the waiter along the lines of, "Hey do you know my friend Steven Shaw here is a restaurant reviewer?"

Doubly embarrassing is when the waiter says, "Who?"

[Nick]

Robert, this seems to follow a trend(?) I've noticed here lately - eg, the shitiest restaurant service you've encountered, etc.

Why not a thread on the most enjoyable dining companions?

[bloviatrix]

Frequently, when we dine out with others, after the menus have been distributed and reviewed, but prior to ordering, we talk about what we're thinking about ordering. I hate when one of my companions feels a need to critique my choices. Especially when it's something negative like "Yuck, foie gras. How can you eat THAT?" or "Duck makes me throw up." Why are those comments necessary? Obviously, if I'm ordering the dish, it means I like it. Please, keep your comments to yourself.

My other peeve is when people comment on the fact that I haven't eaten everything on my plate. I am not a member of the clean plate club. Never have been, never will. But I like ordering an appetizer, entree, and dessert because I want to try a variety of offerings off the menu. My huband knows this and is fine with it - he just adjusts his ordering accordingly. After the first time I met my future brother-in-law, he mentioned to his dad that I didn't finish my main and then ordered dessert. He thought it was inappropriate of me. But, he didn't pay for the meal so it wasn't any of his business. Looking back, I see it was a warning of his weasle-like behavior.

[robert brown]

Nick, I though that one over when considering posing the topic to include likes as well as dislikes. I figured that if accentuating the negative goes over well, we could do a positive follow-up discussion. For whatever reasons, however, cynicism and negativism, if not out-and-out mean-spiritedness, seem easier to write off the top of the head (at least for me).

[Nick]

Robert, that made me smile because you're right. It seems so much easier to criticize than to praise. Maybe it's just the Dalai Lama getting through to me.

[Carolyn Tillie]

Frequently, when we dine out with others, after the menus have been distributed and reviewed, but prior to ordering, we talk about what we're thinking about ordering.  I hate when one of my companions feels a need to critique my choices.  Especially when it's something negative like "Yuck, foie gras.  How can you eat THAT?"  or "Duck makes me throw up."  Why are those comments necessary?  Obviously, if I'm ordering the dish, it means I like it.  Please, keep your comments to yourself.

My older sister does something similar that I find particularly rude -- if she doesn't care for something (ingredient, dish, cuisine...), she will put her finger in her mouth as though forcing herself to throw-up and makes a gagging sound.

Extremely unappetizing.

[jat]

Not exactly dining with friends, but usually were eating at the

inopportune time while an autopsy is taking place on CSI.

[Suzanne F]

Why not a thread on the most enjoyable dining companions?

why not indeed.

[SobaAddict70]

Especially when it's something negative like "Yuck, foie gras.  How can you eat THAT?"  or "Duck makes me throw up."

More for people who LOVE foie and duck.

Like you and me.

Soba

[Fat Guy]

Why not a thread on the most enjoyable dining companions?

why not indeed.

Maybe there's not much interesting to say about being an enjoyable dining companion that actually has anything to do with dining. Off the top of my head, everybody I can think of in the category of "most enjoyable dining companions" gets in there on account of a combination of 1) not doing various things on a long list of potentially annoying things about dining companions; and 2) being an interesting and enjoyable conversationalist (or just really great looking).

[Nick]

Why not a thread on the most enjoyable dining companions?

why not indeed.

Should we start it here? I've been thinking about this since Robert started the thread and, so far, the most enjoyable dining companions I can think of were my Danish grandmother and grandfather when they would come to our house for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners when I was a child. My mother would get up around 4:30 in the morning to get things going. Around 11:00 in the morning my grandparents would arrive and then there would be some drinks. My grandmother would have two or three Manhattens and I remember one year after her second or third she exclaimed, "I'm so happy!" She really meant it. She always was a happy person (and the best cook in the family.) When we sat to eat my grandfather would be to to my father's left and I to the right. The "goosa rumpa" (turkey, goose tail) was always my grandfather's. I have come to appreciate why he wanted the tail.

[mighty quinn]

Why not a thread on the most enjoyable dining companions?

this would have to be al dente-mainly because he never smokes while I'M eating! but back to the thread at hand- it's got to be haggling over the check-usually only happens with non-foodies and it drives me f-in' nuts! how about a tread on a fantasy dinner companion??

[mighty quinn]

oops i'm tired- i don't want to "tread" on my fantasy dinner companion!

[Nick]

... how about a tread on a fantasy dinner companion??

I guess that would have to be Steven, Ellen, Rachel, Jason, Rail Paul, Suzanne, etc.,etc. Oh yeah, where's the firepatrolman?

Edit: TB, didn't mean to leave you out. You too.

Edited October 27, 2003 by Nick (log)

[SobaAddict70]

Rachel -- check.

Suzanne -- check.

Jason -- check.

El Gordo -- check.

Ellen -- check.

to do list (in no particular order): Bux, Eatingwitheddie, Suvir, Steve Klc, Malawry, Varmint (and Mrs. Varmint) and of course who could forget Jinmyo.

Oh, and bourdain too. Can't forget him.

Soba

Edited October 27, 2003 by SobaAddict70 (log)

[mighty quinn]

Rachel -- check.

