It's Their Party But Your Wine

[Rebel Rose]

As the holidays approach, the question arises again. Tom Wark suggests some strategies for dealing with family wine appreciation on his blog, Fermentation:

1. Take The Long View

2. Convince them that the Swill is the Really Great Stuff

3. The Double Switch

[primowino]

Just a bit of advice from my experience. if you are going to take something particularly interesting to a dinner party make sure you have a second bottle at home just in case. I took a good and quite unusual claret, that I hadn't had before, to a friend's dinner a couple of years ago .

Sure enough it didn't get drunk and I haven't seen it to buy since. I still wonder what it tasted like. The friends aren't interested in wine enough for me to have got informative feedback.

On several occasions since I have bought two bottles of a wine to cover this eventuality or because my wife was going to a dinner party without me.

Edited November 14, 2005 by primowino (log)

[Adam Balic]

It was delicious.

[JohnL]

As the holidays approach, the question arises again.  Tom Wark suggests some strategies for dealing with family wine appreciation on his blog, Fermentation:

1. Take The Long View

2. Convince them that the Swill is the Really Great Stuff

3. The Double Switch

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Thanks mary,

Tom Wark has one of the better blogs out there. he has a sense of humor and a healthy perspective.

I still believe that the fact that there are many wine lovers who agonize over these issues indicates that too many of us are self centered and really need some perspective so we can more easily enjoy ourselves.

Thanksgiving dinner usually involves more than six people--it is not a dinner that calls for fine and special wines (read costly) and it usually demands several bottles of wine.

Too often wine lovers want to turn every opportunity that comes along into a wine tasting event.

Thanksgiving is a time to enjoy the company the family and eat! It seems utterly ridiculous to me, for someone to obsess over wine--whether Uncle Fred will appreciate the Gewurtztraminer you brought or Aunt May will really understand what she is drinking.

It is also not a time to "educate" the "cretins" in one's family about the joys of wine.

Therefore one should bring or serve good quality wines and not worry about who is worthy of them or who will enjoy them. Wine is a compliment to the meal not the focus.

One who does not realize this risks becoming at worse, a wine bore.

Think of it from Uncle Fred's point of view: "Geez, I love seeing my nephew--but I wish he would stop talking about wine and trying to convice me I need to learn about it--I know what I like!"

No one will appreciate your special wine being showcased at the expense of the comraderie and Aunt Mable's Turkey!

Same for dinner parties--if you bring wine it is a "house" gift. Your hosts can open it up or stick it in the basement--it is a gift --it is theirs. All you need to dois enjoy the party and whatever wine is opened for it.

Finally, no one should bring "special bottles" or serve expensive wines if they are not willing to share them with everyone present at the gathering. The focus of the events is not you and your wines or you and your wine knowledge! Unless you are Bipin Desai or Hardy Rodenstock-- Thanksgiving and Dinner Parties call for wines that are good quality and will work well with the food it is not the time to open that bottle of 1947 Cheval Blanc you spent a weeks salary on twenty years ago--save that one for an intimate dinner with a loved one.

[primowino]

It was delicious.

←

Thanks Adam. Thankfully that sangiovese (Tempus Two) was one I bought two of. I thought of leaving it till next year some time.

[birder53]

My husband's family likes Opici family style wine. I really can't stand it so I just drink water when they are hosting the meals. Once in a while they will bring out a bottle of Santa Margarita Pinot Grigio, which is fine by me. I used to try bringing over wine but even when they opened it up, I was the only one drinking it. The exception being a particularly nice red which my nephews promptly topped off with coke in their glasses. Since these are family dinners, it's really about just getting together instead of the food and wine. I've given up bringing wine to these dinners and they are probably glad that I did. I serve what I want when the dinner is at my house and at least I'm happy. They do drink the wine I serve, but keep saying how much better the Opici is.

[primowino]

I sympathise with you having to watch your family putting coke into your wine. I have a very good friend who comes round to dinner quite often and after a couple of glasses of wine will add water to any she has after that. I have tried ridiculing her but it hasn't stopped and I don't know how else to manage it. The rest of us shouldn't have to drink rubbish to accommodate her and having a separate bottle open for her seems pretty rude.

[Busboy]

Not to get all Miss Manners-y, but unless the host specifically requests that you bring the wine and that it match a particular course, they are under no obligation to drink it that night or share it with you.

Now, if you come to my house, we always get around to drinking everything in the house by the end of the night, including the cheap swill tucked into the back of the fridge. But, generally, if someone else has planned the meal and -- especially -- matched the wine, it's something of a faux pas to spring a bottle on them and expect them to pull the cork at your behest. I am told that this is why, in France, people generally bring champagne (which goes with anything) rather than wine, which might be construed as a critique of the host's choice.

[birder53]

I sympathise with you having to watch your family putting coke into your wine.  I have a very good friend who comes round to dinner quite often and after a couple of glasses of wine will add water to any she has after that.  I have tried ridiculing her but it hasn't stopped and I don't know how else to manage it.  The rest of us shouldn't have to drink rubbish to accommodate her and having a separate bottle open for her seems pretty rude.

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In the end, it has to be about enjoying the company of others and allowing them to enjoy their food and drink as they like it best. Otherwise, we might as well sit at home alone with our favorite food and wine. Enjoy your very good friend's company - don't worry about what's in her glass if she wants to drink it that way. As long as she isn't pouring the water into your glass, just drink up and chalk it up to the cost of friendship. It's worth it!

[lcdm]

I have been in similar situations many times. You have to learn from them. New Years Eve purchased expensive champagne for the toast, some people made a face and dumped it out asked if we had any Asti or Andre. Brought an expensive bottle to a friend’s party, it gets opened someone proceeds to fill a drinking glass with the stuff. Adding ice cubes, soda, faces being made (if not outright disgust expressed) have all happened.

So what have I learned; know your audience. If we have a party where there are not a lot of wine drinkers, we’ll provide moderate priced wines (so if someone fills a drinking glass it’s not that bad) maybe a little more fruit in the wine, and wine coolers and beer. If I go to a party (which does not have a set course) and bring a bottle (that I want opened) I come in saying look at this great bottle I brought to try.

I must admit there have been several parties that I have attended where the good stuff was hidden from public consumption.