Taking Compliments

[LizD518]

The only things I cook for other people with any frequency are baked goods for co-workers. I never fail to receive compliments and for the most part I have learned to just say thank you. However, a few people go on and on, and it feels like overkill. I mean, to me, all I did was bake something (usually homey - the last item was pumpkin whoopie pies). I feel like anyone can do what I do, so over-effusive compliments are undeserved.

[Emily_R]

Gotta say I'm in the company of the few others here who love compliments, and the more the better! Though really, the best compliments are food-eating noises -- when I hear grunts and groans of pleasure, then I know I've really done my job. With a very small number of foodie friends I'll dissect the meal with them, but otherwise, I just tell people "I'm so glad you like it!" (and that's true!) And I must admit, while I'm perfectly willing to admit when I've botched it, I'm also willing to agree when people tell me they like it -- or to mention that myself first! If I make a meal for friends and really like it, they'll hear (completely uncontrollable) food noises from me, along with the occasional "damn this is good!"

[xxchef]

I've been cooking for people for a long time and the problem is that you get really jaded about their responses (good OR bad) to your efforts. It really doesn't take that long, once you are an accomplished cook, to realize that most of the people you cook for honestly don't know as much about food as you do.

Having schooled, worked, slaved, studied, apprenticed, lived and breathed cooking for years you find yourself VERY in tune with your creation/production labors. Unless you are incredibly out-of-touch or intentionally obtuse, you KNOW if the dish you just served was perfect, or just very good (or heaven forbid, just OK). You find that when a guest makes a comment on your food it is more of an insight into THEIR culinary tastes, appreciation and understanding then it is about your performance.

How many times has an insipid or mediocre dish gone out to choruses of "complements to the Chef!!"? And how many times has an absolutely inspired plate of perfection been greeted with indifference or even scorn from the receiving party?

You can spend from now until eternity trying to please other people, second guessing their reactions; wallowing in doubt at their distain or flying high on their praise but the only true critic of whose motives and qualifications you can be sure is yourself.

In all cases be genuine and gracious. Be genuinely pleased and grateful when someone appreciates your cooking, as that is for what we all strive. Be genuinely sorry if someone does not enjoy your food, whether it is their problem or our own, as we will have failed in our goal of pleasing. But either way, be genuinely honest with yourself and you will not fly too high, sink too low or lose your culinary clarity.

Edited October 24, 2010 by xxchef (log)

[LindaK]

thanks xxchef, that's insightful and wise advice. I thought of this topic yesterday afternoon, halfway though a sit-down lunch for 30 that I made for my mom's 70th birthday. Compliments were flowing and though the meal was very good, I knew it wasn't perfect. Ordinarily I would have recounted its flaws, but that suddenly seemed very selfish. All that really mattered was that my mother loved it and was flattered by the obvious effort that had gone into it, and that guests were fighting for leftovers. You're right, I didn't need to share my self-critique. I learned from the minor flaws, that's enough.

[Tri2Cook]

I used to be really bad at taking compliments. I'd get a compliment and immediately go into "oh garsh" mode, start explaining everything I wasn't happy with and end it with "but I'm glad you enjoyed it". It never occured to me that I was basically telling them they didn't have the ability to know that it wasn't that good after all. That all changed one night when a lady was complimenting me on a catered dinner I did and I went into my usual disclaimer mode. She stopped me mid-explanation, smiled and said "the correct reply is 'thank you'". The sheer bluntness of it reached me in a way people arguing against my explanations of the flaws never did. I've worked on it since and do much better now.

[xxchef]

<snip> I didn't need to share my self-critique. I learned from the minor flaws, that's enough.

Exactly!

[Emily_R]

I used to be really bad at taking compliments. I'd get a compliment and immediately go into "oh garsh" mode, start explaining everything I wasn't happy with and end it with "but I'm glad you enjoyed it". It never occured to me that I was basically telling them they didn't have the ability to know that it wasn't that good after all.

Yes yes yes! I think this is the perfect way to put it.

[andiesenji]

I've been cooking and baking a long, long time and I love compliments. I am particularly pleased when I am complimented on something that took me a fair amount of time and effort to prepare and I don't denigrate the item either. I think that is an insult to the people for whom I prepared it. I want them to know that I think enough of them to do my very best.

I don't think I have ever wasted much time on fishing for compliments. I have asked for constructive criticism when I have prepared something that is new to me, particularly ethnic foods with which I am unfamiliar and I try to get the opinion of people who actually know how the food should taste. But when I produce something that I personally love, I really don't care if other people like it or not and with or without complements, I'm going to keep preparing it.

I have had my share of disasters or disappointing results and I do apologize for those because I do want my friends to know that I did try. They know me well enough to NOT offer complements for something I feel is not up to my usual standards.