Suzanne -- check.

Jason -- check.

El Gordo -- check.

Ellen -- check.

to do list (in no particular order):  Bux, Eatingwitheddie, Suvir, Steve Klc, Malawry, Varmint (and Mrs. Varmint) and of course who could forget Jinmyo.

Oh, and bourdain too.  Can't forget him.

Soba

i was thinking more along the lines of aristotle, attila the hun, confucius, catherine the great, thomas jefferson, rasputin, hitler, ghandi, jimmy carter, carl rove-just to name a few-but a "fantasy gulleteer" list would be cool too!

[Jason Perlow]

rasputin and hitler?

Hitler was a vegetarian. He couldn't be that pleasant a dining companion.

Rasputin could drink though.

[mighty quinn]

rasputin and hitler?

Hitler was a vegetarian. He couldn't be that pleasant a dining companion.

Rasputin could drink though.

yeah, well notice that i mentioned carl rove too! maybe not too pleasant but from the looks of the boy i'd say that he's been raiding the gally on air force one with great regularity. i just thought that i'd throw out some names of historical icons- pleasant or unpleasant. didn't know hitler was a vegetarian- i'd be interested to hear about real or fictional dining habits of historical figures. bet i'd be transfixed as rasputin chewedwith his mouth open! (an annoying, unpleasant eating habit!)

[bilrus]

Robert, this seems to follow a trend(?) I've noticed here lately - eg, the shitiest restaurant service you've encountered, etc.

Why not a thread on the most enjoyable dining companions?

There were threads about both of these topics a few months ago, but there's no reason not to start new ones here.

[hillbill]

Especially when it's something negative like "Yuck, foie gras.  How can you eat THAT?"  or "Duck makes me throw up."  Why are those comments necessary?  Obviously, if I'm ordering the dish, it means I like it.  Please, keep your comments to yourself.

I'd suggest saying exactly that in response to those types of comments because it is an appropriate and useful response. It should should put an end to those comments without being rude, abusive, or provocative; and hopefully forestalling either further nasty interaction or awkward, bitter silence. If they persist repeat the same phrase. If they still persist, well then you might want to reconsider whether or not you'd want to dine with said person again.

My other peeve is when people comment on the fact that I haven't eaten everything on my plate.  I am not a member of the clean plate club.  Never have been, never will.

Ditto.

But I like ordering an appetizer, entree, and dessert because I want to try a variety of offerings off the menu.  My huband knows this and is fine with it - he just adjusts his ordering accordingly.  After the first time I met my future brother-in-law, he mentioned to his dad that I didn't finish my main and then ordered dessert.  He thought it was inappropriate of me.  But, he didn't pay for the meal so it wasn't any of his business.  Looking back, I see it was a warning of his weasle-like behavior.

It's really none of his business regardless of who pays the bill. A snarky response might be, "You're welcome to take my leftovers home in a doggy bag." A slightly less snarky response might be "I'm sorry that you have a problem with my eating habits but I'd rather that you make those inane, inappropriate comments behind my back if you feel compelled to pass judgement and blather on about something that's none of your fucking business" There's also a way to respond non-snarkily, but I can't think of it offhand because his behavior is so obnoxious that it brings out the snarkiness in me.

[tryska]

most irritating thing ever - dining with a coworker at a Mexican restaurant:

"i'd like the tacos with ground beef - but could you make sure there are no onions and no spices in the meat? i don't like spicy food."

Edited October 27, 2003 by tryska (log)

[Jonathan Day]

To go back to Robert's initial and interesting question: what irks me most in a dining companion is their refusal to let me enjoy something I like but they don't, because it looks or sounds unappetising to them.

Examples would be rare meats, offal, fish or birds served with head intact or unusual critters (e.g. elvers). I would never push someone to eat something they didn't want, such as brains or sweetbreads. But I have often dined with friends and colleagues who insist on looking at my plate and commenting, more than once, about how depraved I must be to eat whatever it is. One comment is fine, and I often get such from my favourite dining companion of all -- my wife. But repeated commentary about my food is not.

The most extreme example of this happened many years ago, at university, in a shared house. One of the inmates was a guy who had turned religiously vegetarian. If Charlie spotted any of the rest of us eating any sort of meat, he would make loud comments:

"Ugh. That's dead."

"You are eating decomposing flesh -- just think what that's doing to you."

"That meat is going to rot inside you, and you will rot with it."

This went on for many weeks, despite our objections and acts of revenge until one day I arrived to discover Charlie grilling a huge steak. He couldn't take another day of beansprouts or tofu.

Not my idea of a great dining companion!

[hillbill]

The most extreme example of this happened many years ago, at university, in a shared house. One of the inmates was a guy who had turned religiously vegetarian. If Charlie spotted any of the rest of us eating any sort of meat, he would make loud comments:

"Ugh. That's dead."

"You are eating decomposing flesh -- just think what that's doing to you."

"That meat is going to rot inside you, and you will rot with it."

This went on for many weeks, despite our objections and acts of revenge until one day I arrived to discover Charlie grilling a huge steak. He couldn't take another day of beansprouts or tofu.

[Nick]

"What's that on your plate?"

"Dead fish."

"Is it good?"

"Excellent."